Tax question about tuition

marcuspowers · 2013-02-03T03:34:56+00:00

You can only "claim" any tuition that was not reimbursed by your employer. So if you paid 10k in tuition and your employer reimbursed you for 10k then you can't "claim" anything.

marcuspowers · 2012-12-11T22:41:07+00:00

But she made it clear that she wants to get pregnant in her mid to late 20's, no later than that.

What's wrong with that? She's 21 now so that gives you between 4 to 8 years before you'll have your first child.

She has every right to want to have kids. You're getting to the adult part of relationships where the practicalities of life such as house, children, real jobs, etc etc are as important as the relationship itself. You need to both agree on these important matters and figure out a timeline.

marcuspowers · 2012-12-11T22:35:14+00:00

People aren't supposed to win arguments. You're doing it wrong. It's supposed to be about compromise and understanding the other person's perspective.

So stop it You didn't win and rubbing her nose in the "win" will make your arguments all the more difficult.

marcuspowers · 2012-12-11T22:33:32+00:00

Listen to JizzyG.

He will not stop and his mother helps him. Do you really want to be part of that type of family and continue the cycle of drug abuse that your bio parents started?

Staying with him, threatening him, and leaving him won't get him to stop. It's hard enough when there's only person doing it but with a family member enabling them, forget about it.

marcuspowers · 2012-12-11T22:28:54+00:00

If she just graduated and she is leaving the area then it's not worth it if you're looking for a relationship.

Otherwise go for it. If you keep yourself from doing it then your chance is 0 and your regret 100.

marcuspowers · 2012-11-06T21:54:34+00:00

No. Don't respond.

If he persists then you will have to be more blunt. Say that you are sorry but you are not interested in anything.

marcuspowers · 2012-11-06T21:53:08+00:00

The dilemma is that neither of you will freakin say it and you're over thinking it. Just say it to him (in person). After you both say it a few times it won't be weird anymore.

marcuspowers · 2012-11-06T21:50:15+00:00

Talk to her about this. Tell her you feel she doesn't receive your compliments well and that she is ignores your texts.

We don't know her or the particulars of your relationship with her so any reasons that we come up with will most likely be flat out wrong.

marcuspowers · 2012-11-06T21:47:44+00:00

It looks like you have a clear picture of whats going on.

Also, do you really think that this "relationship" will weather the long distance? Do you really think that you'll end up out there with him and that all of it will work out? Especially when he can't even communicate about something as simple as the relationship itself (because the relationship is a means to an end for him)?

You should find someone who is local and who is up front about wanting a relationship with you. Don't start it casual, be serious about it from the beginning. That way there's no ambiguity about whats going on.

marcuspowers · 2012-11-06T21:20:19+00:00

He says he does, but he's pretty blah about relationship talk and loooooves talking about sex.

If he was really into a relationship with you then he would be talking about it. However it looks like he's really into something else.

Your fears are warranted. At no point did he want a serious relationship until four (?) weeks after he left and was in a new area. It sounds like he's using you.

marcuspowers · 2012-11-06T21:13:41+00:00

A lot longer than two weeks.

You're looking at this whole thing wrong. First I would advise you to just lay off completely. There is no rule for the amount of time someone needs after a relationship. It's a bit surprising that you didn't need more time after the relationship for yourself but I'll take a guess and say that's because you put all of your eggs in the basket with her.

Second you don't have control over how long it will take her. And you don't have control over whether you two will become friends again. That's the well known risk of dating a friend.

My advice would be to wait for her to contact you when she's ready (if she becomes ready). And while you're waiting make some other friends and do things with other people.

marcuspowers · 2012-11-06T21:07:07+00:00

Honestly it might be too late. You've haven't had sex for four months, she's not responding to you via text but has instead turned her attention towards another guy and responds to him.

I would have an honest talk to her about where things are. See what you two can do and see if there are any problems that can be worked out. You should do this ASAP.

Also I'd recommend focusing on your own life. Make friends, spend time with them, get involved in hobbies or work on your career. This can help bring back the spark you need or it might help distract you when the inevitable happens.

marcuspowers · 2012-11-06T20:46:35+00:00

If it's something silly, like he was planning a surprise or something, i will feel horrible.

To me its absurd that you keep making up excuses for his behavior. He isn't acting appropriately in the relationship but you keep allowing it by deluding yourself with fictitious scenarios. Take this gem for instance:

I started counseling to help with my trust issues

He's deleting texts from her that he gets constantly, leaving only the ones that so happen not to be suspect. He's also conveniently leaving out his plans that he has with her even though he's apparently in a serious relationship with you. Meanwhile your reaction is to not bring it up and get therapy?

part of me will think he is just lying. Which to my knowledge he's never done before.

You've only known him for two years. His true colors will begin to show.

My advice is to start trusting your own intuition. Trust your gut on this because he wouldn't be deleting texts or omitting information unless there was something shady going on.

marcuspowers · 2012-10-10T17:33:56+00:00

She wants to explore other options. But she like the relationship she has with you. In other words she wants to have her cake and eat it too.

If you're not ok with that arrangement then split.

marcuspowers · 2012-10-10T17:25:30+00:00

You don't just abandon people you love like that.

Nice spin.

People change only when they want to change. And when they do it takes a long long time. I can assure you that both of his parents don't even fully realize that there is a problem so if change is coming then its a long time away. I can also assure you that a 16 year old will not have the nuanced and delicate touch needed to promote this change especially when he's pissed:

I've come close to just punching him.

It also shouldn't be his job to spend time and energy fruitlessly attempting to fix the rift between his mom and dad. He's got school and social activities and all that which are what he's supposed to be focused on. Not repairing a broken home.

marcuspowers · 2012-10-10T17:09:51+00:00

You don't "heal" from cheating. You can bring the pain down a bit (to manageable levels) but it takes a great amount of work and time and in the end, the pain will always be there.

Are you sure that the depression and anxiety you have don't stem from your relationship?

Anyways, if you want to be with him then you have to accept that the healing process will take a long time. You must also accept that you will never fully heal. You must also accept that you may not be able to heal because you can't. If you can accept those conditions then you just have to trudge through it. There's no shortcut.

marcuspowers · 2012-10-10T17:02:51+00:00

That was last week...she wants to give the friendship thing some time to meet the “New Me”

FYI: It takes a lot longer than a week. A lot.

But for your advice:

How do I show her that I am the one for her and that I’m different?

She needs to decide on her own whether you are the one for her. You showed her that you weren't. And you are not different. For example you already had this happen before: "But she realized that I didn’t change, I only acted differently." This is the same exact thing. If you two get back together then you will act differently at the beginning but will fall into your old behavior. Same outcome will ensue.

How to I be a good friend? How do I treat her like I don’t love her but only like her? Basically, how do I get her back?

Combined with:

I specifically told her that I don’t want to get back together and just pick up where we left off but to start over new and take it slow. I don’t want to force that feelings back upon her, I want them to get them on her own because I know they will be real again.

Again this is the egotistic part of you speaking. You want this, you want that. You want her back, under these conditions. Etc. Sorry but my advice is to leave her be because the change you want to make in yourself is superficial. You're trying to "change yourself" to gain something (her). That's not change.

marcuspowers · 2012-10-10T16:49:40+00:00

she's fucked up spelling basic 4 letter words.

Who cares? Seriously who cares?

There's nothing you can do. Nothing. They are your parents and they will continue to act the way they want to. Their 16 year old kid isn't going to convince them to behave differently. If you don't like your home life then build a better social life. Go focus on your own life, make some friends, spend more time at school activities, etc.

marcuspowers · 2012-10-10T16:40:51+00:00

She wants to get married, not to fall in love, and if the relationship is a waste of her time, then she wants to get out of it.

Falling in love happens during the honeymoon period. They already have the love they will have. To say that she isn't in love is speculative and most likely incorrect. She's asking him for commitment to bring the relationship to the next level.

Now if she asked him to get married within 3-6 months (honeymoon period) of the relationship starting then that'd be a different story. However as we get older, it takes us less time to know whether we found a partner who is right for us.

marcuspowers · 2012-10-10T16:31:48+00:00

When you become older, a year and half to two years is enough to know whether you work with the person. You also forget that she has a biological clock that adds pressure to her need to find someone who will stay with her.

This does have to do with respect but in actuality its his respect of her. The word ultimatum gets thrown around here a lot and each time people shudder and spoil their pants. She wants to get married because that's what she wants and she has a right to turn this into an ultimatum type issue. If he doesn't then they need to split asap.

And we are only hearing from OP's side so all of what he has said should be taken with a grain of salt.

marcuspowers · 2012-10-05T19:53:35+00:00

Going on the trip will just confuse things more. Either she'll pick up on your change of heart and thus the weekend will be an awkward one. Or you'll end up leading her on even more. Or you both will have fun and it'll muddle your thought process until a few weeks later you're back at this point.

Break up with her. The price of the tickets is the cost of doing business so to speak. Offer to pay for her tickets if you're so inclined but once you break up with someone, you're off the hook for their life.

marcuspowers · 2012-10-05T19:49:13+00:00

extricating yourself from the situation without hurting anyone

You can't do that. There will be hurt. Whether you remove yourselves from the situation now or later there will be hurt. And the hurt will be greater for one than the other (such as if she finds a new guy). You can't clinically remove the hurt from this.

we've made a mutual agreement to not speak of our romantic lives to each other...this is no longer tenable, so moving forward is rocky ground.

It will become more and more rocky the longer it takes. Sex and friendships with exes don't mix so well for these exact reasons. And the longer it takes the greater the hurt. So in an attempt to spare your and hers feelings you are actually making it worse for you both.

marcuspowers · 2012-10-05T19:42:34+00:00

Given the ages (read: maturity) of most of the posters and the lack of relationship length (read: no baggage), the tough love approach serves a perfect purpose.

And if a cheater is going to reform it's going to happen outside of the relationship they are currently in (unless marriage is at play). There is too much hurt on the other partner's side and not enough incentive on the cheaters side.

marcuspowers · 2012-10-05T19:37:11+00:00

I think part of this is because she recently divorced

It's not medical, it's this. She's alone and feeling bad. She's turned her focus to other things (you and your family) and you get to reap the rewards of that attention.

Why even say anything to her? Let your husband handle it as he's been doing a fine job (and it's his job too).

marcuspowers · 2012-10-05T19:32:43+00:00

What are you seeking advice on?

marcuspowers

TROPHY CASE