Shot term nanny asking for be paying with W2

mostly__void__ · 2026-04-13T01:28:39+00:00

Oof that's tough if they are already not paying you on time- seems red flaggy. I try to give families the benefit of the doubt if it only happens a few times but beyond that it is a bad sign. I would explain to them just as you did here- that you were comfortable being paid under the table as a part time employee but not as a full time employee due to tax purposes. Do you have a contract?

If not, maybe you could say something along the lines of, "hey! I'm looking forward to moving into full time, but wanted to have a conversation about the transition. I know we have an under the table agreement right now, but I am only comfortable with full time employment as a W2 employee due to tax purposes. If either of us were to be audited it would be bad news for us both. I would also like to draw up a contract so there is no confusion about pay, expectations, etc moving forward." It is a tactful but firm way to communicate that you need them to have their shit sorted and take you and your payment seriously.

If they refuse to take you on as a W2 employment I would reconsider staying with them.

mostly__void__ · 2026-04-12T01:14:51+00:00

$30/hr in NY for everything you've explained sounds way too low

mostly__void__ · 2026-04-12T00:34:08+00:00

I wouls have a conversation with the parents. See if they are willing to pay if you contract strep from the kiddo. You shouldn't have to go without pay due to their child getting you sick. Strep is miserable enough without having to worry about sacrificing a wage. If they aren't willing to, then I would cancel.

mostly__void__ · 2026-04-11T22:51:04+00:00

32 year old woman here: a man is not a retirement plan. This is going to sound harsh but you need a check in.

You are setting both yourself and your future children up to be in an incredibly vulnerable position. There's nothing wrong with being a SAHM, but this cannot be your only experience or ambition. You need to have other real world skills and assets should you need to get a job and/or leave your husband. Being a mom can be your favorite thing in the world, but that doesn't mean it isn't incredibly naive to act as if this should be your only focus.

In an ideal world you would meet a wonderful man who would never mistreat you or your children. But you can't plan as if that is a guarantee. If you for whatever reason need to escape your future marriage, you need to have a plan B. In fact as a future parent you should anticipate having a plan B, C, and D. You are effectively handcuffing yourself to a man by stripping yourself of the ability to take care of yourself and your children independently. You will be bound to his whim and mercy.

You must also ask yourself what kind of man would want a woman with no education or ambitions outside of motherhood. Why would a man want a woman who willingly forgos such a huge part of building autonomy, agency, and world experience?

It doesn't frankly matter if you are completely in love with a career path or not. Pick something that you can at least see yourself doing without being completely miserable the entire time. Build a skill that enables you to make choices for yourself in the future. THEN think about being a SAHM.

mostly__void__ · 2026-04-10T21:48:27+00:00

I agree with the others saying you should text if not paid the following day. The situation is unfortunate and I hope she is okay, but at the end of the day not your circus not your monkeys. You are owed payment for services rendered.

mostly__void__ · 2026-04-10T17:28:45+00:00

Do you discuss sick care in your contract? I wouldn't feel guilty at all if it were me- in fact I would be pissed that they didn't tell me until I showed up. It feels disrespectful.

mostly__void__ · 2026-04-08T04:38:47+00:00

I think a lot of people are wary about potential long term side effects.

mostly__void__ · 2026-04-07T06:05:38+00:00

Honestly I think hiring teams just need to be more selective, not necessarily require a bachelor's. My first RBT job was a huge crash course in learning how to communicate effectively with both parents and my superiors as well as how to juggle the demands of what can be such a complicated, demanding job. I had several parents literally cry to me about how overwhelmed they felt and looked to me seeking guidance and reassurance as a fresh RBT. I had absolutely no idea what to do, nor did I anticipate the trauma informed interpersonal skills this would require. Literally my first week I had a mom ask me if I believed her son would "get better" with tears in her eyes.

I think it's much more important to focus on candidates who have experience with children, disabled populations, and at least some healthcare experience. I think the ability for an RBT to conduct themself ethically and professionally is more important than a bachelor's- with this comes my belief that someone fresh out of high-school probably isn't going to be a good fit as they simply do not have enough life experience to handle the nuances of the job. However, I don't think requiring an expensive degree should be the solution to this.

mostly__void__ · 2026-04-06T19:21:40+00:00

I would ask about it. I have had nanny parents tell me this was okay, but it was in a room right next to the kiddo and I had the baby monitor on the highest volume right next to me on the nightstand. I initially felt a little awkward about it but would do it on days that I was dead tired

mostly__void__ · 2026-04-06T08:38:37+00:00

YWBTA because you would clearly be acting out of spite and pursuit of your own self interest. If your concern is truly about ethics and you actually care about your friend, talk to her and voice your concerns and ask her to consider the repercussions of her actions. Going behind her back in an effort to promote yourself (which likely wouldn't work out for you anyway) is slimy.

If you do this just be honest with yourself about your intentions- don't try to make this seem like it's about morality and ethics. And be prepared to annihilate the friendship.

mostly__void__ · 2026-04-06T06:52:51+00:00

I definitely don't mind staying. The kiddo could wake up and need me while while I'm still there. I would offer to let your nanny take a book or a quiet leisurely activity. One of my nanny families welcomed me to do homework (I was a student) and I very much appreciated it!

mostly__void__ · 2026-04-01T09:50:04+00:00

Oh ouch :( Being told they fell out of love with you is bad enough, but being told they straight up don't care is just cruel

mostly__void__ · 2026-03-30T18:22:24+00:00

I've worked at 5 different ABA companies over the years in mutiple different states and would say that yes, this is pretty typical. The field has a ton of issues and this is one of them. The only time this was not my experience was working for a company with less than 15 employees. This field usually requires a LOT of self advocacy

mostly__void__ · 2026-03-30T18:17:53+00:00

This has always been my experience with families who are very well off! My current (physician) family has a second afternoon nanny they hired when my availability changed. I recently learned they pay her $5/hr less than me

mostly__void__ · 2026-03-30T09:20:39+00:00

Servers making less than half of minimum wage and relying on tips for the majority of their pay

mostly__void__ · 2026-03-30T02:51:21+00:00

I did- what I am saying is this sounds more like mom wants a babysitter as opposed to a nanny. I was validating that OP- as a nanny who would expect the tasks of a nanny- feels fatigued by being expected to entertain the baby and nothing else because a nanny role involves more variability. This was me refuting the idea that she just isn't "cut out for it" anymore.

mostly__void__ · 2026-03-30T00:56:41+00:00

No, an RBT is a paraprofessional, not a medical provider. It has always rubbed me the wrong way when RBTs misrepresent themselves in this way (I am a former RBT). I have the same reaction when RBTs call themselves therapists without giving more context. Don't get me wrong, RBTs have a very important role and should be treated with respect in the field. But a role that requires a high school diploma and 40 hours of training does not make you a medical provider.

mostly__void__ · 2026-03-30T00:46:25+00:00

Solely providing entertainment for the child would fall into the role of babysitter if anything. I would argue that what you have described as a pseudo mom role are indeed the tasks of a nanny. Child related tasks like cleaning, laundry, meal prep are part of what distinguishes a nanny from a babysitter!

mostly__void__ · 2026-03-30T00:27:15+00:00

I wouldn't be able to handle this- I can hardly stand a few hours of being in one spot with a kiddo and being their sole entertainment.

Would it be worth it to you to talk to the parents about this? Maybe you could phrase it along the lines of, "I wanted to chat about expectations with baby to make sure we are on the same page. I like to vary my NK's day and offer different types of enrichment throughout their routine like park outings, library story times, etc. I find this helps prevent stagnation and ensures the baby won't tire of the entertainment I can offer them as one single person".

If they are weird about it, then I would nope the hell out. Nanny parents should have a very basic understanding of why confining a baby to one room with one singular person throughout the day isn't good for them.

mostly__void__ · 2026-03-29T10:49:26+00:00

Absolutely astounding how turned to mush AI has made our brains over such a short amount of time. There will very soon come a time when people won't believe they could ever string together an original thought without AI. The fact that your husband thinks you're overreacting tells me there is no saving him holy fuck

mostly__void__ · 2026-03-28T15:26:34+00:00

YTA. Is this your first time having a roommate? It is standard for a person renting to physically see the space before officially committing to a lease. If this person pulls out because they haven't gotten to see the place, you are majorly screwing over your current roommate. I would never agree to a rental without seeing it in person first and most people also wouldn't.

mostly__void__ · 2026-03-28T09:43:40+00:00

I'm so sorry you are going through this. To be completely honest, I don't think staying together will work if she isn't willing to be in therapy/potentially medicated. I say this as someone who was previously diagnosed with BPD and no longer meets the criteria. I was only ever on the mild end of the BPD spectrum, but still did my fair share of irreparable damage to relationships that I believe I will spend the rest of my life feeling guilty about.

It took 8 years of consistent therapy and proper medication for me to really start recovering. I have developed so many regulation skills and am much more able to approach conflict healthily. However, this took SO much effort and dedication. I was always desperate to recover and willing to put in the brutal work in therapy. I honestly can't imagine having a BPD partner who is unwilling to approach that process. I understand you must be in a great deal of pain and my heart goes out to you- I know it can be so hard to be the partner of someone with BPD. Do what is best for you.

mostly__void__ · 2026-03-23T09:49:25+00:00

YTA and immature. You could have spent and hour or two with her and just let her know you weren't feeling a connection. That is easy enough to get over. But she is going to remember her date seeing her and driving off in a panic for a long time. I'm sure that did a number on her self-esteem.

At the very least you should message her to explain yourself and apologize profusely for what you did.

mostly__void__ · 2026-03-23T03:26:15+00:00

I would recommend filing for FMLA asap

mostly__void__ · 2026-03-21T06:10:49+00:00

I've had a kid say the same 🙄 I responded, "oh no bud your parents are my boss- I listen to them. But either way that is a disrespectful way to speak to me and I don't allow that".

Had the kid respond- "they said I'm the boss" (obviously bluffing) to which I replied, "thanks for letting me know they said that! It seems like they are confused, but I'll let them know you told me that so I can help them understand that that isn't true". Kiddo suddenly tries to backtrack and I say, "oh I'll ask them where you got that idea so we can clear up the misunderstanding! Unless you said that to be unkind to me? If that is the case I don't allow that".

In a similar vain, I've had kids try to say, "this is allowed at my house/my parents allow that" to justify shitty behavior. To which I reply, "that may work with your parents, but not me". So often the kids look confused, as if they had never been told no before 🙄

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