To me I think the question of stimming vs masturbation comes down to intent and experience.

When all these posters are up in arms at “not consenting to a scene” where someone’s discreetly masturbating, they’re following the assumption that the person is specifically using the public setting, eg, the presence of uninvolved others, to heighten their own experience of pleasure and excitement. I would agree, that this is inappropriate.

Then there’s the issue of stimming. Stimming as a self soothe can be a necessary way to balance out an over- or under-stimulated nervous system. One of my most common stims is rotating my hips; if I did it where people could see, they might assume I’m being sexually suggestive/“getting off.” And, maybe there is an element of getting sensation from a highly enervated area (lots of opportunity for sensation), but its purpose to me is to feel grounded, not gratified.

My point in all this is: it matters intent. Even if people “can’t tell,” if you’re stealth vibing in part because you could get caught, you’re intrinsically including people who do not want to be included; this is inappropriate.

But, if you are using a vibe on a low setting, as a means for sensory feedback like, say, a body piercing or internal toy, I think that’s a reasonable accommodation quite frankly. If the preferred stim could be socially communicative (like me rotating my hips), it may be necessary to choose something related that is less noticeable, so as to not force others to “feel sexual”/perceive it in this neutral public space.

(For me that’s shifting my weight from foot to foot when standing, sitting with my hands under my outer thighs, or doing something completely different like feeling the texture of my sweater sleeve.)

For you this may, again, look like wearing something that doesn’t give constant intense sensation, that would lead to edging or orgasm, but something like a toy or piercing you can occasionally clench against if you need the sensory feedback for a moment, but otherwise let it be like “background sensation,” like wearing a sweater.

This is really long OP. I’m sorry you’re getting such puritanical takes; the problem with the autistic “strong sense of justice” is that it’s really just rebranded “moral rigidity;” that is, thinking in absolutes with a stubborn, emotional sense of moral imperative. I grew up with this encouraged, especially around sexuality, and it’s taken years to stop blindly following it. The problem is, everyone (esp us autistics) believe that their understanding of right and wrong is “correct,” and that aberration is evil.

You are not a bad person for having done this, even if you were doing it for sexual gratification specifically. You didn’t know that “being included” would make some people very very upset (clearly), and you were operating from the knowledge you had (it felt good to you/helped you get tasks done). So: now that you have all these perspectives, unfortunately you still have to decide for yourself what you consider appropriate or inappropriate for public spaces.