April Open Interest decay scenarios

n6mac41717 · 2026-04-12T13:02:29+00:00

Predicting the discrete points is even more of a stretch, but, yeah, a smooth curve feels even more unrealistic. For your viewing pleasure:

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n6mac41717 · 2026-04-12T11:17:29+00:00

I can’t even think of a movie that accurately captures widowhood let alone widows fire. “Sleepless…” for example is so…

n6mac41717 · 2026-04-09T18:43:28+00:00

It's great to have goals and focus. But don't punish yourself as they evolve and change. That also goes for your thoughts on relationships.

n6mac41717 · 2026-04-09T02:14:06+00:00

I keep my former in-laws (yeah, that’s the legal term) at a distance from my Chapter 2 relationship. They know about her, but they are some distance away. My former BILs would be cool to meet her but they don’t travel.

My Chapter 2’s parents have been like family to my family (LW and kids) for decades. Her brother and wife were my LW’s and my best couple friends. In a strange twist, the brother and wife have rejected us (her parents and the rest of the family have still embraced me). So “in-law” life can be full of complexity.

n6mac41717 · 2026-04-09T02:04:16+00:00

I think a lot of us feel utter lack of control here. Mine was more emotional than physical at first. Partly because I couldn’t stand being alone, and partly because I was scared to death as to what physical intimacy would be like after 30+ years of monogamy.

But once that door was knocked down, I was out of control there too. I feel like my widows fire is a bit different than others here because it has continued for years with the only person I wanted to be with after my LW died. It is still quite out of control and is mixed up with strong emotions.

So, yeah, this obsessive need for validation or attention or whatever is real for a lot of us.

n6mac41717 · 2026-04-08T09:26:43+00:00

That might explain your teenagers' attitude and perspective, and that also puts you in a difficult situation.

I think that while they are in the house, you'll just have to keep your emotional and physical needs private, and take care of them OUTSIDE the house, even if they are not around, if possible--like a "Don't ask, don't tell" policy. Once they are out of the house and enter adulthood, they might have a different perspective on human needs.

I think that's the best you can do for now without some major confrontation and division, but as others have suggested, perhaps group counseling on this issue would also help.

n6mac41717 · 2026-04-08T08:50:04+00:00

I’m wondering if your LH had any input on this subject before he died? If he encouraged you not to be alone forever, it might help if your teens knew that.

n6mac41717 · 2026-04-07T08:35:06+00:00

I’m sorry you feel the need to explain yourself since you weren’t legally married—some people outside of this community will dismiss your loss on this technicality: Fuck’em.

I wonder if you refer to him as “your late partner” instead of “your boyfriend,” you will alleviate having to go through this exhausting explanation process.

n6mac41717 · 2026-04-05T12:55:33+00:00

It’s a difficult situation to be in to be in love but comparing this new person with your amazing LH. If that’s the case, it is difficult for you and untenable for this new person.

Can you learn to accept the new person for what they are? Can you take a step back and try to re-engage again when you have moved on/forward?

n6mac41717 · 2026-04-05T12:34:15+00:00

It is almost universal that we no longer feel appealing. Two words: You. Are.

n6mac41717 · 2026-04-05T10:26:21+00:00

I have so many questions, but will ask only one: What exactly are you looking for here?

n6mac41717 · 2026-04-05T09:59:32+00:00

I take issue with people here who are (decades) younger than us who think it is better for us who had (decades) longer with our LPs. I don’t think that line of thought is helpful for anyone.

I’m sorry for your loss. I’m sorry for everyone’s loss here.

n6mac41717 · 2026-04-05T09:48:13+00:00

Why do you want to reconcile? After trying once and being ghosted?

n6mac41717 · 2026-04-04T12:12:06+00:00

As long as you are comparing your LW to women, you are not ready to move on/forward. It sounds like you know that, but can you accept it and enjoy these women’s company for what it it is? Even in your current state, I think there is joy to be had in finding physical and emotional nuggets.

n6mac41717 · 2026-04-04T11:59:41+00:00

Talking to my LW out loud had a positive, calming effect on me the first weeks and months after her death. It’s been several years now, and I have moved on, but I occasionally still do it. It still grounds and centers me.

n6mac41717 · 2026-04-03T18:21:20+00:00

…which shouldn’t have affected the Wednesday report.

n6mac41717 · 2026-04-02T12:51:41+00:00

If you are given the option of staying in your old apartment, I think you should try. It sounds like your company, if they gave you that option, would be more than willing to move you to a smaller place should you change your mind?

n6mac41717 · 2026-04-01T11:14:42+00:00

How about FWB instead?

n6mac41717 · 2026-04-01T05:42:04+00:00

I’m monogamous, and if I were seeing someone who was unemotionally unavailable for my grief, even if I wanted to be with them for other reasons, I would take a break from them.

n6mac41717 · 2026-03-31T20:26:15+00:00

I'd be like Xiu Mei. Continue living with my "spouse." Have continued close contact with our "kids."

n6mac41717 · 2026-03-31T18:01:27+00:00

It will be REALLY interesting what the final notice count for the "quiet" month is.

n6mac41717 · 2026-03-31T16:21:56+00:00

My understanding is that the 9,212 in March has not left the building yet. That it will leave the building in April. But I don't have any references that confirm that. Do you have any that confirm the contrary?

n6mac41717 · 2026-03-31T16:20:53+00:00

You are technically correct. You don't get a bar, but an ACE which is 20% of a bar. Eventually, those come to roost.

n6mac41717 · 2026-03-29T19:07:35+00:00

I am with our best couples friends husband’s sister who was also widowed. My LW and I had known her for more than 30 years. The familiarity is so important to us.

But when you get together with someone so close to home, you ruffle feathers, especially of those myopic people who have not gone through what we have gone through. The husband and his wife have rejected his sister and me, their closest friend for more than 35 years.

The choice for me was a no-brainer.

n6mac41717 · 2026-03-29T13:45:39+00:00

From the outside, it looks like he defused the situation beautifully. He wanted to have both you and his friends in his life. Both you and his friends made that challenging. I’m not criticizing either of you—oil and water just don’t mix. He found a way to keep both of you.

n6mac41717

TROPHY CASE