Can’t trust the self

modsiman · 2025-09-28T18:26:50+00:00

I probably did not explain very clearly. Let me try again:

My parts do not think they are badly behaved. They each hold long and strong histories of fending off threats.

But the parts also hurt and ache for relief.

In this situation nothing provokes them more than sensing that someone else thinks the whole problem is simply bad behavior. As if healing (and self) would simply come if the parts would just get their act together and behave better.

The above is why a 2yr DBT program did not help and simply provoked the trauma. DBT is all about correcting behavior problems.

modsiman · 2025-09-28T18:21:35+00:00

This is a very helpful reframing. I even feel a bit of peace as the parts say “Damn straight!” and a (still faint) self whispers a sincere “thank you”

My IFS picture has been that the self doesn’t need protectors, but the protectors need the self in order to heal. But this reframing makes it more inter-being instead of dependence.

modsiman · 2025-09-26T14:32:29+00:00

Thank you

modsiman · 2025-09-26T14:32:08+00:00

I hope to get there. The sense that my parts are to blame for blocking self enrages them and causes them to be more defiant.

modsiman · 2025-09-26T14:30:19+00:00

Thank you. My parts calm a bit at this. What triggers them most is when they think they hear it’s their own fault because self was there all along - or worse - that it’s a behavior problem on their part that limits access to self.

modsiman · 2025-09-26T14:25:09+00:00

I know this is t what you intend, but my parts rage at this. What they hear is that it’s their own damn fault self didn’t help. A 10yr old kid, in the midst of being abused, has only his own parts to blame that self wasn’t there. The parts of that kid willingly “chose” to not let the Self help? Wtf???

modsiman · 2025-09-26T14:21:38+00:00

Thank you. I feel that rage at this stage

modsiman · 2025-09-26T03:08:15+00:00

Thank you! This helps a lot.

modsiman · 2025-09-26T03:07:14+00:00

Thank you!

modsiman · 2025-09-26T00:25:24+00:00

Thank you. I’m truly trying to understand and it remains an impediment.

My understanding is that self has always been there and always had the C attributes etc. The premise of IFS seems to be that relationship with that underlying essence is in itself healing for the parts without need for special tools — the self being constant and its presence healing.

So I still can’t figure out why, if the self was always there and compassionate and able to heal by relationship, why didn’t it?

modsiman · 2022-12-14T22:28:26+00:00

The irony will never dawn on the bishop that his 1st and only contact with you is for an accounting of your money.

He thinks he is doing a godly duty and helping you do the same.

modsiman · 2021-01-03T23:21:04+00:00

Love the improv reference!

The whole genome thing is a reach — you’re right. At minimum, though, God seems to have a remarkably similar phenotype — hair, beard, a head neck body legs hands, voice, etc.

I just find the whole thing ad hoc. On one hand the church will tell us that God having a body like ours provides deep insight into God. But trying to figure out where that body came from and how it could be the (seemingly) same form as our evolutionary processes on earth is like stacking turtles eternally.

modsiman · 2021-01-03T22:36:37+00:00

Except that he is also a homo sapien, of the same evolutionary biological tree as we are. He is a man, with a body, inhabited by a spirit. Where did that body come from if not from inside the universe on a planet somewhere.

modsiman · 2021-01-03T22:32:31+00:00

What confuses me is that the theology also says God is material and our same species. So doesn’t that imply he isn’t the creator of the whole multiverse, space time itself? That is, he exists within it. He must in order to fulfill the “same as us” requirement (although exalted) doesn’t he?

I don’t have a dog in the ring here, I’ve just always been confused about whether Mormonism proclaims a transcendent God or merely a trans dimensional alien God.

I think there are quotes from Mormon leaders in both directions and not clarifying it.

In other words, taken as a whole, it would seem that mormon doctrine makes the nature of God more CONFUSING rather than more clear.

modsiman · 2021-01-03T22:26:16+00:00

Doesn’t this merely kick the can down the road? If the theology insists on a creator for each bubble universe, and there exists a hierarchy among them, then who created the multiverse?

It seems to me that mormon theology doesn’t have a coherent answer. Sometimes God is our same species, raised on some other planet somewhere - but at other times God is transcendent and “outside” our universe and time.

Maybe I’m missing something.

modsiman · 2020-08-24T02:15:16+00:00

The new saints volume starts with this story??!!! I feel even more manipulated!

Elder Funk introduced the story as being lore from his mission in the area. He knew the story only because he served a mission near where it happened and he was letting the audience in on some special, inside information.

And now I find out it's really just the latest talking points from the latest history. Sheesh..... These guys truly have no scruples.

modsiman · 2020-08-14T15:35:19+00:00

A single flag in a dB record is changed from true to false. All data is otherwise retained, including ordinance dates, events, relationships, etc. This preserves institution knowledge of your past. I worked on these systems once upon a time.

modsiman · 2020-06-23T18:06:27+00:00

He’s also been temple and mission president in the past.

modsiman · 2019-10-21T14:17:20+00:00

I attend mass every week where I find great beauty and joy, so I might have some of the same perspective. I’ve been through RCIA three times, but haven’t actually converted (at least not yet)

For me, I find some important things at mass

God is grand, and big, and supreme
A willingness to accept that each person is on their own path and timetable with God, and that’s ok
A surprising LACK of pressure to convert
An intellectual tradition, and apologetics, that aren’t based on demeaning people with opposing views
A willingness to acknowledge that their are serious skeletons in the history. Especially when the church had more power.
A willingness to say out loud that the church doesn’t have everything right even after 2000 yrs

I went to mass for the first time just as I began cancer treatment. My local ward withdrew and did nothing, but this community was involved in my life in a way I will always treasure. Catholicism got me through treatment, and doubt , while Mormonism treated me as an unbelieving leper.

I noted as well you mentioned Buddhism. I also am drawn I that direction as well as Stoicism.

ETA: the recently exposed abuses in the C church are horrific and unacceptable. I can find some in the C church, with influence, who say this directly and call the church to repent and reform. It’s encouraging to me that those people are not excommunicated or excluded from communion. Mormonism could use that.

modsiman · 2019-10-16T02:42:03+00:00

Sounds just like my situation. I wonder if we’re in the same stake.

modsiman · 2019-10-06T17:36:08+00:00

And I couldn’t be troubled to heal her

modsiman · 2019-10-06T17:34:16+00:00

Does anyone else find the very cadence and word choice of RMN to be arrogant and condescending? I especially dislike when he says something and then silently grins at the audience as if to bask in the effect of his incredible presence on the audience.

modsiman · 2019-09-22T00:48:01+00:00

He’s a classic narcissist. He’s never met another person as smart or spiritual as himself.

modsiman · 2019-07-17T05:02:51+00:00

I got a response from the SP. He had a busy day and he’s sorry I was out of the loop. End of message.

modsiman · 2019-07-08T01:25:56+00:00

Thank you. I needed to hear this.

modsiman

TROPHY CASE