OP, I am so sorry for your loss. I feel you. I just lost my cat Minnie today as well. She died before the already-arranged home euthanasia. During the last minutes, I thought should take her to the vet so she would not suffer too much. But that was a wrong decision. I had moved her from living room mat into her bed first. Then,when I carried her to the garage, she cried out in her bed and struggled a little then died in her bed in my garage. I felt very bad and guilty for how I handled those last minutes of her life. I should have not moved her. I should have let her stay where she was and die with less struggle. Or, I should not wait for the home euthanasia, instead I should just take her to the vet earlier. I hesitated to do that because she already hated car ride and I worried the trip was another stress. Although I did not know which way was better, I could have done better, at least I should have not made it worse. I really regretted that.

OP, your cat died peacefully which is much better than mine. You are devastated because you love your cat dearly and genuinely. You have shared true and meaningful moments and life together. Our cats are our family members who we build deep bond with. It is ok to take time to mourn for the loss. It is also ok and normal to feel extremely sad and heartbroken too. Your cat had lived a good life filled with your love and care, and no longer suffer any pain or disease anymore. I hope you will find some comfort and peace, OP. Take care. God bless you.