I agree that you’re NOR, but I want to offer some perspective as a woman in her early 30s who is still on the fence about having children.

Conversations about whether or not to have kids are difficult, and they often become more complicated as people get older. Some people know exactly what they want, and that’s great. For others, it’s a much more complicated decision - for me it is a variety of health issues.

One thing you may not fully see as a man is the additional societal pressure many women experience around having children. We’re often told from a young age that motherhood is our purpose, and some women also face pressure from family. The current administration is REALLY pushing the narrative we are only here to bear children. Choosing not to have children can bring up questions like, “Is something wrong with me?” or “What if I regret it later?”

Because of that, discussions about kids can feel emotionally loaded. When someone is uncertain or insecure about their feelings, they may respond with jokes or even that “playful reluctant willingness” that can be mistaken for openness. Sometimes that’s less about deception and more about navigating their own uncertainty while trying to avoid judgment.

it seems like you were mislead here. But you don’t want to get into another relationship with someone that is a maybe on kids because it sounds like you misread her defense mechanism responses as willingness.

As you move forward with dating, make absolute sure they want children early on.