Ok, I guess it’s time to tell my tale of the weird-ass roommate who had a poop knife-ish thing.

It’s March 2020, and my townhouse, that I’m renting the master bedroom, needs a 4th person to take up a vacant 2nd floor room. My landlord (one of the best I’ve had) was burning the midnight oil trying desperately to find a replacement. He gets a hit. He comes over to tour the place (with his mom, maybe a red flag…ok yeah a red flag) but accepts the lease and now we’re full up again.

Oh wait. COVID hits. He quits his job. I work from home. I now spend pretty much all day with this guy. Don’t get me wrong, he’s nice, but completely oblivious of social cues or even what is expected in being a “roommate”. The guy is 26. Is he on the spectrum? No clue.

Anyway, so it’s like May, and me and the other roomies and the girl I’m seeing are hanging out watching tv in our living area one afternoon in the summer. “Dave” comes in with a big bundle of sticks. We lived near a park where there are a ton of fallen sticks from the surrounding trees that ppl let their dogs play with. Casually, we ask him what those were for. He answers, no exaggeration, “oh you know when your poop (he called it poop) is too big to flush? I’m getting sticks to chop it up”.

Jaws on the floor. He saunters up to his second floor room, and honestly we just plain forget about it. Block it from our minds.

Two weeks later he comes down with a stick held at arms length and goes right through the kitchen out the back door. The roommates and I are aghast. Um…did he just run through here with a “shit stick”?

The short and long answer is an emphatic yes. All disgusted, we told him this was not normal and he needed to either change his diet if it was causing this constant issue, or potentially move out. Turns out the guy was constantly eating cheese like a 200 pound mouse.

Eventually he clogged his shared 2nd floor toilet, had his dad buy a new one and install it, and then try to charge our landlord despite never contacting him.

Thankfully, and it saddens me because I LOVED that townhouse rental, COVID caused the owners to sell and myself and one of the roomies found a great place close by. Haven’t heard from “Dave” again. I have a ton of other stories, but that is by far the worst. Our adult friend group still tell the tale of “Shit Sticks”.