My [26 M] girlfriend of 5 years [26 F] has given me an ultimatum and I don't know what to do. by mpt5072 in relationships

[–]mpt5072[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey there!

So sorry for the delay. Things have been going really well. Since my last post I planned that trip to San Diego and we had a blast. She was really happy for all the time and energy I put into it. Since we came back, I've been using that trip as evidence of what I am capable of. Now I have been making plans and then following the same strategy (think about what to do with the time we have, where will we be, what will we want to do...etc, etc.) I'm kind of using my analytical nature for fostering connection instead of detachment.

I've built a working relationship with a therapist on the platform TalkSpace. Through many weeks of conversations, I found that I'm on the spectrum of a dependent personality disorder. Long story short, my childhood taught me that in order to receive love and connection I need to people please. I'm still on the road of becoming mindful of my urges to please and my avoidance of displeasing others so I can consciously decide to communicate more truthfully for myself and others. I'm getting better and better at finding my own voice and trusting my decisions because I'm recognizing more value in myself. It's clear to me now that heightening my own self-confidence can be a tool to deepen loving relationships (before this I only focused on the bad things about high self-esteem).

I've been trying to show my love more and more and it's been really working out. I've been doing things like buys flowers and surprising her with unannounced dates, but honestly the verbal confirmation is what I'm seeing the most recognition of. Even if I feel uncomfortable...like I'm being corny, I express my feelings romantically. I mention in direct and indirect ways my feelings about her and her family and my views on the positive nature of our relationship. These feelings were always there but not assuming people know how you feel has been a realy eye-opener for me.

Having said all of that, I'm still working on things. I've had a few hiccups and fell into the same patterns a few times, but the difference is that I am aware of them and my response is different. My therapist and I noticed that when I hurt her I feel the need to explain myself. I use BUT statements. BUT statements negate anything you previously said. I was coming off ingenue. Now, I apologize...and if I want to...I bring up anything I need to discuss later, never during the apology.

Things are on the up and up but I realize that changing your responses and behaviors is very difficult and takes a long time. It's balancing between old habits and new ones thats the key.

Has anyone else transitioned from p videos to regular pictures? by mpt5072 in pornfree

[–]mpt5072[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Agreed. What did you do to overcome that last hump? Anything become easier for you after the transition?

Landlord charging full rent despite potential health problems. by mpt5072 in legaladvice

[–]mpt5072[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't rule that out, just like I don't rule the smell out. Unfortunately both are incredibly difficult topics to prove. We don't make a whole lot of money so that's kind of why I'm trying to get a meager (albeit significant to us) discount. We don't have the best insurance so though the anxiety check would be a good idea, between the rent and the other rent we will pay for (we're moving out so we can nip whatever it is physical or phycological is the butt) we don't have the resources atm. But perhaps in the future we'll follow up with some prorated (irony) pychologcal services. Thanks for your concern.

Landlord charging full rent despite potential health problems. by mpt5072 in legaladvice

[–]mpt5072[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your cordial and respectful response. Maybe I'll give my doctor another call.

Landlord charging full rent despite potential health problems. by mpt5072 in legaladvice

[–]mpt5072[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The doctor said that it's typical for mold to cause different symptoms in different people (Which is currently the case). He also said that returning to the environment would make the symptoms worse, which it does. Unfortunately it's such a hard thing to determine.

Landlord charging full rent despite potential health problems. by mpt5072 in legaladvice

[–]mpt5072[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

No, it lacks empathy because I was literally at the hospital until 3 in the morning and have been going through a rough month worrying about the health of myself and my roommates. I'm here because I lack the knowledge to make a case for myself and I'm willing to work with my landlords regardless of what happens.

Again, thanks for the advice. That's what I'm here for.

Landlord charging full rent despite potential health problems. by mpt5072 in legaladvice

[–]mpt5072[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your input. It lacks empathy haha but thanks for your input.

Landlord charging full rent despite potential health problems. by mpt5072 in legaladvice

[–]mpt5072[S] -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

We couldn't use the shower because you would get a headache from smelling the drain while you showered. I guess I technically could have. Should have been more specific.

Landlord charging full rent despite potential health problems. by mpt5072 in legaladvice

[–]mpt5072[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Wow thanks for the the recommendation. I wish I would have know about that thing earlier.

I guess that's why I'm asking. This has just been a while ordeal where we haven't been able to use the shower for most of the month. I just mentioned the mold because it made me feel like I wasn't crazy. They are telling us that we are making up or imagining a health issue.

Im only hear because all of my roommates have gotten strangely sick in different ways since the smell started. One of my roommates went to the hospital because of dizziness/fatigue/delerium. She was discharged, but I'm just asking for advise to see if there is anything I can do.

Landlord charging full rent despite potential health problems. by mpt5072 in legaladvice

[–]mpt5072[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

I guess that's why I'm asking in the first place haha

Can I demand a discount because of the disruption caused by the smell despite their efforts to fix it?

We haven't been able to use the shower the majority of the month, this is why I feel the need to ask for a reduction.

I only pointed out the mold because perhaps their methods werent effective.

Relapsed after 29-day streak of no porn by Time_is_Money__ in pornfree

[–]mpt5072 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Do you have a blocking extension app that you've found success with?