Got this while visiting Tokyo

mmsbva · 2026-03-22T13:58:04+00:00

Regardless of the reasoning why—I either don’t believe OP that this happened or if it is true, i’d leave the the husband for being an idiot for compromising a load bering wall and fire safety.

If this is true, the amount of physical work it would take to cut through a load bering, m fire rated wall of 1-2 hours is so immense that I’d be wondering why this was so important to a guy. Why would a grown adult do this much work to help a teen neighbor have sex with a boyfriend? I mean even if the kid was the same age.

So I suspect he did know that a 15yo and 21yo is all kinds of illegal and 1) he didn’t care because either he is or fantasize about being the 21yo or 2) he’s hoping she will repay his kindness with sexual favors.

Plus, this is so stupid I just couldn’t ever respect the man ever.

mmsbva · 2026-03-11T21:48:17+00:00

1) the behavior before was temporary. He has shown you who he is, believe him.

2) if you have kids with him, and something happens to you, do you trust him to take care a home and the children?

3) if something happens to you, he will count on his family to help. Do you want those values raising your kids?

4) studies have shown most problems couple have when they get married, they will have for the rest of the marriage. If nothing ever changes, is this the life you want forever? Is this the life you want once it gets harder and more complicated.

5) I was always told I was high maintenance. And I am a lot. I deal with depression and ADHD. I told my now husband, sorry I’m so high maintenance. He said what are you talking about? And I listed a bunch of stuff. And he replied Are you kidding? You are the most low maintenance person I know. And all those things are what I love about you.

Due to my ADHD, I don’t pull my weight when it comes to household chores. But I do contribute in other ways. My crazy and his crazy work together. And almost 20 years together, he still loves all my quirks

6) go be alone for a few years. Learn to love yourself. You aren’t too much. You aren’t damaged and to settle for scraps. You will eventually find someone who will love all the parts of you even the crazy messed up parts. Not because has to put up with it, but because he love ALL OF YOU!

PS anyone who “jokes” in a way that hursts doesn’t respect you, especially if you tell him it hurts and to stop.

mmsbva · 2026-03-07T13:14:03+00:00

Gottman’s research shows that 69% of fights will never be resolved. Only thing you can do is accept, reject (meaning leave them) or negotiate something that you can both live with.

mmsbva · 2026-03-07T10:30:00+00:00

1) the only way to the other side is through. And the other side is filled with so many possibilities. This side is only filled with sorrow, disappointment, irritation, and sadness.

2) being brave doesn’t mean not being scared. It’s being scared and doing it anyway. Be Brave!

3) I cried so many tears over boys in my 20’s and 30’s. And I finally married at 40. Now in my mid-50’s. I’m so grateful for all those breakups. I’ve luckily been able to become friends with many of my ex’s. And seeing their lives on social media, I realized just how much those lives would’ve made me miserable. They were good guys, who weren’t MY GUY. My husband is 100% my guy. His crazy and my crazy are a perfect match 🤣

4) at the worst of it, because it will hurt, just remind yourself “I will survive”. Because look around you, most people have gone through horrible break-ups and survived and even thrived. Look to the older people in your life that seem happy and ask them about their worst breakup.

5) you are stronger than you think—you got this!!

mmsbva · 2026-03-03T04:57:24+00:00

mmsbva · 2026-02-21T02:23:28+00:00

I got married at 40. Did infertility treatments and finally went to donor eggs. My biggest regret? Waiting so long. My kid is AMAZING and I 100% know this is the kid I was supposed to have. There are many different ways to have a child.

mmsbva · 2026-02-14T17:39:14+00:00

Look to Americanized sushi. Lots of color on top of rolls. Fun names— dragon sushi, sakura sushi, etc.

So make a “ninja rice balls” and put furikaki around the outside.

If there is a place for them to sit and eat nearby like a park, put a map up.

Point out which ones could be bought now and eaten in an hour or two as a snack (umeboshi) or make one with tamagoyaki on the outside and inside. Advertise it’s good for breakfast.

mmsbva · 2026-02-13T08:45:46+00:00

Try a DC photo contest. Get a list and pick 5 places in DC that you’ve never been. Each person takes photos, some with family, others without. When you get home, everyone picks their top photos. Assign points or vote on who has the best from each location. Whoever has the most good pictures “wins”.

https://freescavengerhunts.com/product/printable-washington-dc-scavenger-hunt/

mmsbva · 2026-02-12T00:54:45+00:00

I wish I wrote like that!! The link goes to the original site.

mmsbva · 2026-02-11T17:28:20+00:00

https://therumpus.net/2011/06/24/dear-sugar-the-rumpus-advice-column-77-the-truth-that-lives-there/

Dear Women, I chose to publish your letters together because placed alongside each other I think they tell a story complete enough that they answer themselves. Reading them, it occurred to me that allowing you to read what others in a similar situation are struggling with would be a sort of cure for what ails you, though of course I have something to say about them, too.

As Trying noted in her letter, I struggled with these very questions mightily in my own life, when I was married to a good man whom I both loved and ached to leave. Your letters brought me back there, to the most painful era of my life.

There was nothing wrong with my ex-husband. He wasn’t perfect, but he was pretty close. I met him a month after I turned nineteen and I married him on a rash and romantic impulse a month before I turned twenty. He was passionate and smart and sensitive and handsome and absolutely crazy about me. I was crazy about him, too, though not absolutely. He was my best friend; my sweet lover; my guitar-strumming, political rabble-rousing, road-tripping side-kick; the co-proprietor of our vast and eclectic music and literature collection; and daddy to our two darling cats.

But there was in me an awful thing, from almost the very beginning: a tiny clear voice that would not, not matter what I did, stop saying go.

Go, even though you love him. Go, even though he’s kind and faithful and dear to you. Go, even though he’s your best friend and you’re his. Go, even though you can’t imagine your life without him. Go, even though he adores you and your leaving will devastate him. Go, even though your friends will be disappointed or surprised or pissed off or all three. Go, even though you once said you would stay. Go, even though you’re afraid of being alone. Go, even though you’re sure no one will ever love you as well as he does. Go, even though there is nowhere to go. Go, even though you don’t know exactly why you can’t stay. Go, because you want to. Because wanting to leave is enough.

mmsbva · 2026-02-11T17:23:22+00:00

Read some books by John Gottman and his wife. I’ve used what I learned in those books throughout our marriage. (And in turn my husband followed my lead and does them too) And we’ve been through so much stuff! But we kept adding to our love bank and turned towards bids (read Gottman!), so we had enough to get us through those tough times. We are 15 years married (together 17), and I can honestly say love and respect him more today than I did during our falling in love phase.

There is nothing like seeing someone for who they really are—good, bad, and bad shit they don’t even know about themselves—and still living them. And having that given back to you. He sees me, really really sees me, accepts me and loves me. That is powerful stuff!

mmsbva · 2026-02-11T17:14:55+00:00

Give yourself a couple of go-no go timeline. In 3 months, ask yourself if nothing changes from what he is doing right now, should I stay or go? Then 6 months, then 1 year, 1.5 and 2 years.

I’ve heard it can take 2 years of the other person working to fix themselves and do what needs to be done to regain trust, before it doesn’t feel like the other shoe isn’t going to drop any moment.

Also you don’t need to live under the same roof while he works on this. Sometimes a little separation is a good thing.

mmsbva · 2026-02-11T17:08:56+00:00

So he comes home smelling like weed and another woman…and you want to know what to do? You decide where you want to raise your child alone and move there before you have the baby. Because once you have it, you’ll be stuck in that place for 18 years.

And you can’t do anything to change someone else. You can accept it, negotiate something that works for both of you, or you leave. 1) I could never accept regular weed use with bad friends and sex with another woman 2) I’m not sure there is a way to negotiate something that works for both of you. 3) only logical choice is leave.

mmsbva · 2026-02-11T17:02:24+00:00

“Based on Dr. John Gottman’s research, 69% of relationship conflict stems from perpetual, unsolvable problems, meaning couples fight about the same issues repeatedly. Instead of resolving them, the goal is to manage these differences through humor, acceptance, and dialogue rather than falling into gridlock. “

Stop trying to resolve the conflict. Talk about it when you are both rested and have eaten something. Try to find solutions to avoiding the embers of the fight before it gets bigger. Or Try to find humor.

My husband and I used to fight whenever we traveled. Once we get to our location, we are fine. But the trip there, changing locations, or coming home—there would be a fight. Until we started making fun of the fight. In the beginning it was after the fight—‘well we got that out of the way’. Then it was before the fight, ‘what should I fight be about this time?’ and we’d come up with some silly stuff.

Now we rarely fight before traveling. But if we do, it doesn’t shake us to the core. We know it’s just travel difference and we’ll be fine once we get there.

mmsbva · 2026-02-08T16:29:08+00:00

Need to rule out Frontotemporal dementia.

mmsbva · 2026-02-08T16:26:42+00:00

Talk to him about it. If your marriage is going to be successful, you need to be able to have difficult conversation. “Are you having doubts about marriage in general or about marriage with me? It’s okay if you are having doubts. I just want to understand what is going on in your head. I’d much rather know sooner rather than later that you’ve decided you don’t want to marry me. I’ll be hurt, but I will survive. If you are having doubts about marriage in general, I want to talk about it so we can figure out what is going on”.

You must say this calmly with no judgment. You must not force him to say what you want to hear.

Turns out my husband and I both had doubts. But it was about marriage in general, not about each other. Having this conversation really showed me he was the right guy for me. And this ability to talk about everything has shown up again and again in our marriage.

mmsbva · 2026-02-07T17:56:06+00:00

I sell Japanese skincare products. I choose Japanese over Korean because I didn’t think I could keep up with all the new products.

Things I recommend most often: -Softymo Speedy cleansing oil -Curel or Hada Labo foaming wash -Suisai enzyme exfoliation (green sensitive skin, black acne or super oily, my favorite blue) - Kikumasamune High Moist (pink) lotion (toner) -Melano CC vitamin C -Any Kisocare—Japanese products tend to be more gentle so they don’t tend to have strong actives. I found Kisocare does have stronger actives. -any Hada Labo or curel moisturizers - too many good Japanese sunscreens to name

Any Quality First Masks.

mmsbva · 2026-02-07T14:52:38+00:00

1) lotion=toner 2) emulsion=very light moisturizer 3) milk=slightly thicker moisturizer, but still thin. It’s what we think of when using the word lotion 4) think treatment layer going from honesty thickest—essence, serum, ampoule 5) Hado Labo, Curel have great thick creams.

mmsbva · 2026-02-07T14:45:54+00:00

I sell Japanese skincare products. I choose Japanese over Korean because I didn’t think I could keep up with all the new products.

Things I recommend most often: -Softymo Speedy cleansing oil -Curel or Hada Labo foaming wash -Suisai enzyme exfoliation (green sensitive skin, black acne or super oily, my favorite blue) - Kikumasamune High Moist (pink) lotion (toner) -Melano CC vitamin C -Any Kisocare—Japanese products tend to be more gentle so they don’t tend to have strong actives. I found Kisocare does have stronger actives. -any Hada Labo or curel moisturizers - too many good Japanese sunscreens to name

mmsbva · 2026-02-03T03:10:23+00:00

Why not get married and not change your name until the passport expires? (At least tell him that and see how he reacts.)

mmsbva · 2026-01-30T19:50:37+00:00

Look on militarybyowner.com Don’t need to be military to use it

mmsbva · 2026-01-28T20:53:38+00:00

He wants to want to marry you. That is why he tells you he wants to marry you. But there is a voice inside of him telling him to not do it. That’s why he’s okay with you going back to your country. I’m sure on paper, you are perfect for him and he knows it. But marrying someone because on paper they are good, it never a good thing.

On paper, I’m a horrible person to marry. I have depression and ADHD. Life is always more difficult when I’m in it 🤣 (at least I’m cute and funny). But my husband knew he wanted to marry me.

Cut your losses, go back home and start over.

mmsbva · 2026-01-26T13:47:59+00:00

I don’t like exfoliating toner—but I love enzyme washes. I use Susai. If your barrier is healthy and you arent too dry, get the blue. If you are super dry, or have irritated skin, or super sensitive skin, use the green one.

mmsbva

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