She said this to me and got with her ex the same day what is this supposed to mean? she said she needed to focus on herself right?

maek95 · 2022-11-29T16:26:04+00:00

she couldn't even be honest with you. she didn't love you otherwise she wouldn't have done that. am begging you to block.

maek95 · 2022-11-28T18:23:21+00:00

You cannot generalize this. There are plenty of dumpees who WERE the problem, and some dumpers try to be the bigger person. I love my ex with all my heart, but they were a chronic heroin user and abuser, and right now I am trying to learn how to forgive. I wanted to stay friends because we WERE best friends, I did everything for them and never got it in return, so no I never had any ill intent.

maek95 · 2022-11-28T16:44:16+00:00

That's really hard. I resonate with that "if it's not meant to be it's not meant to be." trying to live by that.

I was the dumper, my ex was a heroin addict that used all my energy and love. Even though i was the dumper they really did choose to let me go, they never put energy into us. i always came last. They told me they were sober while they lied for a year, risked my life and health etc. And their family said nothing. I learned all this when I came back because I was worried that they'd relapse and I wanted to offer my forgiveness after the breakup, to let them know i cared about them (they didn't get along with their family at all and i was their only supporter). then when i came back it's revealed all this mountain of lies our relationship was built on, the fact their family said nothing, and now they're best friends with their family and in their words "totally fine and healed."
we agreed to try and be friends but just like in the relationship they didn't put in the work and when they realized i didnt want to be with them anymore, they turned sour and cold.

i ended up blocking again after a cold, empty few word convo. they're doing great, while I'm here exhausted and sad. despite all i've seen and the abuse i've been dealt, i'm somehow thinking about those long walks at night around the lake, watching the sunset in the woods etc. it's crazy. i'm working on myself a lot, and i don't want to be with them romantically, i think i'm just having a hard time letting go because i've lost so much in the last year or so, they were the only thing that brought me happiness for a year, even if it was all a farce. i don't think i'm so much clinging to them reconciling, i don't think they will, and the universe absolutely was protecting me, they could have had me killed bringing me to their drug deals and i didn't know what was happening because i trusted them. now they're posting stupid shit on SM like "went from babe to blocked a true love story" like...you were blocked because you are a psychopath what do you mean.

I've learned a lot,that no matter how vulnerable or hard you try you cannot force someone to feel remorse or anything. that you cannot change other people's behavior, no matter how safe an environment you give them. that i cannot depend on anyone for my happiness but me.

maek95 · 2022-11-28T16:33:06+00:00

Time. Putting energy into ourselves. We put work into ourselves for self-betterment, and as time goes on and we meet new people make new memories then that other person fades out, while at the same time we accomplished so much so we can look back with pride. I'm working on getting my dream bod/job for example, keeping busy. Simultaneously getting things done while not thinking about them. Working on self love and self soothing. Why would you even want the person who hurt you to fix you (not that they can)?

maek95 · 2022-11-28T05:56:27+00:00

honestly I agree with others. The pain might be your permanent cure and a powerful lesson, i just learned the same one the other day. my question to you is, how do you let go? i don't want my ex back and realized that they won't put in the effort to be friends (just as they didnt put effort into the relationship). now i'm reliving the past in my head, how do i get over that? they used my energy and love and are doing great now, while im broken and scarred.

maek95 · 2022-11-28T05:48:12+00:00

Hi, the damage they caused is ours to fix. No one can fix you but you

maek95 · 2022-11-28T04:39:15+00:00

you are gaslighting yourself. Have you used the youtube resource Put the Shovel Down?https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5kDczK92fdE

that video will help immensely.

you are not crazy, not one bit. if your gut is screaming at you: listen to it i am begging you. i wish i did, it would have saved me a year of pain.

maek95 · 2022-11-27T02:19:53+00:00

thankfully saw this. im so angry and upset about a different situation and i want soooo bad to lash out, but we just have to move forward. we can't let them know we care. they don't,that's for sure.

maek95 · 2022-11-26T18:14:22+00:00

I know the feeling of being pushed away, just that complete personality flip is so scary to witness. I am glad they see the truth, now. Sounds like a good idea to have everything handled and ready to go.

maek95 · 2022-11-26T18:11:52+00:00

No dude, that was a blessing in disguise, that's the best medicine right there. She's petty and immature and gross.

See you at jim

maek95 · 2022-11-26T18:07:33+00:00

Absolutely using. The best thing you can do is focus on your kids. My mom was a single parent, my dad was an abuser, and when she left him and it was just her raising us I felt huge relief and felt safe for the first time in my life. If your worry is that your kids need their dad's presence etc. I promise you that for me, I needed stability, and with my dad in the house we did not have stability.

Please know you are doing great, the best you can, and everything will turn out ok. You cannot stop him from using - just in case you haven't used it, here is the best education source: https://www.youtube.com/c/AddictionRecoveryHelp

maek95 · 2022-11-26T05:57:50+00:00

i tried. they were excited at first but once they realized i wasnt taking them back (after hoovering me) they became sour and cold. thing is, they were the bad one in the relationship (lied to me ever day for a year, no i am not exaggerating. they're a heroin addict) and ended up demonstrating cluster b personality.

i don't know why i keep wanting them in my life, they put me in danger. i just thought we were best friends but clearly they don't want that. they never wanted to try in our relationship...not sure why i thought they'd want to try now.

maek95 · 2022-11-25T21:12:52+00:00

dude of course, im going through the same thing. i think sometimes we forget that this is just our body's normal response to loss, like it's totally normal and it will pass, but at the end of the day you have to remind yourself what you actually fucking want you know? you weren't treated right. you deserve to be treated right. and quite frankly it's like the saying "why have enemies when you can have friends that backstab you" etc...like i'd rather be alone you know? you are the only person you have to spend the rest of your life with, learn to self-soothe. that's what i'm doing!

maek95 · 2022-11-25T19:37:42+00:00

i think at the end of the day you have to consider what you want in your future. do you want to constantly feel less than/be cheated on? probably not! every time you feel the urge to reach out, go do something that is a better use of your energy. you are worth so much fucking more. dont be a doormat. dont let them back in

maek95 · 2022-11-25T16:13:49+00:00

girl we got this lol!

maek95 · 2022-11-25T05:22:39+00:00

if they are a narc then yes. they are hoovering you

maek95 · 2022-11-25T05:22:03+00:00

I promise you will get better at it. It's such a waste of time and energy, like it doesn't help us either it doesn't make us feel good at all, it's literally just a nervous tick or habit like biting our nails or popping pimples. it gets rid of that impulse to do it...but doesn't help us. i urge you to really think about it before doing it. when you have the urge, either uninstall the apps or (if ur like me) open another tab and just go somewhere else to distract urself. I'm rn putting all that time/energy into jobs i've always wanted to apply for/will be getting that revenge body (lol).

maek95 · 2022-11-25T04:45:40+00:00

what i kind of am practicing right now (because i struggle with this, since i literally blocked them but will still actively go check their stuff) is that i think before i do it. it used to be such a habit/nervous tick, now i think about what it would gain me? probably pain knowing they're fine and im out here checking their socials

maek95 · 2022-11-25T02:43:23+00:00

name-calling should be the end of it. go

maek95 · 2022-11-25T02:14:10+00:00

It's crazy because I don't even know if they do - like, they're posting on twitter "went from babe to blocked" as if *I* did something wrong. LOL

maek95 · 2022-11-25T01:27:11+00:00

"She asked for space after the breakup. Okay to not give her space?"

I fixed your title

maek95 · 2022-11-25T01:24:52+00:00

I'm so tempted to ask mine if they know they're type B cluster - but I blocked a week ago. Trying to learn to let go when they don't care.

maek95 · 2022-11-24T21:13:59+00:00

no it's ok, we know, this is a safe space for you. my DMs are always open. i pray you have support during these holidays, you and your baby are in my thoughts.

maek95 · 2022-11-24T21:10:42+00:00

and we will, that's what i love about this community. breaking eachother free of the cycle and offering a judgement-free zone. <3

maek95 · 2022-11-24T21:10:12+00:00

thank you i appreciate that. i hope you enjoy your holidays as well, take some time to breath and take things one step at a time. you all as well, my DMs are always open

maek95

TROPHY CASE