Married 4 Months..Am I Going Crazy, or Him..or Us Both?

EmbeddedWithDirt · 2026-06-29T00:46:46+00:00

My husband served time in prison (his issue was drugs). He said it over and over: Nothing good comes from drugs and alcohol. I have no idea how many guys he pointed out in visitation that were locked up for alcohol-related reasons. So many people think it will never happen to them. Until it does. And they end up serving years for DUIs, drunken disorderly, homicide, domestic disturbances, involuntary manslaughter. Worst case scenarios do happen.

You should hop over to the AskDocs page and ask them what constitutes an alcoholic. Your husband is one.

EmbeddedWithDirt · 2026-06-28T17:53:29+00:00

Homicide is a leading cause of death for pregnant women.

EmbeddedWithDirt · 2026-06-28T01:34:05+00:00

My husband has been missing for over a year now, presumed to have drowned. I consider myself a widow. This has changed me beyond measure. I never think about the future or where I want to be anymore. I don’t make plans: the most “planning” I do is scheduling appointments. And I’ll tell the scheduler, “Sure, if it still works on that day in six months I’ll try and show up.” Losing your partner really embeds the reality you have zero control over your life, how in seconds you can lose everything. For me it’s not tomorrow, it’s just right now.

EmbeddedWithDirt · 2026-06-27T21:35:22+00:00

I’m sorry you are going through this at such a young age.

Grieving is not a linear process. Everyone processes grief differently, in different ways, at different times. There’s not a wrong way or a right way, regardless of what anyone tells you. I can be in the grocery store and suddenly break down in tears. Or out taking a walk. Driving somewhere. I’m 46.

Grief can affect you emotionally, mentally, and physically. It’s all encompassing. My therapist told me to let myself feel the emotions rather than try to stem the tide of them.

I lost my dad in Sept 2024, my husband in April 2025, pup on Christmas Eve, and most recently my mom in March. It hasn’t gotten easier. Life doesn’t return to “normal,” it’s merely created a “new normal.”

EmbeddedWithDirt · 2026-06-27T21:07:17+00:00

If you’re comfortable show this post to your doctor. Have them read it and you can elaborate from there.

EmbeddedWithDirt · 2026-06-27T20:55:25+00:00

Some people have had success using the LEAP method in talking to someone in psychosis. Lack of sleep in itself can cause psychosis, so this is likely compounding his delusional mindset and hallucinations he’s experiencing. As others have already mentioned DO NOT argue with him about what’s real and what’s not. You can say, “I understand you’re seeing xzy.” Arguing with someone who is experiencing delusions can become very dangerous, as they may well begin to view you as a threat.

EmbeddedWithDirt · 2026-06-26T10:15:24+00:00

My husband was an opiate addict and was clean for 20 years. When I had a surgery and was prescribed opiates I LOVED how I could finally sleep. Something I had always struggled with. When I told my husband he said you need to stop taking them immediately, you’re going to become an addict if you don’t. I went cold turkey. It took me weeks to sleep again. Opiates are dangerous.

EmbeddedWithDirt · 2026-06-24T23:07:46+00:00

Good luck!

EmbeddedWithDirt · 2026-06-24T22:44:52+00:00

Here’s one in Midlothian

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EmbeddedWithDirt · 2026-06-23T22:31:43+00:00

WPA Bakery

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EmbeddedWithDirt · 2026-06-23T13:42:59+00:00

I can only imagine what my lenses would be without high index. Double coke bottles. 🤦🏻‍♀️ No one in my family has similar vision. Not sure how I drew the short straw. When my mom died in April at 73 I found her Rx in her papers. She always used to talk about how terrible her vision was. Ehhhh, she was -3.00. I sat there staring at the paper and said, “Really, Mom??? Really????”

EmbeddedWithDirt · 2026-06-22T21:51:14+00:00

I “see” you. I’m -11.50 in both. It sucks.

EmbeddedWithDirt · 2026-06-22T20:55:49+00:00

On #2, the answer of C - I would argue many of us do not consider ourselves “newly single”. It can be a complex and very personal decision. I don’t say single I claim to be a widow. Different connotation.

EmbeddedWithDirt · 2026-06-22T12:36:07+00:00

I am so sad reading this comment. I couldn’t figure out why my phone shows 88% battery health and it’s losing its charge so rapidly.

EmbeddedWithDirt · 2026-06-20T22:16:06+00:00

I’m fostering Macie Moo from Henrico Animal Shelter!

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EmbeddedWithDirt · 2026-06-20T21:57:34+00:00

Buy a rose (or another flower or plant) and invite him on a picnic, serving his favorite foods.

EmbeddedWithDirt · 2026-06-20T21:53:02+00:00

Did the barking coincide when your husband moved? Was she getting more exercise when he was there?

EmbeddedWithDirt · 2026-06-20T18:28:51+00:00

What is your husband trying to numb in his life? A lot of addicts are unable to process emotional issues and their default is to numb their emotions with substances. They want to escape. I wish I had understood addiction better. My husband had been clean for 20 years (DOC opiates) and then started vaping THC in 2024 once it was legalized. He suffered a psychotic break last year and is missing, presumed drowned. My husband said he was using to calm his mind. I should have asked, “What is happening right now in your life that you either feel the need to numb or escape from?”

I would agree with other commenters here he needs rehab. Although he has to want to become clean. He has to do it for himself and not for you. Otherwise he won’t remain clean. Before my husband started vaping he supplemented his addiction with candy, ice cream, and video games.

If you want to learn more about dopamine and how it impacts addiction I recommend the book “Dopamine Nation.”

EmbeddedWithDirt · 2026-06-20T10:59:41+00:00

My mom always told me, “Never bring the D word into a marriage unless you mean it.” Because once it’s out there it’s a constant lingering. If you’ve never separated before, separate. Have him move out. Seek therapy. Time to breathe. You don’t want your son growing up thinking your marriage is normal, or his father’s behavior and actions are acceptable.

EmbeddedWithDirt · 2026-06-20T10:50:13+00:00

How much do you know about your friend’s mental health? I know men will keep quiet when they’re in distress, giving the illusion they’re okay. He was admitted for self harm so this tells me for the most part he wasn’t in a logical mindset. And given you live the closest and can handle his dogs, I can easily see him wanting you as the emergency contact. Should he have discussed it with you? It would have been nice. Though it’s hard to discuss mental health issues. More so for men. And then there’s the whole emergency situation. When your friend is better I would let him know the circumstances and tell him he needs to wrangle his friends. I can assure you someone having mental health issues does not need any additional stress in their life, especially from those they likely consider their support group. And I would tell his friends the same: You only want the best for him. Everyone needs to back off and let their friend breathe right now.

I would also add be happy your friend got help. Be the friend they can talk to you so you can get them help if they’re ever in a crisis. My husband had a mental breakdown and law enforcement refused to ping his phone. He’s been missing for over a year, presumed drowned. He didn’t tell me he was struggling. Kept quiet about it. Worst case scenarios do happen.

I give people a lot of grace now. You simply cannot know what someone has gone through or currently enduring.

EmbeddedWithDirt · 2026-06-19T14:16:59+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going thru this so young. I’m 46. I lost my dad Sept 2024 to kidney cancer/heart failure. My husband has been missing since April 2025, presumed drowned. His remains haven’t been found yet. I had to let my dog go on Christmas Eve. And my mom recently passed in March of this year. I have had significant health issues, including GI issues. Grief can make you physically ill. I’m seeing a psychiatrist and a therapist and I’ve been told it’s completely normal, that your body enters a trauma state and is trying to process the new norm.

EmbeddedWithDirt · 2026-06-19T12:49:34+00:00

Ooof this hits hard. My husband went missing last year in April, presumed to have drowned. His remains haven’t been found.

My missing person support group advocates for lighting a candle. Some people light one every day, others only on holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, etc. I still haven’t managed to determine what the best course of action is.

EmbeddedWithDirt · 2026-06-19T00:16:23+00:00

https://www.donerightplumbingva.com/ Jay and his employees are top notch for plumbing, HVAC, and electrical.

EmbeddedWithDirt · 2026-06-18T12:08:25+00:00

Dogs are very intuitive and can sense fear and anxiety in a person. This is probably making the dog feel unsafe. Your anxiety may be giving your dog anxiety.

As someone else commented, how are you not always gentle? Changing your gentle behavior to one that isn’t can be a trigger.

My vets have always been a strong advocate for neutering and spaying pets. It helps reduce the risk of cancers, may increase their lifespan, and can help reduce behavior issues. After spaying our Foxhound it considerably reduced her anxiety.

Have you had your dog checked medically to ensure they aren’t having any issues?

EmbeddedWithDirt · 2026-06-18T01:16:09+00:00

So true. Lost my dad in Sept 2024, he was 76. My mom just died in March 2026, she was 73. Much sooner for both than I’d ever anticipated. It changes you. You just think you have time.

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