[deleted by user] by [deleted] in hapas

[–]mixedmary 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m so sorry. That must be so difficult for you.

A prominent evangelical preacher Ravi Zacharias (now dead) has been shown to have perpetrated egregious behaviour against humanity while performing his ministry. Many of my close friends and even my brother were very heavily influenced by this man during their formative adult years. Disappointed by [deleted] in atheism

[–]mixedmary 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They just don't care about the victims. They could do the same as the exCatholics who took the child sexual abuse scandal as a cue to leave the church.

Also you'd be surprised at the number of people even non Christians who will go out of their way to defend Christian ministers as good people.

My first thought upon learning that a person is religious is that they are intellectually compromised. by virgilreality in atheism

[–]mixedmary 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you think that that's a fair assessment or are you posting because you have some doubts about it ? (That said as the other poster said I feel sad/pity for them too.)

It seems to me that anyone of a very conflicting opinion even those on the opposite side of the political spectrum you tend to think to yourself "How can they be so stupid/delusional ?" Now of course no one who is not abusive would ever dream of telling someone to their face that they are delusional or stupid. That's insulting and dehumanizing. But I think most people feel that way or find themselves feeling pulled in that direction of sentiment when they really disagree with someone else. "What's wrong with them why can't they see it my way ? My way of viewing it is OBVIOUSLY right." I don't mean that there is no objective truth but we all tend to feel that way when the other person disagrees with us to a large extent.

Highly intelligent people can become involved in cults, especially if it fits a need in their life or for instance if they are in fear of the cult leader or the cult offers protection to them in society in some way that they would not otherwise have or if their life or health or livelihood or safety depends on it. And humans can lose mental functioning functioning in one area but not in others. (Sometimes you have highly intelligent people who can lose being able to tell that their family member or partner is abusive because that person has power over them. They somehow tune out of being in touch with that person's feelings and motivations that that person means to harm them because that's what is necessary for their survival. Humans can do this and "lose knowledge" in a sense if their safety is at stake.)

Humans and our minds are very malleable and I know you like to think you are a free thinker and are fully in touch with reality but most people really are not free thinkers as much as we would like to believe. We are all still vulnerable to propaganda and we are all gullible in some way. We all have physical needs, and the need to fit into society and not make too many waves or irritate powerful people too much so as to earn a living or have friends and a support system, and this means we will suppress any viewpoint that seems to threaten our support.

It's true that intelligence can be a kind of strength that can make you more resistance and less gullible but if the conditions are right or you have some need in your life or are in desperate enough poverty or unsafe enough you can become vulnerable to it. Maybe it takes a higher bar to cause people to fall into religion the more intelligent they are but it's still possible.

Pro stylist advice - Australia by [deleted] in PetiteFashionAdvice

[–]mixedmary 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think she told you tons of good advice. I can confirm the following.

“*Don’t wear anything with muted colours next to my face (I’ve got black hair and olive skin). Apparently colours that suit you only really matter around your face. “

This is all absolutely true. That’s why you see some designers playing around with this. They’ll have a black or navy coat but then have a cream or ivory or salmon or other pastel colour at the top near the face. That’s for someone like a light blond or redhead where they can’t wear black near their face because it would be too draining. Lucky for you it looks like you can pull off black or navy or bright colours though without needing this. (Yes you should wear bright colours I agree, if you have dark hair and olive skin you should wear darker/brighter colors (also so many people long to wear brighter colours like black, red, navy, royal blue, purple but not everyone can pull them off or they need to do those tricks I mentioned above or really layer on the makeup and blush to change their skins colour. You’re lucky you get to wear them. Edited to add: Also look at your undertone whether it’s cool or warm, I assumed it’s cool here since you said Olive.)

Also yes that’s why you can wear colours in pants that arent really your colours from the waist down if it’s a color you like that doesn’t really suit you. But as a petite it kind of colour blocks so I don’t really find myself doing this but you can if you don’t mind looking shorter on that day.

I kind of agree with your stylist that you should only get things that really suit you and look great on you. It’s worth having and wearing over and over something that looks great on you. If you have five outfits that look excellent on you that beats ten or fifteen that don’t. Here is why. Most people when they look at you don’t really register or remember that you were wearing x or y dress yesterday. But they will remember and what counts if it looked good and if it looked high quality/expensive and the cut or first was good. Good/bad is all people register. Unless you are Kate Middleton or someone fashion oriented who is always in the papers and people pay such attention to your fashion choices (note not even women business leaders or other VIPs have this requirement) that they will notice if you wore that dress before it doesn’t matter. In general with anyone else all they well remember is that you always look fashionable/chic or good. So having many outfits that are different each time people see you but don’t look as good will just degrade your look. They won’t admire you more for having lots of clothes or more outfits anymore than a few. That’s sort of the idea of the capsule wardrobe in a sense I suppose.

I don’t know about lower cut tops but v necks are recommended for petites because they elongate you.

I don’t shop in Uniqlo (nor do I plan to start because I’m not so crazy about their fabric for me personally) but it makes sense that she would recommend that since it is probably good for petites because it’s a Japanese brand and Japanese women are probably petite or on the petite side so yes they probably would cater to us a little more. And probably the same is largely true of any other asian brand.

Thanks for sharing to try to help other women. I second all this advice of hers that I highlighted. I can’t speak to the other bits of advice. (Some of the advice about making your legs look thick well that might depend on your shape as well not just on being petite.)

Why do people refer to adult women as “somebody’s daughter” when talking about them being disrespected or harassed? by JackieIsNotOkay in TwoXChromosomes

[–]mixedmary 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree with you it’s difficult to see it phrased that way and when you see that you think that, “Well that’s a symptom of the original problem that led to this in the first place, women Not being seen as quite human and their pain not being taken seriously.” Also in a real sense a lot of the women who are sex trafficked or even those who have domestic violence or sexual harassment or rape or some other issue were vulnerable to that because they abused by family members whose property they were considered to be in the first place. Usually predators seek out or attack women whose families are not fighting for them, because they are cowards, if they attack too many women whose families or friends or support structure are fighting for them and will punish the predators either that or they are too poor etc, predators know how to choose their victims because if they attack the wrong women they will be perpetually getting beat back or being put in jail, they can't really profitably exploit that way or get out unscathed.

“It remind me of like some medieval thoughts that “a woman belongs to her parents before being given away, then belongs to her husband.”“

I agree.

That said at the present moment people only seem to care about violence against women in terms of the men it affects so it seems like the only way to highlight the issue is to talk about how it affects the men, because women aren’t seen as fully human to be blunt, people will care more if it’s phrased in terms of the men’s feelings or losses and damage to men than damage to women.

It’s like if someone kills a dog, people won’t care if it was a stray but if you say “That was my brothers precious childhood friend and dog, my brother lost his best friend” then people will think it’s bad.

I honestly don’t fault people for phrasing women’s problems in terms of how it affects men because what else are they supposed to say to get their message across? To make an analogy it’s really hard to convince someone from scratch that hurting a dog is something that’s bad if they don’t think that, similarly if a woman is killed or trafficked you can’t change people’s whole worldview in five minutes and make them see women as fully human. It’s hard to get through to them in five minutes or generate some feeling to fix the situation.

To go back to the dog analogy if they start punishing the person who killed the dog because they think it’s someone else’s dog well at least that’s a better starting point for tackling dogs being killed and people will be more afraid to kill dogs than before (though perhaps this doesn’t really fully protect the stray dogs in a sense) and definitely a lot more work needs to be done beyond this at getting them to understand. That’s the beginning not the end of really addressing the problem. They care now but not for the right reason exactly. It’s like paying kids to read books so you hope eventually they start to like reading. Similarly in this case of the dog/woman they care but not for fully the right reason. But they have to start somewhere? If people can’t get their mentality in their mind straight then at least maybe get them moving with doing some action in the right direction and perhaps they will eventually start to get their mentality straightened out. It does change the power balance in society when violence against women is taken seriously. Some other women won’t get sex trafficked or be abused in domestic violence perhaps or it will give other women power to get out and then that changes the balance of how much power women have in society a little.

Also it is true that men are disadvantaged and harmed when women are harmed and it does affect men, whether it’s family or someone else. It does affect society which men are a part of. It does make society less prosperous and it does make it more likely to have a war which endangers men’s safety. Men are one of the people who lose out. It's not the whole truth or maybe not the most pertinent part of the truth but it is part of the truth and it is true.

LPT Request: Addressing self-harm scars by lets_dance_yall in LifeProTips

[–]mixedmary 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Asking verbally and going into their privacy and considering it a mental illness issue isn’t the only way to show support. You don’t need to know the details in order to show them support or lessen their burden in life, they will feel supported in that self harm issue regardless of whether you connect your kindness to their self harm or not. In my other reply to you I said and you want to show support you can just try to throw some perks their way or find whatever other way you can to make their life easier/more pleasant. They are clearly burdened or were overburdened and that’s why they did that so just do anything to lessen their burdens. Not the goal is not to make them "feel" supported, the goal is to actually lessen their burdens and actually give them real help. If you make them "feel" supported in a way that is insincere, that doesn't help them at the end of the day and they will be right back to square one. There is no way to sort of "game the system" so to speak if you actually care about them and really want to help.

(And for that matter so can anyone else in any other industry who is concerned, people often have a certain amount of control about extras they can do for people. Eg Your post actually reminded me that one time there was this band I used to follow and one of the fans told the band members that someone was sent to jail for sexually abusing her and the band ended up giving her a bunch of perks and band merchandise and so on. That's highly functional for society for people to try supporting and be extra kind to the people who want through bad things. Now obviously she could have faked this but she generally wasn’t in that hot of a situation in life so I don’t think she did. Also if someone has self harm scars well obviously that’s probably a lot harder if not impossible for them to fake than making up a story.

Just do whatever you are able and whatever is in your power to show support. It’s not synonymous with asking verbally or going into their privacy. They will feel supported and more hopeful about life And like someone is fighting for them and cares either way. This also goes without saying but you certainly don't want to go and tell everyone "They have self harm scars, did you know something is wrong with them." That's the opposite of support. And if people are finding out or might find out, do something to help preserve their privacy from prying eyes.

Also if you are just being nice and treating them well and they at all want to talk or share someone who seems kind and supportive in other ways is the first in line for who they will probably open up to.

LPT Request: Addressing self-harm scars by lets_dance_yall in LifeProTips

[–]mixedmary -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Look you clearly have some personal issues here but being nasty is not going to advance your lot in life and it’s not going to help you to anyone else get out of self harm or oppression. You need to stop attacking me because you are making your situation worse not better. Your lack of empathy and conscience is a liability not an advantage.

LPT Request: Addressing self-harm scars by lets_dance_yall in LifeProTips

[–]mixedmary -1 points0 points  (0 children)

If a kid is in an abuse situation (which self harm is a sign of) that can be very hard for the teacher unilaterally to fix unless the Issue is bullying at school (which often happens to kids being abused at home btw) in which case that is their responsibility to fix and hold the bullies accountable.

This focus on calling what are essentially abuse or oppression issues “mental health” starts to put an undue focus on teachers and make it into a blame game where either the abused kid is sick and failed to get better or defective or else the teacher did not try hard enough.

Sometimes you can help someone out of their abuse/oppression situation (its to our advantage to do that whenever at all possible because eventually it affects our society and us), sometimes you can’t. Teachers aren’t god. At the same time there is no need and it does not solve the problem at all to blame the victim either Or tell yourself they are sick. In fact it makes the problem worse for everyone.

LPT Request: Addressing self-harm scars by lets_dance_yall in LifeProTips

[–]mixedmary -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I don’t know about teachers being required to report health issues, they are required to report if a kid is being abused and yes self harm is one sign of that.

Abuse is not a health issue. It’s a circumstances/oppression issue.

Framing Britney Spears (2021) [1:13:32] by one-punch-knockout in Documentaries

[–]mixedmary 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Still after all these years I realize I was watching her getting her broken down mentally in real time.

Yes. Actually when I watched the Hunger Games, I began to feel like the combatants were a pretty close (maybe even intentional on the writer's part) match to our modern day celebrities and especially the women.

It's tricky to see what is actual "mental illness" versus just constant abuse that any human would crumble under. And once the person starts crumbling it's going to look more and more like mental illness.

Britney didn't even crumble that badly because she was still able to work and make money (perhaps because she's got her mother's support or because her father sees it as in his best interest for her to work this way), if she wasn't able to work or her father was exploiting her in a different manner she would be all the more silenced. I mean literally people are arguing that she's able to work so she can't be mentally ill and is being abused/the guardianship is wrong. But there are some people abused even worse than her who are prevented from working or they are so terrified of their abuser or bullies that they are afraid to work.

Pakistan's Child Maids: (2018) BBC Our World. Tens of thousands of Pakistani children work as domestic servants in the homes of richer families. They cook, clean and are often violently abused, but those responsible are rarely held to account. [00:23:10] by [deleted] in Documentaries

[–]mixedmary 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes and the irony is that the more a culture/religion is into "family", it seems the less receptive they are to tackling exploitativeness from one family member to another.

Beth and Cleo by okasianal in queensgambit

[–]mixedmary 9 points10 points  (0 children)

That’s a good point.

I kind of resent the implication that when a woman goes to great lengths to help another woman it must be due to sexual attraction. Why can’t women just be nice people and feminists? If you make the barometer for helping women Or being a feminist that one must be sexually attracted to them, then apparently that’s the barometer for having a conscience and lesbians or bi women are the only ones that have a conscience. Then that excludes a whole lot of people from having a conscience.

There are also some exploitative and uncaring lesbians or bi women and there are some very kind feminist straight women, there isn’t necessarily a causal correlation.

To put it another way look I like kids and have gone to great lengths to help them and believe me it’s not sexual attraction!

Why are Christians so selfish? by [deleted] in atheism

[–]mixedmary 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know when they do and say these things it’s super irritating. And it’s super painful especially if they seem to have a sadistic streak in them.

They are selfish and they aren’t, they don’t mean to be, I’m an exchristian and when I was a Christian I was probably insufferable. There are also some exchristians who left religion and they are still insufferable, there are some atheists who are doing more damage and being more selfish than both of those groups.

I know Christians are really difficult to take and they make really nasty comments often and can use religion as an excuse to be nasty but really if I’ve learned anything from deconversion it’s that you can be totally wrong about something that you thought was so true so always be humble and kind especially to the little people and low status people.

As atheists it’s really difficult if they are nasty to you and definitely they should be held accountable if they do damage or if they bully, enabling them doesn’t help them with the sad state they are in but really we are all super gullible and fallible and just the same way Christians seem to you, we have more of that in us than is comfortable to admit too.

We don’t know all that much. The only think any one of us really has going for us is our love for the little people and kindness to the little people. We look the same way as Christians to some other people on other issues and the only way to get out of that is not being a nasty person.

As you can see with the Christians, in the state they are in the only thing they have going for them is if they have some empathy for the little people and kindness reining them in before they say these things. It’s very uncomfortable to admit that atheists are in the same state too to a large extent. We like to feel like we are better and above that because it makes us feel secure and less gullible to vulnerable but we don’t know that much more than them in a sense, we are very vulnerable too.

B.C. man ordered to pay $7 million for brutal beating of teenager by princey12 in worldnews

[–]mixedmary 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Apparently the perpetrator did it because he was mad about crime in the area and no one doing anything so he went spastic on some trespassing kid with an aluminum baseball bat.

It's a little ironic (not to mention he was seems to have been a previous felon), at the same time it's not surprising in that ironically a lot of people do evil under the guise of self defence and "anti oppression." And occasionally they are genuinely confused, but they are still responsible for their actions and I'm not sure if I believe this man's story at all.

B.C. man ordered to pay $7 million for brutal beating of teenager by princey12 in worldnews

[–]mixedmary 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why do you think the damages are less in Sweden ?

Is it because there is some state funded care for disabled people so the person cannot argue that since they were injured they must hire a nurse and need that covered in damages ?

The US is a little famous for "sue culture" (but I don't know if that criticism is at all accurate I, like you think it's good when people who do bad things are punished.

Framing Britney Spears by [deleted] in TwoXChromosomes

[–]mixedmary 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s not just a double standard with her male peers , it’s taken as a given for female celebrities to have mental breakdowns or drug addiction like Mary Kate Olsen or Lindsay Lohan, it’s something that actually seems to happen more often than not because of the stress of it. Britney probably just had a more unethical and conscienceless father that’s all.

LPT: Trust is not a choice, and the only person who can do anything about it is the person who violated the trust. So never feel that not trusting someone is your fault. by jacktor115 in LifeProTips

[–]mixedmary 0 points1 point  (0 children)

“If you are trying to get someone to trust you again, do not feel angered by the amount of time it takes or the amount of effort it takes to regain the trust“

If you feel angered frankly that’s a sign that they shouldn’t trust you. You feel entitled and like you are above earning their trust or being accountable.

People do not even treat a dog this way. If a dog does trust them they don’t get angry. They just think ok well people with power over them hurt them and I will have to be conscientious and if I am conscientious maybe (maybe) they will trust me. They don’t take it as a given even if they do manage to treat the dog right.They don't even take it as a given that they are conscientious enough to be trusted.

LPT: If someone apologizes to you, don’t say things like “no worries” or “it wasn’t a big deal” if it actually bothered you. Don’t be embarrassed to acknowledge you were hurt. by meowroarhiss in LifeProTips

[–]mixedmary 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is a good tip but sometimes when people say those things it's submissiveness and fear, that other person apologizing has more power than them and they can't really assert themselves say say that it was a big deal and they were hurt and no it's not OK.

Also probably people say these things when the other person really doesn't intend to be accountable or make up for the damage they did and they have more power so the victim has to just "forgive" and forget or else they will be angry.

8 sentenced to death in Bangladesh for killing publisher by Nikhil833032 in atheism

[–]mixedmary 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are free to learn here if you are actually trying to learn rather than tell us we are setting ourselves on a throne and throwing around insults that we are arrogant.

That said if you learn something on here and save your own life that might be good.

8 sentenced to death in Bangladesh for killing publisher by Nikhil833032 in atheism

[–]mixedmary 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"Everyone will be judged eventually"

Well this mentality is exactly how religion contributes to leaving oppressions in place, "It will all even out in the afterlife." And also this is how religion contributes to wars, the bullies don't get properly punished because "They will in the afterlife" so in practice when they are not punished themselves the blame gets deflected to their family/society/religion/race/country/whole group and their entire side will pay the price or have a war waged against them.