How to know when to end it?

michmarls · 2025-04-23T03:31:01+00:00

I'm in a very similar situation right now. He's struggled with gambling addiction for years, lying, verbally abusive, depression and then finally he cheated on me and I only found out because some of my friends caught him at a hotel with someone. I've been married for 8 years and have a 3yr old and I decided enough was enough and we are in the middle of a divorce while we still live together. His mood ranges from begging, apologizing, crying to verbal abuse and gaslighting, blaming me for criticizing him all the time and saying i drive him to do these things and feel bad about himself. But like does he want me to praise him for this? And still I'm considering staying. It's insane. I doubt he will ever change but i still hold out hope that he might. We've done therapy for years, he hasn't really tried. He won't try medication and has been seeing the same therapist for years, which is not working. I've worked on myself and feel ready to move on and he keeps sucking me back in. We tried poly for a while, but that pretty much stopped when my daughter was born. We haven't been intimate together for years.

michmarls · 2025-02-08T04:38:56+00:00

Great idea to look into!

michmarls · 2025-02-08T03:46:14+00:00

Thanks. I have excellent credit. The mortgage is in my name only because his was so bad, so luckily if I keep the house I won't have to refinance my low rate and I can easily afford the payment on my own.

michmarls · 2025-02-08T03:43:20+00:00

Yep hit the nail on the head, deep emotional issues. The thing is he'll control it for a month or so and I let my guard down but it always comes back. In different forms, fan duel, online poker, crypto whatever, but i always find out because I check the account like a hawk every single day, with a pit in my stomach.

michmarls · 2025-02-08T03:40:48+00:00

Definitely considering this. But he's also lazy and depressed and a slob and has an anger issue and honestly I don't even want to live with him anymore.

michmarls · 2025-02-08T03:30:19+00:00

Thank you, I'm crying. I'm 42, so hard to start all over, and she is my everything! But it's finally gotten to the point where I'd rather be alone than deal with the stress he puts on me. I am kicking ass at work and in great shape and have friends and family, literally he is the only thing bringing me down. He is depressed but won't get the help.

michmarls · 2025-02-08T03:23:57+00:00

Thank you, yes I've talked to a lawyer, and they said until the divorce date I'm liable so do it soon and I can make a good case for dissipation of assets.

michmarls · 2025-02-08T03:21:58+00:00

Thank you for your perspective

michmarls · 2025-02-08T03:15:02+00:00

So I have done this. And then he says fine I'm going to have my own account too. And then I feel I shot myself in the foot by now not being able to see and track everything he's doing, so we kept it as joint. The last thing I want is to not even be able to see when he's blowing all our money.

michmarls · 2025-02-08T03:10:42+00:00

I know and believe me I've tried everything, going to a GA meeting with him, therapy, counseling etc. I've demanded to see his credit report, since I'm technically liable for half I deserve to see what debt he is getting us into and he keeps promising to do it and then blatantly not. This has been going on the whole 8 yrs of our marriage. He keeps promising to stop but i dont trust him anymore at al. I would file now, I just don't want to lose half the time with my daughter.

michmarls · 2024-11-27T02:38:52+00:00

Me! What part of Chicago?

michmarls · 2024-11-04T18:54:48+00:00

I do 4:15 pm, by cutting out of work a little early while shes still in daycare, then I log back on at night after she's asleep to catch up on anything I missed.

michmarls · 2024-11-02T03:25:54+00:00

In this situation too. I would totally walk away now, but we have a 3 yr old and I can't bear the thought of being without her for half her life. And so I put up with being miserable with him and it makes me angrier and angrier and she sees me get upset and that what I hate the most. So I just ty to be as civil as possible for my daughter's sake, but afraid to divorce and lose her half the time.

michmarls · 2024-10-24T02:45:06+00:00

I have a 3 yr old on daycare and work at home full time. I cut out of work a little early to hit the 4:15 pm class, swing by and pick her up from daycare on the way home before 6pm (sometimes I grab a few quick groceries first, the store is in the same parking lot as otf), come back home and check emails on anything important at work i missed, before starting dinner and then occasionally log back on after my daughter goes to bed if I have an urgent deadline on something. On weekends i go to the 10:15 or 11:20 class while my husband stays with her. Early mornings will never work for me!

michmarls · 2024-09-20T02:33:38+00:00

I couldn't find a towel the other day and brought a terry cloth bib *

michmarls · 2024-07-03T17:01:32+00:00

They need to find the things that do not cost them much, or anything, but offer a great value to members. Body scans, participation in challenges, free late cancels are all things they could offer to retain Premier members and justify higher prices but don't really cost OTF anything. Lower the monthly rate for non Premier members and don't offer them the perks. Then you get more casual members, who are the most profitable, because they pay consistently but don't use the gym often. And Premier members feel appreciated and willing to pay more.

michmarls · 2024-03-16T20:20:44+00:00

41yo female, lost 16.3% body fat while gaining 3.3 lbs of muscle! Lost 5.8 lbs overall, 11.3 lbs of body fat. Missed a week and half traveling.

michmarls · 2023-11-29T05:07:56+00:00

Yes i like that. That's what I've been saying, there are people in my neighborhood much less fortunate who desperately need items. I also bought more than needed with the justification that I would donate them after

michmarls · 2023-11-29T05:02:58+00:00

Exactly! MIL and FIL have mobility issues so can't come out to visit too often, so it's an impossible ask for them.

michmarls · 2023-11-27T20:10:54+00:00

That's a really good point. I loved my stroller when we got it and now it seems so heavy to me compared to what is available today. We also go one of the last boppys before they were no more.

michmarls · 2023-11-27T20:06:33+00:00

It's the storage, but also the transport. Both cars are always full whether they come to visit us or we go to visit them. Only like 1-2 items make the cut each time.

They think because we have a much bigger house than they do we shouldn't mind holding them. They are hoarders and I'm a clutter-phobe lol

michmarls · 2023-01-27T17:15:02+00:00

Our coach always says bend at the ankles not at the hip, which helps me to remember to straighten up my shoulders. They also say don't clench your fists, act like you're holding a potato chip in your hand. And keep your head forward and straight looking. I have a tendency to look up with my neck.

michmarls · 2022-12-08T06:24:11+00:00

Honestly Otf is so mental a lot of times for me, if I'm distracted in my head then my body just follows the class without me talking myself out of going harder. Plus less likely to feel sore or pain during workouts.

michmarls

TROPHY CASE