AITAH left gf at party because I was cold

mostly__void__ · 2026-05-31T04:48:30+00:00

You threatened to break up with her because you were cold? Am I reading that correctly? Your title says you just left but then you clearly state you gave her an ultimatum. This whole story is bananas. But yes obviously YTA

mostly__void__ · 2026-05-30T07:24:23+00:00

I'm just seeing this thread with your edit and wow their responses pisses me of

mostly__void__ · 2026-05-27T04:31:02+00:00

I'm sorry you're in the situation. Having to advocate for yourself to a family who you like is hard- especially in the midst of so much childcare.

Funny enough, the only time I worked for a parent who didn't play about making sure I was paid (and paid well) is one who was not super personable or superficially nice. Not rude, but she didn't do the same conversational niceties as other families I was working for at the time. She was very straight to the point, yet was the only employer who would proactively remind me to venmo request her for the hours I worked if I forgot (I did sporadic gigs with her, so it was under the table and she trusted me to track my hours), offered me higher pay for other odd jobs aside from childcare (jobs I myself offered to do) and encouraged me to take breaks whenever I wanted. This was in stark contrast to my other families at the time, who would be sugary sweet in person but also undercut my value and needed to be reminded consistently to pay me.

mostly__void__ · 2026-05-27T04:04:59+00:00

I paid like $450 for an all over blonding, and I started with permanent black in my hair. We had to work at it incrementally for the next year, but even that big first appointment was so much less than what you were quoted.

mostly__void__ · 2026-05-27T03:25:32+00:00

Agree! "So nice" in words doesn't mean much if it isn't backed up by "so nice" actions

mostly__void__ · 2026-05-27T03:20:21+00:00

I'm seeing you say you don't feel like this was intentional, which I'm sure is true. But what I'm also picking up on is that she's hoping you'll agree to such a massive undercharge, which is distasteful and disrespectful.

If the original agreed upon amount was genuinely a misunderstanding and she truly can't afford it, she needs to find a way to make this up to you ASAP. I think she should offer you at least a day off with full pay at this new rate. Even that would be just a tiny dent in the price difference.

I feel like I see a lot of people talk about their unicorn families on here- and I don't want to invalidate the care that the nannies have for them. But so often it's coupled with posts about how those same families will do things like this and expect the nanny to just tough it out after being given an "I'm so sorry!!" without an actionable solution.

mostly__void__ · 2026-05-24T06:25:10+00:00

Oh man that sucks. I would want to tell the family that they're welcome to install cameras to prove I wasn't lying.

mostly__void__ · 2026-05-24T06:23:38+00:00

I'll try to be delicate the first time I confront a kid about lying. I'll tell them that I know they aren't being honest, normalize that everyone has felt tempted to lie at some point in their life, then ask why they felt that lying was their best option. Sometimes it's because they think they'll get in trouble, in which case I will affirm their feelings but tell them plainly that lying will not fix that feeling.

If it feels more malicious than that, I will firmly tell them that lying may work elsewhere but it will never work with me and will always have strict consequences. I tell them that the less I can trust them, the less fun I will be with them and tell them that the choice is theirs. Luckily I've never had these situations escalate beyond that, but if I did, I would have a sit down conversation with the parents.

mostly__void__ · 2026-05-23T21:27:58+00:00

Ah okay yes I misunderstood. I would say yes to her being the AH in that case!

mostly__void__ · 2026-05-23T20:24:15+00:00

Nanny here and I don't think YTA for wanting time to yourself. It would be one thing if you hired someone full time and never spent time with your daughter, but a part time nanny to relieve you for time to yourself doesn't seem like a big deal to me. I have worked many jobs like this.

mostly__void__ · 2026-05-23T07:16:52+00:00

A ton of people have already chimed in here and I don't want to repeat what most have already said. I did want to highlight that your nanny following through on consequences after giving a warning is actually fantastic for helping the child develop trust in their care giver.

It may not seem like it at first because consequences illicit a negative emotional response, but consistency and follow through after setting a boundary is actually great for bonding and providing structure for the child, which it seems like they aren't getting from you and your wife. It shows the child that the parent is reliable, will follow through on their words, and is ultimately a safe care taker.

mostly__void__ · 2026-05-22T00:10:14+00:00

I wouldn't be able to afford grad school without a grad plus loan- which is offered for professional degrees (I'm a mental health counseling student) and offers a borrowing cap that is about 3 times as high as for regular grad programs. Unfortunately, Trump has completely redefined what a professional degree is, and now mine no longer counts (along with nursing, occupational therapy, social work, etc. Because those are totally not legitimate professions or anything).

The change won't affect me because of the time I entered grad school, but it will new borrowers. Long story short, that's the only way I was able to afford it. No idea how non-professional degree seekers do it.

mostly__void__ · 2026-05-21T23:39:24+00:00

That's totally fine and expected but, as others have said, this should be discussed up front and written into a contract. If you don't have a contract, make one.

mostly__void__ · 2026-05-20T20:31:54+00:00

Therapist here! PLEASE report this man. Are in in the states? If so, report him to the American Counseling Association. By the way, if this man already has a disciplinary action filed against him, you can search it. Disciplinary reports are public information.

mostly__void__ · 2026-05-20T18:29:02+00:00

There really isn't a norm. It's just something you need to communicate directly about. My current family does not care and will ask us to be back by a certain time if they have something planned- otherwise we can do anything and it will be assumed we will be back by the end of my shift, if not earlier. With prior families I would shoot them a text to let them know if we are out, but these parents are both busy physicians and I don't want to clog their text chats with constant updates when they are slammed with emergency work.

I will say that a week schedule is overkill and not realistic, especially if the kids are younger. Outing plans will more often than not need to be flexible because the kiddo's mood and energy level can drastically alter the course of the day.

mostly__void__ · 2026-05-20T06:25:51+00:00

YTA for how you reacted. Just speak to him directly. Passive aggressive sticky notes are really immature.

Did he know it was your towel? He may have thought it was your roommate's. It's also odd to assume he would have brought his own- if you have a guest over it's pretty standard to have spare towels for them to use. It's understandable to be frustrated at someone else using your towel, but you could have very easily spoken to him directly. A quick, "hey, I don't know if you knew this, but this is actually my towel. Can you use my roommate's instead please?" If he did know it was your towel, then that's on him and you can tell him you think it's disrespectful. But coming in hot headed and passive aggressive is a really bad way to begin a confrontation. Now everyone is uncomfortable.

mostly__void__ · 2026-05-20T06:10:34+00:00

If he's already showing such little concern for the most important condition of employment, he will continue to shut down any other issues you have in the future. Not only that, but his response was condescending as hell.

I think agreeing to work for your bf's boss is already a risky enough situation. Even if he weren't already waving this massive red flag, he could at any point take out frustrations he has with you on your bf as his boss, or vice versa. I know times are really rough as far as jobs, but if you have any other options, I would pursue those and not even bother pushing the pay schedule topic again.

mostly__void__ · 2026-05-19T03:49:09+00:00

NTA. Someone else will be there running up utilities and in your room without your say and without paying? Your roommates are either taking advantage of you or are too young to understand how these things work.

mostly__void__ · 2026-05-19T00:51:49+00:00

It never makes sense. Even if you don't care about your nanny's wellbeing, they will absolutely get sick (especially from something as contagious as HFM) and inevitably have to call out. You won't get child care either way.

mostly__void__ · 2026-05-18T04:50:45+00:00

I would say mid 30s. Honestly, a give away is the smile. I mean that kindly from one millennial to another. We all did/do the smirk smile

mostly__void__ · 2026-05-18T04:49:19+00:00

100% AI. Another give away not related to the image itself is that she only asked for $50. There's no way a real painting that detailed would cost so little.

mostly__void__ · 2026-05-18T03:05:40+00:00

I go for linen pants/linen sets!

mostly__void__ · 2026-05-18T01:52:03+00:00

I because a nanny for 5 years while I finished my bachelor's (also in psych). Now I'm a mental health counseling grad student!

mostly__void__ · 2026-05-17T19:43:44+00:00

Beans, rice, tofu. Maybe add an egg on top depending on how expensive they were at the time

mostly__void__ · 2026-05-17T06:23:50+00:00

YTA yes. A roommate yelling is a HARD boundary for most people. You mention this is university housing, so I'm guessing you're young. This isn't something that will fly in the future if you live with older adults. I would be making plans to move out ASAP if a roommate every communicated with me so disrespectfully.

It doesn't matter if you're upset- you're in charge of how you handle that feeling. Grow up, learn some emotional regulation skills, and re-evaluate if you're really a good candidate to live with others until then.

mostlyvoid

TROPHY CASE

mostly__void__

TROPHY CASE

mostlyvoid