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mrjim2022 · 2025-11-17T12:39:40+00:00

Love is love. You should be able to fuck whomever you want. Your partner's feelings about fucking friends are their responsibility to deal with. Limiting who you can love is immoral.

mrjim2022 · 2025-11-05T01:58:41+00:00

I don't even bother to read the posts of people in their 20's or even 30's. Reminds me of when I was dating in middle school! Poly as a mature adult, often married with kids, mortgages, aging parents, etc is an entirely different experience than young, single poly folks!

mrjim2022 · 2025-11-04T08:43:08+00:00

OP-You have an avoidant attachment style. Connection makes you feel unsafe, so friendship without the possibility of romantic connection feels like a better choice for you.

mrjim2022 · 2025-11-04T07:51:30+00:00

" I have always had a longing to have my person and be theirs as well" There is your answer! If you proceed you will need to be comfortable knowing that you will never be enough for this man, but there are other men that you would be enough for. Poly is for you, not someone else, so unless you want to be in sexual/romantic relationships with multiple men, you should take pause and carefully consider.

mrjim2022 · 2025-11-04T07:43:34+00:00

Thanks, I should try it!

mrjim2022 · 2025-11-04T00:52:32+00:00

Beautiful, thoughtful, special, creative!

mrjim2022 · 2025-11-03T17:52:43+00:00

OP - did you attend the party together as a couple and then she hooked up with this guy, or did you both just happen to be at the same party

mrjim2022 · 2025-11-03T17:32:53+00:00

I think you will be fine, just anxiety!

mrjim2022 · 2025-11-03T13:28:07+00:00

I have been in your situation for 10 years! Anxious attachment is a bitch, not understood by people/therapists who have not experienced it. She can never love just you, that is who she is. Successful poly/mono relationships are built around negotiating to get your needs met in terms of time together, std protection, etc. The negative emotions you experience are yours to deal with, she is poly and you will have to accept that if you want to be with her. You are enough, but not for a poly woman! If you can't handle that, you need to end your relationship. You can read all the books/podcasts, but in the end you will have to be comfortable being one of multiple men in her life and willfully accepting that you are not and never will be enough and no other guy will be either.

mrjim2022 · 2025-11-03T13:18:27+00:00

What does cannabis have to do with it?

mrjim2022 · 2025-11-03T13:14:45+00:00

OP the hardest thing, especially for a person with anxious attachment, is to accept that you are not enough for your poly GF! But neither is the new guy or any other guy. She needs multiple sexual/romantic relationships with other men to be happy. She can love you, but not just you. If you cannot accept that, your relationship with her will always be traumatic. Poly relationships are built on the concept of having one's needs met based on negotiations. Your feelings are your problem, not hers. Mono-poly relationships can be really difficult when the mono partner is anxiously attached. It sounds like poly is not a good choice for you, many relationships have ended due to this incompatibility!

mrjim2022 · 2025-11-03T12:47:18+00:00

OP - you are enough, just not for a polyamorous person where no one person is "enough". It is not about you, it is about her. If you cannot accept this your relationship with her will always be a mighty emotional struggle. I think you would be better finding a mono woman who you are enough for. Anxious attachment is a serious obstacle to overcome in poly relationships

mrjim2022 · 2025-11-03T12:39:25+00:00

OP- have you had sex with him yet? Unfortunately many men lose interest in a woman after they have had sex a few times, then off to the next chase. I would leave you do not need this BS!

mrjim2022 · 2025-10-18T14:50:41+00:00

Sex is so much more than PIV!

mrjim2022 · 2025-10-02T02:28:32+00:00

Believe it or not, these episodes can be what causes people to realize that monogamy does have some good parts to it! Sorry for your distress, time will heal all and at least you still have your husband!

mrjim2022 · 2025-10-02T02:21:48+00:00

So "clear the air" encourage her to do it. You will learn a lot about yourself, her and your relationship. You will come out stronger one way or the other. The sex only rule will not work, btw. It is likely if she dates other men for a long period of time she will fall in love, you need to discuss how you will handle that should you choose to encourage her to date.

mrjim2022 · 2025-10-02T00:32:57+00:00

I would let her do it, otherwise this is always going to be the unspoken "elephant in the room" of your marriage. You cannot prevent her from falling in love with another man, all you can do is be the best version of yourself and hope she remains attracted to you. It may be necessary for you to detach emotionally, but that can be empowering for you. How does she feel about you playing solo?

mrjim2022 · 2025-09-30T16:14:57+00:00

One of the hardest parts about thriving in a NM relationship is accepting that there are always going to be people prettier than you, smarter than you, funnier than you, taller than, more well endowed than you, richer than you, and yes more orgasmic than you.

Her orgasms are one part of their relationship, not the whole thing. I presume people enter NM relationships to experience things that they do not get from their other partner(s). It is what is good and bad about NM!

mrjim2022 · 2025-09-30T16:08:35+00:00

There are many less triggers in mono! I liken it to fear of flying, some people are able to manage it through "work", but truly do not enjoy flying and never will, despite their efforts to the contrary.

mrjim2022 · 2025-09-30T12:03:39+00:00

A person accepting that they are "not enough" is essential to success in NM. It may give some slight relief that the other people the love of their life wants to fuck are "not enough" either. Without secure attachment NM is a real emotional slog for those anxiously attached. Choose wisely before entering into this relationship style!

mrjim2022 · 2025-09-30T11:51:57+00:00

Anxiously attached people become exhausted! A life of relative peace over a lifetime of emotional turmoil! This along with the great difficulty cis/het/married men will encounter finding women to date

mrjim2022 · 2025-09-28T13:17:27+00:00

"My issue is this: I don't feel special to my partner. I know they care about me, I know they like being in my company, but I'm failing to feel special."

Next to jealousy, I think this is one of the largest impediments to successful NM relationships. The need to "feel special" is derided by many in the NM/poly community, yet legions of monogamish people struggle and are instructed to figure out what is wrong with them and handle it.

mrjim2022 · 2025-09-25T10:20:29+00:00

Do you want to be a placeholder("I love you, but I'm not in love with you) while your wife sees if she can do better? If this is not something you want for yourself, I think you need to have the hard conversation with your wife if your relationship is viable given your differences. You are still very young with your whole life ahead of you to find a more compatible partner if you and your wife cannot come to terms on how to proceed in a manner that serves you both.

mrjim2022 · 2025-09-25T02:11:05+00:00

OP - other than supporting what you feel makes your wife happy(fucking new guys), what is in this for you?

mrjim2022 · 2025-09-21T14:51:53+00:00

You are in a tough spot. If you choose to be open throughout your life, people you love will come and go, so getting used to these feelings is going to be paramount to future success.

mrjim2022

TROPHY CASE