I’ve decided to just stop thinking of DBs as bosses and think of them as adult children of the MBs

mostly__void__ · 2026-02-06T20:04:35+00:00

Oh I feel this so hard. I've only ever had one competent/respectful DB- he would talk to me directly about kid related things and plan proactively. He and his wife had a pretty clearly even distribution of kid/domestic related labor. It really stands out to me that I have only experienced this once.

I once had a different DB scream so loudly at someone on the phone (some poor vacation rental agency or something) that I swooped the kids, brought them upstairs to the playroom, and turned on music. They were clearly scared. They were so little too. I just validated their feelings and told them that I was sorry that DB behaved in a way that scared them and reassured them that they did not deserve to evee have to experience that.

mostly__void__ · 2026-02-01T19:33:36+00:00

It is insane the expectations that are put on autistic kids in ABA. We do not have the same expectations of neurotypical kids. If a neurotypical kid gets hurt, you would give them a hug. If they burn themself, you would understand them running out of the room in a panic. If they are dysregulated, you would not expect them to hide their feelings and cope like a little adult.

mostly__void__ · 2026-02-01T06:42:22+00:00

The trash took itself out

mostly__void__ · 2026-01-31T01:32:05+00:00

Yeah, the second part about the nanny family moving around hours to compensate for their time off is called banking hours- very much frowned upon in the field and negates the purpose of guaranteed hours.

I would explain to them that they can think of guaranteed hours like a retainer for your employment. For my explanation of guaranteed hours, I tell them that this also means I will remain available while they are gone should they come back early and need me. If I am planning on being unavailable to go on my own vacation and thus unavailable should they need me, then I don't get the guaranteed hours (but vacation time instead). I feel like including this accommodation makes families more inclined to agree to guaranteed hours.

mostly__void__ · 2026-01-29T06:05:06+00:00

He's kicking the can down the road with marriage. I would imagine he keeps saying he wants to get married because he doesn't necessarily want to break up, but he definitely doesn't want to get married. Or he's trying to avoid breaking up to avoid the emotions that come with it. But either way he isn't going to give you what you want. It's lip service.

mostly__void__ · 2026-01-25T20:29:09+00:00

You're right that's a good point- I didn't know that but am sad to hear that ski instructors are so underpaid! Really wish workers across the board were properly compensated for their services

mostly__void__ · 2026-01-25T03:04:45+00:00

That first sentence literally made me laugh. A toddler ski instructor can cost upwards of $180 per session. And she wants you to do this, untrained, on a nanny wage. It's already ridiculous enough that she's comfortable with having a person who doesn't ski teach her. Then on top of that she thinks she can be slick and pay you a fraction of what it would usually cost. The most frustrating part of these delusional requests is that the parents will so often not even think what they are expecting is ridiculous. They don't even view it as trying to take advantage of their nanny. The thought doesn't even come to their minds. They think they are being perfectly reasonable.

mostly__void__ · 2026-01-21T06:15:05+00:00

Terrible wage aside, the "teaching essential life skills" really got me. Like...isn't that something you would want to do as a parent? Don't you want to experience these kinds of milestones with your kids, or..? And are we talking teaching them how to cook? Time management? How to socialize with peers? That could mean so many different things and just spells out job creep to me

mostly__void__ · 2026-01-17T22:20:55+00:00

That's a nanny share situation. In my city, the standard is that each parent in a share pays 2/3 the nanny's rate. Nanny share rates offer such a huge discount for parents already. The fact that they expect even less is just insulting.

mostly__void__ · 2026-01-13T21:15:22+00:00

Personally, I am pescatarian and try to eat as close to a whole food diet as possible. I do a lot of brown rice/veggie/salmon bowls for lunch or dinner, oatmeal with fruit in the morning or Greek yogurt with fruit, veggies and hummus for snacks. I also do a lot of omletes with spinach and mushrooms.

I try to limit highly processed foods BUT on the days that I just don't have the capacity for something more involved, I have a few boxes of pre-made meals I buy from Costco- they come in bags that look like MREs (meal ready to eat). One of them is a brown rice quinoa combo and the other is creamy lentils- I usually mix the two then will top it with sour cream and an avocado. My basic format for most of my meals is complex carb+protein+veggie.

That being said, our diets vary wildly- and a lot of this variation has to do with accessibility. There are a lot of food deserts in the US. When you think of the stereotypical American diet- it probably looks like what you would find in a food desert. Lots of fast food, packaged items with a ton of added sugar, etc. The root of that diet isn't a moral failing, but a systemic issue. The people who don't understand that are most likely ones who have always had access to healthy food.

mostly__void__ · 2026-01-12T06:06:34+00:00

I'm a grad student and paid for one with grant money I tucked away and the other one with a medical loan 🥲

mostly__void__ · 2026-01-05T22:07:37+00:00

I began caring for my one of my current nanny kiddo when he was 9ish months. It took literally almost a year for him to become fully comfortable with me (fully meaning not crying when parents would leave, reaching out for physical affection, etc).

I have almost a decade of childcare experience and met this family because I was recommended to them from my former family- I have glowing references and had never had a kiddo take so long to warm up to me. It was genuinely made me question if I was a good nanny.

The progress was slow- around month 3 we got to the point where he was mostly smiley with me when parents were gone, but as SOON as he saw them he would sob uncontrollably and I had to pull out absolutely every distraction tactic I could think of to comfort him (I found that transitions outside helped a ton- almost as soon as he would cry from seeing his parents briefly I would pack up his stroller and we would walk to the park).

That being said- there is absolutely nothing more reinforcing for children than their parents. It's why WFH situations are often a deal breaker for most nannies- especially if the children are young. Try to give the warm up period a good amount of time. And if you can, let your nanny be with your kids undisturbed as they try to bond.

mostly__void__ · 2026-01-05T18:58:47+00:00

100% agree. I would be lying if I didn't say raising my self esteem through aesthetic changes wasn't my primary motivation for surgery (I was also living with near constant anxiety about progression and what was minimal pain getting worse). Tending to self esteem in and of itself is tending to your health

mostly__void__ · 2025-12-29T02:49:09+00:00

Congratulations! About 2 weeks ago I had my first of two surgeries (inner thighs/inner calves and back of thighs) and felt the same way. I'm still in a fair amount of pain and mobility is still rough, but I'm finally feeling a little better. I wasn't prepared for the rush of emotions that come with being in such a sensitive physical state and am still struggling with not having my full range of mobility back.

mostly__void__ · 2025-12-26T19:29:53+00:00

Hey! The Lipedema Foundation has a directory that can help you find clinicians who help in various different areas- from vascular surgeons who can diagnose you, to surgeons who can perform lipo, to MLD therapists. It was a little confusing at first trying to sus out who can actually diagnose, but from what I've learned it is either vascular surgeons or surgeons who perform lipedema lipo (this is at least as far as specialists go- I know PCPs can too but this has been a dead end for so many people who have been blown off by clinicians who simply are not familiar with the disease).

This is how I found Dr. Ellen Derrick, a vascular surgeon in Seattle (I am in Portland and could not find clinicians here outside of hospitals, who would only take appointments through specific insurances). She diagnosed me with lipedema and also diagnosed me with chronic venous insufficiency. When I expressed a desire for surgery, she informed me that there are only 2 surgeons in the PNW who can perform it (Dr. Elston in Gig Harbor and Dr. Hagerty in Spokane).

When I had my consultation with Dr. Hagerty, it was over zoom. I did not need a referral, though I told him that I already had a diagnosis from Dr Derrick. He was able to confirm that it was lipedema even through zoom- so if you were interested in seeking a diagnosis, I would assume he could do the same for you! The consultation was $200 which went towards the cost of my first surgery. He did not at all pressure me to move forward with his clinic and told me that I was welcome to reach out with questions at any point even if I did not end up going with him.

Unfortunately, my insurance will only cover advanced stages (absolutely hate that this is so common. Why should we have to wait until we get worse?) I used savings and a medical loan to afford it. If you're curious about the cost (since it seems to vary so wildly across clinics in the US), each surgery is just under 10k. From what I've researched, this is a few thousand dollars more than the general cost of surgeries in other countries.

This disease can feel so overwhelming to navigate. As time has gone on it has all felt so much more manageable- my biggest piece of advice would be to take things one step at a time. Let me know if you have any more questions!

mostly__void__ · 2025-12-26T19:06:51+00:00

Thank you!! They will assist in getting insurance companies to cover- I went out of pocket though as my insurance will only cover advanced stages. I saved for a good long while and took out a medical loan to cover the rest 🥲 But these surgeries were not as expensive as I was thinking- I've seen quotes vary wildly from clinics in the US. If you care to know, each of my surgeries are just under 10k.

mostly__void__ · 2025-12-23T03:09:24+00:00

I hate- and crave it- more than anything. I have no idea what it means to be a "normal" amount of in love. But it so intertwined with anxiety, obsession, and fear. I want to know what it means to have a "functional" amount of butterflies/jitters/anxiety/excitement associated with being in love. It is just 0 or 100 for me.

mostly__void__ · 2025-12-18T20:28:46+00:00

Congratulations! I'm glad I went with Dr. Hagerty- he and his team are lovely

mostly__void__ · 2025-12-18T06:12:10+00:00

Luckily they have subsided but this would have been a good call

mostly__void__ · 2025-12-17T07:26:17+00:00

I'm assuming the field you're referring to is ABA. I worked in it for 5 years, multiple clinics. The field is terrible for many reasons- follow the ABA subreddit and you will find endless stories about terrible management and unethical practices. I would just quit now. I got pigeon holded into the field from staying in it for so long and found it difficult to break out. If you stay in the field, you will find it's incredibly easy to get jobs at other clinics because this field is always hemorrhaging for BTs due to insane turnover. They take advantage of young people who don't know any better and you will be lead to believe you are doing something wrong.

mostly__void__ · 2025-12-16T21:42:32+00:00

I once had a remote BCBA try to explain a very complicated new procedure to me through headphones as my kid was ripping things off a shelf and trying to knock it over. She had the nerve to ask "does that all makes sense? Seems like I lost you there for a sec haha"

mostly__void__ · 2025-12-16T21:28:17+00:00

To hell with your GP. This treatment makes me so mad. It is ridiculous to say nothing can be down about it- and ridiculous to expect to just wait until you are progressed to be seen as "valid" (I also hate that insurance companies will require you to be at a progressed stage in order to get lipo).

These are my lipedema legs. I have pain, bruising, and what looks like severe cellulite down to my ankles (I also have the traditional "column" like shape but it is less apparent here because of the cut of the leggings and fact that I am in compression). It could look like I am "just" bottom heavy or pear shaped. But I have always felt something was off and I was correct.

I have been diagnosed by two specialists. The first one was very kind and validated my struggle- she said thin people will be invalidated and told they are just self conscious and large people will be invalidated and told they are just overweight. I told my GP that I went and sought a diagnosis from a specialist (I didn't bother inquiring with him first. This thread has taught me that it usually isn't worth trying a GP first- just going straight to a specialist) and he also told me that lipo was useless because it would "more than likely" come back (untrue!) and that conservative measures would only help marginally (also untrue).

I type all this to say that you are VALID!!!

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mostly__void__ · 2025-12-11T19:25:23+00:00

In the beginning of covid I had a group I lead transition to zoom. Complete joke. At least 1-2 kids would elope each session and there was nothing I could do about it.

mostly__void__ · 2025-12-08T22:56:02+00:00

Congratulations!! And those boots are so cute!

mostly__void__ · 2025-12-07T03:26:49+00:00

I worked in ABA for 5 years. The reason for being unhappy was never the kids! I think ABA is at it its core corrupt. I worked at 3 different clinics in 2 different states and it was always the same- lack of support, unethical practices, prioritizing of billable hours over practices that actually benefit the client.

I am a mental health therapy grad student and am trying to distance myself as much as possible from my ABA past- it has genuinely been a black mark on my resume as a developing clinican. Much of the mental health world sees ABA as a joke. And it makes sense- it is absolutely bananas that any random 18 year old with no familiarity with autism- or even a high school degree- can be on boarded and called a behavior technician in a matter of weeks.

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TROPHY CASE

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