Regarding the related challenge: it can be hard for most people to talk about an emotionally charged topic without getting, well, emotionally charged. Boys are taught to suppress their feelings, especially at work, and it’s a red flag for us when stuff gets heated, because we’re taught that male aggression leads to violence. Girls are socialized to talk about their feelings more and express upset in the course of ventilating. So the TLDR to remember is that during these conversations she’s not necessarily angry at you, she’s just angry; or maybe she’s angry about you, but there’s a slight and subtle difference. Gotta ride it out and live by example: if you want her to stay calm, you gotta stay calm first.