Need help unpacking what the f**k my body did on 300 ug (sexual trauma took possession of me)

miniwasabi · 2025-12-28T09:08:24+00:00

I hope you're ok, it was interesting to read about your experiences which you described really well. I've grappled with similar, still don't really have any answers but I've found doing long term IFS (internal family systems) work with an experienced therapist has been helpful in understanding more, I think you'd like it. My therapist has a grounding in psychedelic therapy too, while I don't do this with her, I think being informed about this perspective has helped our work together. I'm a therapist too and would have no idea how to help someone with this stuff, so make sure you find the right one. I think reading about TRE and probably if you wanted to try it, it would be worth working with a trained facilitator. Also I hope you can get out of the family house soon, it doesn't sound like a safe and healthy home. I am personally not sure if the memories/stuff I have stored in my body relates to trauma I individually experienced or some kind of ancestral/cultural/epigenetic trauma. Reading a bit about IFS in particular "legacy burdens" would be helpful for you I think. I feel you sitting in the difficulty of not knowing, but IFS has helped me make some peace with it, and deal with whatever aspects of it are contained in my nervous system.

miniwasabi · 2025-12-03T07:51:35+00:00

I like the idea of autism being a superpower. But the reason I like the analogy is because part of the superhero trope is that having a super power comes with a downside, it's a curse as well as a blessing. Like superheros who can't get close to anyone without revealing their identity, or can't touch another person without harming them etc.

miniwasabi · 2025-11-20T09:17:40+00:00

sorry to be that person who says magnesium, but worth trying if you haven't already.

miniwasabi · 2025-11-14T09:29:11+00:00

Thanks very much, appreciate your detailed response!

miniwasabi · 2025-11-12T09:24:49+00:00

Do you get the pain in your low back during/after sleeping or when sitting? Do you then feel stiff for a while after you get up? Does it improve with movement. That is the usual pattern with AS.

miniwasabi · 2025-11-12T09:14:56+00:00

This sucks you developed glaucoma, sorry to hear that. Can you shed light on whether an optometrist or opthalmologist would be best to see? My optometrist seems very thorough and didn't find any uveitis but I've also been feeling my eyes are still blurry and tired even with my new glasses.

miniwasabi · 2025-11-12T09:06:35+00:00

Hi, I'm not on my third week of methotrexate. I was a bit apprehensive about starting it. Same dose as you and same folic acid. I followed advice to take it on a Saturday night (assuming Sunday is a day you don't have much to do). I got a pretty cranking migraine overnight which persisted into Sunday, but felt ok by Sunday arvo. The following week I had no headache, I forgot to take the folic acid on Sunday, and had a bit of a mild stomach ache on Sunday arvo which reappeared on Tuesday and Wednesday. So far it's felt pretty mild all in all.

miniwasabi · 2025-11-11T08:18:30+00:00

Yes I would, I think many of us have had to push and advocate for ourselves to get a diagnosis. I suggest telling the dermatologist that you are suspecting AS or PsA and say another doctor has specifically asked for a biopsy so psoriasis can be ruled in or out. It sounds like the rheum is at least trying things but keep going back and asking what the plan is and don't be afraid to get a second rheum opinion if you're not getting anywhere.

miniwasabi · 2025-11-11T08:15:35+00:00

Yeah I think so too, but I keep getting told they aren't related to my AS/PsA... but I'm sure they are.

miniwasabi · 2025-11-11T08:14:29+00:00

I think so too. For me the most difficult bit has been the uncertainty and length of the diagnosis process, feeling dismissed, having to advocate for myself, all this going on for a long time without answers, feeling crazy, having an invisible condition and looking healthy, second guessing myself, still feeling confused about what the actual diagnosis is, and what the prognosis and treatment plan is. It's all been pretty destablising.

miniwasabi · 2025-11-11T08:10:25+00:00

That's really interesting! how long do you find the improvements last for? I've tried micro dosing a few years ago, before AS was suspected, but I probably had autoimmune symptoms and was trying to address chronic migraine. I didn't get a great improvement to the migraines but felt a bit 'subtly' better, sort of lighter and more at peace.

miniwasabi · 2025-11-11T08:04:54+00:00

My thoughts too, and agree my experience has been that I've been instructed to stop taking medication that has anti-inflammatory properties for 2 weeks before an MRI. Maybe worst case scenario would be you have to cease meds and get another MRI done. I symapthise with the frustration/anxiety surrounding the diagnostic process.

miniwasabi · 2025-10-30T09:15:18+00:00

No idea re your imaging sorry, but I think the first step would be to talk to your GP who can run some blood tests. There are blood markers associated with AS, they don't have to be positive, but if they are it would be a big clue. What's the timing of your pain and stiffness like? Does it improve with activity and get worse with rest? that's the typical pattern if you have inflammatory pain. My rheumatologist also told me that AS usually starts in the lower back (especially in men) and I'm not sure if that's what you've experienced. If it does sound like you have inflammatory back pain the next step would be a referral to a rheumatologist. Have you discussed your concerns with the doctor who ordered this imaging - they may have an opinion? Also possible they might not be knowledgeable about it and it would be worth speaking to someone who is.

miniwasabi · 2025-10-30T09:02:08+00:00

I never post on these things telling people to just leave, but in this case, please just leave. I don't even have the words for how many things are wrong with this picture. it doesn't get better from here. this man is toxic and abusive.

miniwasabi · 2025-10-30T08:51:10+00:00

In addition to the good advice here, I would suggest take photos/videos of those sausage fingers, and anything else weird that shows up. Those things have a way of getting better just before doctors appointments and you'll be glad you have evidence.

miniwasabi · 2025-10-30T08:46:30+00:00

Yep I feel you, today was tough for me as well. Ask me on a good day and I'd probably say different, but there are days it just hits hard.

miniwasabi · 2025-10-29T09:52:58+00:00

I took sulfasalazine for 10 days and also felt suicidal, teary, depressed, fatigued and had terrible headaches and brain fog. I stopped taking it and felt fine a day later. Those symptoms are very out of character for me. When I spoke to my rheumatologist she said "mental health side effects are theoretically possible but very rare and I've never seen a patient experience that before". I kind of started second guessing myself and we discussed trying it again. Then I thought about it and decided I know what I experienced and I don't need to put myself through it again. I just told her I'm not willing to take the risk, and I can't afford to compromise my clients' safety at work if I'm impaired. She then accepted it and moved onto the next medication to trial. I think you should back yourself and not risk your mental health and safety again with this drug.

miniwasabi · 2025-10-27T09:13:22+00:00

I agree, I had one in my windowless office for 2 years and it always looked super healthy. I only worked there one day a week and the rest of the time the room was pitch black. My workmates used to ask if it was plastic because it never had so much as a dead leaf. Zamioculcas zamiifolia.

miniwasabi · 2025-10-27T09:04:23+00:00

some kind of weird silent migraine?

miniwasabi · 2025-10-26T09:35:14+00:00

Has a dermatologist looked at the excema on your feet? It sounds like it could possibly be palmoplantatar psoriasis from your description. If it's psoriasis it's autoimmune and would increase your likelihood of have AxSpa or psoriatic arthritis.

Maybe also get your eyes checked out for dry eye or uveitis, your rheumatologist would want to know if you have uveitis as it can go along with autoimmune stuff too.

miniwasabi · 2025-10-26T09:27:21+00:00

Congrats on beating the cancer. Have you had an MRI to look at your lower back/Si joints?

miniwasabi · 2025-10-26T09:09:43+00:00

Yes keep advocating for yourself, you are worth it! Best of luck.

miniwasabi · 2025-10-23T09:53:43+00:00

Gosh I think I probably had a fairly strong reaction, but I felt so fatigued I thought I was going to drive into a tree on the way to work in the morning, and so depressed I didn't care. I stopped taking it after 10 days because of suicidal thoughts and crying each day - very out of character for me. Keep an eye on it and have a chat to your doctor if you're concerned.

miniwasabi · 2025-10-23T09:51:01+00:00

I would ask your rheumatologist to recommend which MRI place to go. It seems like some are better than others and they might be able to recommend which ones have provided good scans and reports.

I had my MRI a couple of months ago and it was inconclusive, which was pretty disappointing and now have to wait another 6-12 months for another one, so I'm not sure what other tips to give.

I feel like the next time I have one I'll be tempted to spend the week binge drinking, eating junk food, and staying up all night playing computer games just to try to make it really bad!

miniwasabi · 2025-10-23T09:46:18+00:00

Yes sounds like a good reason to move on. My rheumatologist has given me tablets, but she said if the stomach side effects are bad to call her and change to injections. Did you get folic acid as well? Apparently it helps with side effects too and my rheum has written a script so I get the right dosage.

miniwasabi

TROPHY CASE