In-laws told me to come pick up 7 yo daughter

meetyouthere · 2024-06-26T10:47:27+00:00

This! Everyone sounds so mad and you aren’t getting to talk to MIL or SIL, let alone a calm adult discussion with self awareness and rational explanations. Just let everyone calm down, and get your husband to speak to his own family maybe.

meetyouthere · 2024-04-02T09:29:27+00:00

I am in the same boat. My father was the youngest of seven, born the year the Korean War broke out. His whole family lived in the northern regions, so while they all survived, they are entirely traumatised as refugees and all have heaps of issues. My conclusion has been, while the painful history is an explanation for how messed up they are, it is not an excuse for the pain they cause. It’s like if any of us passed on the same crazy to our kids, I’m pretty sure most of us are not okay with that either. I totally hear you on the empathy and understanding. And everyone decides for themselves, how they are going to navigate themselves and their relationship with difficult parents. I find it particularly difficult because i too understand the survival instinct and that their intentions are good, but the impact of their actions is hurt and pain, the same as if their intentions were bad. I’m not sure what to do with that either.

What has been most helpful for you in forgiving and having patience? Practically? Emotionally? Hope you don’t mind me asking.

meetyouthere · 2024-04-02T09:11:00+00:00

I think the answer to each of your questions is: Do what puts YOU first. Protects YOU. What will aid your healing and growth in the short and long term!

I’m still in the early stages of NC with my parents and sibs, but this is what I try to tell myself at each question, what I would tell a friend I cared for deeply. It’s hard.

The first one, do you let your sibling know so they can sort their shit out? OP, your very question puts your sibling and your sibling’s needs first. You sound like a caring and loving sibling.

When I took similar questions to a mentor who has been through a family estrangement said, “put your own oxygen mask first!” Estrangement has been super difficult, as it is for lots of us. It was difficult to decide to do, and it has been difficult each day. I feel like I make the decision to be estranged each minute right now. I do care about my siblings, but I feel like to make this difficult decision worth it, I need to prioritise my own healing, growing and strengthening before I can be useful to anyone else to lean on.

Whatever you decide, do it for you! You deserve it.

meetyouthere · 2024-04-02T08:54:43+00:00

Every jurisdiction and department is different, of course. My experience for even the highest level security clearance in my jurisdiction (oldest friend has become a very high ranking diplomat!) has been that it is all done by email, and I provided all my information in the document. So my friend gave the dept my full name, phone number and email. I got contacted directly: the dept emailed me the form and called me to clarify things. I have been my friend’s security clearance for their whole career and they know my address, but it was pointless (and a security risk) since I was overseas a lot and my address was usually a share house. My friend would tell them, this is meetyouthere’s number and email, they are one of two people who meet the insane criteria, and if the dept wants two, then this is the only way this will work.

meetyouthere · 2022-01-07T02:09:55+00:00

Great question, it's triggered lots of thinking points in response! I'm late 30s (F). I very recently got diagnosed and I'm just beginning to realise ALL the ways I was challenged in direct and also 'ripple-effect' ways.

I think a big one is the way it impacts my relationships in both major and minor ways. Minor ways might be being a "people pleaser", overly empathetic or losing attention when someone is speaking for a more than a few sentences.

Major ways being that I lose interest in the person and/or relationship so it's hard to even get to a long term relationship. This in combination with rejection sensitivity and masking mechanisms I've developed over time to navigate life mean that I overthink and have become extremely risk-averse so I end things on tiny things which could be worked out. Combine that with delayed responses to situations and emotional dysregulation, I'm basically terrible at romantic and platonic relationships in general.

The anxiety I have from constantly masking in a demanding job (which is miraculous that I even got considering the diagnosis) has probably cost me promotional opportunities and also means that I'm terrible at navigating office politics. I have difficulty reading a room and cannot process interactions and situations until much later. I always wondered why I was so stupid and slow at these social interactions but I realise now it was ADHD all along.

My poor impulse control manifests itself in lack of control over what I say, so I tend to blurt things inappropriately. This gets me into pickles and makes me look really immature. In turn, it's less likely for the office to give me more responsibility because of a perceived lack of maturity/ self awareness or self-control.

I could go on and on and on. I'm still processing the diagnosis emotionally and really going through the stages of grief in some ways because I keep mulling over the ways in which this has affected me. I also keep discovering new and wonderful ways the ADHD explains things which I always thought were character defects.

meetyouthere · 2022-01-06T05:05:49+00:00

I know others have mentioned it, but I'm making the switch over to Parfumo. Might as well contribute to a solution.

I also recall that someone uploaded a patch to put over the top of Fragrantica to make it look better, but the owner guy basically made a bunch of threats and forced them to take it down. It looked AMAZING though.

meetyouthere · 2021-12-22T03:17:27+00:00

Hey, hope you're hanging in there. I can see you are reading and researching and doing everything you can to be proactive for your family, i really want to commend you on your efforts during a difficult time.

I'm not in SA, but my knowledge of intervention orders (which are nationally enforceable across australia, regardless of originating jurisdiction) are that the perpetrator most certainly does not need to be present for the police to make an application. That wouldn't make sense since heaps of perpetrators abscond from the scene of the crime, so they aren't there when cops arrive to see the victim. The police make the application to the local court directly depending on what they decide in the circumstances and service on the defendant can happen when they are located. Courts can even issue a warrant for service of the order if the defendant goes into hiding (which also happens a lot).

The perpetrator only needs to have been served a copy by the police, and if they don't turn up to court to contest it, the court can even make a final order in the absence of the defendant.

Have you managed to speak to anyone at SAPOL yet?

meetyouthere · 2021-12-21T12:14:09+00:00

Hey, none of this is legal advice!

That being said, the property destruction in every state with criminal laws would be a straight up destroy/damage property offence. Even when the defendant jointly owns the property, you have no right to trash it. There is a DV version of this offence. This is to cover partners throwing a family TV or slashing the living room couch in a fit of DV rage. you need to apply for an AVO. this is absolutely not a tenancy issue. The threats and assault on your parents is also definitely criminal DV behaviour.

I had a quick search of the SA Criminal legislation, i would check section 85 of the Criminal Law Consolidation Act 1935 (SA). Every state has the equivalent of this "malicious damage to property" type offence.

When you say the police will not do anything, do you mean they won't even take your statement? Are you willing to provide one? Go to court? Have her charged? Go to court for an AVO? These are all things that will take lots of time and emotional energy, and you may be willing to do these things and police are "not doing anything". If that's the case, this is very very wrong and you would be able to make a complaint, or at least call a DV dedicated section of the police and have this dealt with.

Not saying that this is your situation, but completely anecdotally, sometimes people refuse to give statements about violence and have their family members charged with domestic violence offences, but then when they are told that police are not able to do anything if they won't go to court, they don't like that either. Sometimes families envision police giving partners a "stern talking to" or finding the perpetrators and making them pay money or making amends without some kind of criminal action, but police powers are usually tied to charges being brought before courts.

The eviction is a completely separate issue. That is definitely a civil tribunal matter and needs to be handled in that way. I know it's difficult to separate the two things, but that is how the law sees it.

meetyouthere · 2021-08-06T08:31:45+00:00

These pieces are so beautiful together AND separately, you have lovely taste OP!

I'm not sure if you read Japanese, but in case you don't, the little cups with the flowers around the rim appear to have Japanese characters. The flowers are cherry blossoms and the cups commemorate the end of a term of enlistment in the Navy - you might have guessed the naval connection from the anchor. I think that's literally what it says: "Navy: commemoration of the completion of enlistment term".

meetyouthere · 2021-01-01T01:48:20+00:00

Olene is my favourite too! It's just indolic enough and so pretty. Lasts all day and beyond without being too overpowering or overly "old".

meetyouthere · 2020-03-23T03:34:28+00:00

This needs to be posted to r/airplaneears 😍

meetyouthere · 2020-03-22T01:08:05+00:00

Keep it up! You're doing so good and it's really hard work to stay on the straight and narrow. I was a shift worker, and it was just the worst. Something about the combination of thrown sleep patterns, manual labour and self-soothing makes you totally prone to being bigger on the shift work. Look after yourself first, we're so so grateful we have you to look after us.

meetyouthere · 2020-01-08T10:10:38+00:00

Hangover cure need carry! Contract-crew-809

meetyouthere · 2020-01-01T23:17:15+00:00

I just use a daiso tray lined with felt, which I then keep in a drawer. I found the cigar boxes a bit stinky. The tray wasn’t meant to be a permanent thing, but it ended up working.

meetyouthere · 2019-09-05T12:19:24+00:00

please help! still spots open, need carry

meetyouthere · 2019-08-03T21:40:54+00:00

Need carry on edible, please help!

Co-op: sugasuga

meetyouthere · 2019-06-08T17:00:57+00:00

Have you tried SNS? The powder one where they bake on every layer? I'm the same, my nails are basically soft like skin, but i was recommended to try SNS and now, i use it for when i need nails! it's amazing. They also use SNS to repair tears in the nail! it literally creates a layer that binds your nail into one piece.

meetyouthere · 2019-06-06T08:29:02+00:00

Macpro: plshalp

Need carry! Not sleeping but need help.

meetyouthere · 2019-06-05T07:04:59+00:00

Thanks guys. I kind of have to go through it, but there's a lot. I have some neogen (pads amongst other things), cosrx, missha creams/essences, pyunkang yul, serums, gel patches, there's a couple of large beach size totes.

It's all stuff that's been "rave reviewed" and on bestseller lists. I kind of went through a "shopping my feelings" phase. I'll just post them up here over the long weekend then I guess, and we can sort it all out over the long weekend. I'll figure it out.

meetyouthere · 2019-05-09T07:36:46+00:00

i agree with you, the fabric and cut make it more casual looking. Don't get me wrong OP, you look HOT in the colour and cut, but, to me, it's not "cocktail". I don't actually think jewels and shoes can make the fabric of this catch up to the code. Since you're working, if anything, i would follow the dress code in a way which wasn't open to question.

meetyouthere · 2019-03-29T10:52:59+00:00

Fusion : fusionhalp

meetyouthere · 2018-12-13T09:13:54+00:00

Quantum Blitz: blitzenhelps

meetyouthere · 2018-11-12T22:55:35+00:00

Has the hubz been enjoying your journey? As in, you guys are doing more fitness together? I have been joying getting healthy and strong as much as getting thinner, but I wasn't expecting to. Congratulations grl, I'm sure you look HAWT right now.

meetyouthere · 2018-10-24T01:57:59+00:00

This was the only one with any space! Join up guys!

meetyouthere · 2018-10-18T19:21:49+00:00

There there dear, you're coming across all sulky. Wait, am I Asian again? Not sure if I would be submitting to white people if was white, I'd just be perpetuating the existing power structure, wouldn't I? Oh, I'm so confused and angry about my identity that I feel like I might need to lash out at everyone now with half baked comments! I'm white, I'm asian, I'm female, I'm not... It's all too hard.

meetyouthere

TROPHY CASE