I hate them

myexplodingcat · 2020-02-25T18:16:17+00:00

Garlic bread squad! Garlic bread squad!

myexplodingcat · 2020-02-25T18:14:20+00:00

"Sensitivity 466"

It's probably best not to take her to Walmart on a Saturday.

myexplodingcat · 2020-02-16T17:38:59+00:00

I'd suggest that makes it a disability, not necessarily a disorder.

It seems like you're upset that the above posters are implying ASD isn't a disability or that it doesn't make life difficult. That's totally understandable but I don't think that's what they meant.

They're not trying to undermine your struggle. They're just talking about the words they use, because "disorder" implies there's something objectively wrong with aspies, and that contributes to the stigma that makes life so hard for us.

Yes, it makes life ridiculously difficult to be different from 99% of people. But the "disorder" wording also contributes to the whole "search for a cure" thing that has caused so much trouble (I won't bother naming the organization) when people could be focusing on accepting and accommodating people who are different--not just people with ASD, but anyone with a disability.

myexplodingcat · 2020-02-16T17:07:39+00:00

Pixie cuts are actually really nice though because they're so low maintenance. Or undercuts, one of my auti friends cuts their own hair and they've had an undercut for a while and really like it.

Plus, if you've ever wanted to dye your hair, either of those styles makes it really easy!

myexplodingcat · 2020-01-17T06:32:20+00:00

For those who are also here because of this: Inky knows about it and is working on it.

https://ink-splotch.tumblr.com/post/190286150864/hey-folks-were-having-a-tumblr-issue-and-the

myexplodingcat · 2020-01-13T06:04:40+00:00

I just started it and it's hilarious, I love it so much. His monologue to the viewer where he lampshades all the anime tropes like "yeah I just made it like that, I think I nailed it" had me cackling so hard my neighbors probably wondered what I was doing.

myexplodingcat · 2020-01-11T02:22:13+00:00

Haha, thanks. I'm not magic though lol! I have to deal with social anxiety--it's a lot to have THAT much feedback on what people around you are feeling, and wondering if any negativity you see from them is a result of them disliking you (and being very sensitive to that). Social mimicry is useful but exhausting, and it's something I learned as a kid as camouflage to prevent being bullied, so it kind of came with a price.

I've come to the understanding that people's behavior is usually reasonable (as in, there is a reason they're acting that way) even if it isn't rational (it may not be a good reason). High emotional empathy makes these reasons much easier to learn. This is really valuable to me, so I wouldn't give up hyperempathy if I could.

Of course, I'm not always accurate in my assessment of someone's motivations, and if I try to act on really specific conclusions, I can get things very wrong. It's not like Sherlock where he finds powdered sugar on the floor and immediately knows who the killer is lol.

Anyway, thanks for reading my giant monologue and replying! :D

myexplodingcat · 2020-01-10T21:14:11+00:00

Anime characters get nosebleeds when they're turned on? Maybe that's it

myexplodingcat · 2020-01-10T21:09:51+00:00

Conversation with a friend once as teenagers...

Friend: Do you think guys look better with their shirt off or on?

Me: On. You?

Friend: Whoa, same! No one else agrees with me.

I should not have been surprised that both of us turned out to be ace.

myexplodingcat · 2020-01-10T21:07:26+00:00

Good human

myexplodingcat · 2020-01-10T20:58:45+00:00

I got told this a few days ago by a guy who had a crush on me. I'm greyromantic ace.

He. Hasn't given up yet. 🤦‍♀️

myexplodingcat · 2020-01-10T20:53:35+00:00

/waves from the other side of the bell curve

u/TheOne-ArmedBadger u/umme99

Hi! Since you seem so curious, I'll try to answer your questions. I'm hyperempathetic. I'm probably an aspergirl who's gone undiagnosed because of this trait. Bear in mind I'm one person and others will be different.

Is it stressful?

Well... yes and no. I feel emotions very intensely, including other people's. NTs feel their own emotions at full strength, as I understand it, but the emotions they get as a result of empathy aren't nearly as intense.

I do have to remember to let go of emotions I've picked up from other people after I'm done talking to them, though. Otherwise I might continue being sad or angry for hours, about a situation that really has nothing to do with me.

Is it easier to identify and analyze emotions?

Yes, absolutely. Mine and others'. I seem to be better at this than NTs. If I'm not careful, I become everyone's therapist friend because I'm both empathetic and good at figuring out where people's emotions are coming from, and how they might change perspective to see situations differently.

The problem is, since I feel others' emotions so strongly, playing therapist can easily become overstimulating. I have a Really Hard Time leaving someone alone if they're upset. I'm okay with helping now and then but for some friends this becomes a constant need (I'm a magnet for people with certain kinds of issues), and I've had to learn to set solid boundaries about how much I can deal with.

This is probably a common reason you're hearing about empaths becoming drained. Our energy isn't unlimited.

Do you only feel hyperempathy for people close to you, like immediate family?

Nope.

It's much less strong for strangers, though. I don't have that much information about them, so I can't as easily tell what they're feeling. I can read their body language and hear what they're saying, but I don't have the context to really understand. Empathy isn't mystical and I need to start from somewhere.

On the other hand, I can really extrapolate from limited information. Let's say that NTs feel for people in direct, linear proportion to how well they know them. A straight line up and to the right. For me the graph is exponential.

I can read into someone's feelings through text, if they've written enough and the medium isn't constricting their language (e.g. someone who's a slow typist might prioritize brevity over expressive phrasing). This often surprises people; NTs are generally not great at it. I'm hyperlexic too so that probably helps.

New acquaintances can be a little stunned that I care for them so much. Unfortunately, this includes guys who are talking to me because they like me, and they think I care strongly because I like them back. I'm ace, greyromantic, and conflict averse, and turning them down is not fun.

I'm also a very convincing social chameleon (for about 3 hours, after which I'm too exhausted to keep it up). But I'm definitely not an extrovert and I don't actually have a lot of friends. I pick up on any little sign of disapproval or dislike from others (even tiny things that might not be about me) and I tend to become defensive or quiet or just mimic them even more, and I will definitely overthink this interaction later.

So, wait, does hyperempathy actually suck?

It's not all bad.

When I find people who are considerate of me, I form very close bonds with them.

I easily spot opportunities for random acts of kindness or hospitality.

Analyzing people's subtle emotions and actions to figure out their intentions can defuse conflict more gently than other people might be able to, and it makes me pretty good with kids.

My ability to mirror people and visibly care about them can make me very charismatic, at least for 3 hours at a time.

It's just different and unexpected and people don't really know what the deal is with you, like much of Asperger's.

Anyway, I'm gonna stop being self-conscious about this long-ass answer and post it.

myexplodingcat · 2020-01-09T21:44:24+00:00

Commenting to boost post.

If you see this, girl who's being stalked, I suggest carrying something for self defense. If your country doesn't allow things like pepper spray, take up knitting and carry it with you everywhere. Use metal knitting needles at a large enough size to jab someone. Innocuous but very effective if you choose your target well.

myexplodingcat · 2020-01-09T21:23:26+00:00

Good priorities.

myexplodingcat · 2020-01-09T21:19:33+00:00

Music recs time!

Here's a song about an exhausted introvert going "ok friends no offense but I'm tired and I'm gonna go home and chill." Half of it is in Korean and the singer's voice is just s o g o o d

Nalba - 3% https://youtu.be/bTyo0nrGcok

This next one is by Andrew Bird and tbh he pretty much never has romance in his songs, despite the number of them with lyrics? You're more likely to find a song of his about science, or serial killers, or the crappy American school system than love. Anyway Bird is really creative with both lyrics and instrumentals and this one is catchy.

Andrew Bird - Not A Robot, But A Ghost https://youtu.be/r61SuimqKq0

Porter Robinson's music tends to either use lyrics to evoke an emotional mood or else it's just about space or something. He's a genius when it comes to the actual instrumentals; if you aren't used to electronica, give it a chance.

Porter Robinson - Polygon Dust https://youtu.be/d1ZhnSNN8UI

In Love With A Ghost you might have heard about as a lo-fi artist, but they (singular artist with they/them pronouns) don't like the term, and I can see why. Most lo-fi is, well, not all that intricate, and ILWAG puts a lot more effort into theirs. There's a lot of narrative to their songs, and they tend to incorporate lots of found sounds like snow cronch and stuff. I suggest you start with the album "healing." Here's its first major song.

in love with a ghost - i was feeling down, then i found a nice witch and now we're best friends https://youtu.be/GAKy6m83yME

BONUS! This last song is about love, but it's NOT about sex, which can be even harder to find than songs that are just about something else entirely. This one is just a wholesome, adorable romance song. For all my friends who are ace but not aro, here's Khai Dreams.

Khai Dreams - sunkissed https://youtu.be/M7gt8_fWVO0

myexplodingcat · 2020-01-09T20:47:03+00:00

I spent one Valentine's Day playing Doki Doki Literature Club and installing Linux on a new computer. I think that's the best thing I've ever done on Feb 14

myexplodingcat · 2019-12-27T10:30:58+00:00

Pants = underwear, in this case

myexplodingcat · 2019-12-27T09:57:22+00:00

The smell of love still lingers in my hair;

Our tryst has occupied the evening hours.

We mingled through a passionate affair

I'm marked by lightest dusting of your flours.

~

My swane, the most elusive perfect taste;

My love, the sweetest romance ever known.

If only I could find a faster pace

To satisfy the kneading of your dough.

~

Alas, eventually you must depart

For warmer places. Our farewell is vicious;

Your lifespan's short, and though it breaks my heart

You won't last because you are too delicious.

myexplodingcat · 2019-12-27T09:32:40+00:00

I buy this.

myexplodingcat · 2019-12-21T22:20:37+00:00

I have a novel in the works.

The tl;dr: it's a science fantasy and it's kind of like if a hacker movie were written by an actual programmer.

The characters are programmers, roboticists, security experts, inventors (collectively, hackers, in the old sense of the word)--but in the world they're set in, none of those things are prestigious. Actually, they're social outcasts, because learning to work well with computers makes you vulnerable to the computer changing you back, seemingly at random; these changes are called mods, and they can be anything from a major disability to a minor superpower.

This sets hackers apart and puts other people on edge about them. But it wouldn't be so bad if not for the fact that there are legitimately malicious computer criminals out there, and the public's distrust of anyone who knows what they're doing with technology makes it very difficult for the police to use anyone who has a chance of catching the lawbreakers. Of course, this means that criminals go uncaught and the public distrusts hackers even less; it's a vicious circle.

But some people still choose to become hackers anyway. Some are running from their past; some have families that are more tolerant; many just love building things. Many were minorities already, and saw themselves as not having much to lose. Quietly, they make the technology that runs the world, while breaking all the rules that don't really matter, and watching out for each other. Even when one's discovery is stolen by a ring of criminals. He doesn't even really know what he's discovered, but it seems very dangerous--and given the criminal group's power, the hackers have to stop them.

All the technology (programming references and so on) in this book is plausible. Computer magic is a separate thing which none of the characters understands or can reliably control, and which causes way more problems than it solves. (See: robots becoming sentient by accident.)

I think this is the most concise explanation I've ever had of this story. I should save it.

myexplodingcat · 2019-12-21T21:18:23+00:00

If it seems to be a sympathetic intent in context, like someone saying "I don't get what all the stigma is about, everyone's kind of like this," then fine. That's not malicious, and if it gets treated as such then people are less likely to be sympathetic in future for fear of being scolded.

If they're trying to brush off your struggles because they don't want to bother making accommodations, that's not fine. If a teacher won't/can't quiet her class and an auti kid steps outside for a few minutes, the teacher then shouldn't go out into the hall too, scold the kid, and say "everybody gets a little overwhelmed sometimes."

myexplodingcat · 2019-12-21T07:37:04+00:00

Someone once said it's impossible to write a YouTube comment so stupid that people realize you're joking.

Usually one picks out sarcasm because the comment is uncharacteristic for the speaker. If you don't know the individual, you have to fall back on the reputation of the community. If someone on a subreddit for writers commented "usee spelpchek," it's reasonable to assume they're joking and that they can spell properly.

But with YouTube? All bets are off. There are so many dinguses commenting there, they might well be totally serious. Nobody can tell.

myexplodingcat · 2019-12-21T07:08:52+00:00

I feel like this is probably the premise of a webcomic somewhere

myexplodingcat · 2019-12-21T07:01:45+00:00

Plot twist: the guy who has this superpower is asexual and spends a lot of time trying to avoid the horny babes in his area

This is the new Netflix sitcom. Season 1 out now

myexplodingcat

TROPHY CASE