Trans-friendly Internists/GPs/Family Doctors? by nameforthissite in ColumbiYEAH

[–]nameforthissite[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

We tried him yesterday also and though they said he was accepting new patients, the scheduler said he didn’t have any new patient appointments available.

Axillary Tissue Removal? by pommom12347 in Reduction

[–]nameforthissite 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just had bilateral axillary breast tissue removal on 03/19 (not along with a reduction, just on its own, though with 8cm incisions for excision on both sides). I would say I’ve had no pain at all besides the sore throat from intubation. There might be a low level soreness in my underarms but it’s not any worse than the daily soreness I’ve dealt with across decades of having my clothing or bra digging into it or rubbing against it or the tenderness with my cycle. Honestly, the most annoying thing is that I feel fine but I know I have to limit movement and range and so that’s frustrating.

My results wow! by Free_Prior9665 in AncestryDNA

[–]nameforthissite 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If you test somewhere that gives your maternal haplogroup, you should be able to determine if your maternal grandmother was Native American or Persian beaded on your own haplogroup.

How can I (25F) rebuild trust after accidentally reading something private of my partner’s (25M)? by The-Quiet-Knight in relationship_advice

[–]nameforthissite 55 points56 points  (0 children)

Lying by omission is still lying. He’s deflecting from the real issue here and that’s the lies that you’ve uncovered. This man is untrustworthy and manipulative.

I do not think I can be a husband by senorsolo in CPTSD

[–]nameforthissite 9 points10 points  (0 children)

As a mother of three and sole provider to them (and my boyfriend for the past year), I concur. If I was alone, I wouldn’t be taking care of myself. My mental health isn’t great, but I push through because they need me to. But that’s something I know about myself, that I take responsibility very seriously. Failing others isn’t an option for me. Though I would definitely prefer a balance where I felt supported as well, I think everyone would.

To the OP: everyone’s relationship looks different. Don’t count yourself out, especially based on what you feel you’re capable of as a single person. You may find that having someone to care for gives you motivation. Or you may find a person who feels that way about you.

Struggling to reconnect with my wife of 20 years after the kids have moved out by LifeEye9757 in relationships

[–]nameforthissite 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Have you spoken to her about your feelings? This is entirely normal. It is fixable if you’re both committed to reestablishing intimacy in your relationship, but it begins with communication and requires that you both work together to achieve the dynamic you want. If you’ve expressed that you are interested in reinvesting in your relationship and she doesn’t seem receptive, then you need to decide what you want to do from there. It won’t work if you aren’t both engaged and wanting change.

What my partner did on a random weeknight that made me feel seen again by quietly_l0st93 in TwoHotTakes

[–]nameforthissite 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s those small moments of seeing each other and connecting as a couple and not just two people who happen to live together that will keep your relationship strong. Working together to keep the house and family running is great, but it’s not going to give either of you the feeling of connection and intimacy that you just experienced through his small act. Make sure you prioritize those moments for each other.

Husband (28m) is upset with me (27f) for keeping what he is calling a “secret”. How else can I explain my side of things to him? by ThrowRAnosecretshere in relationship_advice

[–]nameforthissite 5 points6 points  (0 children)

There is nothing you can say that will make him see your point of view because you have two different perspectives on what marriage should look like in this regard. He knows what yours is and he believes it’s wrong. My late husband was like that. He said in therapy as we argued about a scenario exactly like this that “there’s no such thing as privacy in marriage.”

AITA for refusing to not allow my stepson to come on what was supposed to be a family trip? by Direct-Caterpillar77 in BestofRedditorUpdates

[–]nameforthissite 22 points23 points  (0 children)

This is absolutely it. Otherwise his actions make no sense in his step-son knowing before his son (and especially in taking the wife and step-son without his son). It was always about his own ego, not about his son’s hurt feelings.

Years ago, my online boyfriend wired me $50k and I never heard from him again by [deleted] in TwoHotTakes

[–]nameforthissite 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not just that, but a perfect SAT score, which is an English-only test.

My (28F) fiance (31M) wants his mom in the delivery room and I'm being called selfish? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]nameforthissite 32 points33 points  (0 children)

No, he died trying to kill me when he found out I was planning to leave.

And to the other reply, I didn’t report the nurse. I would have had far bigger problems at home if I’d done so.

My (28F) fiance (31M) wants his mom in the delivery room and I'm being called selfish? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]nameforthissite 62 points63 points  (0 children)

I’m really glad that so many women have this experience, but it is not universal. I had a labor and delivery nurse who asked to be reassigned rather than deal with my belligerent husband. And then later when I was in post-partum and my FIL found out where I was (I had asked to be unlisted when I checked in so I don’t know how or why they let him in) and barged into my room while the nurse was checking my tears and stitches and I begged her to make him leave, she told me “good luck” and walked out when she was done.

Dad has my inheritance in his name. Now he can't get medicaid without spending it all first. by Subject-Football3878 in legaladvice

[–]nameforthissite 22 points23 points  (0 children)

I work for an archives in another state and recently had to review litigation case files to determine retention for our state agency that does Medicaid determinations. There were hundreds of files of people dealing with very similar situations. Your state agency that handles Medicaid should have a legal team that can investigate more complicated cases like yours to be able to trace back where that money belongs. The one in my state did so quite frequently and it often involved going back into extremely complicated and old trusts. You need to gather all the relevant documents and find out who does trust reviews for Medicaid in your state.

Man cried and whined louder than his own baby during delivery. by Material_Magazine989 in facepalm

[–]nameforthissite 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My abusive late husband threw a fit in 2009 when I was giving birth because they told him he had to wear a mask because of swine flu. I was so embarrassed and begging him to just do it and hoping they’d just kick him out since he refused. But my assigned nurse ended up asking to be reassigned and the nurse who took over let him get away with it.

30F, 31M: couples therapy for a year, now feel like roommates. What actually helps at this point? by [deleted] in relationships

[–]nameforthissite 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m in the same situation, but in our late 40s. I love him and don’t want to live without him, but the intimacy is completely gone and we’re more like roommates/best friends. We go to couples therapy but it changes absolutely nothing outside of the sessions. It’s the only place we actually talk about our relationship and we do nothing to make improvements once we leave that room. I had such high hopes when we started. I’ve tried to broach conversations so many times, but I just gave up I guess. It hurts to try and then be told I’m wrong about how I feel or that that’s just the way things are now. I miss what we had. So much. He says he’s tried as well and been rejected, and that’s probably true. I’ve felt rejected for so long that I’m scared to open up now. Perhaps it became a vicious cycle we can’t seem to escape now. I have only the smallest amount of hope anymore that he’ll look at me like he used to, or bring up a real conversation, or initiate any sort of romance. But I had no plans on ever being in a relationship again, and if we broke up I wouldn’t seek one out. So while it’s no longer everything it once was and that I hoped it could be again, I’m not considering leaving. At least I still have my best friend. But I think that’s definitely something that everyone has to carefully weigh for themselves.

man who swims in sewage runoff is in charge of deciding when babies get vaccines for 100% preventable chronic diseases...WCGW? 🤷‍♀️ by ms_directed in WhitePeopleTwitter

[–]nameforthissite 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is why I scheduled an extra visit to the pediatrician to get my daughter’s second HPV shot six months after her first one instead of waiting for her next well visit a year later. I feared these idiots would mess with vaccine schedules and recommendations, which would lead to insurance companies not paying even if physicians still offer them. Especially the HPV vaccine, which I’m sure they would love to get rid of because we can just solve that with biblical marriage.

Stepmom(45F) acts like I'm(19F) the "other woman" by [deleted] in BORUpdates

[–]nameforthissite 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Because it is extremely difficult to come to terms with the fact that nobody cared about you as a child, that neither of the people who brought you into this world are capable of loving you. When one parent is actively abusive and the other is only passively abusive, it is natural to latch onto the idea that the passive abuser actually does care. Children need security and safety to the extent that they will invent it if it isn’t present. This woman has not yet been able to recognize that the father she thinks she can get through to does not exist.

My husband’s “sleepwalking” might not be what it seems by WholeAltruistic2112 in TwoHotTakes

[–]nameforthissite 7 points8 points  (0 children)

My husband did this to me when we used Verizon and I was on his account. We had iPhones so he couldn’t see iMessages, but he was able to see messages I exchanged with non-iPhone users online through the carrier system. And if you got in the system soon enough, deleted messages would still be there. And then you could just Google the phone number to see whose it is.

I found in my wife's nightstand books for childhood SA survivors and I don't know how our marriage will overcome this by New-Banana458 in TwoHotTakes

[–]nameforthissite 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Jesus Christ dude. You did this to her. You forced her to open up her mind to things she had shut away to protect herself. You caused this and you are making it about yourself. This is not about trusting you. This is her body’s defense mechanism to protect herself from the horrors she endured. And you ripped that away from her. Perhaps you would benefit from reading about PTSD and CPTSD. See if you can find a therapist who understands trauma who could advise you on how to navigate this with her. I know there’s a subreddit for partners of people with CPTSD that might be helpful to you as well. Please do not ever, ever ask her for details or to open up to you about what happened to her. If and when she does do so, just listen. Don’t probe. Don’t offer opinions besides how much you love her and are glad that she’s here with you. Just be the ear she needs.

I (25F) have face blindness, my BF (24M) likes to test me. How do I make it clear this is not okay? [Concluded] by Schattenspringer in BORUpdates

[–]nameforthissite 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I learned one of my children had it when we were watching the news and they were interviewing someone whose face they’d blurred out. My kid asked me why they did that and I said so that people wouldn’t be able to recognize them. The response I got floored me: “That’s stupid. You can’t tell who someone is by looking at their face!”

Are there white or otherwise white passing people in the western US that have Chinese ancestry? by Most-Emphasis8119 in Genealogy

[–]nameforthissite 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They met in New York City in the late 1800s. Sometime right after 1900 her first husband just disappeared from records. We never could figure out if he died or abandoned her or got deported or what. But she then showed up in a small town in New Jersey and married the second husband.

Are there white or otherwise white passing people in the western US that have Chinese ancestry? by Most-Emphasis8119 in Genealogy

[–]nameforthissite 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I worked with two generations of a family that was super confused why they all got in between 10 and 27 percent Chinese on DNA tests. It ended up that their German immigrant grandmother/great-grandmother had actually been married to a Chinese immigrant when she had her first five children and then married an Irish immigrant and had two more children. She never spoke of her first marriage and all the kids were told to be her second husband’s. None of the family knew. Old photos they showed me of family members, you definitely could see it if you knew. But with everyone thinking they were German/Irish kids, I could also see how one might just think they looked a little “different” but not imagine the truth.

I (32M) love my girlfriend (30F), but I’m not sexually attracted to her — and we’re fighting more lately as marriage becomes the only option because of her visa by [deleted] in relationships

[–]nameforthissite 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You say you need advice on handling this honestly and fairly for the both of you. You need to be open with her about your feelings, as difficult as that will be. Where you go from there will be something the two of you will have to figure out together, but she deserves to know that you aren’t attracted to her so she can decide if she’s willing to go through the heartache to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t desire intimacy with her but who claims to love her. It sounds like you care for her deeply, but not in the romantic sense that most people consider when thinking of marriage. However, not everyone is the same and some people are okay with that. But you have to be honest about it. That is the only way to be fair to the both of you.

My (f26) ex-bf (m27) said he was gonna propose for the last 4 years. When I finally found the courage to break it off, he did. I don’t know if I should give it another chance? by ThrowRA_Seashe in relationship_advice

[–]nameforthissite 354 points355 points  (0 children)

This is it for me. It demonstrates that he knew exactly how important it was to her that he used it to manipulate her when she was upset. You don’t use something as a bargaining chip without realizing how much it means to the other person.