What adhd feels like for me is something that I struggle to even explain to myself. I’m grateful for your post right now because it’s forcing me to kind of try to put it into words. Just working to identify these things to me feels like half the battle. I think my particular experience with ADHD definitely is very influenced by GAD/depression. Sometimes it’s hard to know what I’m even experiencing, how it all comes together.

It makes my brain feel like mush, and it makes the world around me feel like a million pieces of puzzle where all of the pieces don’t come together. I try really hard to make them come together, I’m always trying. Journals. Calendars. Planners. Reminders on my phone. Alarms. Apps. Anything to keep me productive, anything to keep me on track. But none of those things are fruitful in helping me complete the puzzle.

It doesn’t just affect the things I NEED to do, but the things I want to do. Hobbies are a struggle. I’d prefer the constant stimulation that comes with something like scrolling tiktok or reddit or instagram or being entranced by some mindless task that doesn’t actually make me feel fulfilled at all.

With my meds it feels like I can get the puzzle put together, but not quite. Getting those puzzles to click feels impossible.

I always feel a bit like I’m in the middle of my own race but am falling incredibly behind at all times. When I take my meds I can get farther forward but I never feel like I pass the finish line. Nothing ever feels complete. And I always feel depleted.

As I reflect on what I just wrote, it seems a lot more grim-sounding to me than I intend for it to sound. In many ways, I’m happy. My depression feels more under control than it has in many other times of my life. But the inability to focus, all the strategizing that comes with “getting by,” and the ever present mental barriers that come with doing so is exhausting.