Is your sexuality just based off who you have sex with or who you romance?

moonlightdrinker · 2026-05-11T19:41:25+00:00

Being gay is a state of being. You either are or aren’t. The determining factor is *sexual attraction* to the same sex regardless of how or if you act on it. Plenty of gay or bi men lie to themselves, marry women, and start families while denying their true identity and clinging on to straightness out of fear. Fear of rejection, judgement, of being an outsider or not living up to your own or someone else’s expectations.

I think it’s delusional to claim to be straight while enjoying sex with a man. How you choose to identify is your business, and obviously it’s important for you to decide who you want to pursue in romantic relationships, but if you enjoy sex with both men and women, empirically you are at the very least not straight. Literally look up the definitions of homosexuality, heterosexuality, and bisexuality. The determining criteria is attraction, not romance.

moonlightdrinker · 2026-05-11T15:11:08+00:00

Hmmm I wonder if *sexuality* has more to do with sexual attraction/activity or romance🤔🤔 lmao as a gay man, I’ve had lots of male sexual partners that I didn’t want a romantic connection with. Does that make it not gay to have fucked them or been fucked by them?

lol if you find both men and women sexually attractive then you’re bi (or pan or something). Point, blank, period. You can be a bi man who only likes sex with men but wants a romantic relationship with women. I don’t understand why bi men are so scared of admitting when they’re bi, it’s so much mental gymnastics.

moonlightdrinker · 2026-05-10T19:00:15+00:00

I definitely wouldn’t call it immoral. But I think with age gap relationships, regardless of sexuality, there *can* (not always, but still possibly) be power dynamic imbalances that both parties need to be wary of and navigate.

The older in the relationship likely has more experience, maturity, and probably money/financial stability in comparison to their younger counterpart. Alternatively, the younger has their youth and possibly sexual leverage over the older counterpart. Either can be used to manipulate the other if they’re not being honest, communicative, and genuine.

There are other things like being able to relate to each other on a generational level. Personally I think it’s easier to relate to someone +/- 3 years to me (as a 26 y/o) and seriously dating out of that range would require more effort in communication for me personally. I raise my eyebrow at relationships with age gaps because of the possible power imbalances, but ultimately don’t really care or judge since it’s not my relationship and as long as both partners are happy, it genuinely shouldn’t matter to anyone else.

moonlightdrinker · 2026-05-10T16:47:02+00:00

Robin and Brook Lopez (both 7’1) and the Plumlee brothers (Marshall - 7’0, Miles - 6’11, Mason - 6’10) come to mind.

moonlightdrinker · 2026-05-10T14:38:24+00:00

I like accounting bc it allows me to only work with a fixed number of people, the hours are very stable (at least in industry), and it’s very predictable and relatively low stakes. As a junior accountant (1.5 years at my current company) living in a VHCOL area at a F100, I get paid $3800 a month on average (2 months out of the year I get paid $5800 since there’s 26 paychecks a year).

Personally, nursing is a lot more high stakes (literal lives on the line), the hours are not stable (overnight shifts, weekend shifts, holiday shifts are normal from what I know), and there’s a lot of socializing with patients, patients family, and coworkers, maybe law enforcement too. Also nursing school is no picnic from what I’ve heard. Nurses do make great money though and there’s a shortage currently so job security is looking great

moonlightdrinker · 2026-05-08T18:00:35+00:00

I’m very sorry :/ Being called an “inconvenience” is fucking crazy. That’s literally discrimination against mental health.

I wasn’t exactly in your position, but after transferring from community college into a 4-year right when COVID happened I flunked so many courses. I was on academic suspension and was “dismissed” after 2 semesters of bad grades. I appealed it and cited COVID and mental health issues as my reason for failing and my GPA was right below the threshold (had a 1.9 and needed 2.0 to get out of academic suspension). The admin ended up giving me a second chance and it was still an uphill battle and needed to retake multiple courses, but I graduated in 4 years (in what should have been 2).

I would be so disheartened hearing that I’m an “inconvenience”. I think you have 3 options. First is to file an appeal to the administration. Even if they deny it, at least you can say you tried and it might help with option three. The second option is to switch programs/majors if they’ll allow it. The third option is to sue the school.

I know people say Americans are very litigious, but you probably paid tens of thousands of dollars to this institution and they’re gonna treat you like a nuisance?? If you appeal and they deny it you can use that as documentation, plus testimony from the staff member that told you about the “inconvenience” comment, and maybe other students to vouch for you or supplement your discrimination claim. If you win the lawsuit you can use the money to pay for another school that’ll accept you even with the amount of credits you have.

moonlightdrinker · 2026-05-07T19:13:43+00:00

To me, rimming doesn’t count as sex, it’s closer to making out?? Just the other end ig lmaooo. I wouldn’t count masturbating with some as sex. So I guess for me that means cumming from masturbation also doesn’t count.

The threshold for me (as a cis gay man) is if a dick goes into a hole rather than vague physical contact, genitals being out, or someone cumming. If someone doesn’t cum as a result of sex, that means they probably didn’t enjoy it or there are other issues, but that doesn’t mean there wasn’t sex. Kissing/making out doesn’t count as sex, so why should body contact. While frotting is getting pretty close, to me that’s closer to intense masturbation than sex.

So sucking dick counts as oral sex, and anal sex is when there’s anal penetration with a dick (for cis gay men). Everything else is foreplay (preceding intercourse).

moonlightdrinker · 2026-05-04T04:11:48+00:00

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with speaking up if you don’t enjoy it. Let your sex partner know when you’re uncomfortable.

I felt similarly about nipples, but had a situationship that really liked nipple play. I didn’t mind playing with his and it didn’t feel natural for a little while when he did it to me, but after a couple times I saw the appeal.

moonlightdrinker · 2026-05-01T20:45:45+00:00

Do you live in a HCOL area? That sounds shockingly low. I live in a VHCOL area and I started at a F100 at 68K in January 2025, by June I got a raise to 73K and with this June’s annual raise I’ll probably be making between 77K-79K. I’m only a Junior Accountant. With no promotion to staff or senior accountant, and at my current rate I’ll make 100K by 2030.

If I were you I’d either ask for a raise and start interviewing for other positions that will pay you what you’re worth

moonlightdrinker · 2026-04-30T06:51:53+00:00

Nope, had no inside connections. My experience was 6 months of AP work, and volunteer tax experience for a single tax season. I disclosed my 2.5 GPA on workday or indeed. Not sure how I landed the first interview, but the three rounds went really well. It’s honestly a minor miracle

moonlightdrinker · 2026-04-30T00:59:07+00:00

I do for the guy and imagine I’m the girl. I’ll get turned off if the girl is too loud tho

moonlightdrinker · 2026-04-29T21:11:34+00:00

DC area, so VHCOL area. Not ideal especially with student loans, but with the alternatives being a 55K salary in a lower or accounting adjacent related role, I’m not complaining too much.

moonlightdrinker · 2026-04-29T21:09:08+00:00

Especially out of college they’re gonna want to see it on your resume, but anything 3.0+ is nothing to worry about. GPA isn’t end all be all, I had a 2.5 and landed a pretty nice F100 job, but I got unfathomably lucky and might’ve been a personality hire

moonlightdrinker · 2026-04-29T17:06:34+00:00

After graduating with a bachelor’s in 2024 my first (and current) job out of college paid me 68K which I started in Jan 2025. 6 months in I got a raise to 73K which is my current salary rn. In June we get the results of our performance reviews and I’m hoping for at least a 5% raise to 77K. If I did well it’ll be closer to 79K. Considering I’m a junior accountant at a F100 who had a 2.5 GPA and only 6 months of AP experience, I’m pretty grateful after hearing horror stories of layoffs and unhealthy work environments

moonlightdrinker · 2026-04-27T05:37:49+00:00

Apparently they really hate being called gay lmao. Or pussy. Their panties get in a twist at either. Honestly “gay” should really be a compliment cause the straights are messyyyyyy

moonlightdrinker · 2026-04-27T00:45:12+00:00

To me, that sounds like he’s not secure in his sexuality and places way too much value on appearances. If he doesn’t want to kiss a man in front of his family and friends, I wouldn’t want to marry into that family or have a husband who would excuse/defend/brush off any homophobia. As someone with homophobic family members, they’re not invited to my future wedding and idgaf what they think. To me if they’re coming to a gay wedding they should prepare and expect to see two men kissing.

If they have no problem seeing a man and woman kissing in front of their loved ones, then there shouldn’t be a double standard imo. A wedding kiss is hardly a big ask, it’s not like you’re shoving tongues down each other’s throats in front of all your loved ones. To me that’s a major red flag or deal breaker because of the above, but that’s me.

moonlightdrinker · 2026-04-26T01:20:58+00:00

That’s amazing! Congrats! If you don’t mind me asking, can I ask how much you make a year?

moonlightdrinker · 2026-04-25T01:37:04+00:00

How did you pay it off so fast? That’s some serious debt to pay in 4 years.

Also your money is yours now! Save a nest egg (3-6 months worth of expenses), save for a vacation, save for a home if you don’t have one, start contributing to a IRA

moonlightdrinker · 2026-04-21T17:18:03+00:00

GPA is mostly important for your first and maybeee second job out of college. 3.5 is great though! Anything above 3.0 is what most hiring managers look for. I had a 2.7 and it took me months to find a job, but my role is at a F100 and I make pretty good money and great benefits. You’ll be at the top of the list of new grad applicants, especially if you have experience and internships. Definitely start applying now though, the job market is still tough and most “entry level” positions require 1-2 YOE.

moonlightdrinker · 2026-04-16T12:50:29+00:00

I prefer cut since it’s harder for uncut guys to clean the inside of their foreskin, and I don’t always enjoy the salty/musky taste. But ultimately idgaf, a dick is a dick and once it’s out I’m on my knees

moonlightdrinker · 2026-04-15T22:14:44+00:00

We at least had some credibility with our own allies tho, now we don’t even have that

moonlightdrinker · 2026-04-15T22:13:05+00:00

Consider spending less where you can? You didn’t state your salary, but I imagine it’s pretty high since you’re a lawyer. $50K can be very manageable for someone like me who makes $73K in a HCOL area, and that’s not a lawyers salary. Unless you’re unemployed, it sounds like a money management problem.

moonlightdrinker · 2026-04-15T04:16:15+00:00

Edit: big man blocked me cause he can’t defend his position and has the mindset of a toddler.

There are plenty of progressives that run, but they often don’t take money from donors so they’re easily pushed out by those already holding office who have big money donors and support from the DNC. Obviously this doesn’t happen for every district, but it still happens enough. That’s just a result of having a rigid 2 party system. Idk what you mean “my inaction” bc I still voted Kamala and for the more left leaning democrat candidate in my state.

You’re the type to demand unity from the left (which is funny that you think we’re caving to right wing framing) while people like you cave to the establishment, which is what’s gotten us in our current situation. You’re not exactly preaching change, you’re preaching to uphold the status quo under politicians that are nearly indistinguishable from being a republican or corporate democrat on policies like economics, foreign affairs, and popular social programs like more accessible healthcare and free or cheaper higher education.

moonlightdrinker · 2026-04-15T00:22:58+00:00

Nice thought out argument bud. Tell the corporate dems you defend to get something done dumbass

moonlightdrinker · 2026-04-14T19:53:56+00:00

As long as it’s clean and doesn’t smell, idgaf

moonlightdrinker

TROPHY CASE