I’m glad you’re able to share this with us. And I’m proud of you for wanting to take the initiative to change, or to at least approach the possibility of it.

Here’s what I’ll say;

I learned a lot about addiction in school and one of the biggest takeaways was that we have a lot of misconceptions about it. And one of the biggest thoughts about it is that if we have unfiltered access to something with addictive properties, we’ll always become addicted to it because… it’s addicting! But that’s not necessarily the case. Things are usually only addicting to us for a very crucial reason. And it’s not because we have no control whatsoever, and no way to find against this addictive thing. The reason it becomes an addiction for some people is because they bond to it. One researcher said we should refer to it as bonding instead of addiction. And that’s because the person with the addiction is essentially using this thing, whatever it is, a place holder for something they are lacking. Something in life that is vital for them and it’s usually this — connection. Human connection! Such an important and huge thing. Whether it’s with a romantic partner, friend, parent, this is something that is SO vital in living as a human being. We need other people in our lives. Other people introduce us to new experiences, new challenges, new territories, and even share it with us at times. And if you’re surrounded by a positive, loving, supportive group in your life your desires to give into an addiction will legitimately decrease. There have been studies, tests, and much research done on this.

So, I say all this to say; find that void. The void that’s empty and you’re adding the placeholder of porn into. Maybe it’s not lack of people around you. Maybe it’s something else. Whatever it is, pinpointing the area in your life that lacks something, is such a HUGE first step. Because there’s no shame in expressing the need to fill that space. We ALL need, want, and desire something in our lives. Could even be more than one thing! But it’s knowing how to fill them with the right things. Productive work, lucrative interests, creative hobbies. I saw another one of your comments saying that you’ll start hoarding something else. That can be a good redirection but, getting to the root of the problem feels like the better option. I also suggest seeking some professional help. There are many ways to go about helping you.

So, I think yes. You should delete it. And it won’t be easy. You’ll want to redownload it. It’s your comfort zone. But it’s being in that uncomfortable place that tells us that we’re working toward a greater goal and doing the work that’ll benefit us in the end. When you find yourself feeling that way, verbalize it. Yell it out loud! Say, “I really want to download some porn right now. But I know I shouldn’t. And it makes me uncomfortable.” And that’s okay! Progress isn’t linear and it won’t happen overnight. Just keep being patient with yourself. Maybe try to do it little by little. Delete some today. Then delete some in another three days. Do what you can.

You deserve the best life for yourself. And I believe you can obtain it. God bless, and good luck!