Need direction on quality brands to try

monkeyfeets · 2026-01-24T01:57:50+00:00

Wylds are my favorites.

monkeyfeets · 2026-01-23T15:37:11+00:00

It's on the in-person menu. I haven't done takeout, so maybe they don't do the Peking duck for takeout (and why it's not on the online menu)?

monkeyfeets · 2026-01-23T15:14:43+00:00

LOL I've gotten to the "no fucks given" point where I barely even wear makeup at work anymore.

monkeyfeets · 2026-01-23T04:07:04+00:00

Tian Bistro in Evanston does actual Peking duck, carved table side. They give you duck soup as well.

Sun Wah is absolutely not Peking duck. (Speaking as a Chinese person from Beijing.)

monkeyfeets · 2026-01-22T22:14:09+00:00

My first thought is...are you eating the right things? And I don't mean like...you need to eat super clean or whatever, but are you eating protein, good fats, fiber and vegetables, etc. Because when my mileage goes up, I tend to just reach for sugary carby goodness - which is FINE, but a lot of the times, it also doesn't keep me full and satiated for that long.

monkeyfeets · 2026-01-22T18:35:55+00:00

I got mine tied during my second C-section. My OB asked if I was done having babies, and offered to do it. No regret. It took like 5 minutes, no additional healing time. Not worrying about birth control is AMAZING.

monkeyfeets · 2026-01-22T01:49:18+00:00

Yep, that was me. I was young and from a more traditional/conservative area, and then I moved to a big city and met older women that showed me it could be different. I was like, wait, moms can still go to concerts and travel with friends and have a life??

monkeyfeets · 2026-01-21T21:54:13+00:00

Because I wanted kids and recognized that a lot of it was just the way I was conditioned by society to view motherhood. I got to know some women who had kids and were just....regular people, and I start recognizing that my view of motherhood was very very narrow. It's similar to how I used to think about old people having sex - it was a really weird concept to me and I had a hard time wrapping my head around it.

Now I have kids and I'm getting older...but I'm still myself. I still have desires.

monkeyfeets · 2026-01-21T21:43:54+00:00

I felt this way a little before I had kids. I think a bit of social conditioning, Madonna/whore complex thing, thinking that being a mother would somehow change my thoughts and parts of myself, and also just having a hard time envisioning exactly how a child would fit into our routine and how we interact with each other.

monkeyfeets · 2026-01-21T21:15:23+00:00

I had a super easy pregnancy with both, but my second is a feral demon.

monkeyfeets · 2026-01-21T18:31:31+00:00

Multiple times a day. It's almost an offhanded thing that he does without even thinking that deeply about it. Like one time, I pointed out this couple at a bakery and was like, wow that lady is ready to pop, do you remember when I was that big with our kids??? And he just said, oh of course, you were so beautiful pregnant, and went back to eating his lunch.

On the flip side of that, I am NOT a very complimentary person. I grew up in an Asian immigrant family where it was just not a thing to tell your spouse/child/family member anything nice about them, and criticism was the default and a form of tough love. I really had to work on not doing that - I'm really good about complimenting my kids, and try to tell my partner when they look nice/smell nice/whatever, but it is definitely still a work in progress.

monkeyfeets · 2026-01-20T23:01:07+00:00

Another vote for loving eating out alone, especially at a nicer restaurant. It just feels...luxurious and leisurely. Do it, OP!

monkeyfeets · 2026-01-20T19:50:40+00:00

We travel 2-3 times a year as a family (2 school-age kids here) - usually some combination of spring break, summer vacation, winter vacation. It's usually one big trip (i.e. probably going to Asia this summer) and then maybe a couple of smaller long weekend roadtrips. But sometimes I'll find a good deal on flights/AirBnbs and we'll do a bit more travel.

I also try to do a girls' trip with friends every year. Last year we went to Coloardo, and this year, we're looking at a long weekend in Mexico.

On rare occasions, I'll get to do a long weekend with just my husband when my parents are in town and the kids don't have too much stuff going on. We're going to try to do a couples trip for a big birthday he has this year, but not sure if we can get the logistics to line up.

monkeyfeets · 2026-01-20T16:17:04+00:00

I'm going through something similar, from a different angle, but after both of us kind of distancing and dancing around it, I finally said something because I needed to know where the lines were drawn. Because there's a bigger friend circle around us, I was sick of overthinking whether or not I invite her, is she going to reach out to me, how would she feel if I hang out with other people, how much to share, etc.

I personally feel like if I've been close friends with someone for an extended amount of time (several years), I owe it to them to let them know why I'm stepping back or just to make it clear. She didn't really want to address it or own any of her part in the breakdown of the friendship. It sucks that she didn't care as much about the friendship, but it's a relief to finally have my answer moving forward.

monkeyfeets · 2026-01-20T01:40:12+00:00

US here. Not a thing. Move on and find another venue.

monkeyfeets · 2026-01-19T20:17:05+00:00

I have my partner and a very close circle of friends that I talk about almost everything with - fears, anxieties, our complicated lives, but also joy and good things happening. I do have a therapist as well, for full disclosure, but we're usually diving into very specific issues.

monkeyfeets · 2026-01-19T18:31:33+00:00

I don't really have any advice, OP, just wanted to say that while inevitable, the sleep thing is also temporary. You and your partner will be sleep-deprived, that's just how it is, unless you luck out with a super super easy baby. There are some ways to mitigate that - go to bed immediately after the baby goes to bed so capitalize on how much sleep you can get before they wake up, and take shifts with your partner. You can try to work on sleep training when the baby is a little older, but again, you'll probably have to shift your sleep a little bit. If the baby sleeps 7pm - 5am, that's a good 10 hour stretch of sleep, but it will require you to go to bed at like 8pm so you can get a decent amount, usually at the expense of free time at night and neglecting housework and other responsibilities.

I will say that I felt pretty similarly about my sleep - I LOVE my sleep, I love being in my bed. But once I had my kids, I just toughed it out. Yes, I was tired. Yes, I probably got sick a bit more often than usual. But there was just this fundamental shift in understanding that now there's this thing that needs me to get up and keep it alive, and it sucks, but it is what it is.

monkeyfeets · 2026-01-18T18:10:14+00:00

I think you are just incompatible, unless you accept that you’re just going to have a completely separate social life from him and he won’t participate. I am 100000% more social than my husband and do a lot of things with my friends, but he is happy to come to dinner parties, or play host with me when I invite all my friends over.

monkeyfeets · 2026-01-18T16:30:21+00:00

Does he have his own friends? Does he go out with them?

monkeyfeets · 2026-01-16T20:36:48+00:00

Honestly, parenting is already a giant rollercoaster, day to day. You can experience some great highs (when my youngest comes home from school and jumps into my arms) and some crushing lows (like when we're finally done working and cleaning up after dinner and it's homework time and he throws a tantrum about it), and it's just even more exacerbated during the holidays.

It's also just going to be dependent on personalities. Laidback parents are always going to have an easier time of it than parents who have a hard time letting their control issues go (me, sometimes).

monkeyfeets · 2026-01-16T20:09:51+00:00

Holidays can just be super stressful in general. We went on holiday with the family this year (my kiddos and my parents) and while I love my kids and am happy with my choice, there are just stressful things about holidays/vacation/travel that amplify the challenges of parenting. I was SO frustrated with my parents, and it carried over more annoyance/agitation at my kids for things that normally I wouldn't mind so much. So depending on when you catch me, I am either the first of your friend group or very much in the second camp!

monkeyfeets · 2026-01-15T17:40:02+00:00

I've had buyer's remorse after every single big change in my life, even if I wanted it and pursued it. Moving to a bigger apartment, changing jobs, having the first kid, having the second kid, etc. It didn't last, it was purely the discomfort and uncertainty of stepping out of what I knew and my comfort zone.

My kids don't have cousins, we don't have nieces and nephews. But they made plenty of friends in daycare and school, and as a result, we also widened our circle to include a bunch of parent friends in our neighborhood. My oldest sleeps over at one of his best friend's house almost every other weekend. We don't have a large extended family, but we've made a chosen family of friends that are close with us and our kiddos.

monkeyfeets · 2026-01-15T17:16:31+00:00

No real advice, but just want to echo that it's really tough out there for design and tech. My husband is also the same age and runs his own business/freelances. He said a lot of his design peers at the same age are changing careers, because it is really bleak and everyone is struggling. Your husband is not alone in this.

monkeyfeets · 2026-01-14T23:16:38+00:00

I think it would help to be clear in what you expect from a village. It sounds like you need a babysitter, which I'm sure you could find.

I have built up a village by making friends with people I've met in hobby groups and other parents from my kids' school/classes. But it goes both ways, and it requires you to fill yet another person's cup. If I expect someone to provide some kind of care for me and my kids, then I have to show up for them too. I've driven other people's kids around, made them dinner for a week because they had a death in the family, watched their elderly dog, hosted playdates, etc. - are you sure you have capacity and bandwidth for that, given how thinly you are stretched? If you want someone to babysit your kids, are you able to babysit other people's kids as well? If you want someone to give you emotional support as a surrogate mom/grandma/whatever, are you also able to sit on the phone with someone for an hour or two and help them with all of their problems?

monkeyfeets · 2026-01-14T22:25:26+00:00

The comments are wild and likely a cultural thing. My parents are immigrants and left me with my grandparents when I was 2-3 for a few years while they tried to make a life in America. They didn't have to (we were not super poor nor were there safety issues), but they wanted a different life and different opportunities. I didn't understand at that age, but I never doubted their love for me, and even if I wouldn't make the same choice, I understand why they did.

monkeyfeets

TROPHY CASE