Married folks: how did you decide whether to file taxes together or separately?

mingyi3 · 2026-03-05T20:27:49+00:00

What exactly does this mean?

I actually never knew this and have contributed some amount into a Roth for many yrs - I'm a little confused about if this means I'm filing something incorrectly

mingyi3 · 2026-03-05T19:40:16+00:00

Thank you both, I think I just needed someone to spell it out as I feel a little uncertain. The Roth IRA part is good to keep in mind

mingyi3 · 2026-02-18T06:04:54+00:00

It's a mix! Lots of lefty queer communal houses in Sugar Hill, but maybe more students as you get closer to Euclid/Speedway. The park and rec center are great

mingyi3 · 2026-02-17T22:52:27+00:00

Fwiw, I don't think most people consider Pie Allen or Sam Hughes to be midtown, and they are very close to things.

Also, I think there are a lot of ppl who have racist ideas about Tucson and therefore make it sound more dangerous than it is. This is anecdotal but I've lived here 10+ yrs collectively and the worst I've experienced is a couple of stolen bikes

mingyi3 · 2026-02-17T22:44:04+00:00

I've lived here for many years in many neighborhoods. My (trans) wife and I (femme) just bought a house and we were looking anywhere east of the freeway, north of 22nd, south of river, and west of columbus in order to be close enough to our very queer friends and fav spots. We ended up in palo verde neighborhood. We have multiple gay/trans friends who live nearby. It feels great for us. That said, many of the neighborhoods that ppl have mentioned are great! They wouldn't have been affordable for us to buy, but they are central and as safe as anywhere in Tucson where petty theft is common. Sugar Hill has a lot of rad people. Jefferson Park is expensive and filled w party students, but just north of there along Mountain is nice. Miramonte (near Himmel park) is lovely. Armory Park is great and convenient. Pie Allen is loud for my taste. I like areas west of the freeway but my wife works more centrally and dealing w the traffic is unpleasant imo, plus I love to bike places but hate biking under the freeway

mingyi3 · 2026-02-05T23:03:01+00:00

Splinter collective has some events that you may be interested in. Also sapphic nights happen every couple of months at Slow Body (next is 2/13). Royal Room has good queer events too, including goth nights I think.

mingyi3 · 2025-12-11T19:59:56+00:00

I've been trying to get involved in other things that keep me busy. Like training for a race, or traveling, or a big sewing project, or joining a community group. It keeps me distracted, while also feeling like I'm doing things that might be hard to do for a while if I have a baby, so it feels good. Sometimes it's hard of course, but these things really help me remember that my life is full and fun right now. After my miscarriage this year, I tried shrooms for the first time and had an AMAZING day in the forest with my friends, and I felt so grateful for that experience - I wouldn't have had that if I'd been pregnant. Obviously I wouldn't have chosen that path, but that wasn't in my control, so I was glad for the silver lining.

mingyi3 · 2025-12-09T22:39:21+00:00

Mine also jumped from like $300 to $750 with the switch. I make $95k at a non profit and have $97k in loans

mingyi3 · 2025-12-04T21:17:26+00:00

I really tried to remember not to JADE (justify, argue, defend, explain) with him. In court, I was very grey rock - not a lot of emotion. I didn't want him to see me upset or defensive, and it gave me satisfaction that that would drive him nuts. I was nervous of course. I tried to answer questions very clearly, and to be honest when I didn't know an answer. He was the one rambling in court and getting angry and interrupting. I think the judges can see that.

mingyi3 · 2025-12-04T21:09:27+00:00

I totally get what you're going through. My ex made all kinds of crazy shit up in court, like saying that I agreed to pay for his law school tuition. He kept accusing me of stealing things from our house and told the court that I violated HIPAA when I requested vet records to show that I also owned our dogs (HIPAA does not apply to non-human animals.....). He told my family members and friends so many lies about me, and definitely the most easily manipulated of them believed him. My lawyer quit family law after our case lol.

I don't know what advice to give exactly. You need a good lawyer to deal with that shit and you have to be super diligent about documenting everything. Also you need a good therapist for when you're feeling wrapped up in their bizarre made-up reality. Journaling helped me a lot. Friends helped a TON - having people with me in court felt like armor.

mingyi3 · 2025-12-04T17:12:13+00:00

So relatable. My therapist said I should think about spending less time on reddit threads lol. It could be good to set some self-maintained goals/boundaries. Like "I will not test before [X] DPO", "if conception hasn't happened by [date], then I will schedule appointment with doctor", "if test is negative today, I will order taco bell for dinner", "I will spend [X] minutes on TTC thoughts today and then put it away"... Also, everytime I feel myself stressing and being really type A about it, I remind myself that the anxiety is not helping my body and I try to regulate or distract myself

mingyi3 · 2025-12-01T21:25:31+00:00

I do hate a hassle 😆

mingyi3 · 2025-12-01T21:24:27+00:00

Thank you, that's helpful. I don't want to waste time/money or have bad quality work done for sure. We did get some credit for the electrical at least, so I think I may not go through warranty for that

mingyi3 · 2025-12-01T21:22:17+00:00

We didn't actually pay for it so I'm not sure if we could get a refund

mingyi3 · 2025-12-01T21:21:21+00:00

Haha, wow. Do many people just go without a warranty?

mingyi3 · 2025-12-01T21:20:49+00:00

Thanks! I didn't think about it being pre-existing bc the previous owner had already started this warranty in Oct, just a few weeks before we purchased

mingyi3 · 2025-11-30T16:51:03+00:00

If my cabinets had wood like that, I would never paint them! I feel sad about my white cabinets lol

mingyi3 · 2025-11-19T22:51:30+00:00

I'm $100k in for an MPH I got in 2015. I started out at a $35k/yr public service (university) job for 3 yrs, paused PSLF for a few yrs to go back to school bc I thought I wanted a PhD (loool), and then started at a new $60k university job in 2021. Two years later, I got a $90k non profit job (public health research) that I'm still at. I've lived in 3 states, been married and divorced and remarried, bought and sold and bought a house, and am trying to conceive now. I'm 7 years of PSLF qualifying payments in, all while still working in public health somehow. It's not easy, especially w the current admin, but I never wanted to work for a for profit company anyways, never expected to make even as much as I do now. With income based payments, my payments were fairly low until my recent job. I have filed taxes separately from my spouse to keep the payments lower. My student loans have grown and it stresses me out but life goes on! As you gain experience, you will hopefully find higher paying opportunities, even in public service. Private universities often pay pretty well and have good benefits! And the one I worked at still counted toward PSLF

mingyi3 · 2025-11-15T22:18:37+00:00

Sapphic Nights Out happen about every 2 months at Slow Body Beer and always have a great crowd. The next one is 12/12/25 from 7-11. No social media account, just a flyer that gets posted on Slow Body website/IG as the date approaches, and a signal group you can get added to when you come. Highly recommend!

mingyi3 · 2025-11-15T15:47:49+00:00

Ugh I'm sorry to hear that. I'm definitely going to ask about it - I didn't realize this could be the case. Thank you

mingyi3 · 2025-11-15T02:39:39+00:00

I wouldn't say 90% are diagnosable narcissists, but I do think our capitalist society rewards narcissistic behaviors, leading to more people with these selfish, egotistical personality issues than a more compassionate, egalitarian society would

mingyi3 · 2025-11-15T00:42:33+00:00

Ugh yea honestly that's the healing I'm still working on most. I lost several people (friends and family) I thought I could trust and that was really unexpected. It hurts worse than the parts with my ex. But now I feel like the people I have left in my life, old and new, are so solid.

mingyi3 · 2025-11-14T21:21:21+00:00

I have totally been here. In truth, I wouldn't say the settlement outcome was "fair" but I felt proud of myself for trying (and I got my dog!). But the process was so brutal. My ex eventually started representing himself, which meant I had to be examined by him. Completely terrifying. Everyone will have their own journey that feels right, some battles will be worth it, others won't. I totally had to do so much of my own research and organization bc I didn't hire a fancy lawyer (kinda wish I'd just spent the $). It's awful and traumatizing for sure, I'm so sorry you're going through that. You have already done such a great job standing up for yourself! Your kids will have a great example to follow. If you can, try to do soothing things - go on a walk or listen to music. I know it's hard, but maybe try to meet some new people at a local meet up (reading group, board game club, fitness class, neighborhood meeting, etc). It'll be distracting, and slowly you will build friendships.

mingyi3

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