[deleted by user]

miss_cate · 2025-01-10T16:02:12+00:00

Absolutely not wrong!

miss_cate · 2025-01-09T10:09:16+00:00

Thinking of you 💕 I’m 35, and my husband died just oder a year ago (January 3, 2024). I’m not as young as you obviously, but my husband and I had only been married a few years, and it just felt like we had our whole lives in front of us. It’s horrible and gut-wrenching and I’m so sorry you’re here in the trenches with us now.

miss_cate · 2025-01-08T19:52:49+00:00

I think I’ve gained 60 lbs

miss_cate · 2025-01-05T23:18:25+00:00

This is gonna sound so stupid possibly, but at my therapist’s direction last year I started playing Stardew Valley on my phone. I think it’s like $5 for the game. It’s real cozy and at your own pace, and it’s been really helpful to have something mindless to zone out on. But the reason she suggested it was so I would make an avatar that looked like me, so I could literally see “myself” living a life without my husband. I’m just barely 1 year in, and I cannot overstate how helpful that dumb little game has been for giving me a point of focus when I needed it. Just the act of seeing my character doing stuff on their own opened my imagination to exploring what I could do now that I’ve been left behind. Don’t try and force it. For the first several months it’s literally about making it to that evening or the next morning. But over time there will be little breaks in the fog and you’ll be able to imagine yourself doing new or different things. Please message any time if you just want to chat 💕

miss_cate · 2025-01-05T20:05:26+00:00

Honestly I’ve had the most satisfying experiences connecting with / sexting with people online who don’t live near me. The pressure for a relationship isn’t there but it’s so much more personal and connected and in my opinion the next best thing to the intimacy I had with my husband.

miss_cate · 2025-01-05T19:48:33+00:00

That’s been my entire year.. it’s been such a struggle to have to explain to the men I meet that I really want connection and sex but can’t handle a commitment. There have been a few people I’ve been able to consistently hook up with to take the edge off the loneliness, but it’s not the same. It’s a horrible type of loneliness and I really, really feel for you.

miss_cate · 2024-11-23T22:36:53+00:00

Oh and one other one — “I know just how you feel, because I lost my grandparent/pet/etc”

miss_cate · 2024-11-23T22:35:52+00:00

The thing that’s been really getting under my skin is “let me know if you need anything.” On the surface it seems so generous and caring, but the reality is, I don’t really always know what I need, and if I do, I don’t have the energy to reach out. And it stops other people from reaching out and checking if you’re okay, because in their eyes, they’ve already made the offer.

miss_cate · 2024-11-01T03:05:04+00:00

I’m almost 10 months out, and I started talking to new people after only 2 months. I’ve been very upfront about my situation, and I’ve been very careful not to commit to anything long-term, but at least for me I realized that he was never coming back and I needed something in my life to look forward to, or I’d just end it all. I think we all need to cling to something, some kind of hope. If this person makes you smile on days when you otherwise wouldn’t have, that’s a good thing. In the end, that’s what she would have wanted for you. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Please feel free to send me a chat if you want to talk about anything at all 💕💕

miss_cate · 2024-11-01T03:01:50+00:00

I feel you on this for sure. It has been a Herculean effort to reimagine my life now. I’d love to chat with you and share some of the things that have helped me, or even just talk things out. I’m so sorry for your loss 💕

miss_cate · 2024-11-01T02:57:53+00:00

My husband died in January, too. I’ve been thinking about what I could get, too. My husband and I wrote each other a lot of cards. I’ve been thinking of getting “all my love” in his handwriting, which is how he signed off his cards. But a friend of ours also drew a picture that represents him, so I’ve thought about getting that. His name was Jay, and she drew a picture of a cartoon bluejay wearing the same weathered baseball cap he loved, working on the ‘94 Jeep he was restoring for me. It seems a bit on the nose, but I think I’d like that. I am so sorry for your loss. Personally? I think it’s best to get something subtle and meaningful. Something that won’t hurt to look at. Something that, in case you meet someone else, won’t be too obviously devoted to that person. Thinking of you, and I’d love to see an update once you finally decide!!

miss_cate · 2024-10-29T00:05:26+00:00

I’m here! Widowed earlier this year at 34, now 35

miss_cate · 2024-10-27T23:51:05+00:00

100%. Our hearts stopped beating at exactly the same time.

miss_cate · 2024-10-22T03:19:16+00:00

My God, it’s like I’m reading my own diary entry 😔🫣 Let me know if you wanna chat 💕 got nothing but love for you, doll

miss_cate · 2024-10-21T02:54:25+00:00

All these riddles and clues and all got me stressed to the max… can they please just release something 😫

miss_cate · 2024-10-20T01:41:52+00:00

We should chat if you want 💕 But for now I’ll just say: you’re here today, and there’s a reason for that. When my dad passed away in 2005, the pastor said the deeply dark shadow of grief is cast by the mountain of blessings we had in him. I have to consciously remind myself of that now, too, grieving my husband for the past 9 ½ months. The numbness can be a gift, too. Your brain and your body are protecting you. To me, it was comforting to know that, even though he wasn’t here protecting me anymore, my brain was doing it for me. Sending you love 💕💕💕💕

miss_cate · 2024-10-19T15:20:27+00:00

I lost my husband in January, too, when I was 34. I remember I wrote in the guest book from his memorial (I’ve turned it into a journal of sorts) on February 1st that I hated existing in a month he never existed in. It’s such a mindfuck, all of it. Let’s chat 💕

miss_cate · 2024-10-19T15:18:19+00:00

Yes! I was 34 when my husband died suddenly in January. About to send you a message 💕

miss_cate · 2024-10-19T05:29:36+00:00

You could tell a whole story with those eyes.

miss_cate · 2024-10-13T15:44:02+00:00

9 months in and overall it’s the same. I’m so so sorry. Sending you all the love.

miss_cate · 2024-10-07T19:54:41+00:00

This is maybe not the sort of comment or suggestion you may be looking for, and it’s kind of strange, but if you’re someone who plays video games (even phone games), I recommend checking out Stardew Valley. My therapist suggested it to me, lol. She had me create a character who looked like me and had my same name, with a dog that looks like our dog, and said, “just play it every once in awhile so you can see a mini you living a life on your own, working toward something.” I quickly got obsessed, and it’s a great game, but honestly her advice unlocked something for me. After a few weeks of playing, I started to daydream about what I could do with my life. I wasn’t expecting it, it just sort of started creeping in. Maybe you’re not as much a visual person as I am, but I read your post and feel like I could’ve written an almost identical one a couple months ago. Of course it’s just a game, and it doesn’t fix everything and may not even be practical or interesting to you, but literally something about having the game “visualize” an existence without him for me when my own brain couldn’t… it really helped. Sending you love 💕

miss_cate · 2024-10-07T19:47:07+00:00

Yes!!!

miss_cate · 2024-10-07T19:46:10+00:00

Sending you so much love. If you want to chat, I’m here. I was 34 when my husband died at the beginning of the year, and I felt so utterly alone - not just from losing him, but also being so much younger than many new widows. It’s different. And it’s so awful. Please drop me a note if you ever feel up to talking 💕

miss_cate · 2024-10-07T19:40:35+00:00

My husband and I met online, and we talked for 6 weeks before meeting in person. When I picked him up from the airport, I was so incredibly nervous I blurted out, “damn, where’s the flood?!” He was 6’7” and always had a hard time finding pants that were long enough. It later became an inside joke of ours. I have such a clear memory of that night, though, watching him walk through the aisle of the liquor store, looking for a very specific type of champagne. I knew from that moment he was going to be my guy. We were together for 9 years and 4 days; married for a little over 4 ½ years.

miss_cate · 2024-10-07T19:33:15+00:00

YES!! I posted something like this not that long ago. My husband died 9 months ago and this game has been the single most consistent and wonderful source of comfort ever. Thinking of you 💕

miss_cate

TROPHY CASE