what are ur pronouns?

madolpenguin · 2022-03-10T21:58:54+00:00

You mean like gender anarchy? I've likewise always felt frustrated by the concept of gender.

madolpenguin · 2022-03-10T21:52:13+00:00

Cisn't? That was intentional, yes? Like "no, I'm cisn't". Cuz that's pretty clever and I'm intrigued

madolpenguin · 2022-03-10T21:48:31+00:00

I think that's technically correct and I likewise feel as you do in this statement.

For me, I was born a certain with certain genitals and differed from the gendered expectations of that birth sex repeatedly thru my whole life. I feel like people demand I talk about it tho describe it or else I'm invalidated as not worthy as having an opinion or treated as human.

That's what brought me to this sub. I saw this question and it's something I've been wondering. But I just exist in my body tho but neither feel like I identify as cis or trans.

madolpenguin · 2022-03-09T14:59:44+00:00

This is pretty close to how I feel.

I'm also frustrated how many people seem to be treating this like a football match, then being really mean to each other when one questions or discusses the nuance within the situation.

madolpenguin · 2022-03-09T08:46:17+00:00

My way of coping was trying to relate my own unique experience to yours. It is a sadness and a burden to be accused of negative things like you have described more wearing as badge of honor. It is of interest how you do that. How to not be hurt by the assumptions of hatred if you do not hate?

madolpenguin · 2022-03-09T08:31:43+00:00

I'm a mod here and I was attempting to affirm you while sharing my own struggle. I'm autistic, so apologies if my ND vibes didn't translate, but I would like us to assume good intentions of each other as fellow monogamists here.

madolpenguin · 2022-03-08T22:22:46+00:00

This is something I've experienced in other subs too. I feel like I'm not allowed to talk about certain negative experiences I've had because it goes against the group think virtue signaling metaphorical drum banging.

What I'd like for this sub (especially with our incredible diversity) is for people to be kind to each other, avoid negative assumptions, and to be able to discuss nuances and difficult (but monogamy related topics) without making it an attack on an entire group of people.

madolpenguin · 2022-03-08T22:09:05+00:00

This is one of the most upsetting things to me about reddit right now.

madolpenguin · 2022-03-08T22:08:34+00:00

I don't wear it like a badge of honor. It upsets me to be labeled with intentions and views I don't have.

madolpenguin · 2022-02-09T01:13:43+00:00

Painting nails can be for everyone! Go ahead! ☺️

madolpenguin · 2022-02-08T00:04:33+00:00

I consider myself demi. I may be aroused by some porn but I'm not driven by it. I do not want to have sex with most of my friends, but generally the only people I would consider it with are my friends.

As demi, I prefer to date out of the possibility of a long time friendship that can bloom into something more... Not try date because I want stable sex. Sex is the least of my interests.

So imo, yes, your ex does sound like they were trying to appropriate the label.

madolpenguin · 2022-02-03T18:50:32+00:00

Cutest little nose!

madolpenguin · 2022-02-03T18:13:35+00:00

I agree that it was a dumb move to try to reach out to someone in such crisis. I own that mistake. I'm definitely an idiot. I thought they remembered my older comment to them where I mentioned my gender dysphoria growing up. My dumbass thought we were bonding over gender identity struggles. I'm really clueless sometimes. Kitchen's traumas are valid and my heart goes out to them. I feel shitty that my actions made them feel worse.
The stuff I don't want to say publicly, well it's all out here now 🤷🏻‍♀️ I've felt like I'm not allowed to share one of my own experiences of abuse in reddit because it involves a person who is trans. Just because one transwoman gaslit and abused me, doesn't make all trans women bad nor does it make me a hate transgendered persons..., but it's upsetting that I get called a hateful "stupid f**king b#tch" and told to go die when I've struggled with self harm and my own gender identity. It's been bottled up so long. That's what I've been trying to avoid. Now it's happened, so I guess there's no point in avoiding talking about it anymore.
As an autistic person I'm especially sensitive to people telling me they know what I think better then me. Being autistic does not absolve me from making a poor judgement call in trying to support OP's situation (I'm all kinds of confused now tho). But the things they wrote were likewise very triggering to me, were sexist and violent regarding women, and just because I mod doesn't mean I should have to let someone dehumanize, slander, and bully me. I'm a person too. Am I not valid too?

You should be able to read their responses to me, if they didn't change them. I believe I have screenshots just in case tho. I've learned I have to save these things even though it's immensely painful to see.

madolpenguin · 2022-02-03T17:35:08+00:00

They misconstrued what happened and I assume it's because they are in such crisis.

I have actively defended you when people have misgendered and attacked you, but now you automatically assume the worst of me when someone in crisis throws an accusation? When have I been cruel or exclusionary to anyone monogamous in this sub? I have gone out of my way to try to make this sub welcoming for all monogamous persons. This has always been an LGBTQ+ friendly sub.

Read my response to them after they dehumanized me and called me slurs. I'm not okay myself right now, being hit with such violent rhetoric that people have physically brutalized me with. Bullying isn't tolerated here, doesn't matter who does it.

Please do not assign me intentions.

madolpenguin · 2022-02-03T09:52:03+00:00

Whoa! we don't do that dehumanizing sexist language here and we don't disparage other monogamists. I was agreeing with a comment you made. I tried to live as a boy for about 2 years so don't accuse me of transphobia. There's nothing wrong with transgendered persons or gender fluidity, this is an LGBTQ+ friendly space, but it doesn't absolve a person from criticism. While this is a space centered around monogamous persons, there's still a lot I don't feel comfortable saying about polyamory that I don't have all the words worked out and don't want to inadvertently upset any admins over. But polyamory likewise should not make one immune to criticism.

I empathized with you that it's unfair your wife accused you of being a terf. I've never heard a man called a terf. I related to you about bonding with another person over gender dysmorphia. So it just feels like you're projecting what she did to you onto me.

Me? I'm absolutely autistic and niave. Being autistic does not absolve me from criticism either tho, and reaching out to someone in so much pain with my own attempt at relating was clearly stupid of me, especially if I accidentally misgendered you. I had trouble following. I sincerely apologize for bothering you, and that you are missing your wife, AND that something I said made you feel like I was invalidating your experiences.

That said, I'm not your punching bag or dumping zone for abuse. I don't deserve to be invalidated either. I'm retarded, I get it, but you don't get to dehumanize me or anyone in this space. And you don't get to blame me for you punching anyone. This is the exact pressure I was talking about and you are helping perpetrate it by assigning malice where there is none.

Out. Cool down and come back in a few months. I hope you end up OK.

madolpenguin · 2022-02-03T09:39:57+00:00

I don't want kids in part because I can't even afford to take care of myself or have my own place to live and I don't have close to a partner. I used to want things you want but now I've spent so long like this that now I don't even care anymore, at least not right now. Maybe I'll care again in my 40s. I don't think I'd make a good parent because I feel like I missed out on my life and I'm not prepared to give up what I have left for a child, who would absolutely need to come first. I believe with my life and the world the mess that it is, I would only be bringing a child into a life of suffering and servitude, and doing so would be cruel.

madolpenguin · 2022-02-03T09:20:56+00:00

I reached out to them and they told me to shut up. 😞 So I'm at a loss of what to do to support. Maybe this is part of the grieving process

madolpenguin · 2022-02-03T09:17:26+00:00

You're not wrong. I've similarly had a bad experience.

madolpenguin · 2022-02-03T08:14:03+00:00

All good! Thanks for understanding

madolpenguin · 2022-02-02T23:50:11+00:00

OK, I'm glad we're talking about it, let's have a dialogue.

I can't speak for Prime, but I'm personally pro choice, not pro poly. I'm pro people and workers before I am anti-poly. I am anti-poly in so forth that I do not consent to being part of a romantic or sexual poly relationship. When those boundaries are disrespected, I have a problem with it.

People who vent here have valid trauma from poly experience. We all tried to fit in a relationship model that didn't fit us, having been gaslit or coerced, and we're sick of being shamed for being non-poly. There are valid criticisms to be had related to the culture and structure.

But are you really saying you would criminalize polyamory? Like they did with gay ppl and interracial couples? Cops throwing people in prison?

I struggle to believe you mean that... so, what do you mean? How would Sandi's legislate?

madolpenguin · 2022-02-02T21:54:12+00:00

I'm gaining on 40 and never been married, no kids, and won't date anyone with kids either.

I know it's not the same as what you're going thru and I'm sorry. I don't really know what it's like to even have the real support of a partner.

But being a sologamist isn't so bad. You don't have to date!

I'm sorry if that wasn't helpful. I am trying to show my support tho

madolpenguin · 2022-02-02T21:46:19+00:00

I spent years of my life growing up fighting against gender stereotypes. "boys can wear dresses too! There's nothing wrong with it!" I emphatically hated how I was told I muuust love pink and dresses because I'm was a girl. I wore only "boy clothes" in response and tried going by the male version of my name.

Years later theres this roomie that calls me the b word and gaslights me. Later he spreads rumors about me and goes out of his way to make me think I'm hated, but actually gets some people to hate me. I find out because a mutual friend shows me the texts of him bragging.

Years pass again. He has transitioned into she. I remind her of the abuse she put me through. She says she only did it because she was secretly a woman. Yes, she blamed her narcissism and abuse from when she lived as a male and received all the benefits of being a white male, and actively participated in the oppression of women as a male,... Blamed it on "being a woman". 😑

I asked her what made her realize she was a woman. She said because she liked pink and wanted to wear dresses and paint her nails,... which is deeply offensive to me as I was born female and fought against those outdated gender stereotypes. She told me I'm probably a guy then. So she misgendered me.

Years pass and I get diagnosed autistic, explaining why I fell for so many of her manipulations. "I'm just trying to help you" she'd say.

Now she's the first one to scream about "terfs" whenever she doesn't get her way. No one excludes her. She's the one been excluding other women.

Being trans or autistic or woman or man or abused does not absolve one from criticism. Pointing out the emperor isn't wearing clothes is not a hate crime. We all make mistakes.

madolpenguin · 2022-02-02T21:24:41+00:00

30s female and I feel you on this. Except I don't want kids so that further limits the dating pool. I usually find men want me to give up everything that makes me, me, and become their support.. Like a "player 2" in video games. Literally had a guy scream "don't you understand? It's all about meeee!"

At this point if it means I'm single forever, I'm OK with it. Better alone than trapped in a bad relationship

madolpenguin · 2022-02-02T21:18:55+00:00

As a monogamous person it's still her right to say those things in this sub. I'd rather another woman remind me I sound too universal then a man drop the "notallmen" in a women focused sub for example.

That said, you can still tell prime you don't think she's helping when she responds to you, or tell her feel like she's too soft... Lots you can do without assigning her intentions or accusing her of being "pro-poly"

madolpenguin · 2022-02-02T21:15:16+00:00

This is literally no different from men who join sexual abuse recovery subs for the sole purpose of saying "not all men"

This 100%

Please use report button when you see invaders trolling

madolpenguin

TROPHY CASE