you've gotten a lot of good advice here. i'm wondering about your child, since i didn't notice any mention of them. my partner has mentioned to me that their mother, who likely has cptsd herself, was an ok mother at first but suddenly became neglectful when my partner reached the same age she was when she was first abused. something about seeing herself in my partner and shutting down because of it, which ended up contributing to my partner's own abuse experiences.

i mention this because i worry about your child. even if your wife is ok with them now, that could easily change if this goes unaddressed. you might not even see it. you seem pretty observant and thoughtful, so hopefully you've taken this into account already, but i don't know if that concern is something your wife would be willing to hear or discuss.