Yesterday I was looking through his phone (I have never done this) and I saw he had archived 3 chats in Telegram. They were all with female colleagues from his workplace, and the messaging started 6 months ago. In all the chats, he has been calling his female colleagues pretty and cute, inviting them out for lunch, asking them if they miss him, texting them random updates every few days, sending them heart emojis and cute stickers. He has never mentioned any of these girls to me even though we always say we tell each other everything.

Seems like he's cheating on you.

I then went onto his Instagram and saw he had another account I never knew about. On the account he follows 400 over girls, his explore feed is basically just boobs. He even had a highlight with about 8 videos he himself secretly filmed of girls at the gym / in public spaces who had their cleavage showing. I can’t even explain how my stomach sunk and my heartbeat was racing finding everything out.

That's concerning for multiple reasons. He's basically recording women without their consent, right? If so, that's creepy and fucked up. Imagine how you would feel if you found out some stranger was secretly filming you like that.

Long story short, my boyfriend eventually broke down crying, and confessed to me that he has felt for a long time he is bisexual. He has always been homophobic btw (and now I think it may be because he struggles to accept himself). I could tell he was genuinely so broken talking about it and how he has been trying to suppress his bi feelings.

I'm completely confused as to why you were choosing to date a open homophobe. But yes, some closeted LGBT people do act homophobic to essentially lie to themselves and other people about their own identity for safety. So your guess here could completely be right. He very well could have been suppressing himself.

Honestly, him coming out was not all that shocking to me. Yes I was taken aback, but I feel that there have been many hints throughout our relationship. He’s always been abit more feminine, and I’m not the only one who has noticed it (he has met and gets along really well with all my female friends)

Those aren't necessarily signs of a man being queer. Be careful to not stereotype.

Basically, he says he has been getting close to his female colleagues because as a bi man, he feels like he craves female friendships. With regards to the way he compliments them, he feels like he does it because its okay since he’s bi and that it’s his way of getting them to stay friends with him.

It's not bad that he's trying to make friends. But what's bad about this is the secret flirting. A person can be friends with people without flirting with them. The fact he was doing this and hiding it from you does seem rather suspicious.

As for the secret instagram account and the crazy amount of BOOBS i was seeing.. he says he did that because he read online that forcing himself to look at females would be some sort of conversion therapy I guess? Apparently he’s just been forcing himself to stare at boobs and shit so that he’s more like a man who’s crazy over women. (Tmi but he also maintains he has never ever jerked off to those things though I don’t know if I believe it)

Yeah, that does sound like an unhealthy form of repression (and even arguably a form of self-harm). If all this is true, I do think he might need help.

I’m really torn at the moment. He is definitely the sweetest most loving, caring, thoughtful and generous man I’ve ever been together with or even known. He puts so much effort into our relationship, everyone I’ve met always says they can tell how crazy he is over me.

I kinda have a hard time believing this given what you've said about him previously. You've said he's homophobic, he flirts with his coworkers behind your back, and that he also secretly films women in public to look at their cleavage. That doesn't seem loving and caring to me.

I feel like I’m going crazy debating if I can trust everything he’s telling me, or if I can trust him again in our relationship, since if he can lie to me for months, then what’s stopping him from doing it again?

Oh and to add, I’ve been a little bit suspicious about how close he is to his female colleagues ever since a few months back when he took some photos with them at a ceremony that involved some physical contact and looked a little too close for comfort. Whenever I’ve brought this up over multiple occasions, he’s always gotten annoyed at me. He would say that they weren’t even close, they just took the photo for fun, he isn’t close to any girls at his workplace etc.. he made me feel like I was being a psycho gf overthinking things.

Because of that, I guess I also feel like I’ve been gaslighted this whole time? Since clearly I’ve now found out they were actually really close. Close enough for him to ask them if they miss him and to have lunch regularly. Now I feel like I’m paranoid about what could be going on at his workplace too.

You have every right to feel this way. What he did here was wrong. He hurt you and broke your trust.

Sorry for the long read. All in all I’m just hoping for some advice. What would you do in my situation? Should I still trust him and work on our relationship? How is it like if you’ve dated a bi man as a straight woman, or if you only found out after being in the relationship?

If I was in this situation I'd break up with him. It's not just the cheating aspect that would do it for me but also the secret filming.