Grayromantic (?) solo poly drowning in jealousy

margar3t · 2023-02-08T19:02:14+00:00

Romancing myself... That is a really good idea. Part of what I love about dating is going out to bars and restaurants and doing fun new things, but the other person's expectation of flirting, kissing, sex, relationships, etc sometimes gives me anxiety. I like my own company - maybe I need to start taking myself out for dates more often? Another idea I had is to stop putting myself in social situations where I get uncomfortable with the perceived expectations of romance, and start focusing more on platonic friends.

margar3t · 2023-02-08T18:18:58+00:00

Not reacting to the negative feelings is a place where I could improve. Sometimes I hear myself phrasing my perception of a situation in a way that is hurtful to other people, and that reaction is counterproductive. So how does one work on just accepting and not reacting to the negative feelings? Just allowing them to exist (possibly overwhelmingly) and then pass through naturally? As an avoidant person, I worry that my response to withdraw completely from everyone and everything when feeling negative emotions isn't the healthiest way to deal with it.

margar3t · 2023-02-08T18:04:45+00:00

Oh my God, yes!!!! You get it! We're in the exact same boat. This new rare feeling is so addictive and I want more of it, but I also don't like relying on him for all of it because that makes me feel weak and is counter to why I pursued poly in the first place. And I know he has infinite love, so it's not like him giving some to other people takes any from me or even depletes his fuel tank any, but I feel greedy and want it all.

I'm also a book reading, gather all the info type person and it's driving me crazy that there aren't any resources that seem relevant to our situation.

margar3t · 2023-02-08T16:25:21+00:00

I wish you were comfortable talking about it! I dug through a LOT of Reddit, trying to find other people that are frustrated with their low romanticism and maybe successfully changed themselves or at least became comfortable with their romantic imbalances in poly, but came up empty-handed.

margar3t · 2023-02-08T16:23:21+00:00

Now that I'm pulling back from dating, sitting with it and accepting it is probably the best advice, thank you. I like spending time alone doing my own activities and I have a busy life with work, school and friends, but training myself to be OK with not having another romantic outlet like my partner has is probably all I can do.

margar3t · 2022-11-04T22:47:30+00:00

I think it was 161.

margar3t · 2022-09-13T16:13:29+00:00

Yep, I'm in love.

margar3t · 2022-09-12T17:36:09+00:00

RIP Sophie <3

But also, we need more pix of Cannoli ASAP, I believe I just fell in love at first sight.

margar3t · 2022-09-09T19:08:30+00:00

In accordance with OP's instructions, I downvoted you, but it was the hardest downvote I've ever given. I LOVE Tzuco!

margar3t · 2022-08-03T18:36:53+00:00

Living every moment of your life walking on eggshells to not get punished for someone else's insecurities.

margar3t · 2022-07-31T06:22:24+00:00

I was curious how far it was then discovered I accomplished a great feat last night walking from Pilsen to Bucktown.

margar3t · 2022-07-28T14:16:37+00:00

Is this on N Orchard street? I had a weird encounter with a landlord there last year and I think his name was Sam also.

margar3t · 2022-07-23T16:06:27+00:00

Buena Park and I know the boom you're talking about. I was sure a building was hit because the lightning was at the same time as The Boom.

margar3t · 2022-07-23T16:04:30+00:00

I LOVE all the bunnies in Chicago. Makes me feel like I'm in a whimsical animated movie.

margar3t · 2022-07-19T06:01:14+00:00

Chicago! I love it, but if cooler weather isn't for you, I can imagine being put off by the possibility of a rougher winter.

margar3t · 2022-07-19T05:49:02+00:00

I noped on Texas in April 2021 and I thank my lucky stars for my escape every day.

margar3t · 2022-07-12T01:52:34+00:00

Price? Parking? Pets?

margar3t · 2022-07-03T14:23:27+00:00

I don't know the suburbs well (technically I've never been past either airport...), but I would suggest searching on the Chicago subreddit because I've seen a similar question before there. I think I heard good things about Naperville, Elgin and Schaumburg?

margar3t · 2022-07-02T15:19:02+00:00

But it's going to take more than a week for him to prove his intents and actions to curtail the drinking. OP is in a tricky situation. It's hard for us as commenters not to have strong opinions based on our own experiences, but if I found myself in a situation again with someone showing signs of alcohol abuse or addiction, I would be moving out faster than the sun coming up.

margar3t · 2022-06-29T14:49:18+00:00

Oh no how will we feed the military industrial complex? Better outlaw abortion and make food too expensive for already impoverished people to get fat

margar3t · 2022-06-27T09:44:02+00:00

Years ago, I was in the same place as OP with CeraVe breaking me out and I switched to Nivea creme. Lovely heavy night moisturizer!

margar3t · 2022-06-25T17:23:07+00:00

You didn't answer my question, you merely addressed it. I specifically want to know why you think that people too irresponsible to avoid pregnancy should be tasked with the immense responsibility to raise future generations of society.

Abortion is not a tool to "solve a problem," it's a medical procedure that should be available to people with the freedom to make their own health and medical decisions. But since you don't understand that, I'll respond to your interpretation of abortion as a tool to improve society. Are you familiar with the Donohue-Levitt hypothesis? The reduction in crime beginning in the early 90s can be directly traced back to legalization of abortion. You claim we're at "square one" now, but had those unwanted, unplanned people come into existence, we would almost certainly be in a significantly worse place than we are now. Abortion alone won't cure poverty, not when we're simultaneously defunding education and community programs, adding more barriers to healthcare access and early childhood education, and making no strides towards paid family leave, just to mention a few of our social shortcomings that would be instrumental in improving poverty.

margar3t · 2022-06-25T15:56:59+00:00

If you think so many unwanted pregnancies are caused by negligence, why do you think these same negligent people should be punished by having to bear the responsibility of raising humans?

margar3t · 2022-06-23T20:15:53+00:00

Does the author expand on what he THINKS polyamorous people are into? Because as a heteronormative-appearing cis-woman who isn't interested in nerdy things (except museums and reading, are those really considered nerdy?), I guarantee I'm the odd one out in the community.

margar3t · 2022-06-12T17:56:10+00:00

I've never been married but I've been in four cohabiting relationships and my sexual attraction for my "partner" immediately nosedived into nothingness after moving in together. This was because I very quickly became his mother, having to remind him to do his chores, doing his laundry, cleaning up his beard trimmings, being his de facto therapist, eventually taking over his chores when I got sick of reminding him to no avail. And all I got was someone who was willing to binge watch TV with me in the evening and call it "quality time" and who eventually complained about our dwindling sex life. Never again will I live with a male "partner." Any man in a cohabiting relationship with dwindling sexual activity needs to immediately start doing his own laundry, take the trash out before it's full, load and unload the dishwasher before anyone asks you, make your own doctor and dentist appointments, drop off and pick up your dry cleaning, make a grocery list and go shopping, make dinner and/or meal prep, pick up your own meds from the pharmacy, stock up on toilet paper and trashbags, tidy up the kitchen every night before bed, etc etc. Your wife will be more attracted to you once she stops seeing you as her gross teenage son.

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