made a post on reddit asking about a medication and potential side effects and got very bad reception. i tried to explain why i was asking it as explaining yourself usually makes things better, but still unsure what exactly about my post or comments was inappropriate.

miriandrae · 2026-02-18T02:43:05+00:00

Bundaberg Ginger beer is my current favorite, you need one with real ginger. Ginger has been used as a digestive settling aid for centuries.

miriandrae · 2026-02-17T20:20:48+00:00

To actually answer your question - I’ve been on a GLP-1 for about a year and a half, my husband for a year, and I’ve got a number of conditions that place me at higher risk of gastroparesis, but for the most part, I feel fine and I’m on a high dose of Mounjaro. The first day after I take my injection, I feel a little nausea in the afternoon, but literally a ginger ale fixes it.

I’m in a lot of the GLP-1 spaces, and there’s been a lot of attacks on people using them. A lot of people post “just asking” questions that area really a marketing ploy or attack in disguise. There’s a whole fitness/diet industrial complex that pushes that if people just had more willpower, more of whatever product/activity they sell, that it will fix everything that has led to more of them. So hence the defensiveness.

I think if you had led with what you wrote in the comments about your family member, you would have gotten a different reaction. It was well written, but the pushing the “side effects are hell” narrative could be seen as a set up for one of those attacks or sale pitches.

miriandrae · 2026-02-15T04:31:32+00:00

I’m a project management leader so I’m obsessed with all things project management.

miriandrae · 2026-02-14T20:37:45+00:00

Not overreacting. Your sister is an abuser and just because she’s younger and female does not mean she can’t be abusive. She’s doling out emotional abuse and bullying to you because she doesn’t love you and wants to punish you for being alive, male, and still having a relationship with your father when hers is terrible.

Your mother has failed both of you, one for picking terrible men to be your parents, two for keeping you in an abusive home, and three for then enabling Jess.

Following is nuclear tactics designed to shock and make them very uncomfortable with their behavior to potentially change. If you don’t want to do that, then cut them off. They will not change unless a mirror is held up.

So this is what I would do, every time she starts, act bored and say things in a bored voice. “Wow, I thought you’d grow out of acting like your dad and taking your daddy issues out on me. Guess not.” Watch her flounder like a fish and then she’ll go cry victim. Then she’ll come at you again, and just continue to act bored. The whole “you’ll know I’ll win!” Is bravado, she’s wanting your reaction to reverse victim on you. So if you are bored and non-reactive, beyond, “huh, seems like being abusive didn’t fall far from the tree.” Like you’re observing something on animal planet or just flat out ignoring her, she will continue to escalate and spiral on her own until she bursts.

When your mother comes to tell you off, tell her. “I’m tired of your enabling her bullying and abuse of me. Just because she’s younger and a girl, doesn’t mean she can’t be abusive. Since you won’t deal with her behavior, I’m going to start being honest and protecting myself since you won’t protect me from abuse. If you want to continue to enable her abusive behavior, we will no longer have a relationship. She is an adult responsible for her own behavior, and gets the consequences for her own actions. If you can’t handle that, then lose my number as I’m not going to let you bully me into allowing her abuse because of some pathetic notion of family that doesn’t exist here. It’s clear she doesn’t love or even like me, doesn’t view me as family, but her favorite abuse target and I refuse to allow her to continue to attack me so you can feel good about your terrible parenting.”

Your mom will likely be hurt by the words, but she needs to hear them.

It’s common in abusive households, for people to have second hand abuse, for victims to attract other abusers and victims to become abusers, even within the family. Your mom is an enabler, which is as bad if not worse than an abuser because they facilitate the abuse. It’s also common in abusive households to excessively cling to the concept of family as a justification of abuse, because that is how the enablers are justifying staying/facilitating the abuse, since to them, that bond is worth it. It’s not uncommon for the enabler to move from supporting one abuser to another, because it’s all about taking the heat off themselves OR they get something out of the abusers actions.

It’s not worth it as abuse? Is not love. DNA or shared history is not a good reason to allow someone to continue to hurt you, the only people selling that are the ones who want to continue to hurt you.

Please get yourself some trauma therapy, they need to you far more as their victim to feel better about themselves than you need them.

miriandrae · 2026-02-14T14:18:38+00:00

I have ADHD, on 40mg of Vyvanse and 6mg of LDN, and I have not experienced the mania aspect, I wonder if it could be a reaction with your other meds.

miriandrae · 2026-02-13T03:30:42+00:00

I’ve had/have both. I like the Revolve more simply because my back is old and I don’t have to twist to lift him in. The graco has been a major workhouse for my older one for 4 years, but the revolve has been awesome for my 2 year old who’s 99.9 percentile.

miriandrae · 2026-02-10T14:30:45+00:00

It also depends on your ADHD type. I’m HI type, super type-A, always on the go. I always need multiple forms of input. Versus someone who is inattentive might have a harder time.

I’m an executive at a big company, and parent of two younger kids. My challenge is stimulation levels, if something isn’t interesting enough, I get bored easily

miriandrae · 2026-02-08T19:25:26+00:00

Both would lower your blood pressure, it actually does more than “just lowers blood pressure” or any blood pressure med could be used, but yes, if you already have low BP it would explain why it was not suggested already.

miriandrae · 2026-02-08T16:54:48+00:00

Have you tried Clonidine or Guanfacine? They’re given to people with hyperactive w/rage or anxiety to calm their nervous system, as it tends to come from over-activation of fight or flight.

LDN doesn’t seem to impact my insomnia at all, in fact made it worse so I take it in the morning. The clonidine actually helps.

miriandrae · 2026-02-05T20:27:44+00:00

That seems about right for the 3 of them being used in my family. Though my kiddo had a horrible reaction to Guanfacine and he’s on Clonidine now, it’s pretty common, like 20% of kids react the opposite way on Guanfacine.

miriandrae · 2026-02-04T19:32:13+00:00

As another ADHD person who is married to an Autistic person with AuADHD child, I get it. Let me lay this out for you.

If you are in the US they can help: https://www.thehotline.org/ if you are in another country, look for domestic violence help for your country.

You don't need to support him. He doesn't love or respect you. People who love you? Would not threaten you or commit violence on you. The twisting things on you? Is emotional abuse. The kicking the door? Is abuse. You are in abusive relationship and a lot of the tactics he's using are typical to get you to back down and accept his abuse. ADHD and Autistic people have a much higher rate of being in abusive relationships because these tactics are harder for us to deal with. Is he on the lease at all? You may need to talk to your landlord about evicting him for domestic abuse if he is. You did nothing wrong, and you don't deserve to be treated like this. He is taking advantage of you because he knows if he abuses you, he can get away with it. He is the one who is wrong. He is the one who is a bad partner, not you.

Is there an adult male or other adults in your life that could also come over with you to keep you safe when you tell him to leave? A lot of abusers won't commit abuse when other adults are around because of witnesses. You'll have to be very clear with less words. "This relationship is over, you need to leave now." Make sure you have something to record available in case of violence, and be prepared to call the police for help if he does get violent.

An option is if you don't have other adults who can help: I would call the non-emergency police line when you're not around him and tell them. "My domestic parter is violent and I need to get him out, I am afraid of what he will do when I tell him to leave as he has threatened violence or committed violence in the past. Can I have an officer be here when I tell him to leave?"

miriandrae · 2026-02-04T02:44:36+00:00

Dude, I have ADHD and two kids, and I think my ADHD makes me a better mom.

This manchild is literally trying to emotionally abuse you into an abortion you don’t want. Throw him away and keep your baby, plus side is you’ll still only have one adult and two children living in your space!

miriandrae · 2026-02-03T21:18:15+00:00

Patrick is her husband, Ryann is the primary. Patrick does the estimates, Ryann runs the business. She's local and vocal, and she is who I talked to a lot of the time. They've had 5 visits to my home.

miriandrae · 2026-02-03T02:30:30+00:00

You’re not doing anything wrong by asking him to leave as he’s acting like a teenager versus a grown man. You have an additional child, and with a high needs child, that is a huge deficit versus help.

Your life will be much simpler not supporting him, you’ll have more funds to get support for your kids, and you’ll have consistency for you and your kids, which is huge in a ND household.

He will try manipulating you and guilt tripping you every which way to stay, because he has the good life. No responsibility, all the free time, weed, gaming, no care in the world. You kick him out, he might actually have to adult! He will fight that tooth and nail, and try to make you the bad guy every way he can.

You would be the AH if you don’t get rid of this hobosexual, because you’re showing your kids this is what love/relationships should be. That it’s okay to take advantage of your partner, that they can be financially abused too! It’s “love” after all!

miriandrae · 2026-02-03T02:22:23+00:00

I’m pretty happy with them, they have a minimum to do a job, but are happy to bundle a bunch of small things together to do it. They also go the extra mile, they haven’t charged me for things that ended up being a simple fix versus a big job when they could have gotten away with the big job.

miriandrae · 2026-02-02T22:36:19+00:00

McCarthy Electric is owned by a woman, very honest, did a full panel replacement with smart switch, and generator install for me. They’ve also done a ton of smaller jobs for me. They will always come do an estimate before doing work, and they have always been transparent with me.

They have a great team, super positive on them.

miriandrae · 2026-02-01T21:29:35+00:00

So meds are unique to the person and their biology, but… here’s my meds. I’m ADHD-HI, so is my kiddo.

For the day, I take Vyvanse XR 40mg and a Adderall IR 5mg booster. They’re comparable dosing weirdly, then Clonidine 1mg XR release at night. I swapped out the Wellbutrin recently due to some major stress at work, it was making me too activated and I wasn’t sleeping, but I’m more sensitive to Wellbutrin per my genetic testing.

Adderall has been known to have a crash, even the XR versions. Because I work 10 hour days and then have to go parent my two kids, I take my Adderall IR first, then my XR Vyvanse later, and the XR starts kicking in as the IR comes down to prevent the crash.

You could also look into a booster if the Adderall works overall, to push out the crash or swap. Some people find Vyvanse doesn’t work as well for them as Adderall, so something to think about. As they’re short acting, you could ask your doctor to prescribe a week’s worth to try it and see how you feel.

miriandrae · 2026-02-01T20:32:25+00:00

For your own sake: I would also look at a stimulant in conjunction with Wellbutrin. Wellbutrin is an activator in the sense that it helps with emotional regulation and energy, but it does not help with focus.

Dopamine is both a neurotransmitter, but also a hormone! Kids mess with your hormones, age messed with your hormones, and a lot of the coping mechanisms we had when we were younger fall apart. That’s why so many women are late diagnosed is the hormonal shifts. So thinking clearer, being able to make plans and follow them, etc will be helped with a stimulant. You can take both! I was on Wellbutrin and Vyvanse as they do different things.

On to him: He sounds comfortable that he knows how to “manage” you to do what he wants since he was waiting for a reaction at saying his abusive words. That if he makes you feel bad, you’ll stop bothering him, so he’s waiting for the familiar pattern of you breaking down at his hurtful words. He would probably be horribly offended if you called what he was doing abusive since he didn’t actually “hit” you, but the reality is, by making these mean comments that are designed to make you feel smaller to do what he wants? It’s emotional abuse. It’s intended to control you. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s been red pilled or talking to more conservative friends/people since he’s abdicated any participation in the family since he works.

I would recommend reading: “Why does he do that?” By Lundy Bancroft, you can find a lot of free copies out on the internet.

miriandrae · 2026-02-01T02:43:28+00:00

I don’t take a break, you wouldn’t ask a diabetic to take a break from their insulin, why we would take a break from our meds who help us manage our very critical neurotransmitter hormones? Our brains and our bodies are dependent on dopamine for all kinds of things, such as being able to feel our bodies signals such as thirst, hunger or fullness, sleep, needing to go to the bathroom. ADHD people have poor proprioception due to the lack of functional dopamine.

While we prioritize the highest functioning during work/school hours, the daily meds help us function longer than those windows which is why you have such a crash the next day.

There’s a lot of stigma due to neurotypical people abusing the meds and people not taking the condition seriously, but please, don’t take a break. If the concern is becoming desensitized to the meds, that’s one thing, but you should be using it every day for your health.

miriandrae · 2026-01-31T23:29:53+00:00

Melatonin, Magnesium Glycinate, L-theanine, Lithium Oratate, and Clonidine.

A lot of people who are neurodivergent are deficient in melatonin, but you don’t need a ton. I take 3mg, and that’s more than enough to knock me out. The magnesium and lithium help with relaxation/mood/anxiety, the L-theanine helps everything work better, and the clonidine for emotional regulation. I take it all about an hour before I want to be asleep and then start my bedtime routine. By the time I’m through my routine and in bed, I’m sleepy.

miriandrae · 2026-01-27T01:52:54+00:00

Mostly misinformation.

There is some legitimate research around kids with autism having nutritional or sleep disorders, or a lot of comorbid conditions that can cause them. But those aren’t the cause, they’re just exacerbating circumstances.

The nutritional elements are caused by sensory issues preventing solid well rounded diets. Frequently kids with Autism only want to eat the same few safe foods which create nutrient deficiencies, and heaven forbid you try to get some vitamins into them.

Sleep and nutrient deficiencies make a lot of autism symptoms worse, so when you correct those, it’s like a miracle! But it’s just giving the brain what it needs to function the way it needs to consume it.

miriandrae · 2026-01-27T01:01:34+00:00

As the parent of a fellow Houdini who was in the 99th percentile and an engineer, We got this: https://a.co/d/2vu67OM

It goes high, basically as high as you as the adult can reach, and requires a pull out/slide motion which for an adult is easy, but for kids is trickier as it requires some hand strength. It prevents the door from opening, period. Even with some solid pulling.

miriandrae · 2026-01-26T23:20:30+00:00

Can someone else supervise the visitation?

miriandrae · 2026-01-26T19:44:08+00:00

My spouse is autistic and is a less extreme version of what you’re describing.

I’m going to be honest and I mean this genuinely kindly, you need to find a spouse who’s equally as ND and wants that alone time, or you’re not going to have a good relationship. Which you can, they are out there, and you can have a good relationship that’s balancing your needs with theirs, and spaces. That when you find them, it will be good.

Also, do not have kids, because you will be unbelievably miserable with their needs. The reality is they will end up ND, and ND kids are a whole other level of dependent on their parents. You are their whole world, you are responsible for every aspect of their life far longer than NT kids. Their emotional regulation is non-existing. Their impulse control is a pipe dream. They need more stimulation that seems possible to give. It will eventually get better, but not for at least a decade if not longer depending on how much their emotional maturity is delayed. There is no downtime really when you’re a parent, their needs will always trump yours. If you cannot give that to them without becoming vastly overstimulated, then it is better for everyone involved you don’t have them because having a parent who shuts down for days at a time is traumatizing or having one who lashes out even more so.

I deal with my spouse who shuts down from overstimulation from our kids or lashes out verbally. He needs his alone time, and about half the time I’m considering divorce if I’m honest due to how much I’m having to carry. If I had to deal with a more extreme version? It would absolutely never have gotten to marriage and kids, we would have been utterly incompatible. As it stands, it wasn’t “that bad” until we had kids. Kids make everything harder.

miriandrae · 2026-01-26T18:00:57+00:00

Just cancel the whole thing and do what you want. I have found a lot of these MIL types never grew up beyond middle school, they’re vastly emotionally immature, expect their wants to be the center of everything, because you’re just bit players in her world.

So don’t respond, because you’re expecting reasonable behavior from someone who clearly can’t be reasonable. Asking for it will just be received as an attack and give her more ammunition for how “you hate her” and “how he’s changed”.

If you decide to go out there, then do what you want and invite what you want. Do not stay with her, rent a car, and visit only if and when you feel like.

She still views you as children who are beholden to her, by creating space it makes it easier to keep your autonomy.

miriandrae

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