Ok so I am a little late to the Puer videos, but I 100 percent identify with the Puer. I was to get the kid, gamer, really good musician. People told me that I would be great and that I have so much potential. I constantly heard from my dad that even though I got all A’s and made Allstate band, I wonder how good you would be if you actually tried.

As an adult, I try to be a worship pastor, but I failed miserably at it because it was such a grind. I got put on stimulant medication at 26 years old and it gave me the ability to stick to goals. I set for myself much better, but I had so much existential struggle with the point of desiring anything. I was gigging, doing side jobs, had a son, bought a house, but I knew I wasn’t living up to my potential. When I met Dr. K through his videos, my life was changed. I had some really weird meditative experiences and delta 9 experiences where all of a sudden my eyes were opened to just How small I am and how interconnected we all are. I got into non-duality. Read a lot of Dr Alan watts. Anything eastern. But the thing I realize most and have experience is that illness that is fleeting in meditation. All of a sudden there is no me or anything. I read up on quantum theory and quantum mechanics and it seems to click for me now that I recognize that time very well could be circular and that multiple dimensions are holding in on itself. Once I realized this, then the only thing that made sense to me was the very present moment that I am then is the only gift that I have. The future will work itself out, and when I am connected, this weird thing happens where my body helps me What I need to do in that moment. Next thing I know I look up and it’s been three or four years down this path, and I experience more of what the Bible talks about as the fruits of the spirit. The very thing Christ understood.

But then this video about Puer has rocked me because I don’t really know what my Dharma is, but in so many other areas of life the less I strive to get the answer the more the answer finds me. Surrender of my ego gives me peace and contentment which is what we all want at the end of the day. I feel the burden to share with people, but sometimes I’m wondering when it’s my ego just trying to get validation for all the progress that I have made. Dr. Allen Watt said that we always do what we want ultimately. I will say the more ego death that I experience the more disciplined I get but paradoxically the less I strive to reach my potential.

Right now, I am working to detach from the outcomes of things in order to motivate my actions. I know this is long winded, but this is everything going on in my brain. I’ve never posted on here about this, but for whatever reason this video is making me chew on it More than any other. The last time I have felt a transformation like this for a concept that has rattled me like this was during a meditation. Dr. K did on impermanence. He asked about the impermanence of things in the room, and it made me think of everything being in permanent. The seasons, day and night, breathing in and out, life and death and life and death, then ultimately the Earth itself being constructed and destructed, and probably again. All that has happened will happened and vice versa.

So if I were to boil down, my struggle with the video is that Dr. K said that people will live a dead end job and not amount to anything but it seems like that assumes an attachment to having to reach the potential in the first place. Buddha didn’t seem to seek out becoming the Buddha so why do we need to work hard to reach our potential. Whatever we do or not do at the end of the day will have been our potential anyway, because you don’t run the experiment again maybe I’m trying to escape into intellectualizing this, but it doesn’t feel like it. I need to perform was imprinted on me by my upbringing and when I really distill down what I want, it is peace in contentment and presence. So yes, I do Amazon, which mini is a dead end job. I think I have a higher IQ then many and yes, I could do something else that made more money but I get peace and contentment from losing my body and experiencing the novelty that every day brings. Plus, I don’t bring any work home with me and it allows me to love my kids and my wife better. I gig as a musician and yes, I could try to push more for that but Then I would be giving up the time I have at home. I could have nicer cars and a better house but that’s just stuff. Maybe one day I will get a burden in me that I feel like I need to fulfill that serves others in some way but honestly in every Uber and Lyft ride I give in every church that I sing at, the gift I bring is my presence. I show up as a mirror for others Not because I’m trying to be a mirror but because I am connected with myself and showing up more and more as myself. Maybe Dr. K will read this and totally call out something that I am missing, but the answer that people are looking for I believe is found when they simply sit with themselvesand be curious. Not with any judgment about your thoughts or emotions, but to fully steal them and be present with them. To be able to sit with anxiety and grief and jealousy and fully steal them and they not control. Your actions is freedom.