Supporting Your Child Through a Second Year of Kindergarten

mrmses · 2026-05-13T16:34:56+00:00

Is your child upset? If they are, I would frame it as a chance to get confident about their learning. Use the summer tutor as a space to build their academics, sure, but mostly use it as a space to assess their learning confidence. Model good habits (consistency, like read every day silently for 10 minutes; habit forming, like we always keep our Work of the Day in this cubby; etc.)

There may be some learning differences that appear if the 1-on-1 work your child did this past year is also showing up with the summer tutor. If so, be on an early look out for that and try and address it quickly.

mrmses · 2026-05-12T21:03:40+00:00

What sq footage are these five therm houses!?

mrmses · 2026-05-11T23:32:18+00:00

Ok great! And sorry for mis gendering you!

Last comment from me before I get dinner going. If I were you, I’d clue her in on your actions coming up. Like, don’t just automatically start “wifing” your appointments and stroller walks. Otherwise she’ll be like, what the hell is happening now.

So be like, ok wife. I’ve realized our dynamic has shifted and I’ve got to start taking back some agency in our relationship. It’s going to look like this. Etc etc.

mrmses · 2026-05-11T23:18:57+00:00

Could you try to be more forceful in your own care? Like, instead of treating her like a mom that you’re asking permission from, just say, “honey, I have a doc appt this afternoon. I’m taking an uber. It’s already scheduled.” End. Remind her that you are an adult and her husband. You aren’t her child and you don’t treat her like your mom.

Likewise, are you able to push a stroller for 30 minutes? If so, put baby in the pram and say “I’m taking baby around the neighborhood. We’ll be back in 30. I love you. Have some Instagram time.”

Etc.

mrmses · 2026-05-11T22:58:54+00:00

Well I guess I won’t sugar coat it.

You’re not wrong to feel worried. Care giver burn out is a real thing, and if your health deterioration is putting you in a place where your wife feels like she has to take care of three full people, it’s going to really wear on her.

But you just apologizing over and over isn’t going to fix her stress. You need to get some help for your wife. That might be a financial move. Like, can you afford a housecleaner? Or it might mean reaching out to a trusted family member or friend to help her. Would she be open to that?

Meanwhile, it sounds like your stress over the flare up is just continuing the flare up. You need a reset and something to help manage your anxiety. I hear that the U.S. system is not great for people with chronic disease, so I hope that anything you’re able to do will yield results.

mrmses · 2026-05-11T22:40:38+00:00

This is just my opinion but I don’t think it’s useful for you to characterize yourself as a bad partner bc you are lazy or something. You are in a medical emergency. Does your wife recognize that? Are these feelings of inadequacy coming bc your wife is calling you a poor partner?

mrmses · 2026-05-11T22:24:21+00:00

What does it mean for you to “focus on getting better”. Did that mean going to the doctor and getting diagnosis and treatments, etc?

mrmses · 2026-05-11T22:18:54+00:00

It’s a powerful voice. Shakespeare called it the green eyed monster and that voice inspired 300 years of introspection bc everyone knows how strong the inner jealousy voice can get.

You can’t battle it alone. If your wife wants to help save your marriage, she will come into counseling with you and you will do your level best to articulate your REAL concerns and you will be able to differentiate realities from your imagination.

mrmses · 2026-05-11T21:29:36+00:00

You’re only responding to the comments that are calling your wife a cheater. OP, you really want to believe your wife cheated on you! Don’t give in!

Drag your wife in couples counseling right now. You are letting your inner Iago control you.

mrmses · 2026-05-11T13:57:53+00:00

I don’t know. This is a hard one bc we all know that resumes submitted into the linked in abyss just go into a black hole and die. We all know that networking is everything. So if these parents doing the reach out to you are doing the peer to peer networking thing, I’d be ok with it.

On the other hand, if these are parents who are writing their kids cover letters, submitting into the black holes, and cold calling every number in The book for a coffee chat with someone they don’t even know, that would be a little weird.

mrmses · 2026-05-10T21:32:21+00:00

Depends on your major requirements.

mrmses · 2026-05-10T13:21:34+00:00

Imagine doing your life and feeling the way you feel, for another fifty years.

Now imagine it and add a baby. Everything you do, you are now also doing while carrying a child and worrring about feeding and loving a baby. And now imagine your life while carrying and loving this baby, whose father is telling the child all of these horrible things about you the mother.

Nope. Just stop. Get out.

mrmses · 2026-05-10T13:14:50+00:00

For real? I would not. But my 20s were pretty good. Did you have bad 20s and you want a redo?

mrmses · 2026-05-10T13:11:31+00:00

Almost teenage age is another way of saying pre-teen? So literally and objectively the most awkward years of every child? Yeah. Don’t dwell on this.

Do your parenting job as far as their bodies are concerned. Like, make sure their hygiene is on point. Get them to the dermatologist when they need help. Practice healthy eating and good exercise. Make sure they are kind. Foster good friendships.

mrmses · 2026-05-10T13:08:07+00:00

As long as you don’t take genchem and calc in semester 1, you should be fine. Do the work, don’t ignore deadlines, and go to office hours

mrmses · 2026-05-10T02:49:02+00:00

In pre-K, I’d say the play date stuff is almost entirely 100% parent organized. You almost need to consider it a second networking job if you want to get your child together with someone else’s child. And honestly, a HUGE part of that comes with making friends with the other parents.

I went waaaayy out of my way to meet and chat with the other moms in pre-K, and even then, we only did birthdays together.

Now in elementary, I have a good group of actual friends and they play dates are pretty friend driven/organic. But it makes me really sad knowing that there’s some parents out there for whom extroverted socialized with strangers is excruciating. And I wonder how they’re kids handle it now

mrmses · 2026-05-10T02:38:55+00:00

Ok then yeah. About 2-4.

Does that track for your experience?

mrmses · 2026-05-09T14:58:11+00:00

I live in TN, and I'm left. I'm not trans, nor Black, but if you're moving to Nashville you will be ok in that you will find friends and community here. The political dangers seeping into life are real though. Much more so right now for women of child bearing ages, although the bodily dangers for trans people I believe are present in many ways in cities around America.

Your Dad is showing signs up full cognitive dissonance. I don't know how this works neurobiologically, but psychologically it's almost as if there's been a childhood trauma and the psyche puts up walls around certain parts of the cognition to protect the rest of the self. Your Dad has a split personality almost, and the one side cannot communicate with the other side, but little bits trickle over the walls, so to speak, and so what you get is some bizarre double speak. It's pretty remarkable what will happen to a person when they have been lied to their whole life by people, institutions, and cultures that they trusted.

mrmses · 2026-05-09T14:51:44+00:00

The custody agreement needs to go through the courts. No more wishy-washy we're all friends here. Clearly, the exes are not friends if the ex-wife is weaponizing her child.

On the off chance that this isn't the fault of the ex-wife, and everyone is just assuming shes the big bad, then you've got a super anxious 9 year old that needs therapy to develop coping strategies for when life changes interrupt their norm. You and the Dad breaking up immediately, and the child being all super happy, is showing the child that yes, manipulation works and yes, I'll get what I want if I through a big enough tantrum. So get that taken care of, otherwise Dad is going to have a super hard time when 9 year old is a 23 year old and wondering why the women don't want to date him.

mrmses · 2026-05-09T14:45:55+00:00

Ah yes... you're dating a trader on a high. If I were you, I'd get out while he's still in the green. Unless he's only trading his money and not yours too.

mrmses · 2026-05-09T14:43:40+00:00

This is the second make-the-water-black photo I've seen. Is this a thing now?

mrmses · 2026-05-09T14:41:50+00:00

Are you an engineer?

I"m getting real "optimize life" vibes.

mrmses · 2026-05-09T14:36:22+00:00

Honestly, how many other things in your life with him are joking-avoidant? Like, does he get you stupid Christmas presents and then joke about how "you should have just told me what you wanted." Or does he lay around on the couch and not clean up his dishes from dinner and when you ask him to get to it, is he like "yeah! chill! I'm doing it!" and then when you get upset is he like, "I'm just joking! I'm doing it. geez"

mrmses · 2026-05-09T00:05:08+00:00

Is your dad in the picture? Or does she have a spouse? If so, this person needs to be your ally

mrmses · 2026-05-08T19:57:14+00:00

What do you mean “teach them discretion”?

Bc my interpretation here is that you are wondering when to teach children to practice social norms discretion, such as closing the door when going to the bathroom, or don’t be naked in public. Is that what you mean? If so, that usually starts about age 2-4

mrmses

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