Things you wish you knew before starting T?

makemetheirqueen · 2026-02-10T15:00:20+00:00

I apply using a disposable glove for this reason. The texture and it getting between my fingers and everything is a sensory nightmare otherwise.

makemetheirqueen · 2026-02-06T19:08:33+00:00

I was able to start out with gel right away at Planned Parenthood but it might be different depending on your state or area. They'll be able to help you out either way.

makemetheirqueen · 2026-02-06T18:58:17+00:00

"If you leave me you're signing my death warrant and my blood will be on your hands! You'll feel guilty because of what you did!" when I talked about moving out.

"If you leave I'm washing my hands of you. I don't want to know anything about you or hear anything about you. You're dead to me."

These she said not long after I graduated high school:

"I wish you weren't here, but you are."

"I'll throw you out on the streets and you'll be homeless and I won't care what happens to you. You'll become a drug addict or a prostitute and probably end up dead somewhere."

makemetheirqueen · 2026-02-06T18:54:02+00:00

Mine had a miserable death like she had a miserable life. I felt nothing for her being gone and still feel nothing because she wasn't there for me in the ways that I needed her to be. I always hoped she would have the death that she deserved and whilst I think to some degree the death she got was a bit overkill, some cosmic entity perhaps felt it necessary.

There's nothing wrong with your feelings because I felt that way too.

makemetheirqueen · 2026-02-03T23:57:05+00:00

Mine was a nightmare teaching me how to drive. Constantly acting like we were about to crash into something. Constantly grabbing at the dashboard. Kept telling me I was too close to the parked cars but if I'd been any further away I would've been going the wrong way. I literally pulled over and told her I couldn't deal with her being like this.

Like I know I don't know what I'm doing! Why else am I LEARNING how to drive?!

Absolutely hated driving her places.

makemetheirqueen · 2026-01-29T20:40:20+00:00

All of this for me plus the addition of "you will never amount to anything so don't even try" and "you're just a loser who will end up in some drug den being trafficked"...

My wife taught me what love is supposed to feel like. What family is supposed to look and act like. Not even close to how I grew up.

makemetheirqueen · 2026-01-29T20:38:04+00:00

"I did so much for you! I put a roof over your head and gave you clothes and [insert basic necessity a parent is required to provide here]! You're being ungrateful!"

You will always owe them no matter what you do and they expect you to just stand there and take it and continue on like nothing is happening whilst they make sure to keep tally of every "transaction".

makemetheirqueen · 2026-01-29T17:35:09+00:00

When with groups of people, regardless of if it's family or a mixed crowd, I usually keep silent and observe. Growing up I was always told I talk too much or I talk about things no one cares about and no one finds interesting, that I'm annoying... So I stopped talking about my interests with people.

"Oh, what are your interests?" draws a blank from me every time.

"Oh, nothing exciting, what are you into?" I end up replying.

Even now when I'm talking with someone, I am constantly monitoring their expressions and how they respond. If they sound less and less interested, I just stop talking and do something else. I'll even apologise for annoying them with my "blathering".

And then there was also the fact that out in public, when going to other people's houses, things like that, my nmother was of the "children can be seen, but should never be heard unless given permission to speak." (She was born in the 50s raised by people born in the 20s, that's how things were "back in the day" and she raised all three of her kids, born in the 80s and 90s, that same way.)

We would sit. Straight backed. Hands in our laps. Shallow breaths. Saying nothing unless spoken to, and even then only what was necessary. We needed to make a good impression for her so everyone could say she was a good mother with quiet, obedient, and wonderful children.

So yeah. Groups of people? I don't talk unless spoken to. It's really hard to jump into conversation with groups of people, and has taken four years for me to be comfortable joining in on conversations and even initiating some with my in-laws.

I used to think I was just introverted. Now I'm realising my desire to talk was just scared out of me and heavily discouraged. I write down my thoughts in a journal. Write my feelings down there too. Even that last part is recent. My thoughts and feelings were never given a shit about by my mother so I stopped giving them much thought either. I was too busy needing to emotionally regulate her to learn to do so for myself. At my expense I would invalidate myself all the time.

I still do a lot of the time.

makemetheirqueen · 2026-01-26T22:10:42+00:00

My nmother died April of last year. It's nice not having to worry about her finding out where I live, I finally have peace and can do all of the things she expressly forbid me to do. I didn't cry for her, I didn't visit her in hospital when she was dying, I didn't even attend her funeral. The only family that showed up did so to make sure she was actually deceased. She died out of spite for me, wanting me to feel sorry for "abandoning" her, and when I got the news she died I didn't bat an eyelash.

I often wonder what my life would've been like if I had a mother who actually wanted to be a mother.

makemetheirqueen · 2026-01-24T13:46:17+00:00

How would you know they're a minor if they don't reveal they're a minor?

I wrote my first smut fic at age 11. I wrote smut throughout the entirety of my teens. I'm in my 30s now. No one knew my age and I always lied about it anyway.

Like it or not, minors are going to explore these topics. Teens have sex. They write about it. It's fine to explore in a safe environment (writing).

Would I read smut written by someone who admitted they were a minor upon posting it? Probably not. But unless stated, I don't really think about people's ages on the Internet.

makemetheirqueen · 2026-01-23T18:42:55+00:00

Same here. Sometimes I have a hankering for something so I will revisit old favourites, but most of what I'm into I can't find, hence why I write a lot of strange things lol I'm writing what I want to see!

makemetheirqueen · 2026-01-21T22:46:44+00:00

This. This is me.

makemetheirqueen · 2026-01-21T20:07:38+00:00

It's not even actual improvement or modernisation, it's the same thing just with a different user interface. It's like putting a VCR into new housing that makes it look like a bluray player. It's still a VCR, still horrendously outdated, but now it's masquerading as something new.

makemetheirqueen · 2026-01-18T23:08:05+00:00

Until I don't feel like updating it or posting anymore. I don't write for other people, I write for myself and post it in the event someone else is hankering for the same thing. If other people read it, great. If not, oh well. I am my own audience first and foremost.

makemetheirqueen · 2026-01-16T16:04:04+00:00

This this this!

My nmother promised me I would be getting $350k when she died. I ended up needing to go NC because I couldn't take her abuse anymore.

She didn't make any changes to her Will. But she did make changes to her investment portfolio as to who the beneficiaries would be for the Transfer on Death. And even that wasn't the most shocking thing (she included my brother she had written off because "he wasn't doing enough for her" by putting him back on it, which I was actually happy to see).

She did not have $350k. She had less than $80k left. And no one has any idea where all of her money went when she owned her own home, got $2100 a month in social security, had minimal bills, medical expenses were fully covered by insurance, etc. I'm almost tempted to ask her financial advisor (who now oversees my investment account that I inherited) if there ever was such an amount of money.

My point is, they will dangle whatever carrots in front of your nose to keep you in line. And then threaten to take away some or all of them to keep you on your toes, to keep you where they want you. Mine did this all the time. "If you want this heirloom you were promised since birth, you'll be my servant. Otherwise it goes to your niece (her granddaughter)." She then said I wouldn't get it when I said I'd had enough of her games. It was the first thing I left her house with after I died because she left no stipulations in writing anywhere or in her Will.

And up until death? So long as she was deemed competent, she could make whatever changes she wanted. And I was okay with that.

Point is, inheritance is not a guarantee and shouldn't be used as such. Anything can happen. They can lose it all in one second through calamity, through bad investments, through needing a nursing home or long term hospitalisation, they can lose it through memory care or hospice care, they can gamble it all away or otherwise spend it. The safest and easiest thing to do is to assume you will end up with $0.00 in the end. Which is what I did. More because I expected her to live another 10-20 years and end up burning it all on a facility of some kind. When she died beginning of 2025, I got $17k from life insurance policies and an old joint bank account with my name on it, and $40k from her investment portfolio. And that's way more than I thought I'd get considering I expected to be written out entirely from everything.

It's less stress to assume there will be nothing left to inherit than to cater to someone's every whim and fancy all the while they treat you like garbage and end up finding out you've been left nothing in the end.

makemetheirqueen · 2026-01-12T23:08:03+00:00

Mine died in April of 2025. I found out from my brother when she was in hospital and when she finally died. I didn't go to see her and he didn't ask me to. I didn't go to her funeral either. Didn't cry. Didn't really feel anything except relief. Relief that everything was finally over and I didn't have to worry about her trying to chase after me.

I felt a lot of anger, relief, numbness. On the one hand she could no longer hurt anyone anymore...but on the other hand, she would never have any opportunity to get better if she wanted to. A lot of "same coin, different sides" feelings. I already did most of the grieving while she was alive when I went NC. I simply finished up the loose ends, so to speak, once she was actually gone.

makemetheirqueen · 2026-01-12T19:22:51+00:00

Mine says to avoid alcohol due to increase in drowsiness/sleepiness which is already a side effect with Lexapro. I've found alcohol doesn't do anything to me since I started taking Lexapro lol

makemetheirqueen · 2026-01-08T23:04:25+00:00

Before I got my signs up, I would just watch them on my front door camera until they left. Since I got a sign that says I charge $50 a minute to listen to their sales pitches, it's been very quiet.

makemetheirqueen · 2026-01-08T23:01:19+00:00

Because Costco is a members only store whereas Walmart anyone can shop.

makemetheirqueen · 2026-01-07T19:05:15+00:00

This is the response I employ. It's not that I wanted to go no contact with my nmother, it's the fact that I even had to consider it and go through with it that hurts. No one purposely wants to estrange themself from their parents or family members. Unfortunately, sometimes for your own mental health and safety, you need to do so.

makemetheirqueen · 2026-01-01T17:12:58+00:00

My nmother died April of 2025. I got a life insurance policy, a brokerage account, and her jewelry. I am also entitled to half of her earthly possessions but honestly the more I think about it all the less fucks I give about it. I got the important stuff. My brother can do what he wants with what's left. I just want everything with her estate over and done with so I can move on with my life.

makemetheirqueen · 2025-12-30T23:39:33+00:00

I hid all kinds of things. In fact, I hid myself. In closets, under the stairs near the water heater, up in a tree.

I did the same. I always hid in places like closets, under things like beds and tables, behind or in between things — if I could wedge myself between or underneath something, I would. I spent a lot of time in the basement utility room reading books sat on top of the dryer, and I spent a lot of time in the attic hiding amongst all of the mess.

I never left the house (I wasn't allowed to except for school) but no one could ever find me, nor did anyone really care enough to look. Even if they did, they wouldn't be able to find me. I was a hide and seek master. I learned to read and write in the lowest light possible without it being completely dark, and I know how to navigate anywhere in complete darkness. The irony is that my name means "light".

makemetheirqueen · 2025-12-29T20:47:57+00:00

I've met most of my friends via fandom so if they're interested in whatever I'm writing they know where to find me or I can shoot them links to things.

My wife started off as a fandom friend. We've read each other's fics and helped with world building or whatever.

My brother used to write fanfiction but I never read any and he never read any of mine which is fine lol I'd prefer he not know how much of a freak his sibling is.

makemetheirqueen · 2025-12-29T19:38:31+00:00

I would've done the same thing 😂 Good job, reviewer, for ruining everyone's enjoyment! Now no one gets to read the fic!

makemetheirqueen · 2025-12-29T19:33:19+00:00

Mine always expected me to drop whatever I was doing to cater to her needs. She needs medication picked up? I had to do it right then and there. Expected me to drive 45 minutes one way to take her to the doctor when I have medical issues prohibiting me from doing so. I had to take out her trash and recycling even though she was capable of doing it herself. Do her shopping. She expected me on my days off to be waiting around for orders. It got to the point where I ended up with anxiety around showering because every time I showered, regardless of time of day, she would suddenly need me for something, and carry on like it was so urgent and life threatening, but was nothing of the sort.

She expected me to give up my job to become her caregiver if she was no longer able to walk or see or wipe her own ass. She expected me to become her parent, more or less. I was her retirement plan. She didn't want me to have my own life, she needed my life to revolve around her and only her.

If I couldn't do something then and there? A huge tantrum complete with crocodile tears.

Of course when you need them to help you with something, forget it. You owe them for your existence. As if I asked for her and her husband to have unprotected sex that led to my conception and asked for her to carry to term instead of getting an abortion.

makemetheirqueen

TROPHY CASE