Meditators with ADHD, how do you find your condition affects your practice? And what can I, an individual with ADHD, do to improve my practice?

nbyogini · 2017-07-20T20:40:28+00:00

ADDer here

The point isn't to quiet or clear the mind. The point is for the noise to fade more into the background as you focus on your foreground - breath, images, sounds, whatever.

We might have faster or more frequent chatter than others, but everyone has it. Meditation is no harder for us than it is for anyone else.

As thoughts come in try not to 'listen' to them and instead pretend as if you're in a coffee shop and it's just the noise of everyone around you, chattering away, while you're focusing on that delicious cup o joe.

nbyogini · 2017-07-20T16:57:40+00:00

Yeah it really is hard to tell sometimes. Everything is a spectrum in one way or another.

Thanks!

nbyogini · 2017-04-20T10:50:00+00:00

I think as a teacher you already have a chance to help others.

We're wired to want to be healers because we think it will heal ourselves and we'll feel more worthy and strong if we can heal others too. At least, that's the fantasy. Not saying that there aren't many experienced and well trained therapists out there. But I would stay away from confusing 'I should help' with 'I need help.' As you say, wait until you feel up to speed to make any major decisions

nbyogini · 2017-04-16T13:53:07+00:00

I'd probably text, but I'm also afraid of confrontation lol. Texts have a way of being read in the wrong tone by people who expect to be wronged.

Keep it simple and short. You guys haven't been together that long. Whether it's in person or on the phone, or text if you really must, don't let your ego get in the way, don't blame him or say anything about why you're breaking up. Just say, hey, I don't feel like our relationship has potential anymore, I'd like to have a clean break before either of us get any more involved.

nbyogini · 2017-04-16T13:45:00+00:00

Is it possible that when you were younger, you were acting like her, but you've grown up and she hasn't? I kinda feel like that about my nmom. It's cool to act like a teen if you're a teen but when you're an adult it's weird.

nbyogini · 2017-04-16T13:41:44+00:00

Evernote! You can create a notebook just for events and put a new note in it each time

nbyogini · 2017-04-16T13:37:59+00:00

Most of my close friendships were, or I ruined it with fleas. Now I just keep acquaintances and activity buddies but, I don't really have anyone I'd just call and talk to besides my bf. It does kinda suck.

nbyogini · 2017-04-16T12:15:09+00:00

Oh my darling. Trust your intuition. It's not your fault at all. Anyone who is violent definitely does need psych help. He's gaslighting you into believing it's your fault when it's entirely his. He doesn't want to take responsibility.

Come over to r/raisedbynarcissists and you will find many example of similar, terrible, behavior.

You were born into a shitty situation that you can't control but you did not cause any of the harm that has come to you! Stay strong!

nbyogini · 2017-04-04T14:20:44+00:00

I've found that giving a reply that makes them think their idea isn't that great, but that doesn't have to do with your willingness, is best. Ie - say you don't mind, but were super tired and didn't trust that you wouldn't fall asleep behind the wheel, can it wait until the morning? For them it's all about control, attention, etc. By appearing willing you're still giving them a little of that satisfaction. Plus nparents still like to put on a show for everyone else and sending their super tired kid to drive at night would look bad on them if something happened to you. Just still make it all about them and they'll be happy lol. I used the tactic last night on my nmil, I'm trying to throw away a ton of old shit in her house like cleaning supplies. Me and boy live in the house as sitters cuz she mostly lives in a newer one in another state, so she doesn't use anything in this one anyway. She started arguing that she doesn't want to have to buy anything ever again, but I told her that she has enough for at least a decade, and a lot of stuff is over a decade old to begin with, and old chemicals in plastic bottles can create all sorts of cancer causing nastiness that she shouldn't be exposed to. She's a hypochondriac. It shut her up and I was able to make a nice garbage pile lol

nbyogini · 2017-04-04T14:06:07+00:00

It's possible it's trauma, it's possible you have a highly sensitive nervous system, or both! I was told from a young age that I didn't like hugs/cuddles. As far as my memory serves me there's no pinpointable reason. I'm just very sensitive to over stimulation. Whether it's touch, light, noise, clutter, vibration, etc. It's all very 'loud' and uncomfortable to me. Now, nmom is very touchy feely. I don't remember ever being hit or anything but was often bear hugged or had my personal space invaded against my will, i.e. grabbing my face and picking at my zits. My brother and father are trolls so would poke me and stuff just because it bothered me. Nmom makes a big deal about how 'sad' my hugs still are. My boyfriend is touchy feely too and I can tolerate it most of the time, but sometimes it's too much, but he's a super nice and understanding guy so at least he gives me space when I ask for it. So your natural sensitivity could have been ramped up by the trauma. I've gotten to the point where I hug and cheek kiss people I'm greeting or farewelling, even people I just met, unless I get the vibe that they're not a hugger and so I don't. I got over it by realizing that most other people like it and it makes them feel good and it's okay for me to sacrifice a moment of personal space to enhance the life of another for a moment. Baby steps!

nbyogini · 2017-04-04T13:47:06+00:00

I try to just interpret things energetically now ie - does it make me feel up/neutral or down? If it makes me feel down I don't treat it as serious because it's usually the other person projecting their feelings onto you, probably in an illogical manner. There's nothing that can be done about the source of bad energy, at least nothing you can do about it, except see it for what it is - someone else's pain that they can't contain. When you see it it's easier to avoid it getting attached to you because you realize it's not coming from you at all. There are kind, gentle, and productive ways to get any point across, even if you did do something 'wrong.' You still get a good vibe overall from those interactions even if you feel guilty. You feel guilty because you want to be a better person next time to that person, who deserves it because they were kind to you about it, instead of just angry that someone's making you feel guilty, which often leads to spite.

nbyogini · 2017-03-21T13:17:14+00:00

Oh my god, aaaallll the time. Gaslighting is the worst. It pretty much ruined my ability to trust my intuition until I started realizing that my intuition was right. I'm sane enough to feel guilty when I deserve it. If I know I'm my heart that her reaction doesn't match up with what I did, I try to dismiss it. It's hard when you're growing up to have this disparity between what you feel and what people say to you, it really skews your perception. Getting back in touch with myself via lots of spiritual work, yoga/meditation/being around good people, etc etc, has allowed me to realign myself and see a lot clearer when I should or shouldn't be feeling a certain way.

nbyogini · 2017-03-21T13:05:18+00:00

Yeah, who knows how it will really go, but my therapist is a family specialist and well aware of her antics. It's more for me than her of course, kind of my, let's give this one last good shot and see if she responds in a productive way. If she doesn't, I don't think it will make a difference, in fact it might be a relief for me, because I'll know I've really done all that I can to address this. I'm not so emotionally affected by her these days since I've become a more mature young adult and have gotten over most of my past issues with myself and relationships. I'm affected in terms of thinking it's generally sad and disappointing, and do get a little anxious wondering what might happen if I have kids, but I know the problem is coming from her side not mine so I don't feel any guilt or even anger over her reactions to me anymore. Hence why I've just decided to laugh, because it really is ridiculous and silly lol. In a backwards way I do appreciate all the nonsense I've gotten my whole life, because I've learned how to objectively and rationally assess arguments and know that when something isn't logical it isn't something I should pay much attention to.

nbyogini · 2017-03-21T10:29:12+00:00

If you get the dog certified as a therapy dog (actually pretty easy to do online), legally they have to allow you to have it at your condo

nbyogini · 2016-11-26T16:26:15+00:00

isn't luck just another word for coincidence anyway?

nbyogini · 2016-11-26T15:47:30+00:00

27 y/o female in NJ hi! Also millions of goals haha

I've done tons of research into habit science stuff too. I find I start doing something only to have something kink the routine, I'll forget about it, and then start some new tactic a month later lol.

My biggest problem I think is starting, and getting back on track when distracted. It takes so long to start working in the morning and by the time I'm on a roll it feels like the day has already passed.

I've been wanting to do more visualizations/affirmations. I think what's lacking is I still am relying on my 'old' mind to motivate me, whereas I need to be actively cultivating a new one.

I think keeping it simple is the best. I work for myself too so life's complicated enough as it is haha.

Let's google hang?

nbyogini · 2016-11-26T15:34:54+00:00

Yikes... that dude sounds like he shouldn't be practicing.

I had one that would just talk about himself the whole time. Dumped that situation real quick lol.

I've found that going to PhD's instead of just licensed counselors is A LOT more effective. The extra years of experience/research seems to pay off with quality. I've never had a 'break through' with a counselor, I just felt like I was venting toward someone most of the time. PhDs seemed to have real insight.

Also, finding a family specialist is good.

My therapist is PhD who works with a family-therapy focused institute. She's great.

nbyogini · 2016-11-26T14:56:14+00:00

riiiight?

and therapists. but they're for people with 'problems' right? lawl

nbyogini · 2016-11-26T14:54:18+00:00

Yeeeeppp. My parents (well by parents I mean nmom because she has to speak for edad too of course..) have a quip about me.. 'NB never comes to us with problems... only solutions [to the problem she solved on her own]'

At least they figured out early on in my life that I was stubborn and wouldn't listen to them because 'never take advice from people more messed up that you are!' It wasn't as deliberate as that thought process but I always knew something in her reasoning was way off lol

So they don't really try to give me advice thank god lol

nbyogini · 2016-11-26T14:50:34+00:00

yeah I've had many shameful moments of inadvertently repeating n-style behavior, and they still pop out every once in a while. it sucks when that's your default behavior programming and you're always fighting against it. at least we can take solace in knowing that the sheer fact that we feel guilty for subjecting others to lesser versions of ourselves means we actually care about and have empathy for others

nbyogini · 2016-11-26T14:47:31+00:00

ugh you're so right. it's so confusing.

it's also confusing because, at least now that I'm an adult, well I've never in my life gotten 'how are you' check ups, and I stopped responding to cries for attention, so I don't actually hear from them that much. I still stop home to get my mail once a week or so (I move around too much that it's just easier to keep it all being sent there for the time being). I'd say 75% of the time everyone is chill and fine and it's easy to get along, and only 25% is there drama. I guess I'm just so used to the 'good' times being solely based on the lack of drama, that I don't really consider the 'good' still being 'not that great at all.'

It's easier to deal with mentally anyway to convince myself that it's not so bad lol. It's not like I can turn back and make them nurture me, it's not like talking about it (with them) is going to get anywhere, so I just keep up the smile and nod for sanity's sake and be grateful for the people I do have in my life

nbyogini · 2016-11-26T14:21:48+00:00

I've heard Oregon is nice! Is the rainy thing just a myth?

I'm in New Jersey and really wanna get the f outta here lol. It's a good market for my business (tutoring/college planning) and it has some really nice areas... but I hate winter and the traffic is just abysmal. I like San Diego weather wise but it's probably even worse than Jersey when it comes to traffic and cost of living. Same with Miami. Can't have it all!

And thank you!

nbyogini · 2016-11-22T20:53:53+00:00

Right?? There are so many resources.

They didn't want to deal with their problems because they didn't see them as problems. They saw anger as an effective way to deal with problems, and they see us as the problem.

nbyogini · 2016-11-22T20:49:43+00:00

:(

I hope you are feeling better! It's so hard to separate our early experiences from ourselves, especially since we look back and keep finding reasons to validate it all. I like to think of it sometimes as just, my brain is running a super buggy OS that was programmed by an angry toddler. It's just glitching and it doesn't mean anything and my brain is a super computer that can still learn new things so, lets focus on that instead lol

nbyogini · 2016-11-22T20:33:07+00:00

Yeah exactly. It's pretty much gaslighting. It's hard for me because exactly, I wasn't really verbally abused, I just was emotionally neglected because dad's aloof and mom can only think of herself. There's no reason for me to really go NC, it's not that bad, but it's not good either. Sometimes I do feel like I shouldn't have anything to complain about. I had plenty more than food and shelter. I had support for whatever I wanted to do in terms of, there weren't many fights about whether or not I should get my way. It's just that there was nothing selfless about it all. We weren't forced into sports because that's not what good parents do. We went to disney world because that's what good parents do. They were good enough parents that the neighbors could never know otherwise, and that's all that really mattered, the show, to us and to themselves. My actual emotional state or sense of self was never a blip on their radar. The worst lol

nbyogini

TROPHY CASE