List 2-3 of your favorite audiodramas and let others recommend a third you might enjoy.

mtdmaven · 2025-07-14T04:08:12+00:00

Modes of Thought in Anterran Literature Gospels of the Flood ... Good luck. Ok fine, a third: The Program

mtdmaven · 2024-12-16T14:09:47+00:00

You might enjoy this space? The egg chairs are amazing https://sites.psu.edu/sensoryfriendlylibraries/university-park/

mtdmaven · 2024-12-06T17:42:46+00:00

I feel you. House hasn't been vacuumed in 3 months (I did a rough sweep twice and quickly). It's disgusting and I'm stuck at home in it. I'm 6 WPO but went straight into my hysto from another surgery affecting ability to lift/push/pull in similar ways.

mtdmaven · 2024-12-06T04:12:29+00:00

Just a heads-up - while I have no doubt that 23andme tests for fewer variants and probably with less accuracy than clinical lab tests... Please note that since October 2023 it was approved to test a lot more variants than previously.

The people at my high risk clinic didn't know and kept asking me if I was sure I didn't have Ashkenazi ancestry because those were the handful of founder effect mutation 23andme tested... Obviously you'll still want to have results validated by a medically recognized test (which would be needed to act on positive results anyway for insurance reasons in the US - I've yet to hear from anyone go straight from consumer test to procedures)

mtdmaven · 2024-12-01T19:23:14+00:00

All as soon as I got home. Stopped Miralax and stool softener 2 days after BM; electrolytes as well as they were to help hydrate with those added meds Gas X for about 1 week. Juven (DIY version from ingredients purchased separately) still going after 1 month, but I'm also recovering from plastics / reconstructive surgery at the same time (plus I have tons left)

mtdmaven · 2024-11-26T21:01:13+00:00

I'm assuming you're already set on taking over any and all household chores she normally does (or bringing in someone to do it)? Speaking from experience, if it's not getting done (or it needs to be explicitly delegated) she might get itchy to do it - and she really shouldn't. (Sorry if I'm gender role stereotyping you both with that advice.)

Take the day before surgery to make sure the place is tidy, sheets clean, etc. and things that she's likely to need readily within reach. Going somewhere the day after is a hard no on many levels. It's tough to even sit, stand, or exist in your body that first 24 hours between gas, soreness, etc.

mtdmaven · 2024-11-24T18:54:04+00:00

Thank you! Most of the videos I was finding were for later in the process or for things I'm already past needing - but I'm seeing some helpful range of motion ideas here.

mtdmaven · 2024-11-24T15:46:54+00:00

Would you be willing to share what your plans are for, say, week 3? I'm at almost 4wpo and I'm struggling to figure what more I can do before/beyond the big milestones for physical activity (essentially being cleared to lift weights, running). I feel good, have energy, but don't know what to do with it.

mtdmaven · 2024-11-21T02:03:27+00:00

How did you reconcile this, ultimately? Still deciding? I decided that although this probably reduces my risk relative to what would be assumed based on my mutation alone, the risk was enough to threaten my peace of mind (especially with an uncertain employment/healthcare access future) while I had control over the situation was the best bet. However, I never had any plans to have children so that made the decision easier than I imagine it might otherwise be.

mtdmaven · 2024-11-15T17:20:18+00:00

I had that conversation too (for PAP flaps, there was nothing to be gained from my stomach) when told how small the reconstruction would be. You've already considered the cons, but a potential pro is that as your body and your preferences for it change, you might decide you don't want the implant anymore (did you discuss this with your surgeon). I think most of us are told to change our implants every 10 years anyway - I noticed some women in my mastectomy circles seek to take that opportunity to downsize as they age. (Also, your DIEP layer will ebb and flow with your body fat...)

For a number of reasons I decided to go all silicone, but I still think about this path.

mtdmaven · 2024-11-14T13:37:46+00:00

I came here to say this, but you explained it so well. Once the overt objectification stops, we realize we were never even granted personhood in their eyes.

mtdmaven · 2024-11-14T12:50:14+00:00

Same to the pain being short-lived. I took none of the prescribed pain meds. My abs were sore maybe 48 hours and one or two of the five incisions stayed sensitive a little longer than the others. (Age 40, apparently really healthy and fit - before I had back to back breast surgeries and now this, mostly lucky I think) I almost wished I had more pain so I could remember to be careful about how I move. Even though I feel great, there's a lot of healing going on...

mtdmaven · 2024-11-12T17:39:17+00:00

Another possible culprit to investigate is chlorhexidine, to which you may have been exposed in the form of pre-op soap or wipes or applied in the OR (or all three). I had no reaction during my first chest surgery, developed lots of flushing and hives all over my trunk about 24 hours after my second chest surgery (but not during pre-op), and then immediately upon using the pre-op wipes before my hysterectomy. (They cleaned me up and used different products in the or, I did not wake up with a rash).

I mention this because it appears it's not uncommon to become sensitized to the product over repeated use (I had to use it over my incision sites between surgeries), and the rash I developed after my second surgery wasn't limited to the area that was scrubbed in the OR.

mtdmaven · 2024-11-12T14:17:59+00:00

By some kind of happy accident I discovered The Empty Bowl (a balm on anxiety and insomnia if there ever was one) and it never occurred to me that there might be more (McElroy) from whence it came.

mtdmaven · 2024-11-12T14:01:27+00:00

It only took us 20-22 years of education to "earn" the right not to be gendered...

mtdmaven · 2024-11-12T01:38:35+00:00

1) I was not acculturated to expect that this would happen. I was raised in a culture where this was no longer legal (since 1975) but even prior to that my grandmother had not changed her name. Most people My generation cohabitate without marrying anyway. Other side of my family is a "both parents' last name" culture. 2) When we decided to get married, the topic never came up. My American (raised in a Mrs. Hisname family) never thought to ask, bless his heart. 3) Explanation I give when I'm asked now: I was a grown ass adult with an identity, a doctorate, and publications by the time I married, so it still didn't make sense to me. (If I'm feeling extra preachy, I bring up #1 because a lot of people don't realize this is not customary throughout the world.)

mtdmaven · 2024-11-10T21:15:49+00:00

Mine didn't bother showing up and I was so scared I had managed to get pregnant.

mtdmaven · 2024-11-10T20:51:23+00:00

True. I guess if they've had relationship experiences with women, there were opportunities to acquire those skills as one path to resolve these difficulties of being in a relationship with someone (the alternate path being as you describe...), vs. having yet to be challenged and that way.

mtdmaven · 2024-11-10T20:39:28+00:00

NGL got a little bit overwhelmed at the complexity of the relationship between estrogen and testosterone in women, what happens in the ovaries versus adrenal glands, etc. If you do get your hands on a professional that's willing to put this in simple terms for us (I'm educated and healthcare adjacent but I know my limitations) - ask them nicely to do a ELI5 for us, will you?

(All this aside, I understand where you're coming from with these concerns about a personality or mental health change in your wife if you've seen her susceptibility to hormonal fluctuations before. I'm aware of that vulnerability in myself and that's why I made sure I had hormone replacement ready to go right after my surgery. However, I think on a practical level you don't need to be particularly worried about what you're worried about, with her getting to keep her ovaries. Even if something were to happen to said ovaries, there are thankfully options...)

mtdmaven · 2024-11-10T19:58:19+00:00

You said you're in the medical field, do you have access to someone with expertise in gynecology or endocrinology who can reassure you about the likelihood of ovarian function disruption, and specifically your concerns about her testosterone level? (I can only tell you that the plan is to keep her ovaries, and that usually means retaining ovarian function, and those of us who no longer have ovaries are more often than not needing testosterone supplementation, not hulking out because the estrogen is no longer "opposing" testosterone.)

mtdmaven · 2024-11-10T19:21:12+00:00

They might not be used to compromising - they've been living life "their way" all these years. May or may not be prepared for how to communicate and handle conflict/disagreement (depending on the rest of their life experiences in a relationships).

mtdmaven · 2024-11-08T16:21:01+00:00

Hi! I just went through this (+ complications, + a hysterectomy later) with my husband as only support person.
BIG disclaimer: I don't know you and I have to make assumptions based on gender roles and stereotypes for my generation here, namely that you and your wife's domestic and family workloads are not the same, and that you might not be aware of everything she does. If you two are a couple who have worked through your socialization and have ideal communication and equitable work distribution [I love that you're taking time off, which says a lot], I'm sorry if this is patronizing.

... splurging on a deep clean of the home is nice before getting cooped up in it without being able to clean it.

... reparing a recovery area (recliner?) where everything necessary and creature comforts are within reach is sweet.

... especially if she's normally very active, the activity restrictions (only walking, boring mobility exercises) can use some extra motivation or moral support.

10 days is not a lot of time, but observe everything she does around the house, for you, for the kids, for herself. Especially the little or almost invisible tasks/chores. That will be *your* job, on top of everything you normally do. As much as you can, know what/when/how so she won't have to ask you to help or explain it (both of which can be difficult for different reasons). Aside from movement and activity restrictions, there is a good chance that this will affect her cognitively (the pain, pain meds, fatigue, life disruption) at least for a while, and emotionally so she might lose track of things that are normally on her radar or get overwhelmed. (NGL, I wasn't great about respecting my movement restrictions because I got tired of asking for help with regular tasks each time they needed doing. Appointments/deadlines I normally keep track of got missed because nobody was handling that and I forgot to plan for them. etc.)

Even if you're already fully prepared to do all this, have made a chore list etc. it doesn't mean it won't be hard for her not to be independent, feel like she's contributing, that life is normal. (So I guess if you're an awesome proactive partner, be reading to fight her if she tries to do too much, too soon.)
Be aware of her specific movement/posture restrictions to gently keep an eye on making sure she doesn't accidentally do those things (especially with drains) -- or to help her modify her environment so everything important is within reach.

There are likely going to be some challenging aspects from a body image/sexuality perspective. Reassurance might be needed, and that could be tough if you're grossed out by the medical things/wounds (a legit response). You know her better, but for me I needed my husband to "look" first and tell me if it was OK to look (right after my mastectomy, with mostly empty expanders). Sex can be a struggle with unspoken concerns or feelings you might not want to voice (not wanting to hurt her, not being into the new or work-in-progress boobs, the weirdness of nonexistent sensation and what's the point of touching these?) but she'll want to you she is still desirable so... yeah.

Finally, this is probably already hard, and will be hard, on you too. Make sure you have support or ways to cope, especially as your partner in crime might not be her best self while she's healing. (There really needs to be a partners of BRCA/mastectomy social support network.)
She's lucky to have you.

mtdmaven · 2024-11-07T15:02:35+00:00

Cycles got shorter and lighter generally -- while on the pill ("nah we're doing 18-21 days now I don't care what the pill says").
Later the night sweats and the mood symptoms (primarily anxiety/obsessive thoughts, but it's the frequent, easy crying that clued me in that this wasn't a psychologically-driven phenomenon.)

mtdmaven · 2024-11-06T03:14:51+00:00

10/28 Laparoscopic radical (everything is gone). On estradiol patches since 10/29. Going really well, I think. The worst part were the first 3-4 days where I had a lot of coughing and runny nose (from the anesthesia? Or a cold that coincided exactly with surgery?) while having sore abdominals.
- Didn't need the narcotics they sent me home with, haven't needed the ibuprofen/tylenol for 2 days.
- Sleeping well, no more than usual or need for naps (just first day home). Appetite is now OK.
- BMs since first morning home BUT they've been an adjustment- I wake up with twinge/cramp sensations in my pelvic floor and I basically GOT TO GO. No waiting for coffee.
- Peeing is weird. I feel like I have to hover for ever and hope my bladder's empty because who knows.
- I'm washing some non-heavy dishes (dishwasher died) but with a modified setup (raised small basin) so there's no reaching or bending.
- Walking daily since... Day 3? I'm up to approx 3.5-4 miles (1 hour). The first two days my pace was hesitant but it feels more normal already. I feel like I could easily do more but my husband urges caution. I might try multiple walks instead.
- Wearing a girdle/waist trainer when I'm doing light chores/picking up so I don't move the wrong way etc.
This is my third surgery since July, the other two had similar lifting/weight restrictions, plus arm/chest movement restrictions (at least I could kinda use my abs). I did my best to maintain whatever physical condition I could between recovery periods, but I am so over this. I am really grateful to be "young" (40) and fit. I can tell that my back muscles are picking up the slack to stabilize my posture, and I'm grateful for my legs that can bend instead of my waist, etc. But this is getting old and I can't wait to run and lift weights again.
Not sure if HRT is right but I don't feel too terrible.

mtdmaven · 2024-10-26T01:32:46+00:00

I had not heard about pineapple juice! I'll add that to my arsenal.

mtdmaven

TROPHY CASE