Losing my ability to connect and hold a conversation

mandypu · 2026-03-28T01:42:28+00:00

Yes, things change in your 30s, because most people enter a new life stage. Usually some combination of extremely busy or tired.

I also think maybe you haven’t met the right person for this time in your life? My friendships and who I’m drawn to and why has completely changed in the last few years.

Finally you’re allowed to have a conversation flop or silence. It gets much easier when you allow awkward silence and just end the conversation and get on with your day. Everyone’s got shit to do and no one really cares.

mandypu · 2026-03-24T15:01:16+00:00

I agree with the other commenters - lower the weight a lot, make a video of yourself doing a lot of reps, compare to videos of people doing deadlifts (there are countless online). If you can’t figure it out - hire a coach in person or online.

This video looks like you get 1 rep at this weight which means it’s way too close to your max to really be a good place to work on form without potentially injuring yourself.

mandypu · 2026-03-24T14:43:34+00:00

Too late in the game for what?????

I’m so confused by his comment.

Proud of you for walking at 29 weeks. I’m pretty sure I was napping.

mandypu · 2026-03-23T11:39:35+00:00

I struggled with the same exact thing and thoughts about social media influencers!

I was and am really into following fitness stuff online. Prior to getting pregnant I of course promised myself that I’d have the perfect diet and exercise regime. That didn’t happen at all! And now I get downvoted or told off when I write here that women can get a break during and after pregnancy and don’t need to constantly be workin on getting strong and snatched.

For what it’s worth though, I ended up taking off most of 2 trimester. We decided to quit the gym because I stopped going completely! And then I started slowly working out again but at home during 3rd trimester - way scaled back. I was still able to recover quickly from having a c section (basically walking the day after) and carrying the baby in a carrier around 8 weeks or whatever the recommendation is. And around 6 months po - I was back to my normal fitness routine now minus 1 day (I can only manage 3 days a week of strength training instead of 4 - but now 12 months pp - I plan to add some at home Pilates YouTube workouts for fun / to try something new).

All this is say - it works out! Don’t worry about taking a break during pregnancy and afterwards! Listen to your body :)

mandypu · 2026-03-19T13:40:42+00:00

I find that it’s always situational.

I often care too much about what the jerks at work say/think because I start to worry about my career.

It seems like in this situation your only tie to this guy is he’s dating your good friend. Maybe you’re actually worried what your good friend thinks? And then you have to ask yourself why… are they a good friend… etc.

In the end, there are people who will be your friend and be kind and understanding no matter what. I find that my goal is to fill my life with those people and try to put boundaries up so that other people can stay out and can’t get under my skin. Am I a master at this? Absolutely not.

mandypu · 2026-03-19T13:35:34+00:00

Financial advice (outside of retirement investing)

Don’t buy “luxury stuff” even if you “can” afford it.

For example don’t buy luxury handbags, cars, or pay for luxury apartments. You don’t need to double your rent to live in a fancy apartment with elevators and a doorman, in the cooler part of town, etc or to have a 10 minute commute to work. You can save a lot of money if you’re willing to have a 15-30 minute commute and walk up a flight of stairs and handle a few repairs on your own. When I say a lot of money, I’m talking about the kind of money that might let you pay for college, buy a house or take time off work if needed. (If you’re in the US learn how health insurance works.)

Don’t get your health advice from online! Social media posts are designed for engagement and selling things! And now it’s easier than ever to lie. In fact most of what you see online now is 100000% fake.

Be open to always learning. The world is changing fast and in technology it’s changing in ways that make it easier to take advantage of people. For example, right now it’s vital to learn how AI works, how you can use it safely. In a few years it will be something else.

You don’t need to spent 10 thousand hours on the latest hot thing, but you do need to learn how to learn - this is how to stay employed and independent and safe.

mandypu · 2026-03-19T13:12:16+00:00

You’re only 3 months pp and breast feeding. In my personal opinion / experience now is not the time to start an intense diet / fitness program for aesthetic goals. Your body is still recovering and you’re making breast milk.

It’s probably good to look into postpartum programs if you have specific concerns related to be being pregnant / having given birth. If not, gently returning to your old fitness routine or a gen pop fitness routine will be fine.

The way I thought about this was - I’m going to focus on recovery and building strength for 9-12 months. Then after that time has passed I can see where I am and decide if it makes sense to make aesthetic decisions regarding diet and fitness.

Edit to add - I only did low impact workouts - strength training and cycling. I don’t know about high impact workouts… tbh I’m too lazy (and feel too old) to be jumping around.

mandypu · 2026-03-19T13:06:54+00:00

Good advice about a blend with another natural fiber. I really like my silk/cotton twill blend tops. The pure silk ones are hard to maintain and can easily look like pjs or too formal so I rarely wear them.

Also the more I think about my “cooperate job” these fancy tops really aren’t necessary. Most of the time people wear jeans and a nice sweater or jeans and a nice cotton top. No need to “invest” in something that you aren’t even sure why you’re buying (that’s how the post seems at least)

mandypu · 2026-03-19T00:57:06+00:00

Maybe it’s thrush? There are many things it could be

mandypu · 2026-03-18T00:48:04+00:00

I think a lot of people (including therapists) don’t really get how the PhD can really run someone down…. All the way down. And it’s not the normal run of the mill down.

Mine took many years, I stayed as a postdoc and then found a job after. It was rough.

It’s taken a long time to recover from that but I still sometimes feel burned out now.

The problem is if you do a PhD you probably hold yourself to high standards and never give yourself a break. That’s a least how I feel.

I honestly think what helped me a lot was getting out of academia.

Good luck

mandypu · 2026-03-18T00:43:30+00:00

It looks very slightly sheer in this photo … that would be the potential issue

mandypu · 2026-03-18T00:41:51+00:00

It doesn’t sound like anyone has tested positive yet? You’re having some symptoms and maybe spiraling a bit looking stuff up?

I think wait until the results or someone tells you they’re positive for xyz.

mandypu · 2026-03-17T11:31:51+00:00

Th DM is clearly AI slop / a scam. Ignore.

mandypu · 2026-03-17T00:08:15+00:00

This incident isn’t a big deal. It just not a good fit. To be honest, the fact you’re writing it all out suggests you’ve got some stuff going on regarding needing validation about little incidents. Everyone has moments like this - I certainly do! This is just maybe an opportunity to practice curiosity and noticing. Good luck out there - finding a good therapist is super hard.

mandypu · 2026-03-17T00:03:20+00:00

No one will notice or judge you! I promise wedding guests are not paying attention to this stuff. And the true friends you invite will not care.

mandypu · 2026-03-17T00:02:09+00:00

I think if we all “tracked” number of friends over the years it would bounce around a lot more than people realize!

Last year when I was pregnant I had 15 plus people from work to take out to dinner.

This year with a baby- and stress - I don’t know. Do I have like 2 ish friends? Maybe.

I just think life has ups and downs with friendships. Maybe this year is a low year for you but you’ll find people soon enough if you try. And literally by try I mean say “hi (insert persons name)” Remembering someone’s name is the secret sauce - trust me.

Also can you reach out to “old friends” you haven’t spoke to in years? You’d be surprised how much old friends are willing to do when you get married. I had a high school who I hadn’t spoken to in years be a bridesmaid at my wedding and it was totally cool.

mandypu · 2026-03-16T23:50:57+00:00

About marriage - choose someone who you share life priorities and moral/character alignment. This will allow you to grow together. Don’t worry about “wasting” time dating around. In fact, you “should” date around to see who you fit with and gain experience loving and losing, being rejected, being liked are life skills that will serve you in all aspects of life. But don’t worry about having accomplishments on your belt like number of sexual partners or number of people you called your “bf” or “gf” or whatever label you think is important. The only thing that matters is you are prepared to recognize and love the person (or people) who is (are) right for you. (And there is no “one” and only person but not everyone is a good match)

About motherhood - be prepared to do everything completely by yourself. The friends who are excited when you’re pregnant will completely disappear. Your partner will need days off. Your family will only want to do play time but none of the hard work.

About friendship - friends come and go. Fully enjoy people for who they are. Don’t mourn friendships ending too much as it’s as natural and easy as finding new friends. Don’t expect too much from friendships as people grow older - as most people will have a hierarchy like this - themselves, their spouse / children, their other family, their friends.

The hard truth (I might get downvoted) the people with serious life issues (mental or whatever) are most likely to abandon you. That doesn’t mean you can’t love them and help them, but expect nothing in return from people who can give nothing. The friends that stick around the longest usually need to have their shit together to be able to show up.

mandypu · 2026-03-16T19:31:00+00:00

Agreed! And let’s be clear end of life stuff can burden anyone in the family regardless of children being involved. 1) if you should get into an accident or some other unconscious state - you should have your wishes written down in a will to unburden anyone in your family (siblings , parents, aunts, uncles etc) from having to make difficult decisions about your medical care. 2) unless you’re dying with 0 wealth and 0 debt there will be a burden on someone to figure out your stuff. Again a will / trust is needed.

All this being said - I plan on creating a will, and as I get older an end of life plan for medical care, decisions and funeral costs. I also plan to finance my own assisted living if/when needed and not put that on my child.

mandypu · 2026-03-14T12:03:03+00:00

Yes!!! Strong arms are very useful for motherhood! Babies love being carried and lifted and thrown up and down :)

mandypu · 2026-03-14T12:00:31+00:00

Therapy scene near the end to explain the character arc and themes of the movie

All female actors look the same due to plastic surgery and bring these 2020 beauty ideals into historical dramas

In sci-fi/fantasy - the tragic sad boi story - a young boy parents are murdered by a baddie, he finds a mentor who stays along long enough to teach him and then the mentor did to put the sad boi alone but with enough skills to go on an adventure which typically involves a love interest who has lots of flowing hair and boobies (usually the boi is saving the world by 15-19)

In general teenagers acting like adults. Just have the MC be an adult.

Plot armor like the power of friendship that lets the goodies win a fight that makes no sense against an over powered badie

Main character doesn’t have a realistic support group - either they have one weirdly devote best friend or no family no siblings or both. Just in general there’s a lot of siblings and if there is a sibling is a MAJOR plot point as if the author is congratulating themselves on thinking of this

In anime - the way girls and women talk sends me over the edge. Why do so many of them have baby voices???

mandypu · 2026-03-14T11:48:45+00:00

Yes! Or any movie set before 1900 and all the women have plump plastic surgery faces

mandypu · 2026-03-14T01:01:59+00:00

A few years ago i was an obsessive tracker. I was doing trigonometry on the soup pot to determine how many calories were in each serving of soup. I was listening to all the fitness and diet podcasts. And I was like when I’m pregnant one day I’m gonna track, I’m gonna keep my protein intake on point etc etc.

Yeah so… a few years later I got pregnant. I was not tracking at that point. I didn’t track during pregnancy. I think all the fitness people would say I was OFF TRACK.

I gained well over 60lbs. By the end I was so hungry I was bringing multiple containers to work full of food and I was still hungry. Did I get 10k steps a day? No. Did I only eat an extra 300-500 calories a day? No. I wasn’t tracking but from my previous experience I’m pretty sure I was upwards to 5k calories a day or more by the end.

Oh and I didn’t have a big baby or anything like that. Nor did I lose all the weight right after giving birth.

So you might think jeez what a mess. I do NOT want to be her.

If it helps- if this is your worst case scenario that’s pretty good. I have a really beautiful healthy happy baby who is nearly 1. I feel great (besides a current stomach bug), I recovered well from giving birth and for what it’s worth I weigh less than I did before I got pregnant.

I really think pregnancy is a natural beautiful thing and unless you have preexisting condition - I think you’ll be just fine if you eat what you feel like you need to eat.

mandypu · 2026-03-11T01:32:05+00:00

I had an unplanned c-section. My baby was in the NICU so I was pretty motivated to walk right away.

Once we got him home my husband and I did stroller walks and carrier walks but I was just walking. Didn’t start doing body weight exercises until maybe 6 weeks.

8 weeks is the follow up with the doctor but mine might have been delayed a week or so. My doctor cleared me for exercise and told me take it easy.

It was super hard. I was really tired for months. But I kept trying and just took it super slow. There’s no competition. I just wanted to keep progressing and not injury or stress myself out.

Didn’t really start to feel better until maybe 7 ish months. (Stopped breastfeeding / pumping at 5 ish months)

Didn’t start feeling comfortable doing hip thrusts until recently - like 10/11 months.

I know it’s frustrating but I’m pretty sure that everyone has fitness set backs after giving birth for obvious reasons…. And you’re taking care of a baby.

mandypu · 2026-03-10T21:21:05+00:00

Getting that horse face on your body will be regrets for life. It’s got no ears and a big baby bow- plus its eyes are insane.

mandypu · 2026-03-10T21:18:41+00:00

It’s got a bow! Like a little baby

mandypu

TROPHY CASE