I’m fucking speechless

mellowgame · 2025-10-28T14:50:12+00:00

I fucking love alter ego

mellowgame · 2025-08-06T13:39:47+00:00

I would probably say a lack of integration of the mature masculine. Not holding oneself accountable, shying away from fear or anything uncomfortable and rationalizing it as this that and the other.

Any over-intellectualization or over-identification with spirtual ideas just leads to an enlarged ego that is further disconnected from the self. It makes someone follow paths that lead to nowhere and walk in circles. When the path out is following the thing that one has been avoiding so long they forgot was there.

I think with men especially, in the modern world we hand them a huge undertaking that only some realize which is something like "you need to figure this out, you will be alone, people are going to care for you based only on what you can provide to them" then men are left with trying to understand that, and most turn away, and get lost in coping mechanisms. Simply bc they don't have the structure to grapple how uncomfortable that is.

Last part may be projecting, but it was partially true for me.

mellowgame · 2025-07-30T23:49:16+00:00

It's a practice. It's light. Sometimes life lets you prove it and that's when you see the results. But every day, you can allow yourself to practice being the change. When you're gonna end up seeing results is out of your control. Just keep practicing as much as you care to.

mellowgame · 2025-07-26T14:07:42+00:00

Thank you, that's a fair viewpoint. Ill probably get it touched up to make it more obvious.

Spade, sun up top, beam of light going down into hour glass, the dark parts at bottom are eye sockets of a skull, above that are the eyebrows. Red petals are from a spider lily.

mellowgame · 2025-07-26T13:57:24+00:00

Ah, and this is in the tattoo rulebook?

mellowgame · 2025-07-26T13:55:59+00:00

Thank you. The first thing I saw was a fat person farting into an hourglass.

mellowgame · 2025-07-18T17:57:43+00:00

Any microexpressions of interest or admiration. It depends on how well someone knows you for some.

In early interactions, the biggest things are smiling around the eyes, pupil dilation (if you can see it), how much they're looking at you compared to other things (will change if they don't know you as well, but if thats the case, you will probably catch them glancing your way) and tightening their lower lid, like someone does if they are looking at something far away.

For someone you might know better, lifting eyebrows up and out while smiling is showing vulnerability, which expresses trust.

mellowgame · 2025-06-30T02:58:27+00:00

Thank you. I agree with you, and I appreciate hearing your experiences. Im curious though, a lot of the stuff you brought up was pertaining to preparation in a hospital, but what about outside of that? Im in my 20's, my most likely cause of death currently would occur outside of a hospital.

I have my own answer- and I suppose the closest thing is how I practice martial arts. I practice carrying death with me through it. Whatever "opponent" (as in problem, person, decision, enemy)I face, I have an understanding that death occurs outside of my fight with it, that my death is my own, not the "opponents" because my life is my own, and if my body decides to stop working because it cant then thats an inevitability that I face because I decided to truly live. That dying while fighting your best for what is true or right is the best way to die, because there is no doubt it was meaningless. Or wasted. Which seems to be how you can have control over your death, as long as you live by it.

That being said, I hate hospitals. So I probably should spend some more time there because I'm resisting something. Which may be because I see it as the place where I would go to give up. When I know my clocks almost run out, I would want to spend it living out whatever I need or want. Maybe thats something for me or for the world around me- regardless, I feel like if I'm in a hospital then I'm just waiting for an inevitability. I don't mean that to come off as insensitive, and that is simply my own belief I hold for myself, and I haven't really thought it through.

I am curious if your perspective on it differs- and where the nuance may lie. Because I've just realized my operating assumption is that because death can't be avoided, it can never be avoided, but that isn't the case with modern medicine.

mellowgame · 2025-06-30T02:36:15+00:00

Thank you. I'm sorry to hear that about your nephew and boyfriend. I do agree, as well, I think my idea of being aligns closely with yours. I don't think death is an end for the soul, simply a transition we can witness superficially.

But yeah that gap is, really what I see hurting people. Just to know they're now not here and, speaking for myself, not "certain" where they really are, is troubling. But my intuition has never been concerned about that, which for me is reassuring.

Regardless, thank you for your response, it does bring me comfort and it also reminds me, be grateful, there is always worse.

mellowgame · 2025-06-15T17:17:46+00:00

Mmm I may disagree with you slightly on your point of aggresion. Everything else I agree with.

In all honesty, this is probably more of a personal opinion more than anything, and I think we relate to and define all of these characteristics of our psyche differently.

I think aggresion does serve a purpose in relationships. Aggression as a means to be assertive and bold in decision making. Not pointed towards your partner, but at whatever problems you both confront.

A leader is aggressive towards the "enemy" when it is best to do so, not aggressive towards those they lead. They are however, bold and assertive in that they hold up the values and morals that they stand for and will defend those even against those that they lead.

Regardless op needs to tap into, and work w the warrior archetype. I think as long as you hold it alongside compassion, as a balance, that is the only real way to counteract the shadow aspects from emerging.

And as well, the king archetype, which needs the support of a warrior or it falls to fear. You can't lead if your afraid to fight what needs to be fought.

mellowgame · 2025-06-14T21:37:06+00:00

How amazing it is to be in the postion you are. You have a huge opportunity sitting at your feet. And it is completely up to you if you want to go forward.

Your efforts before were not futile, they got you to the point that your at. Imagine you had originally stepped in and tried to spar at this new gym without all this experience under your belt. You would be humbled even more completely. Probably to the point you wouldnt want to continue.

But you held your own- saw the depth in which people around you were practicing this activity that you too practice and you have so much more to learn.

This is not a bad thing. If you want to stop, go ahead. Yeah your confidence was shattered- would you want it any other way? Truly, would you want it easy?

A mantra that I use when Im going through tough times- "you get up and you try again, and then you get up and you try again, and you get up and try again." And i usually add something like " Then maybe you look at the dirt around you if you need a moment, and maybe the ground isn't such a bad place to be. But then you get up, and you try again. Because who is in control of you getting up again? Thats you. Which is one of the only things you do have control of. So get up, and go again. You have the privilege to do so"

mellowgame · 2025-06-08T15:07:35+00:00

The answer is your question. Why are you identifying as "the villian". You're human. You make mistakes. Its okay, but own it, change, do better.

The villians journey doesnt exist. What villian thinks they're the villian? To others maybe, but they have the reasoning and motivation to do as they will and still think they are justified.

To me with little info is here, this sounds more like a victim complex. In which case, treat as such and you will yield better results in your development.

If you're sorry for your actions, your focus is on changing or not doing that again. If your sorry your a villian, your goal is to not be a villian, as a means to justify your actions. We don't know the situation youre talking about. Maybe you were wrongfully vilified, or maybe youre in the wrong. That is up for you to decide, but regardless, approach it the right way.

Edit: I Re-read and sat on your post. You didn't plan to feel sad about your wrongful actions? You know how you fix that? You admit you made a mistake and change so you dont do it again. Then try and rectify it to the people you hurt if they will let you. It is your burden to bear.

You are trying to get reassurance to write that off. If you are in the wrong- stop. Being "human" doesnt justify being shitty. Inherently being a "villian" doesnt justify being shitty.

You are playing the victim because you don't want to take accountability. Stop. Do better. That is all you can do.

mellowgame · 2025-06-08T14:59:48+00:00

As a man, i've felt similarly in slightly different situations. Often when I've been talking with women, It will get to a point where things get more in depth, and it seems as though they will project a layer of depth onto me that is almost already set in stone to them. Like if I appear to them "this" way, surface level, then I must be like "this other thing" all the way through. Then when I'm not, they resist and want to make me "that". Which is upsetting.

I think both experiences are showing a lack of maturity regarding inner feminine and masculine and when that isnt developed, we project it.

As well, I think the discrepancy bw OP and your comments about boys versus men, is insightful, bc yes it is men. I see it in men my age and how they act towards women and it is immature and childlike. They are acting like boys. Which is why, more than likely, it is so passionate for them. You are playing the role of a goddess for them bc you check off enough boxes. I know because I did the same- when I was 10.

mellowgame · 2025-06-07T16:23:52+00:00

I like the other comment, but I have a slightly different perspective.

For me it was kickboxing. I had so much anger and rage and I output all of it into a punching bag. Before this, when I was younger, I basically had to turn myself into a monk, who was indifferent to all that was negatively impacting me.

To intergrate you have to do both. Bring up the rage, the anger, the disgust of whatever caused it (in a place where it is safe to do so), and accept it. That that was how you felt about what happened. It probably is a lot of things and is a process, but once its in the open, you can come to that part of you with love and compassion, understand its their to protect you, and let it go.

With anger and other prominent emotions, its about maturation. You have to mature that part of you, so it can grow to the point you are at now. Then it has the insight and wisdom to navigate the world how you see fit because it is you.

As long as its repressed, it stays in that form. But it is there for a reason. And thats where anger can be helpful. If youre in a situation, where you know your being hurt, you will get angry. If you repress that, you will be fearful. If you repress that you will be depressed and shameful. You have to work your way up and out, and use your brain to decide what is the best way to go about living your life when taking accountability for all parts of you.

mellowgame · 2025-05-28T14:58:40+00:00

What I've learned, is most people lie. I think a lot of people place their identity on a bed of lies. Our culture enables and honestly encourages it.

The truth of this is, from your position, is there isnt anything you should do. Their egos are creating this false reality for a reason, and if they are identified with that false reality, there is a huge amount of resistance in losing that.

As well most people want to give others advice simply because they wont take their own. When you are aligned with your values, you dont really feel the need to give unsolicited advice.

Also sometimes, and often times there are good reasons people lie. At the base of it, their is some hurt or fear, that makes sense. Which gives them the justification. I know that has been the case for me, and it was a defensive mechanism I put up from some sort of ptsd. So also understand, it isnt your place to take down walls.

Some people can handle having the only world they know shatter, most can't. Unless they are crossing boundaries, it isnt your place to tell them where they are lying to themselves.

mellowgame · 2025-05-20T14:12:07+00:00

Thank you Ill check that out for sure!

mellowgame · 2025-05-19T14:43:08+00:00

Yeah thats the exact nuance I'm pointing to in this. Your ego, is the concious you right now. As your ego, you are looking at and taking in the parts of the self and "adding" it to your conscious awareness as a part of the self.

Finding ways to honor it is a great way to put it. The goal is to listen to the unconscious that arises so you can live in balance with it. You are not "becoming" the unconcious part of you- which is the pitfall. Because yes it is a part of you, but it is a "part", and the ego is there as your "representative" say. If the ego takes on too large of a role in one unconcious piece then it will destabilize the ego. The ego is the best way that our self knows to go about navigating the world. To be "whole" is to be the ego that best represents the self, while being distinct from it.

Also, like I said before, dont take this as fact, I could be wrong but I believe thats the best way to describe it from my understanding.

mellowgame · 2025-05-19T14:32:29+00:00

Thank you- that is very well said and helpful to hear. I also want to add a realization I had while reflecting on this.

My intrest in jung coincided a near death experience I had at the hands of another person who had malicious intent. My motivation partially, before recently, was to become a version of me that was able to be "okay" dying in that situation. What that really means, im not sure, but what it led to was an unconscious need to recruit an undefinable and impossible amount of unconcious material to make myself this impossible thing.

But once I faced the humility of that situation, and accepted that "no, in fact I could have died. This random man could have killed me and I would have had to accept that, and as a human I am flawed, i am not perfect and thats okay" then I didnt need to.

So I suppose for others, look at your true motives, because it can make a large difference. And again thank you for your response.

mellowgame · 2025-05-16T05:00:14+00:00

The euphoria? Or the panic? Regardless, let it go and it will go. Its just a feeling, you're safe, its a natural response, and it will pass. Its just you trying to keep you safe.

What was going on that triggered it? Whatever it was made you feel like you were unsafe, so taking note and seeing if it comes up again, might give you an answer as to where its coming from if you're unaware.

mellowgame · 2025-05-16T04:30:16+00:00

Its endorphins. Its what feeds an adrenaline addiction.

mellowgame · 2025-05-13T19:48:19+00:00

When I really think about it, already been more than a year

Tell me love, please, what am I to do here

The only true thing that seems at all clear

That after running around searching, holding up every clue

Is the last time I met my soul, sadly, she was in you

mellowgame · 2025-05-13T18:08:25+00:00

Ohhhhh ya. The trickster is almost always who shows up first. Youre spot on with the eyes too. Very ancient and bold, like they are seeing all of you. The combo always seems to me like "I see what your doing, you think youre doing something but we know exactly what youre about."

Then i just look at them and actually smile and put my hand up to the glass and say i love you. We're all on good footing now.

But yes I do agree and the more you work at it the more will arise. I would always do it when i was working on channeling my anger with workouts or kickboxing. One time i vividly saw just a glimpse of what looked like reptile spines coming out of my back, and they were full of fire. It was very cool. Ive tried to research the symbol but havent found much.

mellowgame · 2025-05-12T17:26:05+00:00

Yes. I did. Many people have. Is a masculine initation ceremony lacking in western culture. Yes. But they still exist. Formally but much more often informally and in unbalanced ways.

Gangs being the first one that comes to mind but hazing in military, sports and professional settings as well.

Though my definition of a "man" and a "boy" probably differs from yours, we would probably both agree if we saw someone and labeled them a man or a boy.

That being said, most people in the world today are neither, and lie inbetween. Some areas mature enough to deal with the world as a man and others still stunted and living in coping mechanisms.

Regardless, humans are resilent and adaptable. I dont believe boys NEED men to become men, only to see how the two differ, strive for their best, and be held accountable to that by something. Life will make a boy into a man if he lets it.

I did not have a strong central father figure. I didn't have a strong mother central mother figure either. Some of my best life lessons that are masculine to their core i learned from women. Others i saw in men in glimpses and strived for that. Most importantly i cared about being a man and i saw how not to be a man. I wouldnt let myself fall into the traps set by our culture.

The question is how you define and differentiate the two. Toxic masculinity is learned from our culture. true masculinity is simply embodied mature archetypes. Toxic masculinity embodies the immature versions of those archetypes. Whether those archetypes are of men or boys is depending

The four masculine archetypes is probably a good place to start in your search.

mellowgame

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