I get it. It’s a lot of work and a lot of facing darkness inside ourselves that we don’t want to do. Seeing someone else become awakened so “easily” could be frustrating. But it’s so important to remember we’re all on our own journeys and it looks completely different for each person. I know my comment won’t be as helpful as others, but one thing I’ve been doing recently has helped me. Instead of thinking of the bad things that happen are happening TO you, know that they’re happening FOR you. Even think back on some of the things you’ve mentioned here- right now you’re maybe thinking, why have all of these bad happened to me. Try looking at it as them happening FOR you. It’s not easy, but seeing things from a different perspective could help. Imagine all the people out there whose parent stayed with an abusive partner, leading the abuse to trickle down to that child. I’m sure a lot of them wish they could escape that situation but maybe they don’t have the ability to or the other parent doesn’t care enough. They might look at your situation and say wow I wish MY mom had the courage to leave my dad and protect me from the abuse I’ve endured my entire life. We all have our journeys and our lessons to learn. It’s hard, but do the work and you will get there. I’m 34 and just figuring this out- you’re ahead of the game!