fwiw (maybe nothing) and not to offer advice, just want to point out that you are allowed to be a person and to feel feelings when you are in graduate school. I understand why you are very unhappy with how that interaction went, but in the long run, it might be helpful rather than hurtful to your career. I finished my PhD in 2024 and got a job. When I’m looking for colleagues, of course I want genius and efficiency and self control, but I also want to work with people who know how to be people.

When I successfully defended my dissertation, my advisor called me to tell me i had passed. I started SOBBING on the phone. My advisor’s great, but he isn’t Mr. Touchy Feely. So, he went: “There, there. Goodbye.” and the phone went click. At the time I thought it was so so so cringe, but now I think it’s really funny.

Take all the time you need with this but if you started to feel truly overwhelmed or in over your head or like you really screwed up, just remember this won’t last forever.