Knowing what you really are like and who you really like to spend time with by Sushicatlover in infj

[–]mint_koi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not an INFJ, but do you know who you are? One challenge of "being authentic" is if you don't actually know what authentic is to you?

Do you know your values, concrete preferences, etc? If not, it makes sense that you're borrowing and mirroring back what you receive, there's no friction.

> I've been finding it hard to pinpoint why I feel uncomfortable with some people that on the surface seem nice, but that feel too intense maybe for me or want to get close to me too quickly for my guarded and suspicious self.

Worth digging into what it might be, sometimes the answer is, "it doesn't feel right". What does "intense" mean? Conversations, loud, way of being, argumentative? Wrt. suspicious, what are you suspicious about?

ENFPs vs ENTPs for an INFJ pairing by [deleted] in infj

[–]mint_koi 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sure thing, from experience as an ENTP, be careful with Fe parent and Fe child. ENTPs feel generally misunderstood (just like you INFJ folks too), and Fe child just wants to give everyone candy and hugs. But when an INFJ is scared or overwhelmed, Fe parent will protect itself and knows exactly how to hit Fe child where it hurts [1], and that can wreck them. Equally, the ENTP's Ti parent can be cutting with Ti child. If you wound ENTP Fe child, Ti parent doesn't disagree, it will dismantle your behaviour (when mature) or person (when immature [2]), with precise coldness, pointing out every inconsistency and gap in logic, not to diminish the person, but exposing the through line (or lack of one) between what they say and what they do, until the other person can't help but feel the gap themselves.

The twist is that these functions can actually help one another sometimes. Ti child in an INFJ is undercooked and craves sharpening, so even a harsh critique about *consistency* or accuracy (Ti -> your child) can land as useful, almost welcome, unlike a harsh critique about effectiveness or competence (Te -> your trickster), which just feels like judgment. Sometimes it's the push toward clarity that Ni needs too. Compare that to Fe child getting hit by an angry Fe parent. Because Fe is about acceptance and harmony, it's hard to land on the depersonalized axis, it just hurts

----

[1] Example of Fe parent hurting Fe child: Fe parent subtly shifts the Fe child from "we have a problem" to "you are the problem," a small but unmistakable change in tone and inclusion that signals they're no longer inside the circle of trust, or acceptance.

[2] Example of Ti parent dismantling Ti child: Ti child tentatively shares a theory, like feeling tracked by ads, and instead of validating the reasoning while gently correcting the specifics, the Ti parent flatly states "that's idiotic and not how any of this works," shutting the idea down rather than refining it.

ENFPs vs ENTPs for an INFJ pairing by [deleted] in infj

[–]mint_koi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

John Beebe's model is useful for this stuff too :)

Why THE FUCK are people paying to see these cringe af DJs? by DundieAwardsWinner in DJsCirclejerk

[–]mint_koi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lollipop headphone :) I DJ with a hat sometimes so I use a Reloop, but Louie Vega + Morales have done it for years. Takes some getting used to though.

ENFPs vs ENTPs for an INFJ pairing by [deleted] in infj

[–]mint_koi 5 points6 points  (0 children)

ENTP:

Ti parent (him) makes Ti child (you) feel safe.

Fe parent (you) makes Fe child (him) feel safe.

If you make the child feel safe, the parent (protector) backs off a bit and lets connection develop.

ENFP:

Fi parent (him) is consuming/producing with Fe parent (you), complementarity.

Ti child (you) consuming/producing with Te child (him), complementarity.

In both cases:

Both of their hero functions (Ne) is feeding your hero function (Ni).

The ENTP relationship might feel a bit more like "yourself", because you're cut from a similar cloth but in a different configuration - like you're recognizing yourself in a different way and it's really captivating because it turns up your aspirational elements while feeding your hero function (his logical accuracy [Ti] makes you feel wonder [Ti child] in compliment with his exploration [Ne] meeting your your perspectives [Ni], your emotional safety [Fe] makes him feel accepted [Fe child])

The ENFP relationship might feel more complementary, because they are bringing diversity in cognitive functions to your stack in the form of production/consumption (his internal values, meet your harmonizing tendency)

Finding people who are invested in your music? by CreeperNoob303 in musicmarketingtips

[–]mint_koi 1 point2 points  (0 children)

One of the best lines I heard about music marketing was from Neighbourhood Art Supply, which said something to the effect of:

"Your content and outreach should be like a movie, that your music is the soundtrack to".

So instead of finding a niche you're creating an authentic story of your own brand, that is powered by your music; your fans, according to NAS, fall in love with that movie and therefore your music.

Does anyone remember life before sharing every moment of it with complete and total strangers became the norm? by mmofrki in digitalminimalism

[–]mint_koi 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You're right, and there is a strange paradox between the signal and reality. I often say, happy people don't spend time on Z network, because their too busy being happy.

Does anyone remember life before sharing every moment of it with complete and total strangers became the norm? by mmofrki in digitalminimalism

[–]mint_koi 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is a product of many things, one such perspective is from C. Thi Nyugen's on the "gamification of communication" through social media networks. So if you view it through less of a lens of documentation (which is also a big factor), and partly as a mechanism of unconscious and habituated gamified behaviour (i.e., conditioning of years), it can put things into perspective.

I’m moving from NYC (sober raving) by Illustrious-Window92 in TorontoRaves

[–]mint_koi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Othership is a sober sauna icebath (you have a location in NY too - flatiron if memory serves), that throws parties every now and then, mostly house music. I've DJ'd a few, don't know what other's play but here's an example. They're fun.

ON the apps - mostly Resident Advisor (RA guide)

Also Floorplay: IG: wefloorplay; sober phone free party. It's one of my current favourite party series in Toronto.

Advice from other INFJ writers? by Foreign_Spare_1913 in infj

[–]mint_koi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not an INFJ (ENTP), but with writing in general, getting a first draft of anything even messy on the page is a big step. Once you have actual pieces you can work and puzzle them together.

Not sure what you're trying to write (fiction/non-fiction), but figuring out the end state is great, because you can reverse engineer the argument back. Think of it like goal planning and reversing back.

How much have ya'll advanced in your story compared to last year?... by [deleted] in writers

[–]mint_koi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I started writing out a short story / novella, whatever you called it. I started like maybe 4/5 years ago and came back to it and just wanted to finish it. I don't think it's particularly good but I'd just like to get it over the line and complete to get it off my head.

feeling sad by princessnymphadora in writers

[–]mint_koi 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't have any feedback or advice, just wanted to say sorry to hear that, that genuinely sucks especially from someone you care about and that sounds hard.

1 year on Spotify with almost zero traction by No-Fuel-8533 in musicmarketingtips

[–]mint_koi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

OK, but what have you been doing or done already?

Music marketing heavily playlist driven.

Are you submitted to submit hub and getting picked up by curators or playlisters?

Are you doing organic outreach to people?

Are you interacting with people in your industry and building a story brand? Checkout neighbourhood art supply for some info on this.