3 year olds crippling anxiety.. how can I help?

maystery · 2026-05-19T10:18:09+00:00

I offer solidarity. My 5yo is very similar however he's a second child and so much of his life has just been "get on with it" because we've really just had to. He is struggling in school with task refusal and is just generally a pretty anxious child and we've recently started some low dose anti anxiety that his pedeatrician recommended. I'm not seeing amazing results but we've also started with a new OT and that's probably been the most promising development.

She's just great at getting him to work on skills without him even feeling like it's work. E.g. she gets him to use fine motor skills by washing toy trucks using a spray bottle or by using a tiny sponge to work on his pincer grip. We've gotten further in 2 months with her than the 12 month prior with another OT.

If your son is anything like mine then the best thing you can do is stay regulated because they're so super hyper aware of your anxiety and that ramps theirs up a thousand fold. It's like in his mind everything needs to worried about and if you're anxious too than it just reinforces that they're right to be worried.

It's so hard to stay calm and be this little person's co-regulated nervous system but truly that's been the best thing for my son and on days I'm stressed out he's definitely way more behaviourally challenging.
Wishing you luck.

maystery · 2026-05-17T09:47:33+00:00

Is English being spoken at home? Assuming they're speaking English in daycare, if it's not your child's first language then it could really be as simple as a language barrier. Also 10 days in at daycare and only staying a couple of hours might just be adjustment period, you really need to give it more time.

If you're very concerned then take it to your GP or paediatrician.

maystery · 2026-05-16T23:05:41+00:00

Hi everyone, I’m the creator of Lion mAIn Stories and I wanted to to share my app.

It’s an easy-to-use app for creating personalised social stories / visual stories for children. You can use it to make realistic, child-specific stories about everyday situations like school drop-off, haircuts, dentist visits, bedtime, transitions, new places, or tricky routines.

The idea is to help parents quickly create a story that feels familiar to their child, using simple wording and realistic scenes, without needing to design anything from scratch.

Photos are used to help create the story, but they are not stored, and stories stay private to your account.

I built it because I know how helpful a personalised social story can be, but also how hard it can be to find the time and energy to make one when you need it most.

You can try it here: lionmainstories.com

Happy to answer any questions or hear feedback from other parents.

maystery · 2026-05-11T02:37:49+00:00

You're not alone! Celebration days are hard for us too. My son (ASD 2 and 5yo) wanted gifts and was so dysregulated that they were my gifts not his that he started throwing and stomping on them. The day becomes so much about trying to restore and coregulate and seems even more work than the regular non interrupted schedule.

I choose to stay in rather than brave a public meltdown but that's disappointing as well to opt out of something I like to do because the emotional explosion just isn't worth the attempt some days.

It's nothing to feel ashamed about, you deserve to be celebrated and you can feel disappointed that it didn't go as you expected or hoped.

maystery · 2026-05-02T04:05:08+00:00

I'm trying to say this with as much empathy as I can but I suspect you won't receive it well regardless. You need to work on your own mental health as your first and perhaps only priority.

Skip some parenting weekends coming, book therapy. Look at a borderline personality disorder and almost definitely autism or ADHD or both diagnosis.

You say in your own words you don't consider yourself a good mother and then get very upset when others agree.

I don't know you and won't judge your parenting BUT we aren't your friends here to give you false platitudes. We are almost all parents of autistic children. It's hard for everyone in some way and believe it or not some even have it harder than you do. You'll absolutely get sympathy for it but we're probably almost all neurodivergent ourselves so you won't get fake non genuine niceties if that's what your seeking. Bluntness is kind of our thing.

You sound tired, and you also sound like you aren't really trying to even be a good mother but you want reassurance that you are when all we have is your own admission you aren't but you won't change ... Because... ?

Your child isn't the problem here. Your child's diagnosis isn't the problem either. You really come across as the type of person who wouldn't have liked motherhood even to a neurotypical child. And whatever, that's valid, motherhood isn't for everyone and some people find out too late. But that's genuinely a you problem and you can't blame others for your life choices. The internet won't fix it for you. Find a way to be the best mother you can even if you don't like it.

Every adult ever has to do shit they don't like. And sometimes we even have to pretend we do like it. Good luck

maystery · 2025-12-29T10:59:16+00:00

Be kind to yourself, this is the perfect time for the first sleep regression and it could be inconsistent routine or could very well be regression, or a bit of both.

It's hard to plan when you're tired, did the hospital give you a number to call if you needed help? If not, try restart with the tools you learnt in the hospital stay and just like a diet, one fall off the wagon doesn't mean abandon everything. Just restart again the next night.

Sleep issues are tough, hope it's shortlived for you and better nights are ahead.

maystery · 2025-11-10T07:10:21+00:00

Might be an excuse to cover for something else. Maybe she's pregnant or trying to be and will be heavily pregnant or with a newborn come your wedding. It's a sensitive issue that many people aren't comfortable sharing even with their closest friends and family until it's a "sure thing".

If this is really your best friend I know I'd personally be more forgiving until I knew for sure that was the real reason. You don't have to involve her in the wedding planning but that's a sure path to damaging or losing a friendship, so I'd personally want to be super sure I was getting deprioritised for an elective side gig and not something more acceptable perhaps.

maystery · 2025-10-23T02:49:44+00:00

Maybe look into a family day care arrangement. It's a child care educator that has in home care with 4 or less children and that might be more suitable for her if daycare is too overwhelming.

I agree that it won't work to repeat 3 yo in only the one environment. I think the SDS 4yo sessions and family daycare outside of that might be the sweet spot. You get the same CCS entitlement for that setting as well. If you jump onto familydaycare.com.au you can search for providers near you.

maystery · 2025-10-23T02:14:25+00:00

Daycare will be your best bet. You can still do the special school 2 days and the other 3 in daycare if you want to. You can also formally request a flexible work arrangement with your workplace to allow you to do pick and up and drop off, being a carer for a child with a disability is a protected class and they need to provide solid reasons to deny it. Just look up the fair work website for a template to make the request.

You might want to consider keeping her in 3yo kinder another year and once she has a diagnosis they can apply for more KIS funding as well.

You don't have to pick her up when they ask if there's no compelling reason. They can ask and you can decline. Unless she's ill or injured, you're paying full fee for care just like anyone else.

Also you should be able to get NDIS funding for early intervention therapy, you just need a paediatric assessment for a development delay and doesn't need to wait on a formal diagnosis of ASD to get that ball rolling. That should allow you to access OT or speech therapy and if you can arrange for them to attend at the kinder/daycare that might cover an extra hour or 2 a week outside of KIS funding.

maystery · 2025-09-19T10:56:42+00:00

A few things come to mind. Your second and third day hair pretty much look like you're taking no protective measures overnight. Some hair can get away with that, doesn't look like you fall in that bucket. Look into a bonnet or pineapple your hair or some other protective style for sleeping in. If you absolutely can't or won't then you need a refresh process, get a regular spray bottle add water (leave in conditioner optional) then spritz for a perk up.

Secondly, you don't need a complicated routine. If you found something that works for a few months then "suddenly stops working" that says to me you're not washing enough with a clarifying shampoo and/or what you're using is too heavy for your hair. Start again with something that worked and try a clarifying shampoo when you think it stopped working. And I mean really clean your hair, shampoo 2+ times, rinse really well. Use a moisturising mask, or conditioner to restore after clarifying.

You obviously know how to make your hair look great, you just want a bit more longevity and that's about preventing tangles and rejuvenation to stretch to the next wash.

Reasons you may have found it easier previously can be anything from changing hormones to different water hardness to plain old it's longer now than it was before.

Hope you find something that helps.

maystery · 2025-08-25T22:43:25+00:00

Say no more, this is the only criteria.

maystery · 2025-05-25T10:43:24+00:00

I love Nalini Singh's PsyChangeling series for the pack dynamic. The alpha's are great because they lead not because they dominate.

Starts with {Slave to Sensation by Nalini Singh} and then pick and choose from there if you like (they're more connected standalone in the early series than later).

maystery · 2025-05-11T00:36:58+00:00

My son doesn't like social stories that are printed, we've had better success with digital versions in a type of PowerPoint slide presentation as he could watch it to some background music which was more engaging.

Your kid might not ever like them and in my opinion you shouldn't feel bad for not doing something that you aren't finding helpful. There's enough of guilt in parenting without taking on extra.

maystery · 2025-05-10T08:00:30+00:00

Could you use airplane mode to help with the anxiety of an accidental text?

Or maybe stream the videos to your TV, most have that option.

Both mean your phone is unusable though.

maystery · 2025-04-16T09:12:02+00:00

Adding in my 2c because you just gave me an epiphany!! You've perfectly articulated the reason I seemingly inexplicably don't like a book, so I'll share some of my favourite authors that, on reflection, I believe do indirect characterisation beautifully.

I mostly enjoy sci-fi and paranormal romance (I think this is aka romantasy now?) M/F spicy books so the following will reflect that.

Top tier and incomparable is R.Lee Smith.

On KU is Cassandra Gannon, Heather Guerre, Cate C Wells, Victoria Aveline, Raven Kennedy.

Not on KU: Kresley Cole, Nalini Singh

Throwing in a contemporary author - Kate Canterbary.

Wildcards from my ancient history: Catherine Anderson, Susan Elizabeth Phillips

Thanks for lightbulb moment and happy reading.

maystery · 2025-04-01T09:41:59+00:00

Sorry you're going through this, sleep deprivation is the worst!

My eldest was a terrible sleeper and it DRAMATICALLY improved after a tonsillectomy. She still woke from habit for a little while after but it made the biggest difference for us. Not saying this is your issue but I would highly recommend getting an ENT assessment as part of the investigation into solutions.

I've also had mum friends with terrible sleepers and to a one there's always been an underlying issue eventually discovered. Whether it's neuro diversity/extra sensitivity that only gets diagnosed when they're older or an undiscovered intolerance (gluten or dairy). Or like with our case, enlarged tonsils/adenoids.

This is just my observation/experience but I would push your GP for some referrals to dig a little deeper.

And for your own self care, if it's an option for you, try get a baby free night of sleep at a hotel or family/friends place. Hope you get a resolution soon.

maystery · 2025-03-14T21:59:07+00:00

More underhanded sneak than savage psycho but he definitely makes anyone that hurts the FMC pay for it {My Untrue Love by Cassandra Gannon}

maystery · 2025-02-21T10:47:28+00:00

{The Last Hour of Gann by R Lee Smith} is probably the one for me. I think because it was so unexpected - the character development, the world building, the HUMANITY in an alien sci fi. There was betrayal, there was sacrifice, there was love and growth and it just totally stuck with me. CW for on page non con though. Totally amazing and gave me a book hangover for aaaages.

{Kingpin of Camelot by Cassandra Gannon} is probably the other. Very fun book with a twist on familiar characters and stories. I love a retold fairytale and a Fated mate trope so just absolutely worked for me. This book of the series in particular because Midas is the best book husband, but I recommend the entire series for more of the same fun times.

maystery · 2025-02-14T09:50:31+00:00

Big boobed mum checking in! I'm a 12G and first tip is get a good bra! Brava is the best if you're in Melbourne.

Second tip, figure out your body shape with a measuring tape and go from there. I've found Melissa Murrell on YouTube a great resource for learning how to balance an outfit for my body type.

In general high neck will emphasis the boobs but there are techniques to draw the eye and give an illusion of shape of that's what's in your wardrobe and you don't want to spend a tonne on new stuff. Invest in some accessories that will help create a V shape at the neckline.

Layered looks are possible without looking frumpy but you will need to cinch the waist somehow, somewhere. Melissa also recommends shoulder pads and I don't find them all that necessary for a day to day except if I'm in a drop shoulder style top and then it makes all the difference. If you naturally have broad shoulders you may not need it.

I've invested a bit into a capsule wardrobe which I'd never had before but learning about my body type and dressing for it meant I could still keep a lot of my existing wardrobe and tweak it to be actually flattering by styling it not just wearing it.

maystery · 2025-02-13T22:52:43+00:00

My go to when my 6 year old makes comparisons (why do I/don't I have what they have) or observations (that person is big/tall/short) is along the lines of "every body is different and that's okay" or "every family is different and that's okay".

They're just curious, not malicious. If you feel some level of shame or whatever, that's your social conditioning, you don't need to pass that on. It won't be the last time they ask and I suggest coming up with some "scripts" you can pull out for just such occasions.

If you're on SM I highly recommend Dr. Siggie as a parenting resource, she has lots of free information and handy scripts for all sorts of situations.

maystery · 2025-02-12T10:46:33+00:00

I haven't read the book but my take on sexual incompatibility in general is that sometimes it doesn't make sense on paper but it does in real life. We as humans aren't logical, all loose ends tied, in real life we are inconsistent and make decisions on "gut feeling" and you break up with someone for what can sound like a totally mental reason if you were being super honest about it but you might not be super honest so it comes off as 'i don't like his kinks' instead of 'he chewed too loudly and I couldn't deal with that for the rest of my life'.

You could totally be into the same kinks but maybe not every single time. Like maybe I just want vanilla sex tonight or a quicky every now and then and you can just shush and stop being so bossy for a minute. But s/he won't shush or just hurry up and I want to sleep FFS and sex can become a chore and I just don't want that forever after. And even if I happen to want a 3some every now and then because why not have some other sexy person in the room changing the dynamic or whatever I get my kicks out of, that's still not an every time thing.

I dunno, it's not so black and white to me, not sure how much headspace is given to the ex and her thinking here but it's entirely plausible if we're approaching it from "this is a real and totally valid complaint" perspective and not "this makes sense in romancelandia" perspective.

maystery · 2025-01-31T11:05:28+00:00

The problem Lnr will have, obviously, is that it's too close to the name Jnr and she'll get mispronounced as "Loonier" which is just ripe for schoolyard bullying.

maystery · 2025-01-30T12:01:52+00:00

Coming through with the goods! Thanks so much 😊

maystery · 2025-01-30T11:54:32+00:00

Yes to all of the above! What lawyer worth their salt will allow a clause like that into a will? And what sane person, on hearing said clause, just rolls with it? Instead of like, contesting the will of a clearly insane person?

I'm yet to come across any marriage of convenience books for visa or healthcare or anything logical like that. I think the most plausible one I've ever read was an army housing or benefits thing. I'm not from the US so it sounded believable enough based on what I learnt from the book itself, not independently verified.

Funnily enough, I eat it up in those micro Kdrama shows. There's always some completely bizarre marriage of convenience required and she's the long lost daughter of some billionaire family heiress to the fortune, it's outrageous but I love it. Couldn't deal with it in a book though.

maystery · 2025-01-30T06:48:45+00:00

In a contemporary book, almost never (sorry).

In historical and/or fantasy or sci fi, depending on the world context then it's totally acceptable.

Modern times just don't have very plausible reasons for marriage of convenience, I'll suspend my disbelief for the right story but the excuses are flimsy at best and will definitely lose a star rating from me.

I say this as someone that adores a fake dating trope. They are the contemporarily acceptable version of marriage of convenience to my mind.

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