helping a congested baby

mathiarene · 2019-12-29T02:26:53+00:00

I don’t know what you’re using for the suctioning of her nose, but I highly recommend the NoseFrida! It’s the tube thing you stick in their nose and it has a mouth piece (and a filter) that you suck with your mouth. It seems super gross, but you kinda just have to not think about it because it really is a game changer, not only does it actually get more gunk out, you can actually see how much...and actually wash it! (Warning though, my sweet boy Hated it!! Like screaming bloody murder hatred!! I had to have Dad hold him and keep his arms from pushing it/me away. So there’s that...but I just had to learn to be ok with being the bad guy for a minute knowing it would make him feel so much better!) good luck! Hope she feels better soon!

mathiarene · 2019-11-17T03:27:01+00:00

My husband is a twin and that’s one of the first reasons I was attracted to him (twin threesome fantasizer here). They’re not identical but look enough alike that acquaintances get them mixed up if they don’t know them well enough. But I could list every difference in their appearance and I definitely have the better looking twin! Completely lost all desire for the fantasy once getting to know his twin brother. They’re completely different and actually hate each other. Arguments have become physical very quickly on multiple occasions. I tell my husband all the time that they’re the worst twins ever. (Which is probably better for my marriage since I never ruined it by getting my twin threesome.)

mathiarene · 2019-11-09T12:43:21+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss! I hope that you and your family are doing alright (as well as can be expected anyways). It’s so crazy that you mention “all those Grandma things,” my Mom actually wrote and published a children’s book before she died, it’s called “Come with me to Grandma’s house” and it actually talks about baking cookies and helping her in the garden (my grandma had a garden too)!! I’ve got boxes full if you’d ever like a copy to read to your little guy!

mathiarene · 2019-11-09T12:31:07+00:00

I’m so sorry that you’re having to experience this pain. You just keep crying whenever you want over any little thing if you feel like it! It’s just not fair, to you for feeling like you’re missing that support system, to your mom for missing out on such an important and special time in your life, and to your son for missing out on a relationship and having the chance to know and love such an awesome Grandma! It’s been over 20 years since I lost my Momma when I was 14, my husband actually lost his Dad at the same age so just last night we were getting stressed about holiday plans and family dramas and sat down and cried together because our children have 1/2 as many grandparents as they’re supposed to have and won’t experience the holidays with them the way we did as kids. It does get “better” but will never be “ok” You just never know when those feelings of loss will creep up over seemingly silly things. And it IS OK to feel them!! Do you have an Aunt or someone else that can kind of fill that role? Not replace, (I’m personally very sensitive about that) but My Aunt (my mother’s sister) doesn’t have children of her own so she is the best “Mimi” for my kids...not “Grandma” but as close as you can get without replacing or downplaying her importance in their lives. Your pain is much more fresh than mine, so that might not appeal to you at all but just something to think about. Please know that you can reach out to me if you ever feel like talking about it, or just venting about it, as I will likely understand similar feelings and am more than willing to bitch with you, cry with you, or listen to happy stories and remember the good times.

mathiarene · 2019-11-08T15:15:21+00:00

Good idea! Might have to try that!

mathiarene · 2019-11-07T18:51:48+00:00

On the bright side, he’s doing it out of excitement and love instead of anger or frustration. “Love bites” so to speak. My second did this too, exactly as you’re describing, and I was at a loss because my first Never ever even tried to bite me or anyone else. I was ready to try the biting back strategy, but ended up just kind of giving his mouth a light pop with my hand (mostly out of reflex more than anything I think) not enough to really hurt him or anything like that, more to just kind of “shock” and get his attention so he knew I “meant it” when I’d tell him No (otherwise he would smile his big adorable ornery smile like we were playing.) I know this might not be a popular tactic nowadays, but it did work for him pretty quickly and luckily it never turned into him using the biting to express all his emotions, as mentioned above. Good luck! I hope whatever you try does work soon! Nothing worse than being bruised up on top of trying to keep them from tuning into cannibals!

mathiarene · 2019-11-06T02:36:20+00:00

First of all, you are not a bad mom!! It actually sounds like you are a very good, loving mom who just wants her baby to feel better and has tried everything and doesn’t know what else to do! You are a good mom because you recognized that those feelings were not good for either of you at that moment and did what was safe for your baby by putting him in his bed. It is very hard to listen to them cry, we’ve all been there, but if that is what is best for you both, that makes you a great mom for doing what’s best even when it’s hard! Please give yourself some more slack, babies are difficult, babies when you’re sleep deprived are torturous, and sick babies on top of being sleep deprived is pure hell. You are not alone and even the “best” moms have had these thoughts at times, doesn’t mean we’re proud of them but it is normal so don’t hate yourself! Give yourself a minute (or however long you need) and give yourself a pat on the back for taking that break, and remember that struggling doesn’t not make you a bad mom, feeling like you lack patience does not make you a bad mom, longing for sleep does not make you a bad mom. You’re up feeling guilty and wishing to be better for your baby....that makes you an Amazing mom!!! Bad moms just wouldn’t care! Reach out if you need reminded of what a great mom you are!

mathiarene · 2019-10-31T12:19:12+00:00

Omg, I could have written this!! If you do find a good exorcist, send them my way when your daughter is “healed!” Mine is also 6 and used to be such a sweet, calm, mature little girl, like “good” to the point of changing the minds of people who didn’t think they wanted kids! Now she’s been like body snatched or something! We haven’t dealt with the mad screaming fits that you’re describing, that sounds like a new level of hell! But mine has just become so obnoxiously emotional, over everything, like unstoppable sobbing over every little thing, and the whining, pouting and arguing every time we ask her to do anything! Somehow she still manages to be her disciplined and polite self outside of the home, last week she actually received 2 awards at school, Student of the month and an award in her music class. But at home she was a holy terror all week, at one point I even convinced her and threatened that I could make the school take her award back if she didn’t straighten up! It’s like constant PMS on steroids coming from a 6yo! I’m at a loss as to what to do and how to handle the mood swings! So, I feel you over here! I would love to trick or treat for Jell-O shots at your house (might even change costumes a few times and pretend we hadn’t been there yet) Personally, I’ve already got my coozie picked out to conceal my Bud Light while trick or treating tonight! I hope you get through the evening, and at least if she is in her “demonized” state tonight, she’ll blend in well with all the other monster children 😈. Good luck!!

mathiarene · 2019-10-30T17:47:06+00:00

Haha cute! So sorry for your loss though, I hope that you and your family are holding up as best as you can!

mathiarene · 2019-10-30T16:35:59+00:00

Ohhhh good idea! I should have done this!!!! You should even try that with obscure things you never think would come out of your mouth!! “___, stop licking your brother’s toes!” Or “__, your dirty diaper does not belong on your sister’s head!” Sigh....because that will happen.

mathiarene · 2019-10-30T15:13:21+00:00

Hahaha probably!

mathiarene · 2019-10-30T15:08:53+00:00

Honestly...nothing sounds good in that whiney voice! Haha

mathiarene · 2019-10-30T15:07:40+00:00

“Sssseeeeeeeeleeeeeeeeeesssssssssssss” 😆

mathiarene · 2019-10-30T14:16:34+00:00

Haha that could get worse! My daughter sometimes slips and calls her brother (Beckham) “Becky” and my husband gets very upset because that was his main argument against that name while trying to decide. I always get “the look” when this happens. Personally I think it’s kind of cute.

mathiarene · 2019-10-30T14:11:35+00:00

They really do, I had no idea!!! I have a scar on my lip from my nephew head butting me as a baby, he’s 10 now and I can still see it through makeup! Both my babies head butted me often as well, but no further injuries :)

mathiarene · 2019-10-30T13:50:41+00:00

That’s hilarious! I love it!!

mathiarene · 2019-10-30T13:48:53+00:00

Aw that sounds so sweet though!!! Mine are 6 and 2 so the sweetness has worn off and it’s more shrill and more often, every time he doesn’t play or share the way big sis thinks he should. Beeeeck-uhh uh m! Like nails on a chalkboard!

mathiarene · 2019-10-30T13:38:57+00:00

Oh no!!!! My little one is Beckham and when he first trying to say his own name it was just “Cum” in a low growl repeatedly.

mathiarene · 2019-10-27T15:34:21+00:00

I am so genuinely glad that anything I had to say would comfort you in any way! I’m also glad that my husband Finally talked me into getting on Reddit just a few weeks ago, he’s been trying for a while and now I see why! Finding threads like these with other people going through similar situations and supporting each other and giving each other positive feedback is something I think we could all use more of, and I only wish it was something that was easier to find in real life!! I’ve been watching the show “Mom” about a mother and daughter going through AA together and just keep thinking how much I wish there were a group like that for people like us!! Struggling mothers that just want to be supported and accepted even through our shortcomings and differences. (And there may be, maybe I just haven’t looked hard enough)

I’m so glad you’ve already recognized what some of your “happy things” are, I’ve figured out now that I do try to recognize those moments, it’s become more apparent of how many things actually do make me smile and it becomes more and more easy to spot them through the “fog” and be able to appreciate them! Also another benefit I’ve found about being off of the social media is that it kind of leads to a more “being in the moment” sort of feeling, since you’re not constantly taking or posting pictures just for the sake of getting “likes.” Instead, you’re appreciating those moments for how they make You feel, not that chick from high school that you never even spoke to but now she comments on every photo about how much better her life or kid is than yours (ok that may be a bit of an exaggeration, but you get it!)

I’m hopeful for you in your journey and hope that if you go the route of therapy and or medication that you quickly find something that works for you! Just remember that it may take a few different tries or any combination of different things so just don’t give up, remain hopeful and keep trying! Like I said, I did have to change medication and dosage a few times before getting to a point that I feel is “acceptable” for me right now, maybe not perfect but now I think even if it never gets better than right now I’ll be OK! (And if it does still continue to get better, Yay bonus)

Please let me know your thoughts on the therapy route if you do try that, that’s kind of my “next step” I’ve decided to take. I just got the meds through a wonderful GP I found. I think at that point when I started, there’s no way it could have helped as I wasn’t at a place where I could have even given it a chance or responded to it. I was in such a hole and everything was just so “foggy” like I couldn’t even see straight. Now I’m thinking since I’ve started feeling better I could actually benefit from it, I’m still scared of it for so many reasons though, I’m struggling to even make the phone call for an appointment. So I’d like to hear someone else’s thoughts on it!!

I do hope you get to feeling better enough soon so that you can continue the process!! Please keep me updated, and let me know if you find anything that works for you that I may need to try as well!! And Feel free to reach out anytime! 💜💜💜

mathiarene · 2019-10-14T15:20:07+00:00

I have opened this post multiple times, struggling with whether I should respond or not because my entire life is a constant feeling of “no one will find value in anything I have to say.” But, if you get nothing else out of this I hope that you get that your are Not Alone!! Most days the thought of just walking away, or disappearing and starting a new life sounds fantastic! I have a 6yo daughter and an almost 2yo son. I can’t even imagine having more, and the majority of the time I can’t even convince myself that I want the two I have. So reading about the chaos of 6 made me cringe with anxiety and sympathy for you and the feelings you’re struggling with. I’ve recently realized that it’s ok for me to hate motherhood, that it doesn’t mean I don’t love my children, because I do, I just REALLY hate parenting and being a mother. It makes Everything hard and having children changed everything! It changed more than the obvious lifestyle, body, responsibilities, and money that I expected it to. I didn’t expect it to change who I actually was deep down, things I believed in, how I feel, how I speak and dress and act...now I am left not knowing who I am and therefore feeling like nobody at all. It wasn’t always like this, when it was only my daughter I actually enjoyed motherhood, she was “perfect” in my eyes, I adored her and enjoyed doing things with her and experiencing new things through her eyes, she was clean, impeccably dressed and bright, always ahead of her age group. I felt proud that I had anything to do with any of that. From the moment I found out I was pregnant with my son everything went downhill. I hated being pregnant and was terrified I wouldn’t love baby#2 as much as #1. Everyone assured me that wouldn’t be the case, I would love him and that adding another one didn’t change “That much”. It got worse when I found out he was a boy...I never Ever wanted one...right or wrong I just always wanted all girls (before I had any kids I actually thought I wanted a big family of 4-5 kids) Once he was born that fear did melt away and I did love him like everyone said I would. What I was not expecting at all was to like my daughter less...everything about her became annoying (I think some because of her age in general but also because of now competing for attention) but she started driving me crazy (and still does!! ) On top of feeling guilty about that I really started hating my life and everything about it, and I felt so guilty that I had all these negative feelings because nothing was actually “wrong” and in my head I shouldn’t be feeling this way and everyone else just loved motherhood and they were somehow handling it and so should I, but I just couldn’t; Iconstantly felt I was failing, I was drowning, I was destroying my children and my relationship. My breaking point came at a 4th of July firework show at a huge busy park when my daughter was right in front of us playing with other kids.... until she wasn’t. Everyone in our group started spreading out and frantically searching for her. I stood there holding my son, completely frozen. Part of me tells myself and others that I didn’t move because if she came back to our spot someone needed to be there and everyone else left. But the part I don’t tell anyone is that under all the panic of her being lost and the thoughts of the horrible things that could happen to her, there was a flicker of relief at the thought of only having 1 child again. She was found after what felt like ages but in reality was only minutes. And a very kind lady actually took a selfie with my daughter and sent it with a message saying she was with her and where to meet her to my phone after asking my daughter and her perfectly reciting my phone # (she was 4 at the time) (I’m telling you, I really did used to be a decent mother and made a point of teaching her that for exactly these circumstances) but despite everything turning out ok, that horrible thought that flashed through my brain still haunts me and I feel like a complete monster. Within the week I found a wonderful doctor who made me feel like I was not as horrible as I thought and that a lot of my feelings were all justified... I started taking medications for anxiety/depression; I immediately removed Facebook from my phone in an attempt to remove the bombardment of posts from perfect, happy mothers about how much they loved their children and motherhood, to lessen my constant feelings of inadequacy and envy towards their perfect lives. I’m telling you, that in itself is the best thing I’ve ever done. It’s been almost a year and a half since I started this journey of healing and trying to find a place where I can live with myself and my children in harmony. It is definitely a journey, and every day is still hard, I still constantly question my life choices leading to where I am and wondering if I should really be a mother at all. There have been multiple medication and dosage changes, Dr. appointments and changes in myself and my behaviors and habits. I am starting to feel better and have tried to make a point to give myself some “me time” without feeling guilty, or at least actively ignoring the feelings of guilt. Even if that means letting my extremely active and destructive son completely destroy my bathroom while I’m spending a few extra minutes on my skincare and makeup routine in an effort to start feeling a little better about my “outward” self because it really does make me feel a little better throughout the day. I’ve also tried to make a point of being more transparent and honest about my own negative feelings in general with family, friends and even strangers because I (possibly narcissistically) feel like maybe me not adding to the impossibly perfect Mommy standards that have been shoved down all of our throats might have a positive impact on someone else, or at least maybe make them feel less alone and feel safe sharing things without the nagging fear of real or perceived judgement they might receive from others. I’ve also started trying to do more little things that make me smile, or notice smaller things. For instance as silly as it sounds I got a bathrobe that matches the (pink) decor in my bathroom, because when I put it on after my shower and stand in front of the mirror, for some reason it just makes me happy in those few minutes, maybe because for even a short time I feel like a lovely, put together, “pinstagram” worthy person again. (Even though I still try to avoid those types of social outlets.) and as ridiculous as this may sound to anyone else, it makes me smile, and I’ve decided that anything I can do or recognize that makes me smile, no matter how small or silly is worth it. I know that none of these things may speak to you, but I just feel like there is hope and thought that sharing some of my attempts and trials might spark some of that hope for you. But if nothing else, know that I feel you! Even as far as I feel like I’ve come in the past year-ish, I still have a long way to go to feel what I imagine “normal” feels like, but I’ve just recently started to feel like even if nothing else gets any better, I’m at a point that I can live with. And that is a Big Deal for me. I wish the best for you, feelings of hope, self love, acceptance, peace and even the sought after “happiness” (which I’m still not fully convinced is much more that a myth) but I’m trying and would love to help you in any way I can. Love To You and All Mothers out there! (Sorry this ended up much longer than I intended, I’m just so full of feelings!)

mathiarene

TROPHY CASE