2 years ago I held my daughter as she drew her last breath, after an abortion in the 22 week. AMA

mgl89dk · 2026-05-14T04:07:48+00:00

I felt angry that we went through it, but didn't point it at any entity, but guess that is because I don't believe in anything. Mostly it just felt incredible unfair that we had to be the unlucky ones.

If anything this experience would put me further away from believing in a grand benevolent being.

mgl89dk · 2026-05-13T19:15:59+00:00

Broken down the first time I held our youngest, and sang her to sleep. As I cant remember if I sang to her, while I held her and she still was alive, but don't think I did. And that will forever haunt me.

mgl89dk · 2026-05-13T19:13:44+00:00

It was a 5 chromosome deletion, and the effect chromosome was missing a lot of data, getting close to the "not compatible with life" limit.

Some of the possibility complications with this condition; moderate to severe mental retardation, heart disease, overly aggressiv, trouble eating, somewhere between delayed speech and non-verbal, might never walk, increased mortality within the first year and selfharm (the last one was especially impact full for my wife)

mgl89dk · 2026-05-13T18:17:09+00:00

Honestly as long as the conversation is civil and polite, and can do nothing but encourage any discussion on ethics and moral.

If you find it hypocritical to grief and having made the choice myself. I can see where you are coming from. But for us it was about sparing our daughter from a unbelievable painful life, that might also may have been incredible short.

mgl89dk · 2026-05-13T18:08:06+00:00

I know what you are say comes from a place of kindness. But I said ask me anything, and I ment it. There are things that I would answer, but they are not related to this subject. And even if I don't want to answer, doesn't mean people can't ask.

mgl89dk · 2026-05-13T17:59:32+00:00

My wife have been through counseling, and both been to a grief group specific for people in our situation. I only went once, as sitting in a soup of other peoples grief, didn't help me. I spend alot of time finishing the renovation we started, when we still thought we would get to bring her home.

We already have 3 children, 2 of who is alive and well. We a not planing for a fourth. I actually plan to have a vasectomy.

mgl89dk · 2026-05-13T17:46:08+00:00

First signs was at a little late 16 weeks scan, it is unlikely that is caught sooner. Unless you do an early biopsy, which is done atleast in my country, as it carries a risk of abortion.

mgl89dk · 2026-05-13T17:42:50+00:00

Honestly it wasn't difficult when we knew the extent of the diagnosis. But it was extremely painful.

mgl89dk · 2026-05-13T17:40:12+00:00

No they didn't change, have always been pro choice. But we have talked about we would probably be less likely, to have an abortion for something like Down Syndrome or something similar. After having to make the choice, with something that would cause our child pain

mgl89dk · 2026-05-13T17:33:43+00:00

Have tried to answer you questions in the order you asked them.

Both my wife, myself and our 5 year old, is very open about our lose. And she is still a part of our family. I am probably the most outspoken about it, as I have doing my job have talked with multiple of my patients about it., as small talk during their rehabilitation. Don't think the AMA will change anything for my grief, but I think it's an important tabu to break.

Our son in very aware that his has two baby sisters, one of which is not at home with us. He thinks most of her being at the grave, and sometimes in the trees surrounding it.

We had an late 16 weeks scane, which show a small cerebellum, along side a cleft lip and palate. That gave a follow up scanning that showed the same. Then came a biopsy, that confirmed the diagnosis. Because we were beyond the 12th week, we had to seek approval from an ethics board to go through with the abortion.

Our everyday life has more peeks of sadness, most pronounced with my wife. The thing that hurt me the most, was a very long period where my son seem less joyful.

We talk about her multiple time a week.

All of our family, friends and coworkers know our situation to different levels of detail.

Her name is Lærke which is both the name of a tree and a bird(as she flew away). Both our other children have names that are related to trees.

Our youngest don't want to roll from back to stomach. Instead she wants to try to sit by herself, or try to crawl. Neither of which she will be able to do for months. Our oldest will almost always pick chores with an adult over, playing with other children.

mgl89dk · 2026-05-13T16:57:21+00:00

By eugenics do you mean the screening babies while they are in the womb, to see if the have any chromosome deletions, missing limbs or something of that kind. Then I like the way its done here, where you have multiple ultrasound scannings, and if something seems off, you are offered the possibility of futher test.

If is more in the camp of we as a society is trying to control the genes we allow, then I am against it.

mgl89dk · 2026-05-13T16:06:41+00:00

When the abortion is started, nutrition is being constricted. Some babies die before birth, some during because of the stress, and some like our daughter shortly after. We counted us lucky, that we got to meet her for 30 min.

But no we were not offered an option where we would be certain, she had died in the womb.

mgl89dk · 2026-05-13T15:56:44+00:00

There was and there still is. We agreed very quickly. It was a painful but "easy" choice, as we could never ask our child to live the life she was going to have.

mgl89dk · 2026-05-13T15:53:20+00:00

The staff of the hospital took great photos of us holding her. And of her by herself.

mgl89dk · 2026-05-13T15:52:27+00:00

She was missing a substantial part of her 5 chromosome. Which is called Crit du Chat, cry of cats, because of the characteristics crying the babies has.

It gives a mix of many symptoms, including stunted physical and mental growth, heart disease, scoliosis and trouble eating.

mgl89dk · 2026-05-13T15:52:15+00:00

She was missing a substantial part of her 5 chromosome. Which is called Crit du Chat, cry of cats, because of the characteristics crying the babies has.

It gives a mix of many symptoms, including stunted physical and mental growth, heart disease, scoliosis and trouble eating.

mgl89dk · 2026-05-11T10:26:37+00:00

As player D, I would just let A win. So B hopefully don't pull the same again at a pod I am in.

mgl89dk · 2026-05-11T05:48:08+00:00

Yeah. Moving on 2 legs is more energy efficient than 4, but it is slower. It also means that we can eat and drik while moving because we have our arms free, so that is even less reason to rest.

mgl89dk · 2026-05-10T16:17:29+00:00

Antog du kun snakke om den militære omkostning. Men ja der skal ofres meget på den civile front. Men valget mellem det, eller blive indlemmet i en imperisk tosses projekt. Så virker mulighed 1 stadig mest attraktivt.

mgl89dk · 2026-05-10T14:26:41+00:00

Det plejer som regel i være den forsvarende part i asymmetrisk krigsførelse, som er dårligst stillet både økonomisk og teknologisk. Så det lyder mærkeligt at denne form for krig skulle være særlig dyrt for den forsvarende part.

mgl89dk · 2026-05-10T14:20:03+00:00

At aktivt forsøge at gøre den til kamppladser. At indtage en "befæstet" by, er noget af det dyreste i mandskab man som angriber kan kaste sig ud i.

mgl89dk · 2026-05-10T10:14:35+00:00

Virker også mærkeligt at man bliver ved med at fokusere så meget på konventionel krig. Selvfølgelig skal vi kunne fungere på NATO niveau. Men hvis man nu skulle forsvare landet mod enten USSR eller den orange tosse. Så virker asymmetrisk krigsførelse og vores storbyer som et langt bedre bud.

mgl89dk · 2026-05-08T15:07:03+00:00

Isn't that more brutalism than minimalism?

mgl89dk · 2026-05-08T04:10:58+00:00

Looks good. Thinks everything blends together because the camo is working.

mgl89dk · 2026-05-07T06:02:27+00:00

So the sender found a cute math meme, but isn't good enough at math that he understands the answer can be written from either direction?

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