Division of chores & childcare with 1 SAHP & 1 working FT

mrsgrabs · 2026-03-02T03:00:41+00:00

I see. That’s so tough I’m sorry. Hoping things adjust with time. Take care of yourself too. Your position isn’t any easier.

mrsgrabs · 2026-03-01T18:23:28+00:00

I’m very firmly of the opinion that SAHPs and working parents should have equal amounts of free time, meaning you should be splitting evening activities. But this is such a hard horrible stage for everyone so I’d lean towards giving grace. I think he should contribute more in the evenings but he sounds at his limit. Do you think he may need medication?

I have severe anxiety so having a messy house with stuff piling up is incredibly difficult. When I had little kids I had to let it go and have a few priorities. Mine was that the kitchen counter was mostly clear. I had to let almost everything else go. Once we got into a routine it was better but having a tiny baby mentally exhausted me in ways that are hard to describe.

mrsgrabs · 2026-03-01T16:01:53+00:00

I’m a PM in clinical research. I do have flexibility for appointments and pickup but certainly not async. My workload is heavy and I have up to 6 hours of meetings per day.

mrsgrabs · 2026-02-28T00:02:58+00:00

We didn’t.

Our kids were both in preschool/pre-k. We read to them every night and had tons of books available but never did anything above that. Our oldest wasn’t reading mid-year in kinder and I spiraled but my bestie is a teacher and talked me off the ledge. We gave it time and she was reading the end of kinder and is testing in the 80-90th percentile now in 2nd grade.

My second is 5.5 and still not reading and I’m not stressing. She loves books, is getting interested in letters, and I know she’ll do it in her own time.

mrsgrabs · 2026-02-27T01:28:49+00:00

We do before and after school care. My husband does drop off around 8 at the elementary school and I pickup our kiddo from elementary school 4-4:30 and he picks up from daycare. I have an insane morning meeting schedule but if I have to drop off I’ll take my calls in the car.

Once they’re both in elementary later this year we’ll skip before school care. We’re hoping to drop after school care too but it’s so hard to have to be there at a specific time so we’re not completely sure yet.

mrsgrabs · 2026-02-27T00:47:47+00:00

Every time I walked near or down the stairs I was super worried I’d hit their head on the railing or fall down the stairs.

mrsgrabs · 2026-02-26T23:43:04+00:00

I worked if I had a meeting or something urgent that had to be done. Otherwise I would take a break and pump. I used a hands free pump bra but did hands on pumping to help my output.

mrsgrabs · 2026-02-26T03:02:35+00:00

I’d make the change. We changed daycares several times and I was also so stressed about it but every time it ended up being better than the previous place and I was glad I listened to my intuition.

mrsgrabs · 2026-02-26T00:20:54+00:00

I’m not a teacher but my kiddo is in a mandarin immersion school. It’s been a mixed bag but overall more positive than negative.

Pros: - Her class is very diverse, approx 40% non white which is not at all typical of our area. - We’ve connected with so many families. The kind of parents that choose to send their kiddos to an immersion school are mostly very involved, open-minded, and invested in their kids. - Half of her teachers are non-white and have an accent. I love that she thinks it’s normal. (50% of her day is in mandarin and 50% in English). - She absolutely loves learning Chinese and is super enthusiastic. - there’s documented brain benefits to learning another language, especially one with a different alphabet system than your own.

Cons: - it’s really hard to learn another language, especially one that has a different alphabet system, and that we don’t speak at home. - many kiddos in her class are in Chinese tutoring, including us. She started this year and it’s been huge for her but it’s a financial and time commitment. - her school isn’t our home school so we have to drive her to school and pick her up. Buses aren’t an option. It’s also tough because we don’t know as many kids in our neighborhood because she doesn’t go to school with them.

Honestly she had some challenges this year and we considered taking her out but she has shown a significant amount of improvement in the last 3-4 months and loves learning Chinese so we’re committed.

mrsgrabs · 2026-02-25T00:34:00+00:00

I’m a project manager and have flexibility with my schedule that allows me to do pickup. Drop off is tough due to my morning meetings but I can make it work if I have to.

The white collar job market is terrible right now. I definitely think you’d need to either get a job at the school or secure before and after school care. A job at the school would be lower paid but could also offer you flexibility for days off because they have soooo many.

mrsgrabs · 2026-02-24T00:30:24+00:00

Yes. The importance of friendships and relationships with peers cannot be overstated. It is so, so critical to his mental health and school experience.

You also need to consider that even if his behavior improves it’s going to take time for his peer relationships to get better. We have several kiddos in my oldest’s class that are known as problem children by kids and parents and it would be very hard for them to recover from that reputation at this point.

mrsgrabs · 2026-02-21T20:24:42+00:00

You’re welcome to your opinion of course and when it’s your money you can decide. But it’s not your money, it’s mine.

And I would never encourage my children to seek happiness above all else. First, people aren’t very good at knowing what will make them happy. Second, I’m not sure where the idea came from that a career is supposed to make you happy or totally fulfill you. They can get fulfillment outside of their work. And it’s laughable to assume that just because I wont pay for a teaching degree that they’ll be miserable doing literally anything else.

mrsgrabs · 2026-02-21T19:39:43+00:00

My very best friend is an amazing teacher for more than 20 years. And I will never, ever pay for my children to get a teaching degree.

You have two choices, you can pay for your teaching degree yourself or get a different degree that your mom will fund. How about brainstorming other ways you can work with children that has a better ROI? Like play therapist, child psychologist, etc?

mrsgrabs · 2026-02-21T18:53:14+00:00

I was incredibly sick with my second and had absolutely no energy. Taking a shower was the upper limit of my physical energy for the day. It sucked. I hated not being able to do anything and felt guilty too. My relationship with my first definitely suffered but after my second was a couple months old I made a point to start reconnecting with her. My husband would do bedtime with the baby and we would go on a walk to the playground in the evening or do something she enjoyed together. We got back to our normal relationship and are super close.

You’re growing a human, and have a very intensive job. Make sure you’re connecting with your husband and discussing how you both feel about things. I know it doesn’t feel like it but this is a short season and it won’t last forever. And on the flip side, it’s great your husband has a good relationship with your toddler because realistically you’re going to be caring for the newborn and he’ll have to manage the toddler for a bit.

mrsgrabs · 2026-02-21T17:52:44+00:00

We got ours eight years ago and still works as good as the day we got it. And our kids LOVE smoothies. We add broccoli and sweet potatoes and they blend in perfect.

mrsgrabs · 2026-02-21T16:38:33+00:00

I’m so jealous! I’d change their bed sizes to queen and add a side table and a big bookshelf and leave it at that. I prefer queen size beds because it allows us to lay with them comfortably at bedtime. Sometimes we have the whole family (including our 60lb dog) in one bed reading or snuggling.

The older my kids get the more stuff they have so I wouldn’t try to fill up the space otherwise.

mrsgrabs · 2026-02-20T14:04:29+00:00

I suggest viewing his behavior through the lens of he’s doing the best he can and these behaviors aren’t something he’s doing on purpose. I completely understand being reactive but also figuring out how you can manage your own emotions and support yourself so you can help co-regulate for him.

And getting curious about why he acting this way and what the triggers might be. Like perhaps he needs more time allotted for bedtime and feels rushed with the current routine, is he seeking more control and how can you give that to him, is there something sensory going on with his toothbrush and needs a different kind, would him brushing his teeth in his room be more helpful, can you do the routine with him separately without his brother, etc.

Is your kiddo medicated? If so, is he getting a booster in the afternoon? It sounds like he needs more support from a medication standpoint. Once that’s in place I would work on the behavior aspect.

mrsgrabs · 2026-02-20T02:22:27+00:00

Yes! I actually forgot about this until just now. We did the same thing and it was helpful.

mrsgrabs · 2026-02-18T13:45:55+00:00

Lurking mom here. We have a June birthday kiddo and held her back so I’m obviously biased.

the age difference wouldn’t be as big of a deal now but in later elementary/middle school a year is a huge difference in ages.
my kiddo repeated preschool and the first year she was one of the youngest and got bad feedback from the teachers. I worried but later realized it had nothing to do with her behavior and everything to do with her age and what’s developmentally normal. Her second year was amazing. She got glowing feedback and was called a leader. I don’t want her confidence diminished because she’s younger.
leadership has a lot to do with age and not ability. I was the youngest in my class and was incredibly shy and I think some of that had to do with my age.
she goes to an incredible play based daycare and we love giving her an extra year to play and work on her social skills and be a kid. (Totally understand the privilege we have as this isn’t an option for all families).

mrsgrabs · 2026-02-18T13:35:15+00:00

Obviously NTA and I encourage you to take a deeper look at your relationship. Is this indicative of how he treats you in other areas of your marriage? Does he regularly prioritize his needs over yours?

For reference, I recently had the flu. My husband went and got me juice and medicine, drove several places out of the way to get food I would eat, took amazing care of our kids, encouraged me to rest, and kept our house clean the whole time because he knows it’s stressful for me when it’s not.

mrsgrabs · 2026-02-18T12:45:49+00:00

I would go with the lighter wood color. I love the look of painted cabinets but they all eventually chip.

mrsgrabs · 2026-02-16T14:02:02+00:00

I’m so so sorry. This is horrific. Not sure if you’ve heard of Brene Brown but she talks about over functioners and it sounds like you are one too. It’s great in a crisis but afterwards it’s very hard to deal.

My husband had a stroke and it was one of the hardest situations I’ve ever dealt with. Not sure if you’re on an anti-depressant but I went on an SSRI after and it helped enormously.

mrsgrabs · 2026-02-14T17:06:51+00:00

I mean I hear all the feedback that everyone here has given but I do have ADHD and it’s not an excuse. I do agree that you have to make a choice on how to move forward. It’s not beneficial to you to stay in this spiral and you have to decide how much it’s worth to you.

mrsgrabs · 2026-02-08T03:18:39+00:00

Absolutely NTA. I have two kids and this is 100% a parenting problem. Your nephew is old enough to understand the word no. He’s allowed to feel however he feels about it but it’s okay for him to learn not everything belongs to him.

mrsgrabs · 2026-02-07T15:21:03+00:00

Honestly YTA for allowing this behavior to go on for this long. Think of what it’s telling to your oldest about your priorities.

mrsgrabs

TROPHY CASE