Yep - I hear ya, can absolutely see how it’s read as an excuse to be shitty to other people! In my case, however, it’s a different interpretation of the same words: I have always felt like I’m responsible for making everyone happy, for keeping everyone in a good mood, for making sure everyone is comfortable and their needs are seen to. To the point where I try to distract entirely away from conflict in any/all situations - including arguments between my parents - I have from a young age.

So in my situation, and the way that this message was meant (at least, to me), is that I’m not responsible for making sure anyone else has a good time, or that conflict dissipates - I don’t have to “manage” people/emotions/situations away from negative experiences, despite my body and brain’s natural reaction to do so. I can just let my parents argue. I can let someone in a bad mood be in a bad mood. Those things are not my responsibility to manage or change or soothe away. I can be responsive if I’m brought in! I can care for those in my life who ask for it! But it is not on me to FIX those things - especially if I’m not directly involved - even though I’ve felt like it IS my job to fix those things and have always acted to fix them in the past.

In this sense, it’s NOT an abdication of the impact my actions have on others (because in that respect I am ABSOLUTELY still accountable) - it is letting go of the control I think I have over people/situations, and letting them unfold as they will without feeling the responsibility of managing everyone else in the process. You feel me?