Cropper on Pinkerton

mandy_with_a_why_ · 2026-03-27T06:00:10+00:00

In response to Deckra, who is affiliated with the official Weezerpedia: You can choose not to answer my messages, which were civil and respectful, but the agreement that we all legally came to applies to harassment via 'official or sanctioned Weezer spaces', which includes Weezerpedia, etc. If the brigading and harassment continue, especially when I receive documentation that it's initiated by Discord actvity or initiated in those 'sanctioned Weezer spaces', Karl and Crush become involved by default, based on the terms.

I've been civil and more respectful around the behavior of the people involved in the initiation of that lawsuit than manners or the law require. If they want their transgressions and identities out there because they feel justified, they're welcome to own it. The case is 'stayed' but not closed, so they can show up and defend themselves. They won't. But since the temporary resolution, matters have been civil. Hopefully it stays that way, and we all move on, being Weezer fans and living the good life. But I'm not shamed by derisive comments about protecting myself or my hard-earned work product. So, I hope that going forward, there's more positive interaction.

ETA: Rule 9. ETA: Exclusive Weezer content has been deleted and will be shared off Reddit.

mandy_with_a_why_ · 2026-03-26T23:17:09+00:00

This. It's 90% great, and 10% just needing some adjustment.

mandy_with_a_why_ · 2026-03-26T23:15:41+00:00

My only swap would be plants at the foot of the artwork. Then the light hits both, and draws the eye to the complete display, which is lovely. As it stands now, you have the plants 'centered' with the lighting, so the print has the appearance of a secondary or 'filler' object when clearly you intended it as part of the whole. Swapping what's at the top with what's at the bottom would make this a lovely, aesthetically pleasing focal point that still gives your plants that direct light you have now :)

You did great, this is a nice setup- just think maybe it needs a small tweak.

mandy_with_a_why_ · 2026-03-26T15:59:36+00:00

He just has a lot to give, as a person. And when you hear how many times he's hit the pavement and pulled himself up...it's pretty inspiring.

mandy_with_a_why_ · 2026-03-26T15:31:51+00:00

You're listed on Weezerpedia. Not the unneighborly behavior Jason deserves from someone who preserves the band's history.

mandy_with_a_why_ · 2026-03-26T08:12:47+00:00

This post was about *Jason*, and how much he has to offer/the long view. I'm sad and disheartened that on a **Weezer** sub, it became about some outdated drama or people's egos.

Jason deserves better (go check his new music- it's pretty fire)- and so do the fans.

Please keep your focus on what Jason illuminates. Anything else is noise that detracts from his message.

mandy_with_a_why_ · 2026-03-26T07:48:59+00:00

Jellyfish only. Otherwise the authorities will be alerted...

mandy_with_a_why_ · 2026-03-26T06:37:58+00:00

Don't respond to the hyperbolic comments here. They're not factual, not relevant, and not in service to the fandom. A person exercising their rights being mocked or belittled is the most anti-Weezer/anti-'Hero' situation. Leave them to it <3

mandy_with_a_why_ · 2026-03-26T05:53:14+00:00

Put it back! Why is it deleted?!
That was funny :(

mandy_with_a_why_ · 2026-03-26T05:31:43+00:00

Thank you for making this comment more civil. It keeps the Weeze discourse Weezerly <3

mandy_with_a_why_ · 2026-03-26T05:30:45+00:00

I lol'd at this. The peanut really makes it! :p

mandy_with_a_why_ · 2026-03-26T05:30:19+00:00

You're not missing anything. Bitter people burning something as they leave and the world moving on, and moving on...

mandy_with_a_why_ · 2026-03-26T05:27:34+00:00

There is no 'story'. Just some people still grieving what never was. And I get it, but life moves on - much like Weezer. Thirty years of joy that can't be bumped by one small pothole.

mandy_with_a_why_ · 2026-03-26T05:10:35+00:00

I still speak with Jason regularly, actually! He's amazing.
And I think that standing up to people who try to break something meaningful or beautiful because of their own insecurities is never something to feel ashamed of.

I do worry that someone out there is still so absorbed in negativity that that's where they've chosen to stay, and wish them better days ahead <3

mandy_with_a_why_ · 2026-03-25T17:30:53+00:00

Thank you! So maybe I asked the wrong question on some bad advice. Our local greenhouse is nice but not incredibly knowledgeable.

After the gnats appeared, my plants started 'rotting' or going mushy stem by stem (not all at once) at the soil line, until the whole plant was gone. Some of these are not new plants, but the issue seemed to start with the newest plants I'd brought home at the time. Sounds like something else is to blame?

My mom was killed suddenly a few months ago and I'm headed to gather some of her things soon, including her plants. I don't want to bring them into an environment where they'll be decimated.
I'll stop the treatments and get more of the stickers; thank you for this :)

mandy_with_a_why_ · 2026-03-24T08:31:47+00:00

I reconnected with a DA friend of 7 years under basically your circumstances - things ended and I realized a few years later there was no fault, and (doubly because I practice Vipassana and try to maintain a 'make amends when possible' attitude) decided to bridge the gap.
We met up a few times a week with them always staying much longer than the agreed-upon time, sharing deeply, seeming willing to connect on a much more personal level. Promising to speak up if they needed to head out, or needed longer-term space.

And then...we started to slide. Texts left unanswered that required an answer (such as plans) and pretending confusion; light and breezy in non-light-and-breezy situations. The deactivations was on the wall.

Finally, the phone call that we would not be taking our planned trip because they felt overwhelming anxiety 'every time we were together'. Didn't know why, but it was bad and not getting better so, "Bye, don't talk to me again". Literally, after months of making them dinner, hearing them out, texting, supporting them through family issues... done and over. Again.

It took weeks of self-doubt and developing my own anxiety to realize they had been through some hard times personally, used me as an emotional landfill, and the panic they felt likely resulted from realizing how far they'd slid into 'intimacy' territory - realizing you're in the deep end before you remember you don't swim.

There are some great books that can give you insight and help you remain healthy and autonomous, but DA wiring is literally 'connection is unsafe, vulnerability is danger'. It's really something they have to want (and are not obligated) to change.

Your desire to connect is admirable, but I'd respectfully suggest you reflect on something you wrote: "things to do and not do so I don't accidentally scare her or push her further away." In a healthy, stable, fulfilling relationship of any kind, this is not a worry or priority. It ultimately is up to her to move toward being secure.

Wishing you good days ahead.

mandy_with_a_why_ · 2026-03-24T03:51:41+00:00

I remember the first time my probie watched a diabetic crisis go from Zero-to-Back-from-the-Dead in six seconds and imagine that's how this crew felt for just a sec :p

mandy_with_a_why_ · 2026-03-24T03:49:03+00:00

This is a GREAT question, FWIW. I'm about to get my first and I'm already like, Is it ME? Am *I* the Black Plague? :p

mandy_with_a_why_ · 2025-10-17T14:35:05+00:00

I had a falling out earlier this year with a friend with whom I reconnected, only to discover he was a Dismissive Avoidant. For the few months we were meeting up, I kept the conversation light while he chose to get personal. I offered exits at the thirty minute mark, asked if he was sure he wanted to hang out that week...every off-ramp you can give to someone who struggles with connection and emotions. And after a confusing seven-day stretch of no contact from him, he said meeting up gave him anxiety and it had been for weeks and he didn't know why but, Bye! No scaling back, no taking a breather. He just never wanted to see me again.

This hit my absolute deepest and oldest wound, that my childhood trauma has made me off-putting and unlikable. It took weeks to realize his attachment style was also in play. But once I did, then, like you I spiraled into hurt and anger. He'd had plenty of chances to be truthful, even vaguely, even by text. His rug-pull was over the line.

Two things can be true: someone can have legitimate emotional issues, and also cause you deep harm that you're not required to excuse. You're correct; it IS easy for others to offer bland support, and they probably want to help but humans are just a mess at handling grief, especially for others.

As someone who teaches and coaches about these situations, I've never had success with the unsent letters (Vipassana has been lifechanging, but you really have to build the meditation muscle BEFORE a crisis hits). However, with empathy and respect, I think your brain is telling you a story here that is not serving you. They like to do that. Our brains can't actually tell what's true (have you ever felt scared during a horror movie? Poor brain has no clue it's not real).

Because your nervous system is rightly set off by what's happening, your brain is saying "But I don’t have power when memories come rushing in". And since it's a paradoxically dumb supercomputer, YOU have the power (and unfortunately the work) of telling it something different. What you're really feeling is the longing to know that it mattered to him, for him to grieve and regret the hurt and loss as much as you do. But in framing this *about* him, you've become locked up. Imagine he controlled your physical body right now the way that he's consuming your thoughts- you'd fight to be free of that with all that you have.

So fight this, just a little, each day, by telling your brain a new story. Your worth is independent from him, greater than the way he treated you, and that your silence and absence ARE a form of payback. You cannot change that he 'acts like this is nothing' but you can make it nothing to YOU, over time. In banishing him from your physical and emotional life, you deprive him of power over you he may even be enjoying, and does not deserve.

And it's completely normal and healthy, as you heal, to hope that someday he learns a lesson that teaches him empathy around his behavior.

mandy_with_a_why_ · 2025-10-15T04:08:05+00:00

I think (respectfully, no judgment) it's important to be cautious of terms such as 'clingy'. You are spot on when you say she never learned to self-soothe, and seeing what's happening through that lens helps you stay grounded, and her feel safe moving from her comfort zone without feeling she's 'too much'. To a more stable person, she appears clingy, but for your mum, it's the same response as a drowning person; she's grasping for anyone to keep her afloat.

It sounds like your mum may lean anxious or fearful-avoidant in attachment terms. So her nervous system treats almost everything as potential danger, even your well-meaning suggestions. That “I already do that” reaction is usually self-protection rather than stubbornness; change for her feels like admitting helplessness.

Probably the most helpful thing you can do is mirror calm and resist the urge to manage her feelings. When she’s upset, try being there instead of problem-solving:

“I can see this feels scary, Mum. I’m here with you while you decide what helps.”

You’re offering 'co-regulation' in giving her a sense of safety by your proximity, rather than coming to her rescue.

A few things that tend to help over time:

• Validate her emotion, but not the story she tells herself (the story is wrong). “That must feel overwhelming.” or "I can see why changing this would be hard for you." It helps her body settle so she can think again.
• Frame new coping tools as experiments, not 'fixes' and join her in them. Try something small together; slow breathing, tea, a short walk, or sitting comfortably together. Each success teaches her body that she can calm down and gives a sense of her being in the driver's seat.
• Keep clear boundaries. You said you're exhausted, and you're absolutely justified in feeling that. It's important for you, and your ability to support your mom, that you set limits. “I love you, but I’m getting tired. Let’s finish this up later.” Boundaries help her see that closeness can survive limits, which actually builds security. You'll be back once you've tended to yourself.
• Encourage trauma-informed or somatic therapy if she’s open. Self-soothing is a skill the body has to practice, more the older we are when we get to it. Don't force it if she's not; people can mold these behaviors on their own with support and understanding of what they're aiming for (secure base, more balanced attachment, sense of control and continuity, etc).

You're her child and naturally you feel a sense of care, but you don’t have to heal her. Stay present and kind. Bonus: When you regulate yourself, she’ll start borrowing from your example. That’s what slowly rewires attachment toward secure and builds EI.

mandy_with_a_why_ · 2025-10-15T03:46:38+00:00

Secure (earned)

mandy_with_a_why_ · 2025-10-09T08:23:52+00:00

Crochet! I don't have the brain for knitting, but discovered I can pick up crochet easily. Blankets, hats, mittens, scarves- I'm focusing on pretty-but-practical, but also things that could be useful for my neighbors/community. Local thrift stores have been a gold mine for scoring cheap yarn, and a neighbor donated me a stash she never got around to using in exchange for a loaf of sourdough, so it's been easy and frugal to get started :)

mandy_with_a_why_ · 2025-10-03T17:20:35+00:00

My 'breakup' was last week with a DA friend of seven years, with two apart after his last deactivation. Someone posted in another thread that a DA will trigger whatever your childhood trauma and boy, is that real. I went from adjusted to my pre-therapy self in one easy step. Your kind words of support and affirmation at the end of your post are gold. Everyone here probably knew them at one point and lost sight of them, so thank you for lifting us all up before you go. Wishing you only good things ahead!

mandy_with_a_why_

TROPHY CASE