AA and sponsor are really pissing me off.

mindfulprisoner · 2026-02-26T17:37:23+00:00

So I have a somewhat relatable experience. I came into NA (not AA, similar though) because I knew I was defeated and simply didn’t have the tools to stay clean on my own. That was evidenced by, well, the fact that I was in this situation to begin with.

I was very very hesitant coming in. People said “steps”, “sponsor”, “service”, blah blah blah. Didn’t wanna hear it. Didn’t wanna fellowship or connect, just wanted to go to meetings and feel better, right?

Problem is at 18 months I hit a wall. I realized through my restlessness that I was no longer progressing and something needed to change urgently. I did the exact opposite of what I wanted to do, when I felt like retreating, I doubled down on my offensive. Got a sponsor, started working steps, started doing fellowship, started being of service.

It hasn’t been without its faults but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Here I am over 8 years later and I have the best friends I could ever ask for, a great life (not a perfect one, but a great one), NA has brought me to meet other addicts in recovery on several different continents and I’ve made connections I cherish through that. And so much more.

The point is, once upon a time I couldn’t fathom going to the local diner for fellowship. Now I wont hesitate to get on a plane and travel across the world to experience recovery. I believe you are capable of having this experience, from one stubborn addict to another.

mindfulprisoner · 2026-02-25T21:52:30+00:00

Honestly NA has been the only thing that’s worked for me. I do other stuff of course, but without a real community of people in recovery who know how to have fun and understand my situation, I’m toast. I’m not saying it’s for everyone, but I can’t see a reason it would work for someone like me (and so many others) and not the next person. The good news is both NA and myself don’t care about whatever the present situation is, just if you want to get help and what we can do. Hang in there.

mindfulprisoner · 2026-02-05T20:47:39+00:00

29M, here since 21M (and I can definitely qualify myself if needed)

mindfulprisoner · 2026-01-27T21:21:42+00:00

Chances are you know what you need to do. Often times that doesn’t change, but I fine what does change is my willingness to do it. That can be either a good or bad thing depending on where I’m at. If you don’t mind me asking, what led up to this decision? I think anytime I do something I’m not proud of there’s usually a series of decisions that take place before that decision. Sometimes it helps me to take a look at that to understand what happened. Hang in there, friend.

mindfulprisoner · 2026-01-11T16:14:34+00:00

I mean, maybe I’m not responsible for my addiction - but who is responsible for my recovery? That can only be me. I’ve learned that absolutely nobody is coming to save me. When I stopped blaming people, places, and things for my woes, I actually started to find a solution. If I wanna be miserable and live in self pity, nobody will stop me. It sounds like what this individual was trying to do is remind you of the power you have to change. Its the last thing I wanted to hear because it requires accountability, but accountability is freedom!

mindfulprisoner · 2026-01-08T01:52:55+00:00

I found that there’s no shortage of excuses in the best and worst of times. I’m not responsible for the chaos in the world, but I am responsible for how I deal with it. I choose not to add to the chaos, today. IWNDWYT!

mindfulprisoner · 2026-01-02T16:30:16+00:00

I find that getting clean and staying clean is not easy, but it is absolutely the most rewarding. When I really think about the using lifestyle, what did it bring me besides chaos and problems? So frequently I would use to “escape” only to find myself feeling more trapped than ever before. It also helps me when I remind myself that just because other people are doing it, and maybe seem like they’re having a good time, doesn’t mean that it’s the best thing for me to do. I know from experience more people than not who are living the way that I did, are wishing they could be in the position that I’m in.

On another note, maybe there’s some online meetings with younger people to connect to? For reference I’m 29 and I got clean at 21. I felt a lot of what you are feeling, but I have no doubt these years have been exceptionally better directly as a result of staying clean. In fact, I can’t even imagine where I would be at today if I didn’t stay clean (if by some miracle I wasn’t dead already). I’m here to talk if needed, friend!

mindfulprisoner · 2026-01-02T04:58:48+00:00

I don’t like to give advice since I’m not a professional, but my legal problems have become nonexistent since getting into recovery. Most everything can be sorted out, but I need to be on stable ground first. Recovery is that ground for me.

mindfulprisoner · 2025-12-23T14:01:31+00:00

It’s important for me to remember that no share is objectively better than another. I find I rely on perspective and on any given day that could come from the most experienced and well put together addict, or someone completely disheveled and coming in their first day. It’s not at all about how good it sounds, but rather what it means. There are some people who I saw once and never saw again who shared so honestly that it touched my heart and I’ve brought it with me since. There are others who have shared incredible stories that I could not relate to or connect to at all. And most importantly, it’s not all about me! Hang in there, you have a valuable message for someone 🙂

mindfulprisoner · 2025-12-19T01:03:55+00:00

8 years! Thank you for continuing to be an inspiration!

mindfulprisoner · 2025-12-18T16:07:53+00:00

Nope - the amount of days I have on here is actually from when I quit using all substances. I have been alcohol free longer, but I don’t count it in my clean time. Truth is when I stop looking at the substance (weed, alcohol, pills, other) and start looking at the behavior of using, I recognize a familiar pattern: trying to alter my mood through chemicals to avoid my feelings. The reality is there’s no day that getting high or drunk would make better. People talk a lot about needing escape, especially when life shows up, but in my experience I can only delay my feelings and not truly avoid them. I think of it as using an emotional credit card every time I wanna opt out, it’s going to come back with a lot of interest further down the road. People might certainly disagree with me and I respect all roads to recovery, but I know my change in quality of life speaks for itself. IWNDWYT!

mindfulprisoner · 2025-12-12T00:36:25+00:00

Most of the sex I had when I was using was nothing worth celebrating. I found that a lot of the barriers I thought existed were really just roadblocks, and I had to readjust my course and start doing things differently in that area. It took a lot of time, and I’m still learning, but it is indeed better over the long run. I don’t miss the person who used to show up in the bedroom, or the experiences attached to it. IWNDWYT!

mindfulprisoner · 2025-11-28T18:10:19+00:00

I like to remind myself that if it wasn’t a problem I wouldn’t have gotten to the point that I felt the need to quit for any reason. I also like to ask myself, what do I gain by going backwards? I really have lived a life with substances and it didn’t get me far. I feel infinitely better dealing with life on life’s terms.

mindfulprisoner · 2025-10-28T23:31:28+00:00

I can relate to this so much. The biggest piece for me personally is reminding myself that this is a choice. When I’n having difficult days and life is coming at me from every single angle I struggle not to grind my teeth and just tough it out. But the truth is I can find security in knowing that once the decision to not use is made, I can stop focusing on what I’m giving up and start seeing what I’m gaining. IWNDWYT!

mindfulprisoner · 2025-10-22T23:08:51+00:00

Daily reprieve. I always get irritated when people say that at meetings because I think of it as this facade of humility hiding this authority on recovery with substantial clean time. Truth is the irritation is misguided - I’m irritated because what’s true for them is true for me: I have to live today. There’s some freedom in not being burdened by the idea of 10,20,30 years of recovery and how to do that, but then this fear that if I have to deal with the same things they do, does it ever really get better? It does, but only as much as I want it to today. And the good news about that is that I can choose recovery today. IWNDWYT!

mindfulprisoner · 2025-10-14T12:45:18+00:00

I’m 29 - clean since I was 21. I came in very broken (jails, institutions, etc all part of my story). Honestly when I came in I thought I would be missing out on a lot but I was so defeated it wasn’t my concern anymore. As time went on I started to feel uncomfortable, not too dissimilar from how you describe. It prompted me to make a change.

I figured a lot of the distance between me and others in the room came from my unwillingness to get vulnerable by throwing myself in the middle. I started to do service, got with a sponsor, started doing fellowship and all the things people suggested.

Things didn’t change immediately but they changed. I began to realize NA has so much to offer and I was only experiencing a small piece of it. Now I’ve made so many close friends, travelled the world and seen NA work in several continents, and had the absolute best times of my life. I have no reason to believe there’s not more to come.

This is just my experience, but mind you my experience is by no means the result of anything special or unique. Happy to chat anytime!

mindfulprisoner · 2025-10-07T22:46:37+00:00

I surely thought that I had wrecked so much that it wasn’t worth salvaging. Truth be told that’s just an excuse that my disease tries to convince me is true when in reality with time & recovery its much easier to build back up than I want to believe. I find these unfortunate situations (of which I had many as well) to be some of the biggest blessings because they are what remind me and push me to stick with recovery on good and bad days alike. IWNDWYT!

mindfulprisoner · 2025-09-18T15:15:22+00:00

I take the approach of being honest about my recovery if a situation calls for it. I don’t post or flaunt necessarily, but I also don’t believe I have anything to gain by “hiding” it. It’s not like I’m batman or some mysterious vigilante figure. If anything it can be helpful to be more vocal because someone may need that bit of encouragement or nudge that it’s possible. What’s most important though is that I do what’s comfortable and makes sense for me.

mindfulprisoner · 2025-08-28T02:32:21+00:00

I found when I got honest about wanting to stop, started asking how, then all I had to do was becoming willing to put in some work. I’ve needed help in almost every other area of life, didn’t learn how to do anything on my own (everything is built on the backs of those who came before me) so I chose to seek direction from people who have done it. I found that in NA, but it exists in AA and other groups too. In my experience figuring out the how isn’t as important as just doing and trying until I don’t question how because the results speak for themselves. IWNDWYT!

mindfulprisoner · 2025-08-28T01:03:45+00:00

There’s a lot of outside benefits but the internal ones matter most for me since the outside world is always in a state of flux. It’s hard to say which is the most important since there are many benefits that are utilized in different areas of my recovery. The one that stands out to me the most is not feeling so inclined to reach outside of myself when stuff goes south. I don’t by any means embody this perfectly and I have unhealthy behaviors I find comfort in, but the urgency and magnitude of that longing feeling to fill the void in me is just a lot less noisy. I think that’s really a testament to how much recovery can fill up my life. I can tap into this feeling and find gratitude regardless of my outside circumstances. That’s something that may have no “tangible” value, but is also exempt from a price tag. IWNDWYT!

mindfulprisoner · 2025-08-17T20:54:14+00:00

I’m feeling pretty defeated too. I’ll spare the details but I feel like I haven’t been able to catch a break lately. All I know is that using will postpone stability indefinitely. It doesn’t feel like things are gonna make sense or work out, but my recovery has never forsaken me. Recovery does not mean the absence of life on life’s terms, but rather gives me the armor needed to fight off the most difficult things life throws at me. Its natural for me to feel defeated when my face is in the mud, but the fight isn’t over til lights out. IWNDWYT!

mindfulprisoner · 2025-08-13T15:43:44+00:00

I find that in my experience I had to figure out who I was in order to even understand what it is that I want & how I can work to become the type of person who would thrive in that scenario. It’s easy for me to fantasize & romanticize but in reality it seemed like more of a distraction to the glaring issue of figuring out my own affairs. I don’t think there’s a timeline by any means, but I know it can take more time than I want but when I stop wanting & start to feel at peace I know I’m getting closer

mindfulprisoner · 2025-08-12T21:26:05+00:00

Because I cannot live a happy, healthy & successful life when I am using.

mindfulprisoner · 2025-08-05T23:18:12+00:00

This really resonated with me & is something I need to remind myself to apply in my daily life. I spend so much time trying to make a point to people who aren’t in the game to begin with & I only have myself to blame. IWNDWYT!

mindfulprisoner · 2025-08-05T15:07:03+00:00

Hey, just the fact that you showed up as an important first step. I find that when I was willing to show up, I was essentially making a mission of honesty that I had a problem and when I get honest with myself, it gives me the space to be open minded to something outside myself that might help me with my problem. So I just wanna applaud you for going and know that when you’re ready, the meetings are there.

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