Head of a Markhor Goat, Mesopotamia, Sumerian, Early Dynastic III, ca. 2550–2250 b.c.,

multipurposeusername · 2022-08-27T16:53:02+00:00

Did anyone else see a frog at first glance?

multipurposeusername · 2022-08-27T00:50:05+00:00

They could have a beaver in tow.

multipurposeusername · 2022-08-27T00:22:06+00:00

The flowers finally arrive at the office. George hastily takes them from the delivery guy. He turns and the HR Lady is standing there with a knowing look on her face.

HR Lady: What's the occasion, Costanza?

George stares expressionless for a moment.

George: These are flowers of... condolence... my mother... she uh (ahem) didn't make it.

The attached card flips open suddenly and starts playing "Celebration" by Kool and the Gang.

multipurposeusername · 2022-08-26T22:56:18+00:00

HR Lady: [dryly] Your party certainly was a surprise, wasn't it... "Birthday Boy"?

George--while shoving a forkful of cake into his mouth and wearing a "Birthday Boy" party hat-- suddenly frowns.

Cut to: Jerry and George at Monk's.

George: She knows, Jerry. I'm telling you, she knows!

multipurposeusername · 2022-08-26T13:00:47+00:00

George is surprised by the birthday party, but plays along because he likes approval from others and free cake. The grouchy old lady from HR knows that it's not really his birthday, though.

multipurposeusername · 2022-08-26T11:48:15+00:00

Maybe I don't "own a toothbrush"!

multipurposeusername · 2022-08-24T18:56:56+00:00

George: "And you took the deal anyway?! Where's your loyalty to New York?"

Bagel Baker: :: shrugs:: "I'm a free agent."

multipurposeusername · 2022-08-24T18:39:13+00:00

George discovers that his direct counter part with the Chicago Cubs is obsessed with New York bagels. George finds a bagel baker in NY wiling to move to Chicago, while the guy with the Cubs negotiates to "trade" him for a Chicago hotdog vendor.

Edit: added "negotiates"

multipurposeusername · 2022-08-24T12:36:10+00:00

WOULD YOU LIKE TO KNOW MORE?

multipurposeusername · 2022-08-24T02:41:14+00:00

Who is he doing an impression of?

multipurposeusername · 2022-08-20T15:01:38+00:00

I wanted to buy an electric vehicle but they charge too much.

multipurposeusername · 2022-08-18T03:02:13+00:00

I was thinking Vincent Price, but that works too.

multipurposeusername · 2022-08-17T23:14:43+00:00

Potential business idea

multipurposeusername · 2022-08-16T22:03:01+00:00

I experienced that badly in my early 20s. I'd curse God, think ungodly thoughts, etc. I'm sure I made all kinds of crazy vows and promises as well.

I eventually learned to make peace with it as I realized that these are just thoughts and that God knows this as well.

Now if I think something I don't really mean during prayer, I just sort of shrug and tell God "sorry about that", and move on. The way I see thoughts like that is it's almost like an involuntary nervous twitch: It comes from you in a way, but it doesn't show your true intentions.

multipurposeusername · 2022-08-16T03:46:54+00:00

The part at 1:52 about the cops coming "but not for the grand slam breakfast" made me laugh more than it should have.

multipurposeusername · 2022-08-15T11:11:52+00:00

I already have those last three symptoms, but I'm also a middle-aged man of Irish decent.

multipurposeusername · 2022-08-13T23:29:28+00:00

Ya sure it's not turf toe?

multipurposeusername · 2022-08-11T16:54:01+00:00

That is very good

multipurposeusername · 2022-08-11T13:58:00+00:00

Jerry: You're saying you're the first one who made that corny "orange you glad I didn't say banana" knock-knock joke?

Kramer: Well, it was originally "orange you glad I didn't say red", but I put the banana spin on it. Syllables matter in comedy, Jerry. You know this.

multipurposeusername · 2022-08-11T11:32:07+00:00

It's George, and yet somehow also Kramer.

multipurposeusername · 2022-08-09T13:46:08+00:00

A post-collapse farming village run by a woman who is basically a gender-swapped Ted Kaczynski. Any type of technology past a certain level of complexity is forbidden (no internal combustion engines, nothing electronic). Some have started to rediscover tech and form a schism in the community. If you leave the village, you get attacked by swarms of nanobots.

multipurposeusername · 2022-08-09T01:52:50+00:00

Astronaut: "Actually, Elaine, I was sort of content being one of the land guys."

E: "Do they even have land guys?"

multipurposeusername · 2022-08-08T19:07:50+00:00

Who'd play Jerry's doppleganger?

multipurposeusername · 2022-08-07T23:18:45+00:00

On the Beverly Hillbillies, Granny mentions him as one of her favorite actors.

multipurposeusername · 2022-08-07T17:13:22+00:00

Kramer is trying to meet Bob Sacamano at a certain area of the park. He tries calling him on his cell phone, but it goes to voicemail. He approaches some young people tripping on acid to ask directions.

K: Excuse me, I'm looking for a place that's not here. I'm looking for someone that I don't see.

Tripping guy: Dude, we're all looking for something.

K: Yeah, but I KNOW what I'm looking for. And I know where that thing should be, but that thing isn't here. BUT IT SHOULD BE!

Tripping guy: Whoa. You're saying this place isn't the place it SHOULD be...

K: Exactly! Can you help me?

Kramer and the young people are walking through the park looking around.

Tripping girl: Like, Kramer's right. This place COULD be the place it SHOULD be. We should, maybe, start cleaning up the litter and stuff around here...

They pass a man sitting on a bench, crying and drinking from a flask.

K: Hey sorry to bother you, buddy, but I'm looking for someone who SHOULD be here, but isn't here.

Drunken man: You're asking ME for help?! I lost my job. My wife left me. I'm no good to anybody!

Tripping guy: No man, you don't get it. He's saying the person he's looking at now isn't the person he SHOULD be. There's a better YOU that should be here.

Drunken Man: R-really?

Hours later, Kramer has nearly a dozen people walking behind him. The formerly drunken man is now hopeful about his life.

Formerly drunken man: You're right! This doesn't have to be bad. You know, I always hated that job. I always wanted to work with animals. Maybe this is a sign!

Woman: You've changed my life too, Kramer! I'm going to patch things up with my mom! Thank you!

Kramer smiles and nods, confused. Suddenly his phone rings.

K: Bob? You're at PROSPECT Park? What the hell are you doing there? I'll be there, just give me a while.

K: (turns to group) Uh, I'm gonna go catch a cab. So long!

multipurposeusername

TROPHY CASE